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Posts Tagged ‘boast’

Reunited With Ashley, Cheryl Cole’s Vagina Rides The Door Knob Of Love: Pregnancy, Photos And A Career BOAST

CHERLY Cole has moved back in with Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole – back into their big house in Surrey. It’s the six-bedroom Georgian property near Godalming the Coles paid £3.55 million for. The place is called… Hurtmore. It was called Hurtmore before “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl and her flying fists moved in.

And who can hurt more that Our Chezza? Ever since Cheryl punched a black toilet attendant in the face, her core brand values have been hurting and caring. As she watched adolescents sob on the X Factor and squashed their dreams by saying these amateur singers were not good enough to be the next Cheryl Cole, her brand of caring has been force fed to the masses in much the same way geese buy into the foie gras industry.

Cheryl Cole did not fight for her love to Ashley because it was not a love worth fighting for. So, some shock to read in the NoTW:

DEFIANT Cheryl Cole has confessed she’s still in love with serial love rat Ashley and told him: “I should never have divorced you.”

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Posted: 26th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Cheryl Cole Orders Her Baby

spoiltEXCITING news from the life of Cheryl Cole on the cover of OK! magazine:

“ANNOUNCING HER EXCITING NEWS – ‘OUR CHILD WON’T BE A SPOILT LIAR’”

She’s pregnant!

Well, no. But when Cheryl is – maybe – then any child she has with the truth-telling and very unspoilt Ashley Cole will be just like dad.

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Posted: 6th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)


Nicole Richie Gets The Hump

“TWIN BOYS FOR NICOLE RICHIE,” announces the Enquirer on its cover page.

Inside and Richie is “taking vitamins, eating… and designing maternity wear.”

This is how celebrities get pregnant. Nicole and her team of camel-faced fashionistas are “brainstorming about new ways to look chic with a bump.”

All that’s left to do is call Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering And Star Treatment Service (BOAST).

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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Lindsay Lohan Calls BOAST

LINDSAY Lohan makes a call to Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering And Star Treatment Service (BOAST)…

“At some point I want to adopt a child in need or a newborn from another country”

Old Mr Anorak is wearing his nappy as we speak…

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Posted: 6th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cheryl Cole and Amanda Holden Put BOAST On Hold

CALLS are coming in thick and fast to Anorak’s BOAST hotline. All orders are final, but Cheryl Cole and Amanda Holden are unsure…

Says Cheryl of her time before husband Ashley was accused of vomiting on their marriage vows:

“I was really broody. I’d see children and think that’s me. I’m ready” – Sun

The call to BOAST was made. But then cancelled. Sadly the children are sat in our storeroom awaiting despatch. No refunds but they can be exchanged…

Amanda Holden is on line 2:

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)


Jools Oliver Calls BOAST

JOOLS Oliver makes a call to Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering And Star Treatment Service (BOAST)

“If I’m really honest, I’d like another girl,” – Jools Oliver, Mrs Jamiel Oliver, Sun

BOAST. Make the call now…

Myleene Klass And Norman Cook Call BOAST

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)