Posts Tagged ‘australia’
Drunk Australian’s attracted to crocodiles (and the Queen’s biscuit tin?)
TWO stories from Australia about drunken men an crocodiles.
In Australia’s Northern Territory, three men high on hooch refused to budge when their brand new Toyota Troop Carrier four-wheel-drive got stuck in the middle of a crocodile-infested creek at Cahill’s Crossing on the road from Gunbalanya to Jabiru . Police pulled them free. Then arrested them all when no-one would own up to being the driver.
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Posted: 18th, April 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Thief snatches bag before KOing himself with a window (video)
THIEVES aren’t funny if they’re stealing from you, but when they’re removed, bungling idiots, then we can all hoot away to our heart’s content because frankly, they deserve it.
And so, to a man in Perth who snatched someone’s handbag in a shopping centre.
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Lolipop men banned from high-fiving students
THE Melbourne council banned Bayside lollipop man Graham Sanderson, 60, from high-fiving students who successfully cross the road.
Sanderson was upset. A fellow lollipop man, billed only as Alan, tells us:
“I just feel I’ve got about 50 odd nationalities at my school and I reckon I’ve got 275 kids in the school and out of that 275 kids I reckon I’d have about 175 that speak English and the rest don’t. We have to gain their confidence to use the school crossing, if they don’t like us, they won’t.”
“That’s how I got by, by high-fiving. I’ve been doing it, high-fiving for nearly all the time I’ve been there. We’ve been told we’re not to do it, but I keep doing it anyway.”
Council spokesperson Fran Duiker reviewed the decision:
“Graham can continue to high five and greet the children in a friendly and appropriate manner every morning and afternoon. If you don’t want Graham to high five, please ask him not to high five your child.”
Even if the non-high-five leads to their detain doom beneath a car’s wheels.
But why not stick with the tried-and-tested thumbs up, or the smart salute?
Apple and Microsoft gadgets are more expensive in Australia because of politicians and their taxes
THE Aussie politicians are getting all angry at the tech companies because Australians have to pay more for their shiny shiny tech than do Americans. But you would think that someone devious enough to actually get elected would have the brains to work this out, wouldn’t you?
The IT Pricing Inquiry being conducted by Australia’s House Committee on Infrastructure and Communications has issued summons to Apple, Microsoft and Adobe.
The inquiry kicked off in 2012 and is investigating why Australians pay more for hardware and software than those overseas.
At current exchange rate one Australian dollar buys $US1.03. Yet Australians often pay more in Australian dollars than Americans are charged in their currency.
An example of the discrepancy can be seen in the price of a 16GB WiFi iPad with Retina Display. In the USA the fondleslab costs $US499. In Australia it’s $AUD539.
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Posted: 22nd, February 2013 | In: Money, Technology, The Consumer | Comment
Holden driver posts footage of himself breaking the law
TO Canberra, Australia, now twinned with Darwin. A joy rider is on the police radar:
On Monday January 21, police received a complaint of a red Holden Commodore performing burnouts in the Gungahlin area. Later that day, police viewed footage of a vehicle matching the description performing a burnout in Baillieu Court, Mitchell.
The footage had been posted by the registered owner of the vehicle to his Facebook account.
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Posted: 7th, February 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Australians showcase new national flag: the Stars and Stripes
AUSFLAG is the Australian pressure group calling for the land Down Under to wave a ne-style flag.
The group’s chairman, Robert Webster, says the Olympic Games in London showcased “what a confusing and embarrassing flag the Australian flag really is”.
Well, it was rarely seen.
“Australia entered the Olympic stadium with a defaced British ensign, along with a line up of other competitors who also had Union Jacks dominating their flags. But all those competitors, with the exception of Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and Tuvalu (population 8000) are colonies of Great Britain, not independent countries. With the recent announcement that Fiji will change its flag, soon there will be only three nations out of 54 in the Commonwealth whose flags are still dominated by the Union Jack.”
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Posted: 26th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Echidna news: ‘The little bastard crapped in my hat’
QUOTE of the day comes from Munro Hardy, 25, a gold miner in Australia’s Northern Territory. He spotted an echidna on the road, and rescued it from certain death by picking it up and sticking it his car:
“The little bastard crapped in my hat.”
How gun law changed Australia and could make the USA safer
AFTER the Sandy Hook massacre, a look at Australia and guns:
A 2006 paper that appeared in Injury Prevention analyzed the possible results of the 1996 gun law reforms in Australia:
Results: In the 18 years before the gun law reforms, there were 13 mass shootings in Australia, and none in the 10.5 years afterwards. Declines in firearm-related deaths before the law reforms accelerated after the reforms for total firearm deaths (p = 0.04), firearm suicides (p = 0.007) and firearm homicides (p = 0.15), but not for the smallest category of unintentional firearm deaths, which increased. No evidence of substitution effect for suicides or homicides was observed. The rates per 100 000 of total firearm deaths, firearm homicides and firearm suicides all at least doubled their existing rates of decline after the revised gun laws.
Conclusions: Australia’s 1996 gun law reforms were followed by more than a decade free of fatal mass shootings, and accelerated declines in firearm deaths, particularly suicides. Total homicide rates followed the same pattern. Removing large numbers of rapid-firing firearms from civilians may be an effective way of reducing mass shootings, firearm homicides and firearm suicides.
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Brilliant drunk idiot tries to ride a crocodile (with unsurprising consequences)
SOMETIMES, drunks are a gift that keep giving. Most of the time, they chat nonsense and puke up on their fried chicken, but sometime, they’re worth their weight in wobbling gold.
Take the drunkard in Australia who just about survived his little escapade when he tried to ride a crocodile.
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Posted: 19th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Russian Revolution exam features BattleTech Marauder robot fighting for socialists
EXAMS in Australia have gotten updated. The country’s VCE exam body thought fit to show the truth and not airbrush out the massive robot from a scene depicting socialist fighters during the Russian Revolution. No text books feature the unsettling truth that robots fought for the working man. But now the 5,700 students who took the VCE history exam know the facts.
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Posted: 16th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comments (6)
Helicopter dumps raw sewage on fire and fire crews
TO Australia, where a bushfire at Kew, near Port Macquarie, is being treated with…raw sewage.
A helicopter scooped up water and dropped it on the fire and the fire crews treating it. The water had come from a sewage treatment plant.
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Posted: 12th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Epic video of Australian MP tearing sexism a new one
POLITICIANS are all slimy swine and no question, but over in Australia, they’re showing us all exactly we should hand them a smackdown. PM Julia Gillard (who once said “screw you!” to US Congress, so she’s not a woman to be trifled with) went to town on an MP called Peter Slipper.
Now, Peter Slipper is an ordained priest, has been accused of sexually harassing a gay man and is thought to have been rather ‘creative’ with his expenses. However, he’s now at the centre of a storm where he’s had his arse royally handed to him… AND THERE’S A VIDEO OF IT! Slipper referred to another MP as ‘an ignorant bitch’, amongst other comments.
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Posted: 9th, October 2012 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Australian school bans children from doing anything upside down
TO Drummoyne Public School, Sydney, Australia, where the students have been banned from performing handstands, cartwheels and somersaults. There will none of that sort of thing in the playground during lunch and break times .
Anyone wishing to do gymnastics will need to find a teacher and with the “correct equipment.”
The message fromthe headmistress Gail Charlier says:
GYMNASTICS ON THE PLAYGROUND
Students have expressed a desire to perform activities such as handstands, cartwheels and somersaults on the playground during lunch and recess times. We have consulted the State Schools Sports Unit for policy advice and have been informed that such activities are prohibited unless under the specialised supervision of a trained gymnastics teacher with the correct equipment ‘mats’. These activities therefore cannot be condoned during lesson breaks.
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Posted: 28th, August 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comments (11)
Australia’s Olympic losers get Taiwanese animation treatment (with tasteless dingo)
AUSTRALIA’S Olympic losers get Taiwanese animation treatment (with tasteless dingo):
Posted: 8th, August 2012 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Meet Doug Pitt – Brad Pitt’s brother lives the high life
COOL ad of the day features Doug Pitt, brother to Brad Pitt, in the Fair Go Bro campaign for Virgin Mobile Australia. Doug Pitt is “the second most famous Pitt in his family”. The ad gives him “a taste of his brother’s lifestyle”:
Doug’s just a regular guy.
He washes his own car, pays his own bills, and does his own laundry. You see, unlike his famous bro, Doug’s never been the star of anything.
Spotter: Adfreak, Laughing Squid
Posted: 3rd, July 2012 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer | Comment
South Wales policeman accuses Gwent bong shop of breaking law in New South Wales, Australia
POLICE in South Wales need geography tests. Signs are that at least one of the brain’s trust believes he’s living in Australia.
An officer from South Wales’ finest rushed into the Savers Xtra store in Bargoed, near Caerphilly. In his hand he held a leaflet, a printout from Google, font of all the world’s knowledge. The copper shows the store’s owner the document entitled “Misuse of Drugs and Trafficking Act 1985”. He commends to the shopkeeper’s attention Section 11A. As it says:
“It is an offence to sell, supply or display for sale a bong or ice pipe, or the component parts of a bong or pipe, whether or not the bong or pipe was intended to be used to administer a prohibited drug.”
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Australian advertises jobs for ‘No Irish’ – video
THE advert on Gumtree states that no Irish need apply for the job:
“Bricklayer needed ASAP. $250 a day, no part-time workers and NO IRISH”
Hats off to the employer, we thought, for doing his bit to change stereotypes. Other ads might go on to call for only Jewish tarmac engineers, Polish bankers, Native American action heroes, Buddhist riot police and German clowns. But , sadly, the ad was just steeped in alleged prejudice.
Simon, the man who placed the ad, said:
“I have no trouble with Irish people. But I’ve had to fire a number of people. I’ve had lots of Irish people say they have experience bricklaying but come over and have no clue how to lay bricks. I’m very busy and don’t have time to be watching over them.”
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On This Day – February 19 1942: Japan attacks Australia
ON 19 February 1942, 188 Japanese planes attacked Darwin, Australia. The planes launched from four Japanese aircraft-carriers in the Timor Sea. They were followed by 54 land-based bombers.
When they left, more than 240 people were dead. Shops, including the American destroyer, the USS Peary, were smashed to bits. War had come to Oz.
Margaret Herron, was 11:
“We could see the red dots on the side of the aircraft, they were so low. We thought they were dropping silver bells, until we realised they were bombs. I was terrified and ran to shelter in a quarry.”
The BBC reports:
There was anarchy, panic, looting, cowardice, desertion and a stampede south to get out of harm’s way…It took many years for the awkward truth to emerge about the panic and abject failure of leadership following the bombing. By any analysis, it was not a good look. Yet the negative truth masked other, equally true, stories of courage and heroism among soldiers, sailors and civilians alike.
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Australia’s weather is controlled by dogs (video)
TO help us better understand that weather is not climate, Australian Bureau of Meteorology and Victorian Department of Primary Industries have created a video to tell ADULTS that climate is caused by dogs. Clouds are sheep. Note: Weather in the UK is controlled by Tony Blair.
Posted: 17th, February 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Situations vacant – Australia council hires new Brother Buster to shag prostitutes
WHO fancies earning $70k annually to “partake of sexual services” at brothels in New South Wales, Australia?
Lyonswood Investigations and Forensic Group in Sydney is advertising for a “Brothel Buster Investigator”.
Says Lyonswood operations manager Lachlan Jarvis:
“Some [jobs] require the offering of sexual services, some actually require the partaking of sexual services … because it is considered the most convincing evidence,” he said. Lyonswood, which is based in the Sydney suburb of Drummoyne, conducts about 10 to 20 brothel investigations each year, and the job often puts investigators in situations most people only see in movies.
“We have a filing cabinet of cases that would blow you away.”
Fnar!
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Julia Gillard Thanks The President Of Tasmania, Australia’s First Republic
AUSTRALIAN Prime Minister Julia Gillard ends the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting in Perth by thanking the President of Tasmania instead of the President of Tanzania,
Of course, Tasmania, like Australia, does not have a president…yet.
Are you Aussies ready for President Gillard?
Posted: 30th, October 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment
Shark Infested Golf Course
WHEN you were a kid, did you ever make a bit of pocket money by collecting errant balls on the local golf course?
Sadly this is not an option for the kids that live near a course in Australia because, oddly, it’s shark-infested. That’s right. Sharks. Sharks that like biting boats in half.
It’s not usual for a course to have a water hazard, but boy howdy, it seems a bit much to ask a player to fetch their stray shot out of a pond that might bight them.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Ireland’s Little People See Off Australia In Rugby World Cup: Photos
THE Rugby World Cup has just created its first highlight. Look beyond Mike Tindall’s dwarf story and see Ireland defeat Australia. Yeah – the so-called little people have just taken one of the game’s biggest scalps… (Picture 2 is brilliant.)
Mooners Hit And Collected By Car
WORD of The Day is delivered by police spokesman Steve Jones who is talking to media on the matter of a mooner struck by a car on an Australian road:
“Five youths, aged 19 to 20 years, were in the middle of the road with their pants down around their ankles, mooning passing vehicles The first vehicle was able to take evasive action, but another vehicle travelling approximately 400m behind has collected one of the youths.”
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Posted: 14th, August 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment
School Bans Children From Rolling Up Sleeves (Cufflinks Still Optional)
TO Australia’s Gold Coast, where William Duncan State School has banned students from rolling up jumper sleeves.
Says mum Amanda Craig, whose son Jayden attends the school:
“I went: ‘You’ve got to be kidding’ and a lady from the Parents & Citizens standing near me said: ‘It doesn’t look right’.“
Posted: 4th, August 2011 | In: Reviews | Comments (6)
