Anorak

Brad Pitt

Posts Tagged ‘Brad Pitt’

Elvis: ‘I was kidnapped and tortured’ and Brad Pitt loves Jennifer Aniston

elvis letters

 

Brad Pitt still loves Jennifer Aniston. The National Enquirer breaks the news. In doing so the magazine finds reason to restore Pitt and Aniston to its front page, which is lucky. We have to wade into the magazine, not reading more until page 10, where we learn of Brad’s “rekindled” romance with ex-wife No. 1 Jennifer Aniston.

A “source” tells that Brad has “never stopped loving Jen”. And what speaks more of timeless love than divorce, 13 years of separation and marriage to Angelina Jolie? Sainted Jolie will be doubtless delighted to learn that Jen is the only women Brad ever truly loved. 

Bigger news from that that is news that Elvis Presley has been “kidnapped and tortured”. Can it be that didn’t die but was stolen to order, possibly by a nefarious Eastern mogul who wanted Elvis to croon for him and him alone?

The truth, according to the NE, is revealed in a “trove” of secret letters Elvis penned 50 years ago. Apparently in reaction to Harum Scarum, a 1965 movie flop starring the singer, thugs drugged, kidnapped and abused The King. The villains ripped off Elvis’ clothes, burnt his flesh with lit cigarettes and a red-hot poker, kicked him repeatedly, forced him to drink a blood cocktail, injected him with all manner of drugs and stabbed him in the leg with a corkscrew. He was “near death” when he was rushed to hospital. All true. And all revealed in letters Elvis sent to “Hollywood spiritual advisor Carmen Montez”. Sadly, she and Elvis are both dead – but you can read all about in a new book by someone who isn’t. 

Lastly, Jennifer Garner is to “secretly” marry John Miller. When they will secretly marry is unsaid, but should it happen remember: you read it first in the Enquirer… 

Posted: 26th, November 2018 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, National Enquirer, News | Comment


Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt split the children in what media hope will be a messy divorce

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will end their marriage of a whole 2 years and being together since 2004. Divorce has been triggered. She wants sole physical custody of all the couple’s collection of children – 6 of them.

The media is filled with weeping and wailing among the couple’s fans. How can the love of its age be broken by, in Angelina’s words, “irreconcilable differences”? Brangelina were the media match made in portmanteau heaven. What were the differences? Did one of them think By The Sea was great movie – a good movie?

 

Angelina jolie brad pitt

 

 

TMZ dishes some dirt:

Sources connected with the couple tell us… Angelina’s decision to file has to do with the way Brad was parenting the children… she was extremely upset with his methods.

Our sources say, Angelina became “fed up” with Brad’s consumption of weed and possibly alcohol, and mixed with what she believes is “an anger problem” became dangerous for the children.

We’re told there was no alleged “third person”… her decision to file was solely over Brad’s interaction with their children.

InTouch Weekly says Brad’s a great dad and will petition for custody of the children.

The Sun says: “ANGELINA ‘HAS PUT KIDS IN DANGER’ ‘Furious’ Brad Pitt hits back at claims over anger and alcohol issues and ‘blasts Angelina for putting kids in firing line in bitter divorce’”

Will things get nasty? Will Brad get the kids  or be forced to find 6 other children to fill the void? If he does, will their be auditions?

Expect lots more on this.

 

Posted: 21st, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Dude Where’s My Gun? Brad Pitt Is Armed And Possibly Dangerous

PA-20758320

BRAD Pitt and his child army, nannies, security guards and ever since Angelina Jolie met the Queen, footmen, unicorns, Apache helicopters and magic, are safe.

If that and the haze of love and goodness at Chez Brad don’t render the intruder powerless, Brad keeps a gun in the house. He says he needs the gun to feel one hundred percent safe. He tells the Radio Times that he got his first gun at 6:

“There’s a rite of passage where I grew up of inheriting your ancestors’ weapons. My brother got my dad’s. I got my grandfather’s shotgun when I was kindergarten. The positive is that my father instilled in me a profound and deep respect for the weapon.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, October 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Daily Mirror Fury: English ‘Nazis’ Rampage In Oxfordshire And Robin Van Persie’s Manchester United Attack The Arsenal On Remembrance Day

BYvkBQhIMAA2Z_H

THE Daily Mirror leads with news of Brad Pitt ruining Remembrance Day by hanging out with actors dressed as Nazis in Shirburn, Oxon. The population of Shirburn is around 100.

Fury as director of Brad Pitt film stages Nazi war scenes in English village on REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 11th, November 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the World War Z Premiere – 27 photos

TO the World War Z Premiere at the Empire Leicester Square, London. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were there. It was Jolie’s first public appearance since her double mastectomy. The mega-budget film ($200m) stars a lank Pitt as a United Nations employee battling to save the world from a zombie apocalypse. The zombies are very fast. It can’t fail. Can it? It’s got Brad Pitt in it. And… did we mention Brad Pitt?

[Not a valid template]

Posted: 3rd, June 2013 | In: Film | Comment


Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton’s love story told in magazine covers

ANGELINA Jolie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston (aka Poor Jen) are pillars of the tabloid magazines.The Brangelina industry is huge. The Jen-Brad-Angelina love triangle is a prism of untruth, half-truths and gossip. The saga of betrayal, love, sex romance, marriage, divorce, separation, reunion and rowing moves on with each deadline in the National Enquirer, In Touch and Star magazines. How much do we believe? What are the stories’ sources? Jolie can only adopt so many children; Pitt can only wear so many hats; Aniston can only toss her hair so much. But when the story has limits, the wily editor looks to cover emotions: Jen shocked; Jen hurt; Brad confused; Angelina furious and so on.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 29th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Celebrities made to look normal

EVER wondered that celebrities would look like if they wer photoshopped to look ‘normal’? Well, some bright sparks went to work and produced these images of Scarlett Johansson, ‘poor’ Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Madonna. They are all brilliant:

scarlett-johansson

Image 5 of 5

Spotter: LostEMinor

Posted: 15th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Meet Doug Pitt – Brad Pitt’s brother lives the high life

COOL ad of the day features Doug Pitt, brother to Brad Pitt, in the Fair Go Bro campaign for Virgin Mobile AustraliaDoug Pitt is “the second most famous Pitt in his family”. The ad gives him “a taste of his brother’s lifestyle”:

Doug’s just a regular guy.

He washes his own car, pays his own bills, and does his own laundry. You see, unlike his famous bro, Doug’s never been the star of anything.

Spotter: Adfreak, Laughing Squid

Posted: 3rd, July 2012 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer | Comment


Angelina Jolie has a ‘dangerous new addiction’: heartthrob cocaine

“ANGELINA’S DANGEROUS NEW ADDICTION!”

So screams the National Enquirer’s front-page headline in vivid yellow ink.

“Why Brad is WORRIED SICK”

Brad is Brad Pitt. Angelina is Angelina Jolie. And the story is that Angelina is addicted to…Brad Pitt!

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Brad Pitt & Angelina to get married and move their 30,000 children into British schools

AFTER spending their whole relationship sneering about marriage, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to get hitched. They obviously love each other so much that, now, the only thing left to do which will show each other how achingly in love they are, is to get the government involved.

How romantic. And it isn’t like celebrity marriages are fraught, tense affairs that explode in an ugly, messy, public fashion are they? Fingers crossed.

Of course, being Different From Other Celebrities (trademark, Johnny Depp), the pair won’t be getting married in America because it sucks and has absolutely no culture. And so, they’re going to go and tie the knot in France this summer, doing their best to focus on wine and castles, rather than the seething racism that made France what it is today.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Brad Pitt is “drooling’ over Jennifer Lawrence

ONE week on from news of their wedding, the National Enquirer leads with news that Angelina Jolie is furious with her Brad Pitt. Why? Well, Brad is “HOT for Hunger Game beauty” Jennifer Lawrence. The NE has press f9 on the keyboard and published a story about Brad being infatuated with the star of The Hunger Games.

The mag has news of “their secret text messages” –  news that “Brad is determined to find a project to collaborate on”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 27th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt marry: She gets pregant while he gets Botox

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt are getting married! To each other!! No longer will their children have to ask why their mum and dad have different names. Soon they will just like all the other kids at school. The National Enquirer says the “WEDDING OF THE CENTURY” is “ON!”.

Angelina is making ready by “JETTING off to France to make preparations”.

While “Brad gets ready with PLASTIC SURGERY”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Did Angelina Jolie admit to cheating on Brad Pitt?!

SOME of you women would love ten minutes alone with Brad Pitt. He’s a real dreamboat isn’t he? One of those ‘real men’ ones that has a bit of facial hair and isn’t appallingly thin like an emaciated little girl. Oh! The things you’d do to him. He’d never want another woman, right?

Well, sadly for you, he’s dating Angelina Jolie and she’s invariably much better looking than you. In fact, she’s so good looking that she can allegedly cheat on Pitt and still have him as a beau. How gutting is that for you?

The astonishingly trustworthy source in this news-caper is the National Enquirer and they’ve run a story that sees Jolie ‘admitting’ to cheating on Pitt! Apparently, they had gone to a marital counseling session, but he stormed out after she confessed to hooking up with another man.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt make love on the SAGA red carpet – photos

THE 18th Screen Actors Guild Awards in Hollywood starred Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Others were there. But it’s the A-list power couple who get the headlines. Unless Miss Piggy and Kermit reunite, adopt a baby vampire and score a celebrity portmanteau (Permit?) or Prince Harry squires Jennifer Aniston (Hansiton, as the butler might say) *, Brangelina are the hottest.

They want to remind us that while individually they are the apogee of human beauty, together they are scorchingly at it. Six young children careering around the family home may ruin the sex drive of others, but when you’re Brad and Ange, loving is all. She is the woman who opined: “We have so many kids, it’s just year-round birthdays! It’s one of life’s great pleasures.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 30th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


In photos – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the Golden Globes

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt were at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards. We took photos. Will 2012 will be triumphant for Bradjelina? 2011 was big a year for the Jolie-Pitt axis. Angelina Jolie did not complete forms for adoption of your newborn baby but she did give birth to Jennifer Aniston’s baby (source: National Enquirer fantasy division); an expert told us that Brad and Angelina “end the day by chanting the sacred word their love guru has given them, and now they no longer argue” – we can exclusively reveal that the word is “weed”, “lager” or “Jen”; Jolie hired a Euston-Glasgow Virgin train to see Brad in Glasgow; Brad flew in an Iceland frozen foods helicopter; and whatever other mix of the starry, fantastic and plain made-up stories hit the news about Brad and Ange…

12493693

Image 1 of 21

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt arrive at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards Sunday, Jan. 15, 2012, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Is Angelina Jolie carrying Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt’s baby? (Photos)

DEEP within the wombs of Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie, where tabloid fiction and fact merge to create new lifeforms, twins are brewing. The National Enquirer says Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. It asks: “Is Brad the father?”

The story is that Aniston’s manager Sue Mengers (who died last October) revealed that before Jen split with Brad the actress harvested some of his sperm. She did this not by the Liz Jones method, but collected the precious life force in a test tube which was then frozen.

So. Is Aniston pregnant with Brad’s sperm? Is Jen having twins? Will the twins have brittle hair and frozen Hollywood smiles?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Brad Pitt Helps Suicidal Fan At Screening Of His Film By Quoting The Little Book Of Calm

HOLLYWOOD is full of idiots and simpletons, but Brad Pitt seems like a good enough chap. And that idea was only furthered when he had some supportive words for a suicidal fan following a special screening of his new movie, Moneyball.

Was the fan suicidal because ‘Moneyball’ is so gaspingly dreadful?

At the Q&A session, Pitt heard how an aspiring actor had been struggling with suicidal thoughts earlier in the day and that, unfathomably, the baseball biopic gave him “a renewed sense of hope”.

A source told USmagazine.com:

“Brad said ‘Look, man, life is up and down, it’s a vicious cycle, but you have to go through it and deal with that. You can be down, but then you come back up again, and every failure can lead to success’.

“Brad handled the situation really well in front of several hundred people – it was a difficult moment that shocked everyone.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Moneyball Premiere Tokyo: Photos

TO the Japanese premiere of Moneyball in Tokyo to see Angelina Jolie (red dress; groomed hair; allure)  and Brad Pitt (uber alles hair and doing his best to eradicate all signs of previous sex appeal). And, Angie, red on a red carpet… no.

12037808

Image 1 of 5

Actor Brad Pitt, accompanied by actress Angelina Jolie, arrive at the red carpet prior to the Japan premiere for his latest film "Moneyball" in Tokyo Wednesday, Nov. 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Junji Kurokawa)

 

 

 

Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Brad Pitt Says Marriage To Jennifer Aniston Is Like Being Stoned To A Slow Death

BRAD Pitt tells Parade that being married to Jennifer Aniston is like sitting on a sofa too stoned to move while being smothered by a wet blanket:

“I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage (to Aniston) had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Angelina Jolie Forgoes Relief Plane And Hires A Virgin Train To Glasgow

BRAD Pitt is filming World Wart Z in Glasgow and his lover Angelina Jolie, went up to see him on a train – a Virgin Pendolino from Euston to Glasgow. She hired it. The whole thing.

Others might have gone by car or bus – but not Jolie. By the way, Jolie and Pitt have a Toyota Prius; just doing their bit to save the environment.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Photos Of Brad Filming World War Z In Glasgow: The Americans Are Coming To Take Us Away

BRAD Pitt was spotted filming World War Z near George Square, Glasgow. Before we spotted Mr Angelina Jolie, we spotted the US-style police car on the street. Was this, we thought, the introduction of hardcore US policing that David Cameron had mooted for his Bullingdon Britain? Would we be shot in the face for jaywalking? Thankfully, not yet – the rains came and the big American zebra crossing washed away. And then we spotted Brad. And we knew that things were going to be OK – especially if he adopted us. C’mon Brad – pick a Scottish kid and take him to America. C’mon, Big Man, wadda yer say..? You can’t live of deep-fried crickets for ever. You need a Mars Bar…battered…

11411304

Image 1 of 9

Brad Pitt waves as he leaves the set of World War Z near George Square, Glasgow.

Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Film | Comment


Matt Damon Says The Incredibly Fortunate Brad Pitt Is Like A Prisoner

PEOPLE may say Matt Damon’s voice in a stupid voice all the time thanks to Team America, but he’s a happy chap. He’s got famous friends, loads of money and is surprisingly self-effacing and bright. Not many people in Hollywood can have that said about them.

And, most importantly, Damon is able to maintain a pretty normal life, unlike most of his peers. This is perhaps due to his largely forgettable face.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Wedding Photos – EXCLUSIVE!

BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie are to marry on September 24 2012! Fact. They are unable to marry before that date because to do so would destroy one of the mainstays of the tabloid magazine industry. The other stories editors turn to on a slow news day are: Jennifer Aniston back with Brad?!; Angelina Jolie and Aniston at War Over Brad!; Is Jennifer Aniston Pregnant?; Why Isn’t Jennifer Aniston Pregnant?; Will Jolie Adopt Aniston’s Twins? Is Obama A Gay Muslim?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Are Definitely, Definitely Going To Get Married, Right?

That’s right! A big ol’ wedding for the couple and their thousand adopted children to attend!

How thrilling. No really.

And it appears that it will be happening soon, with a wedding set to take place within the next few months. And that’s according to three separate utterly unreliable sources.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt’s Sex Chat: Maddox Learns The Facts Of Life

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt have not been in the news as much as they were when they were adopting a coffee-table book full of children. But now they are back. And they want to talk about sex wand their kidzzzz. Says Pitt in USA Weekend:

“There are no secrets at our house. We tell the kids, ‘Mom and Dad are going off to kiss.’ They go, ‘Eww, gross!’ But we demand it.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 29th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)