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Andy Murray

Posts Tagged ‘Andy Murray’

Five Reasons Why Andy Murray Failed At Wimbledon

MURRAY Mount is routed by Andy Roddick. Andy Murray’s Wimblwdon bid is over. Where did it go wrong?  Anorak delivers our Top Five Reasons Why Andy Murray Failed At Wimbledon:

Kipling Test

The doyennes of the All England Club failed to introduce their much-vaunted Kipling Test – can Roger Federer recite all the verses he passes on the walk from changing room to court?

The Blonde

With her long blonde hair, longer legs and over-sized sunglasses Andy Murray’s girlfriend is the ultimate in court-side chic. So says the Mail, which gives a heads up to cameramen looking to fill those frequent breaks in play and moments before and after a big point with a hot of a blonde. Kim Sears fits the bill. And if she can keep Murray lean and hungry his hope can only be increased.

Fail: She became slightly tanned and displyed brown-ish roots.

Murray Maniacs

The Murray Maniacs are a chippier, less HRT-fed lot than the Henmanics, Tim Henman’s band of sectioned supporters. But they do have one advantage: less letters means lee T-shirts and less time spent organising people to stand in line to spell out their hero’s name when the valuable minutes could be spent chanting. Murr-eeee fits neatly with the Timm-eeee call, but Anorak suggests a twist and shortening Murray to Muzz, so creating the Muzz Buzz, a slow hissing fizz that at moments of tension causes Federer to believe he is under attack from angry wasps.

Fail: Murray becgan to swat balls like a Highland walker swatting midges. Muzzzzzz.

The System

The failed introduction of the esoteric Duckworth Lewis System that made one-day cricket a lottery. With just a few games played, the onset of rain or failing light could see Federer needing to win 17 games in a row inside 34 minutes.

Fail: See roof

Scotland Expects

Hiring the Scottish football team to Train Murray, thus ensuring the Muzz never hits a ball into the net no matter how hard he tries.

Fail: Tained by Graham Taylor and so beaten by the Americans.

Posted: 4th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (4)


Michael Jackson Dominates The News

michael-jackson-front-pagesMICHAEL Jackson Watch: a challenge for British newspapers to top the Boston Herald’s front-page headline and cover -“FADE TO BLACKO”.

The death of Michael Jackson is front-page news on every British newspaper.

What with Iran, Andy Murray, Farrah Fawcett, Our Maddie, MPs’ expenses and Big Brother, thanks to the internet, you can follow it all…

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Five Ways Andy Murray Can Win Wimbledon

andy-murrayWITH Rafael Nadal out and Cliff Richard muted by the rain-proof roof over Wimbledon’s Centre Court, Andy Murray is edging closer to the Wimbledon title, this nation’s first since Harvey Templeton-Peck won it on horseback in 1786.

But what can we do to help Murray win the day? It’s pretty clear that what stands between Murray and a chance to introduce the ballgirls to the Dukd of Kent is Roger Federer, all flicky hair and too-close together eyes of Swiss precision.

Anorak delivers our Top Five Tips for Murray Success.

Kipling Test

The doyennes of the All England Club can introduce their much-vaunted Kipling Test – can Roger Federer recite all the verses he passes on the walk from changing room to court? If he can’t he’s out. It’s all about standards, dear boy.

The Blonde

With her long blonde hair, longer legs and over-sized sunglasses Andy Murray’s girlfriend is the ultimate in court-side chic. So says the Mail, which gives a heads up to cameramen looking to fill those frequent breaks in play and moments before and after a big point with a hot of a blonde. Kim Sears fits the bill. And if she can keep Murray lean and hungry his hope can only be increased.

Murray Maniacs

The Murray Maniacs are a chippier, less HRT-fed lot than the Henmanics, Tim Henman’s band of sectioned supporters. But they do have one advantage: less letters means lee T-shirts and less time spent organising people to stand in line to spell out their hero’s name when the valuable minutes could be spent chanting. Murr-eeee fits neatly with the Timm-eeee call, but Anorak suggests a twist and shortening Murray to Muzz, so creating the Muzz Buzz, a slow hissing fizz that at moments of tension causes Federer to believe he is under attack from angry wasps.

The System

The introduction of the esoteric Duckworth Lewis System has made one-day cricket a lottery. With just a few games played, the onset of rain or failing light could see Federer needing to win 17 games in a row inside 34 minutes.

Scotland Expects

Hiring the Scottish football team to Train Murray, thus ensuring the Muzz never hits a ball into the net no matter how hard he tries.

Come on, Murray!

Posted: 20th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


Andy Murray Works On his Grunt

grunting-tennisIT’S summer. And that means tennis. And that means Wimbledon and Murray Maniacs and a promise of life after Tim Henman and loadsa grunting.

Murr-rrry fits nicely with the Timm-mee chant. But while Timm-eee looked at home among the tennis club sisterhood, Murray looks as if he’d rather be playing before a football crowd, where grunting is the norm.

At the French Open, Michelle Larcher de Brito, a 16-year-old Portuguese, unleashed a memorable grunt that outlasted many of her rallies. Her opponent, Ara-vane Rezaï, complained to the umpire about the din. Larcher de Brito lost and was booed off court.

Says Larcher de Brito:

“I don’t think it would be fair if you’re not allowed to shriek or scream or grunt. It’s part of the game. I’m 16 and I’m still learning. Maybe I can eventually put it under control. I don’t know, but I’ll try. It comes from Seles; it comes from Sharapova. It comes from great players.”

Had only Arthur Mullard been born a few decades alter and handed a racket Britain may not have had to wait so long for a champion. You emulate the great to make yourself great, and the British just aren’t cutting it.

Play up!

It’s a matter of national standards. Horatio Nelson is hit and emits an invitation for a kiss. King Harold is speared in the eye and barely gasps. Gordon Brown’s mouth grasps for air and finding it carries on. Listen for a grunt on the film Zulu. None. It’s just singing.

Compare that to American legends like Sylvester Stallone who serialised his grunts into a franchise, and the French for whom the grunt can be translated into – and we’re not making this up – 5,321 different nuances.

It’s time to hang up Cliff Richard’s umbrella and bring in Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

“Tennis,” says Frankie.

“Ugh!” grunts the crowd, in the manner of Angelina Jolie taking on in the stomach.

What is it good for?

“Ugh!”

Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


Andy Murray Knocked Out By Susan Boyle

andy-murray-susan-boyleSUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Susan Boyle in the news – Susan Boyle knocks Andy Murray, MPs expenses and Boris Johnson thinks…

New Boyles Please!

It will not end with a trip to The Priory, but Andy Murray became the latest well-fancied Scottish export to suffer a very public meltdown when the pressure was on.

For Murray, the world No 3, his Susan Boyle moment came at the end of the second set of his French Open quarter-final against Fernando Gonzalez of Chile and continued until the first game of the fourthMartin Samuel, Daily Mail

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Posted: 3rd, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Queen Endorses Golliwogs As Carol Thatcher Says “Golly Good Show, Andy Murray”

TO a gift shop on the Queen’s Sandringham Estate in Norfolk, and a order for golliwog toys.

Carol Thatcher is elevated from the living hell of BBC TV’s pisspoor The One Show after referring to tennis playerAndy Murray as a “golliwog” and the UK goes bonkers for the golli.

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Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (19)