Posts Tagged ‘australia’
Australia Prepares For War With North Korea
AUSTRALIA salutes the cause of global independence and immortal contribution to the development of the friendly relations between the Land Of Bonza and North Korea, sworn enemy of the land of the Bonsai.
(Parliamentary Secretary for Early Childhood Education and Child Care) Maxine McKew wants to train toddlers and pre-school children to become political activists.
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Posted: 14th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Man Falls Into Poultry Shredder
NOT included in Anorak’s list of the most awkward celebrity interviews ever, is Sarah Palin’s address to cameras as a turkey is stuffed head-first into a meat machine.
Mindful of that, Anorak learns of a Melbourne poultry worked who has fallen into a processing machine at a meat factory.
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Posted: 9th, April 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Australian Minister Offers Free Nintendo Wii For Climate Change Advice
PENNY Wong, Australia’s Climate Change Minister, is running a competition for Climate Cops:
The competition “Think Climate, Think Change,” asks students in years 3 to 9 to use short stories, poems and art work to answer the question ”what does climate change mean to me?”
First prize is a trip for two to Canberra (the winner and a parent), a Nintendo Wii console, sports kit and Wii Fit pack, and books for the winner’s school.
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Posted: 7th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Chuch Tests Potential Priests For Gayness
THE Catholic Church and gay men:
MELBOURNE’S Catholic Church has embraced a Vatican suggestion to test potential priests for sexual orientation. Those who “appear” gay will be banned.
The head of the Vatican committee that made the recommendations has made it clear celibate gays should also be banned because homosexuality is ‘‘a type of deviation’’.
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Posted: 1st, April 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (8)
Tens Of Thousands Of Australians Police Mexico-US Border
AUTRALIANS are putting their rugby league zonal defence tactics to good sue on teh US-Mexico border:
The United States has unveiled an unlikely weapon in its battle against drugs gangs and illegal immigrants at the Texas-Mexico border – pub-goers in Australia.
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Posted: 25th, March 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Australia Bans Wikileaks
HAVING outlawed adolescent porn doodles, the Austrlaiaqn government is bannign Wikileaks, “the website that publishes anonymous submissions of sensitive info on everything from corporations, religion and governments”.
We know this because – oh, the irony:
On its website, Wikileaks, which leaked the news that the government had banned it for leaking information, simply said: “The first rule of censorship is that you cannot talk about censorship.”
The Australian communications regulator has issued a stark warning that websites who link out to ‘banned’ hyperlinks are liable to fine of up to Aus $11,000 a day.
The news comes after web forum Whirlpool was threatened with the fine for posting a hyperlink to a blacklisted anti-abortion website.
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Posted: 18th, March 2009 | In: Technology | Comment (1)
Sexpo Pole Dancer Sues For Broken Nose
A POLE dancer at Brisbane’s Sexpo claims she slipped and broke her nose in an erotic routine.
New Zealander Lisa Lewis is a self-titled “international star, exotic dancer and soft porn star”.
You may have seen her work, notably at the Brisbane Convention Centre and Sexpo Revue Lounge for the performing arts. Says she:
“I have video footage of a performance where their pole was dodgy and they insisted I use it on my second show (which) resulted in me breaking my nose. I started pole dancing 10 years ago at aged 17 and have never injured myself like this.”
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Posted: 2nd, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (7)
Australia Fire: Warmists, Jihadists, Terrorists, Arsonist, Religionists And Opportunists
FIRES rage in Australia. Lives are lost.
The fire up close.
The greens are saying that in fire season fires will happen. Prescient stuff. This in the Guardian from Tim Flannery:
Rudd has said that the arsonists suspected of lighting some fires are guilty of mass murder, and the police are busy chasing down these malefactors. But there’s an old saying among Australian fire fighters — “whoever owns the fuel, owns the fire”. Let’s hope that Australians ponder the deeper causes of this horrible tragedy, and change our polluting ways before it’s too late.
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Posted: 11th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (16)
Anorak’s Penny Watches The Australian Bunyip Fires
THOSE Australian fires: Anorak’s Penny looks on, and more…
I have close family in St Andrews – this is just north of Melb 11 dead there and my mob live on property in St Andrews which has been destroyed. My Aunty & cousins have saved most of the main house but the studios, out buildings and entire property, the township that they built obliterated. The family is safe, and they are lucky as 11 of their close neighbours perished.
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Posted: 8th, February 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)
Hell’s Angels Bemoan Falling Manners
TO Australia, where the biker gangs are casuing trouble.
In the inner-west a bomb exploded outside a Hells Angels clubhouse and shots were fired into a nearby tattoo parlour. No one was hurt but this comes on top of a series of drive-by shootings linked to feuds between bikie gangs.
What’s the root of the problem?
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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
How To Win The Lottery Like An Australian Hedge Fund Trader
INVESTMENT group invests $5 Million to hedge bets in Australian Lottery.
The prize: $27 million. The nume3bs to get right: 6. Cot per ticket: $1.00.
In the Virginia game, there are 7,059,052 possible combinations of numbers. So someone who buys one ticket has odds of 1 in slightly more than 7 million. Having more tickets increases the odds of winning, so that 1 million tickets have odds of 1 in 7.
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Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Australia Is Literally Teeming With Endangered Species
IN Australia logging is being brought to a halt. Creatures. Lots of them:
AUSTRALIAN Greens Leader Bob Brown and environment groups have called for a halt to logging in Victoria’s East Gippsland area after the discovery of several endangered species….
Environment East Gippsland spokeswoman Jill Redwood said the Orbost spiny crayfish, endangered sooty and powerful owls and a large population of greater gliders were discovered at the weekend.
”The place is literally teeming with endangered species,’’ Ms Redwood said.
None of which is a green activist…
Posted: 29th, January 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Australia Declares War On Planet Earth
FROM their hideaway a million miles from civilisation, Australians are plotting to kill us all. They will destroy our world:
Australia’s use of coal and carbon emissions policies are guaranteeing the “destruction of much of the life on the planet”, a leading NASA scientist has written in a letter to Barack Obama.
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Australia Still A Refuge For Prisoners
OVER the newswires:
Australia unlikely to take Guantanamo prisoners
Australia’s acting Prime Minister Julia Gillard says:
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Posted: 2nd, January 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Nasal Sex At The Daily Mail’s Advanced Medical Institute
“WANT Longer Lasting Sex?” asks the poser on the billboard.
Well, no. But the Mail is not listening, having become aroused by the words “SEX” and now unable to think of anything else.
Almost 200 hoardings in bold red on yellow print have appeared in and around London. One, with the word ‘sex’ in lettering twice as high as the rest of the advert, is within a few hundred metres of a large supermarket.
Enough.
Others are near schools or stretch alongside busy roads to catch the eye of motorists.
There’s the words sex by the school, just by the graffiti that’s says “Dannni Does It With Dog’s D****” and the 5ft-high rendering of an ejaculating penis.
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Posted: 26th, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Kevin Rudd Stimulates Brothels With His Package
AUSTRALIAN leaders Kevin Rudd works the economic miracle with his impressive package:
Posted: 24th, December 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment
Fishy Porn And Heath Ledger’s Raped Nuns Are Popular In Australia
Fishy Porn And Heath Ledger’s Raped Nuns Are Popular In Australia
SAYS Rupert Murdoch’s news.com.au, his Australian news service online:
AS another year draws to a close we could ruminate sagely from the journalistic tower on the defining moments of 2008 – the global financial crisis; terror in Mumbai; the China quake; the historic election of a black president in the US.
In true awards style, the list is a count down to the big number one story. What is it, then: Obama, Mumbai or China?
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Posted: 22nd, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
The Seattle Winter Solstice Cancelled On Snow Cap Mountain
THE Seattle Winter Solstice has been “RESCHEDULED DUE TO INCLEMENT WEATHER.”
Brrr. It’s cold in the winter.
Do the Kinder Kops know? Nein:
THERE is no inconvenient truth, only pride in the children’s animated film that will premiere at a Bankstown film festival on Saturday. Zaky’s Adventures is a computer-animated film for children that deals with global warming.
What killed Fred Flintstone?
In the film Zaky, a purple bear, gets a letter from his pen-pal Mowy the polar bear, who must close his extreme snowboarding school because global warming is making the snow disappear.
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Posted: 21st, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
The Ten Worst Protests Ever: Global Warming Update
AN update to Anorak’s Top Ten Worst Protest Ever: Jenny McCracken’s long drive to end global warming:
Jenny McCracken drove all the way up from Melbourne on Monday to her parents’ home in Sunnycliffs to stage a one-woman protest over climate change at Federal MP John Forrest’s Mildura electorate office in Madden Avenue yesterday.
The freelance artist turned environmental activist didn’t plan it that way. She issued a media release this week urging concerned citizens in Sunraysia to protest peacefully outside Mr Forrest’s office at the Rudd Government’s less than draconian plans to extinguish the global warming dragon.
Mr Forrest was not in.
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Posted: 19th, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Lesbian Asian Drivers For Spear Chucking Black Mums
AHEM :”A LESBIAN Asian bus driver was fired by Brisbane City Council after she wrote a note referring to commuters as “spear chuckers with prams” .
Whose side are you on?
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Posted: 18th, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Kevin Rudd Is Home To Spend Christmas With Your Wife
LOTS of pictures of dark-suited and smiling Gordon Brown doing his impression of where’s Wally amid all the fatigues-clad troops in Basra.
“Your courage is legendary,” says Brown, before reading aloud the preface for his book on courage in which not one squaddie features.
It could be worse. Australian leader Kevin ‘Digger for Victory” Rudd is wowing his Boys in Afghanistan.
To cheer up our troops for Christmas, says Kevin Rudd:
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Posted: 18th, December 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Australia’s Inevitable Costello And Abbott Headline
IT had to happen:
Costello needed on frontbench: Abbott
You pick a front bench on names…
Australian Muslims For Apartheid
THEY’RE building walls in Western Australia to keep the races apart:
The Islamic community plans to build a Muslim-only housing development and recreation centre as part of a $10 million complex in Rivervale (WA)…
“It’s ideal for any ethnic group because you can deal with each other in an easier way,” (Islamic Council of WA spokesman Rahim) Ahmad said. ”In South Africa, because of apartheid, all different communities were set up and it worked well. It kept people separate…”
And it kept them away from the money and the power…
Posted: 14th, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Thief Kills Shopkeeper With “Excessive Self-Defence”
YOU can killed by a criminal exhibiting signs of “excessive shelf defence”. To Australia:
A MASKED robber who fled with just $195 before using a fence paling to kill a newsagent was jailed for at least 7½ years yesterday. Steven Momir Katic, 31, was acquitted of murder but convicted of the manslaughter of Chinh Nguyen, 41, at Glenfield in Sydney’s southwest in February last year…
Justice Peter Hidden said Mr Nguyen handed over all the money in the till and Katic ran from the shop.
Mr Nguyen and his famaily had fled Vietnam on a boat and worked hard to build a new life in Oz.
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Posted: 13th, December 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)
Dim The Lights In Australia’s Pastel Prisons
IN Australia, the men are not so tough, even the toughs:
POLICE have been told to show more respect to their prisoners: dim the lights at night, don’t slam cell doors and serve tea, coffee or milk at least three times a day.
New “soft cell” human rights guidelines from Victoria’s Office of Police Integrity say cell blocks should be calm and relaxing, with light-shaded wall colours.
And when you’ve got ’em relaxed, do you kick the suspects in?
Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comment
