Posts Tagged ‘Brad Pitt’
Tree Of Life: Brad Pitt Plays The Draconian Father You Can Write About
WE spotted Brad Pitt at the Cannes Film Festival 2011. The would-be Mr Angelina Jolie was signing autographs after a press conference for Tree of Life.
. Do you remember when Brad and Angelina were in the papers pretty much every day on account of their love for each other; his alleged love for Jennifer Aniston; her alleged love for [insert animate and inanimate object here]? Well, now you hardly ever see them let alone read about them unless it’s do with their work with children, charity or film? Anyone know why..?
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Quentin Tarantino And Lady GaGa To Team Up For A Movie?
SEEING as Quentin Tarantino allowed Lady GaGa to use the Kill Bill Pussywagon in the singer’s promotional video for Telephone, it isn’t surprising that the film director is looking at GaGa and thinking of putting her in one of his films.
And what better way to try and sweeten the deal than by getting Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to butter up the Judas singer while on a jolly at the Cannes Film Festival? Unless they tried to adopt her, which could be kinda irritating.
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Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston Covers: The Content Factory Exposed
BRAD PITT, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston are immersed in a tabloid maelstrom of news, no news, denials, non-denials and outright lies that make up the Brangelina Anison content factory. We’ve pulled together a collection of magazine covers from the past few years that are short on facts but big on sensation.
Enjoy the news that Knox and Shiloh had Downs; Brad breaking up with Angelina a few times; Jen kissing Brad; and a baby that never was…
Posted: 19th, October 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Angelina Jolie: Shiloh’s Warning To Brownies And Budapest Is Gagged
ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt’s range of children are enrolled at a school in Budapest, where Jolie is directing a Bosnian love story (Irma Nici is available for the lead role).
The story goes that Jolie invited all the schools’ parents and teachers to sign confidentiality agreements vowing that they will not talk to the press.
If they do talk their puppies will tossed live into a river. No, only joking. They will be fined money and if they persist is talking their child may be suspended from the school. Us magazine fails to says what would happen to anyone failing to sign the agreement nor if it is standard issue at what must be a private school.
Is it The American International School of Budapest, which “prepares its students to be responsible global citizens”?
We don’t know what would happen if the parents declined to sign. But before you think Jolie a control freak who ships her kids around the world like missionaries to her Church of Me, get a load of the National Enquirer’s front-page headline:
“JEALOUS of SHILOH”
“Is Jolie HARMING her 4-year-old daughter?”
Nice journalism, there. Dr Lillian Glass says Shiloh might have a few issues when she grows up because she dresses in shorts and jumpers, what Jolie call “Montenegro style”.
Can a child be harmed by wearing brown shorts and tops, as Shiloh is pictured wearing? And, if so, are the Scouts and Brownies creating a legion of therapy victims?
Discuss.
Posted: 5th, October 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Why Aren’t Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Divorcing, Ask NoTW And Enquirer?
AND so it came to pass that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt did slay the News of the World. Back in January, the paper told readers that Jolie and Pitt were going to their separate orphanages in a divorce that would see world split and heavens divided.
We called it as nonsense. The happy couple laughed it off. Who cares what other people think when you have love?
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
“Pitts Over,” said the NoTW. And it is. The story was wrong. News Corp will pay damages to Jolie and Pitt. All monies will be donated to the Jolie-Pitt Foundation.
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Posted: 22nd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Star In ‘Love Is…’: Cherubs Weep
TO all the one who have never loved, Angelina Jolie feels for you. Pray to her. Cherish her. St Angelina Jolie is talking to Parade magazine on matters of your pathetic loveless life:
“I feel sad for someone who has never known love. Love elevates. You know, Brad would joke about me having this conversation about love. Love? It’s such a funny word. Brad can find certain phrases of poetry for it. I’m terrible at it. But I know it means wanting the best for the people you love, putting their interests above your own, always. Love does that. Love is what you live for.”
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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston’s Baby News Shocker
BRAD Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are involved in a “BABY SHOCKER”.
The full National Enquirer’s front-page teaser tells us:
“HER PREGNANCY NEWS TEARS HIM APART”
And get a load of “ANGIE’S STUNNING REACTION”.
The full news is that Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant. And she is, moreover, not pregnant by Brad Pitt. Aniston is also not pregnant by Mel Gibson, Paris Hilton, Orville the Duck, Prince Harry nor Lassie, with whom she shares a hairdresser, who also has not impregnated the actress.
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance
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Posted: 6th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie’s ‘Secret Affair” With Married Hollywood Star
ANGELINA Jolie is embroiled in a “CHEATING SCANDAL”. So says the National Enquirer, which also says that this alleged cheating scandal “EXPLODES!”
Angelina Jolie pictures (NSFW)
This is one dynamic cheating scandal, readers. Says the NE:
“Caught in secret affair with MARRIED actor”
This is:
“Her secret affair with Ethan Hawke.”
A source says that Jolie and Hawke met in 2003 – when he was married to Uma Thurman – and “couldn’t keep their hands to themselves”. We do not know why it is “secret”, only that there are rumours of an affair on the internet. The web also has rumours that lizards control the world and Cheryl Cole is the nation’s sweetheart. But we digress.
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Posted: 8th, June 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (4)
Jennifer Aniston’s Dangerous Online Dating Game: Brad Pitt Reacts
BRAD Pitt has “freaked out” over Jennifer Aniston’s “SHOCKING LOVE GAMES!” The National Enquirer pictures Brad with his beard that looks as if he’s peering through an old nanny’s (goat) legs and Aniston fiddling with her hair, as is her wont.
Inside the magazine, and Brad is telling Jen to stoop playing “dangerous games” with her love life. News is that Jen has been looking for love on the web. Yep, that “ambitious, needy, middle-aged divorcee with own shampoo” is, allegedly, Jennifer Aniston looking for the real deal.
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Posted: 2nd, June 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comment
Sandra Bullock Interview: Louis Bardo Bullock, The Universe, Jesse James, Poop And Pictures
SANDRA Bullock pulled a blind side when she adopted Louis Bardo Bullock, a child names after Louis Armstrong and someone called Bardo. Bullock tells us that she is to divorce Jesse James, the Vanilla Gorilla who, allegedly, bumped Nazi memorabilia with Michelle McGee and others.
Bullock is on the cover of Hello!, presenting her new baby, “the perfect little man”. Bullock Junior is black and had a bris – a Jewish circumcision. This is how Sammy Davis Junior started. We expect big things from Louis.
Louis seems to be being set up for a celebrity life. Says Bullock:
“He’s handsome, but it’s his spirit that’s beautiful. There’s a wisdom to him.”
Louis is three-months-old and wearing an expression Bullock says means “hurry up and get it done” – and which other mums might suppose means “I’m doing it. Plop. There ya go.”
Sandra says she won’t discuss the adoption to “protect her son’s privacy”. That’s Louis naked in his mum’s arms in Hello! magazine.
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Posted: 4th, May 2010 | In: Hello!, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Downs Syndrome Twins?
HAS the National Enquirer cooked up the most speculative headline of all time as its front page looks at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and screams:
“TWINS HEALTH SHOCKER! Tragic Down’s Syndrome reports surrounding Vivienne and Knox”
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Posted: 28th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (16)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Marry And Jennifer Aniston Finds That Nail
JENNIFER Aniston is in “agony”. And Angelina Jolie is marrying Brad Pitt. The Enquirer’s front page hints at these two shockers being related.
When we first read it we supposed Gerard Butler had lost a finger nail up Aniston’s crevice. But inside the magazine in the know we find out that Aniston is set to have her heart broken by Brad marrying Angelina.
It turns out that Aniston’s heart was not broken by Brad Pitt dumping her, divorcing her and then – oh, yes, reader – only then shagging Angelina Jolie and touring the globe as a divine force of good.
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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (15)
Angelina Jolie Is ‘Pregnant’, Orphans’ Hearts Break
ANGELINA Jolie is pregnant. Well, so says Star magazine. Right now orphans are crying.
This is the same Angelina Jolie who earlier in the week ordered Brad Pitt to have a facelift. Maybe they’re breeding for Brad’s new face, a kind of stem-cell research project whereby Angelina will give birth to a line-free forehead hanging from a mop of hair?
The evidence for this baby is that Star says Jolie is three-months gone. If you want more evidence, the magazine says Jolie “can’t stand for long periods of time” is eating “more red meat and fish” and drank red grape juice in place of red wine in acting scene.
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Posted: 14th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Angelina Jolie Orders A Brad Pitt Facelift: Pictures
BRAD Pitt has been ordered by his erstwhile lover Angelina Jolie to “Get a Facelift”. This is the National Enquirer’s “BRAD PLASTIC SURGERY SHOCKER!”
This shocker would be if a Hollywood A-lister would not get some work done. Lately, Brad has taken to wearing a hat and a beard. Anorak assumed that this was doctor’s orders and Brad was planning to combat any hair lost by having his head surgically turned 180 degrees and upper lip pulled up and over to make Brad skin smoother than his new chin…
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (3)
Jennifer Aniston’s Car ‘Kiss’ With Brad Pitt And ‘Bill’
WITH the National Enquirer in a News of The World libel case induced Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hiatus, InTouch stands alone in revealing stuff about Brangelina. The front-page news is:
“JEN & BRAD CAUGHT KISSING”
No, not the mirror, or babies or their PRs. Caught kissing each other – well, so a “bodyguard” clauims.
Angelina Jolie Pictures (NSFW)
“I know that he still loves her,” the ex-bodyguard Bill, who for security reasons chooses only to be identified by his first name, tells In Touch…
Brad and Jen arranged a secret meeting at the trails off of Western Canyon Road in Beverly Hills on December 9, Bill says.
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jennifer Aniston’s Brad Pitt ‘Meltdown’
WANT to hear about Jennifer Lopez’s “FURIOUS SHOWDOWN WITH BRAD”. That’s Brad Pitt. You do? Well, step this way. And you can also learn “Why she was left in tears”.
Before we invited our hair language expert to analyse what Brad’s trash bin diver’s beard says to Jennifer’s silky hair, the National Enquirer says “sobbing” Aniston has had a “full-on meltdown following a vicious argument with ex-husband Brad Pitt”.
Angelina Jolie Pictures (NSFW)
There then follows one of the most ironic stories of all time. You will note that ever since Bradgelina released the lawyers on the NoTW for saying they had split up, stories of Pitt and Jolie have been supportive and, well, nice.
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Posted: 23rd, March 2010 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (3)
Kiss Ass Premiere Pictures: Brad Pitt Meets Christina Hendricks’ Kaleidoscope
KICK Ass is a sure-fire hit. Jane Goldman, Mrs Jonathan Ross, is not only a kaleidoscope version of Hollywood siren Christina Hendricks – she’s the driving force behind the film. There to help her launch the show at the Empire Cinema in Leicester Square were a load of big names: Aaron Johnson, Sam Taylor Wood, Claudia Schiffer and Matthew Vaughn and Brad Pitt. The one disappointment: Kiss Ass not Kick Arse. Pictures below:
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Posted: 22nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
In Pictures: Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Show Shiloh To Florence
THERE goes Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on a low-key child army trip to Florence, with Pax, Maddox, Zahara and “cross dressing” Shiloh reminding us that she’s the one with the genes. She’s the star. They went to the Uffizi Gallery to see Sandro Botticelli’s Birth of Jolie. Then it was on to the Ponte Vecchio.
No, not that fine place at the Ritz-Carlton, Las Vegas, which can be hired for such grand happenings. This is an old bridge in old Italy where you can fight the tourists shopping for yellow gold trinkets and Duomo snow globes. Las Vegas has the kind of class Italians can only dream of. We saw them.
Posted: 15th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Brangelina Have 3 Months To Live, Says Doctor
BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie will split on June 15 2010. We know this because the National Enquirer breaks the post-NoTW embargo on Bradgelina split stories and screams from its front page:
“ANGIE AND BRAD – 3 MONTHS TO SAVE RELATIONSHIP!”
In other words:
“BRANGELINA HAVE 3 MONTHS TO LIVE”
Angelina Jolie Pictures (NSFW)
And not only Brad and Ange are back on the NE’s cover. There’s Jennifer Aniston, who illustrates:
“His shocking confession about Jen.”
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Posted: 9th, March 2010 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (5)
Angelina Jolie Sends Secret Message To Jennifer Aniston Via Shiloh’s Boy Haircut
IN the post-legal world of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, there is no talk of them splitting up. That narrative died when they instructed libel lawyers Schillings to take on the NoTW.
Angelina Jolie Pictures (NSFW)
The new way to talk about Brangelina is for the National Enquirer to heap praise on them or to do as Life & Style does and focus on the Brangios, the couple’s children.
Last week, Life & Style said that finally the “TWINS ARE OUT OF HIDING”.
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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (13)
Angelina Jolie Wins, Brad Pitt Toes And Jennifer Aniston’s Goer: Photos
WHEN the National Enquirer got wind that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were suing the News of The World over fables of their “divorce”, it panicked. It scouted around for a new love interest to feature on its front pages every week. It settled upon John Mayer, who would sit squeezed between Jessica Simpson and Jenifer Aniston – two exes.
Angelina Jolie & The Tourist kiss
But then Mayer began to flap his mouth, talking about his penis and sex with Simpson. The thing about Brangelina is that they do not talk much. The deal seems to have been that the Enquirer spoke about them and the couple remained mute, not bothered to respond because in doing so they would give the NE a bigger story.
If Mayer is talking now, chances are that he’d respond to stories of black rubber sheets and sex toys and so scupper any front-page shockers.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (10)
Angelina Jolie Kisses ‘Tourist’, Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston Elsewhere: In Pictures
WANT to see pictures of Angelina Jolie kissing man other than Brad Pitt? Before Jolie and Pitt decided to sue the News of The World for stating that they had split up, stories about Brangelina were daily and lurid. Anorak is still awaiting the forensic report on those black rubber sheets and sex toys the National Enquirer reported on from Jolie’s hotel room. So. Do you want to see Jolie kissing a man other than Brad? Can you handle it?Can Jennider Aniston cope?
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Posted: 26th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (13)
National Enquirer After Brangelina: Jessica Aniston And Jessica Simpson At ‘War’
WEEK Two of the post Angelina Jolie and Brad Pit National Enquirer front page and things are looking promising for Jennifer Aniston, who remains in situ.
With Brangelina suing the NoTW, and so putting the US tabloid on a stage of high alert, Jennifer Aniston is on her own.
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
Well, she’s not alone for long because the NE has a new love triangle war brewing, and the three-points of the news compass are Aniston, Jessica Simpson and John Mayer. This is:
“Jen & Jessica – REVENGE ON LOVE RAT JOHN MAYER!”
Inside and:
“JEN & JESSICA DECLARE WAR ON JOHN!”
Mayer is said to have upset the women by called Simpson “sexual napalm” and “crack cocaine” (is that good or bad?) and portrayed Aniston as “boring”. Says Mayer of fun Jen:
“I want to dance… I want to get on an airplane and be a ninja… I don’t want to pet dogs in the kitchen.”
A euphemism?
And… Oh, it’s just no good. Without those weekly tales of Brad’s secret love (sources say) to betrayed Aniston, Angelina Jolie’s rage (say pals) and Aniston’s loveliness (says insider), the Enquirer is trying but failing to come up with a story.
READ: Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie: Sex Toys, Jennifer Aniston ‘Romps’ In Pictures
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance In Pictures
It’s needs a new angle? Who can be the new Ange-Brad-Jen? But why not do as OK! has done and in between news and non-news hire look-alikes to play the main protagonists and get up to all sorts of crazy mischief?
Look out for: “Jen puts Brad’s head in oven as Ange waters poison begonia” – say pals.
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
Posted: 23rd, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)
Brad Pitt ‘Breaks Down’ As Angelina Jolie ‘Taunts’ Him
BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie are frotting and rubbing and groping at the Super Bowl. It’s entertaining stuff, keeping the fans thrilled in those long boring bits between the adverts. Brad and Ange are together. But still the National Enquirer hammers away at the couple that have already split, or not. This week, readers are told:
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
“BRAD BREAKS DOWN! He can’t take any more.”
“ANGIE TAUNTING HIM”
“JEN HURTING HIM”
Brad and Angelina are suing the NoTW for saying they’d split up. We spot Brad and Ange getting off with each other. Or as the Enquirer says:
“BRAD CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE!”
Readers learn of the “misery of his personal life” and that Brad is in the “deep, dark pit of despair”. He is “falling to pieces.”
READ: Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie: Sex Toys, Jennifer Aniston ‘Romps’ In Pictures
“Angelina would like nothing more than for Brad to crawl back to her on his hands and knees, begging her for a reconciliation. But there’s no way that’s going to happen.”
So says the source. But hasn’t Brad already been on all fours?
Fore more facts check out these pictures of Brad and Ange playing around with each other at the Super Bowl.”
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Marriage Is ‘Over’: Fact
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance In Pictures
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Break-Up Pictures
Posted: 9th, February 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comment
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Sue News Of The World: Schillings Again
HAVING helped with the John Terry and Vanessa Perroncel debacle (alleged) with the News of The World, London law firm Schillings is now advising Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in their case against the, er, NoTW – specifically the papers claim they were going to split.
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
You know the one their rep calls “BS“.
As we said in our review of the splashy NoTW scoop: Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Marriage Is ‘Over’: Fact:
So they have not split. Brad and Angle have just created the non-divorce, un-married couple’s contract. They remain together and happy. What other facts?
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Posted: 8th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
