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Posts Tagged ‘australia’

Woman Arrested For Having Sex With A Pitbull Dog

JENNA Louise Driscoll, 25, was under suspicion of selling drugs when officers searched her phone. On it, they allegedly found three videos of her having sex with a dog.

RSPCA Queensland says:

‘This isn’t something you’d normally expect, it’s quite unusual. Under the Animal Care Protection Act bestiality isn’t included. To take action and remove the dog we would have to prove actions there were cruel or that it was tormented. We’d try to do everything we can to help the dog if that is the case.”

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Posted: 31st, October 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)


Epic TV: Australia’s Dancing With The Stars Is A Bitter, Terrible And Unforgettable

TO Australia, where Channel 7’s Dancing With The Stars is compelling.

The twisted clown is called Mark Holden. He’s here to entertain yer:

 

Posted: 15th, October 2014 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Tony Abbott Goes Shirt To Nipple With Topless Vladimir Putin

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TONY Abbott, Australia’s prime minister, and former Oxford University boxer, says he will “shirt-front” Vladimir Putin at the next G20 shindig in Australia.

The Times:

The term “shirt-front” is used to describe a front–on charge at an opponent in Australian Rules Football intended to knock the opponent to the ground. “I’m going to shirt-front Mr Putin,” Tony Abbott told reporters yesterday. He was describing his intention to press Mr Putin over the downing of the Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 over the Ukraine in July by what is thought to have been a missile fired by Russian separatists.

“I am going to say to Mr Putin: Australians were murdered,” he said.

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Posted: 14th, October 2014 | In: Politicians | Comment


Australia’s Going After Apple And Google’s Tax Payments

Or perhaps we should say that the Australian Parliament is going to look into the tax payments that Apple and Google don’t make in that country. I’m sure they’ll produce a lovely report and that they’ll complain mightily. But it’s very difficult indeed to see what they might actually be able to do about it:

The upper house yesterday supported a motion from Greens leader Christine Milne for the committee to examine and report on the “tax avoidance and aggressive tax minimisation by corporations registered in Australia and multinational corporations operating in Australia”.

Or as another report has it:

Milne suggested that by pulling up some of the largest businesses operating in Australia on their tax domestic commitments, the government could plug its revenue shortfall without removing funding from social services.

“Instead of pulling safety nets out from under people in our community who most need support, the Abbott government should look for ways to raise revenue from those who can afford to pay,” said Milne in a statement.

The inquiry, which will look at “tax avoidance and aggressive minimisation by corporations registered in Australia and multinational corporations operating in Australia”, is set to place in its cross hairs some of the biggest technology companies operating in Australia, including Apple, Google, and Amazon.

The federal government has previously called out companies such as Google and Apple for using the so-called “Double Irish Dutch Sandwich” method of funnelling money through countries outside of Australia to pay very low taxes domestically, despite significantly high revenue from Google’s advertising and Apple’s products sold in Australia.

The thing is that there’s really not very much at all that the Australian government can do about this. There’s something the US government could do, sure, but that wouldn’t change the amount of tax paid in Oz. There’s also something the Irish government could do but that would change the amount of tax paid in Oz. And whatever the Oz government decides to do isn’t going to change the amount of tax paid in Oz either.

For, what the two companies do, both Apple and Google, is to sell their products into Australia having manufactured them elsewhere. They thus pay whatever import duties there are (not very much if anything) and that’s it. All the profit they’ve made by making those things just isn’t made in Australia: thus there’s no profit tax paid in Australia.

And it really is that simple. Other than trying to increase import duties, thereby screwing up the entire world trade system, there’s just nothing Oz can do about it.

Posted: 3rd, October 2014 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Australian Manhood Ditches Boobtubes And Hotpants

AUSTRALIA needs our help. The land of men in boob tubes and hot-pants (Aussie Rules) has a break-out star:

 

australia

 

Spotter

 

Posted: 11th, September 2014 | In: Fashion | Comment


Australian Politician Jacqui Lambie Wants ‘A Well Hung Man With Heaps Of Cash’

THESE might well be the sexual preferences of many of us, not just politicians. It’s just that we tend not to expect a politician to say so quite so publicly. But fair dinkum to the Ozzies, they have managed to elect one who actually tells it like it is:

Jacqui Lambie, an Australian MP who shares the balance of power in the upper house, has apologised after declaring in a radio interview that she is looking for a partner who is “well-hung” and loaded with cash.

“They don’t even need to speak,” said Ms Lambie, a 43-year-old single mother of two.

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Posted: 25th, July 2014 | In: Money, Politicians | Comment


Woman Checking Facebook Page Falls Off Pier And Almost Dies

A TAIWANESE tourist was walking along checking her Facebook page when she fell off Melbourne’s St Kilda pier.

Victoria state police reported the news with the headline: “Status Update: OMG One Step Too Far.”

Senior Constable Dean Kelly of the Water Police Squad says: “She wasn’t splashing around too much, she wasn’t in a panic. She admitted, ‘I can’t swim but I seem to be floating OK. She seemed to be floating on her back.
She had a backpack on – we’re not sure if that was providing her with a bit of buoyancy or something – and we were able to pull her aboard the boat. She had a mobile phone in one of her hands and when we pulled her aboard the first thing she did was apologise, say sorry, and then she explained that she’d been on her phone checking her Facebook page when she left the jetty unexpectedly and ended up in the water.”

Lest we forget:

Posted: 18th, December 2013 | In: Strange But True, Technology | Comment


Geelong Boasts The World’s Worst Christmas Tree

geelong christmas tree

IS this the world’s worst civic Christmas tree? You can see the wonder in Geelong, Australia.

Local mayor Darryn Lyons said the $30,000 tree (£16,500, US$27,000) is a “disgrace”.  He then boasted: “It’s the worst Christmas tree in the world.”

That’s some claim. But Australians love to talk big.

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Posted: 18th, December 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Who Damaged The Scrabble Artwork?

“IT’S become quite a feature in the area and it’s disappointing to see some low-life cretin come along and do something like that to it,” says former Labor MP Bob Kucera. Emma Anna’s artwork at Ellesmere Reserve, Perth, Australia.  “You couldn’t even call them a halfwit. It’d take two of them to make a halfwit.”

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Posted: 14th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Shocker: Daily Mail Australia NOT Modelled On Guardian Down Under

THE Daily Mail is going Down Under

Britain’s Daily Mail Group has announced it will launch an Australian version of its site with the goal of becoming this country’s leading news website. Daily Mail Australia will launch early next year and hire 50 local journalists, with an editor to be appointed in the next few weeks.

You might not like the Mail, but it makes money and employing local reporters is a sound move. They’re not the first UK organ to head to Oz. The Guardian has opened their version.

MailOnline publisher Martin Clarke said Australia was “an obvious market”.

“We are going very nakedly for a scale play,” he said … He dismissed comparisons with British rival Guardian Australia, which launched here six months ago. “I’m not hugely familiar with what they do in Australia,” he said. We won’t be copying their model.”

No sh*t.

Posted: 27th, November 2013 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment


It’s Soft Down Under: Australians Ban Aggression In Sport

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THE Australian Olympic Committee has not hung up its woggles and decided they can no longer compete with the Poms, who scored 29 golds at the London Games to Australia’s 7 (a tally bettered by mighty Hungary and matched by sports mad Kazakhstan).

Once upon a time, the Aussies ruled the world at sports that very few countries play (cricket and rugby) or understand (Aussie rules football), as our Ed Barrett wrote.

They still love to beat the Poms, relishing the old humiliation over the English cricket team dragged over a long hot summer. But now even the ritual slaughter of the Gabba accompanied of the sound of delirious, blood-crazed Aussie mobs is  thing of the past.

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Posted: 21st, November 2013 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment


Australian Mad Dog Fought Off Home Invaders Who ‘Hit Like A Girl’

AUSTRALIANS. Some of you still have the Aussie spirit. It’s not all juice bars, Factor 50 and vegetables. Mad Dog is the real deal. He’s Australian gentleman telling 7 News of how he fought off two modern males wielding swords and spritzing pepper-spray in an attack on his home in the Adelaide suburb of Morphett Vale.

Mad Dog used only his bare hands and sweat.

Posted: 6th, November 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Donkey Dogs With Big Ears Protect Sheep in Australia

donkey australia

“WHEN they unloaded the donkeys off the truck at six o’clock on a Saturday morning I thought, ‘What the hell am I doing?”‘ says animal ranger Mic McFarlane. “(But) they are amazing animals, they learn very quickly and respond very much like a dog. They’re remarkable animals, they’re super intelligent. They look like a horse with big ears but I’ve found it’s best to train them like they’re a dog with big ears. The thing is if they they don’t want to do it, they don’t do it.

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Posted: 29th, October 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Climate Change Made Australian Military Start Bushfires (And Ate My Homework), Says Expert

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THE Australian military firing ordnance triggered the bushfires in New South Wales. Those who saw it a sign of man-made global warming are left clutching at dry straws. One is Academic Janet Stanley, who tells us that if children started the blaze  -as was thought – their actions were driven by climate change:

“With a child it might just be an accident, you know, it’s fun to watch a fire. You light it and in the circumstances that we’ve got at the moment with climate change it gets away when it probably wasn’t meant to get away.”

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Posted: 24th, October 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Australia Bush Fires: Global Warming Could Be A Few Idiotic Boys

WHAT has caused the terrible fires in New South Wales, Australia?

The Bushfire Cooperative Research Centre and the Australasian Fire and Emergency Service Authorities Council:

NEW SOUTH WALES

Above average rainfall for much of the preceding three years is likely to continue the trend of heavy grass fuel loads throughout the grassland areas of NSW. These grassland areas include those west of the Great Dividing Range, the Tablelands and the Upper Hunter. Above normal fire potential is expected to continue in these areas due to high grass fuel loads, combined with the predicted ENSO neutral (that is, neither El Niño or La Niña) summer outlook… Over much of the forested areas of NSW, below average rainfall since July has resulted in a drying trend in forest fuels. If this trend continues, above normal fire activity conditions are expected for the forested areas of central and southern NSW coast and ranges.

More rain. More grass. Mote to burn.

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Posted: 21st, October 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


FAIL: Sydney Morning Herald ‘Enjoys’ The Bush Fires

AS the New South Wales bush fire rage, the Sydney Morning Herald looks back and smiles on its live blog:

sydney morning herald

 

That has been changed to read:

Our fantastic photographers do some of their best work during the bushfire season.

Posted: 18th, October 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Australian newsreader: “Tonight, I’m going to sound like a drunk…”

THE news is so often stuffy and depressing, that it’s nice when it goes a bit awry. Take, for example, the news anchor in Australia who is going viral no doubt, after her late-night bulletin was coloured with a rather peculiar on-air comment.

WIN News Canberra anchor Kerryn Johnson accidentally began the broadcast by saying: “Good evening. Tonight I’m going to sound like a drunk.”

Obviously, and needlessly, Johnson has expressed a fair amount of embarrassment about the whole thing.

WIN issued a statement after the incident that read:

“This is a newsreader who sets a very high standard for herself. To have it go to air when it was not intended to has been more than embarrassing for her. Kerryn has been presenting news for over two decades and has never put a foot wrong. I’m sure our viewers will understand.’

Have a listen:

Posted: 5th, September 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Australia’s Sarah Palin steps down after saying ‘Islam’ is a country

Stephanie Bannister

ONE thing you can say about a lot of xenophobes is that they tend to be quite stupid. One Australian election candidate lived up to that notion, saying on TV that she thought Islam is a country.

Unsurprisingly, she’s stepped down.

Stephanie Banister – Australia’s answer to Sarah Palin – was rightly hooted at with derision after she made a huge boob of herself on television. While discussing her views on immigration, not only did she think Islam was a country, but she also confused the Arabic term ‘haram’ (which means ‘forbidden’) with the Qur’an and proudly stated that Jews followed Jesus.

“I don’t oppose Islam as a country but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia,” Banister said. “Less than 2% of Australians follow haram. Jews aren’t under haram. They have their own religion which follows Jesus Christ.”

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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Politicians | Comment


Is the answer ‘India, Graham?’ The Australian radio quiz gets serious

india radio prank

THOSE Australia pranksters don’t just do silly English accents. In this call, rival radio station gets people to prank call this guy who hosts a quiz show, getting them all to give the same answer to a question.

The answer is “India“.

“Hello, Graham, could you repeat the question, please.”

The longer it goes on, the funnier it gets. You find yourself waiting for the words “India”. When it comes, it’s a blessed relief. And funny…

Posted: 29th, July 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Guardian Australia fails to understand the Aussie dollar and how Sony sells its PS4

AS you may or may not know The Guardian has just started up an online section devoted to Australia. And it’s terribly comforting to know that even on the other side of the world the lefties are subject to the same damn delusions as they are here. For example, we’ve got a complaint about how the Sony PS 4 is going to be more expensive in Oz that it is in other countries:

All that, and it cost $100 USD less, too, coming in at $399. It seemed like Sony could do no wrong. But for all this fanfare and literal standing ovation, there’s a problem for Australian gamers. The PS4 is set to retail at a tooth-grindingly expensive $549 because of… reasons? That’s too much. I’ve checked. You can too. Sony haven’t explained their unique pricing structure yet, but it seems like a fairly arbitrary dollop of Australian tax.

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Posted: 25th, June 2013 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Newsreader laughs through broadcasts on deadly riots in Brazil and dead kids in India

NATASHA Exelby

NATASHA Exelby peppered her Channel Ten Late News news of children dying in India and rioting in Brazil with laughter.

She did not make a phone call to Duchess Kate. But she did apologise.

 Spotter

 

Posted: 23rd, June 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


African coins find does not mean we have to rewrite the history of Australia

african coins australia

THE Mail’s got itself all in a tither about a find of African money off the coast of Australia. Apparently this means that the entire history of the place has to be rewritten. Err, no, it doesn’t: it’s an interesting little find, to be sure, but it doesn’t change the history of Oz in any appreciable manner at all.

Five copper coins found in northern Australia could rewrite the country’s history.

The coins are thought to date back as early as the 900s and are believed to have originated in Africa.

Written history of Australia only dates back to 1606, when Dutch explorers landed in the region, and researchers from Indiana University want to find out how the thousand-year-old copper coins ended up on the other side of the Indian Ocean six centuries earlier.

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Posted: 24th, May 2013 | In: Money | Comment


Mooning passenger falls on driver

mooning

TO Australia’s Northern Territory. Senior Sergeant Garry Smith tells what occurred when an 18-year-old woman was overtaking a semi-trailer travelling at 100km/h on the Stuart Highway, in Virginia:

“It was a complete act of stupidity. The passenger decided it would be a great idea to ‘moon’ the driver of the semi-trailer.”

WIth his trousers down, the passenger lost his balance as he was trying to get himself into the right position. He fell on the driver. With her view blocked, she lost control of the car.

“She veered off the road and travelled for about 100m through the scrub, hitting a large rock which caused it (the car) to roll over on to its roof… If it wasn’t so dangerous, it could have been quite funny. But under the circumstances, we were lucky we weren’t telling a family of a death.”

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Posted: 21st, May 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Man who drank beer from river develops massive ‘pregnant’ hernia

hernia man copy

ON March 20, 2012, John Macdonald, 59, went on a fishing trip on the Brisbane River. He took his rod, bait and beer. When he dropped the booze into the river he soon retrieved it. But after drinking it, he fell ill. And he got worse. After a week he was booked into Caboolture Hospital for urgent surgery.

He then fell into an coma.

After three operations, he work up. And he saw the massive hernia on his stomach. He says he needs a further six operations.

What was on the beer? Any ideas? And what does this say about the five-second rule?

Spotter

 

Posted: 8th, May 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Skills of Defensive Driving – Episodes 1 to 5 (1973)

Skills of Defensive Driving

IN Skills of Defensive Driving, the Australia Department of Transport pops the sex comedy soundtrack into the player and keep your eyes on the road.  This was made by Film Australia in 1973:

Episode 2: Easter Time

Episode 3: The Car Behind

Episode 4: The Head On Collision

Great intro. An inspiration for Police Squad.

Episode 5: Cross-roads crash

Spotter: Jalopnik

Posted: 8th, May 2013 | In: Flashback | Comment