Posts Tagged ‘Brad Pitt’
Michael Jackson Died Three Times And Jennifer Aniston Is Pregnant
THIS Week In The National Enquirer: Michael Jackson died three times, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant, Britney Spears kidnap fears and Jessica Simpson deflates…
Jennifer Ansiton tells Brad Pitt she’s pregnant
“JEN’S BABY NEWS STUNS BRAD! – Jen tells Brad I think I’m pregnant”
Has Gerard Butler, Jen’s new co-star, left her with child? Well, possibly. A source says Jennifer told Brad that she was late on her monthly cycle and that might mean that she was pregnant, or not. Either way it’s huge news.
And it’s getting huger. Having told the world that Jen is embroiled in a “steamy affair” with the aforesaid Butler, readers are asked to wonder who might be the father of the baby that Jennifer Aniston might be having, or not…
Jessica Simpson Jilted Again!
It’s ambulatory inflatable doll Jessica Simpson, who has been dumped by Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback Tony Romo.
“Tony Romo was looking for just the right moment to finally get Jessica Simpson out of his life – and he found it at an international House of Pancakes in the middle of Texas!”
He waited for her to go to the syrup trough and hid behind a tall stack..?
The story goes that Romo pulled over and told Simpson to get out his car. She did. He drove off. She bounced around waiting for help…
Question of the week: Is Kevin Federline’s girlfriend pregnant?
The Enquirer says Vitoria Prince “felt sick while having lunch with Kevin”.
Anyone else feel sick when the see K-Ferret? Best get a pregnancy kit, or a paper bag?
Britney Spears Kidnap Horror!
“Singer terrified her kids will be KIDNAPPED OR KILLED”.
Kids views on matter not known.
“Michael Jackson died 3 times in 18 months – Before final overdose!”
The Enquirer says Jackson’s heart stopped beating a hears from a source:
“You have to wonder if it was all a game for Michael. Did he get some bizarre enjoyment when he flatlined or ‘died’? Maybe in his mind he thought things were beautiful on the other side…
“Once after doctors finally managed to wake him up, Michael said he’ had died and gone to heaven and it felt good.”
Suicide?
Now read on…
Image: 14
Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Megan Fox Makes Michael Bay Look Young And Dumb
MEGAN Fox opens her mouth and to prove they are not staring at her cleavage, hacks takes down every word she says.
Editors print it because what Megan Fox says can be illustrated with a picture of her skin.
Now, Megan Fox says her Transformers’ director Michael Bay created a film “not about acting”.
Says Bay:
“Well, that’s Megan Fox for you. She says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do…”
Bay is 44 years young. Says he:
“Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in Armageddon. Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did Transformers — and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from Bad Boys.”
Really?
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Posted: 3rd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Michael Jackson Bought Drugs As Jack London, Omar Arnold, Barack Obama And Pete Doherty
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: TMZ reports that Michael Jackson “frequently used the names Omar Arnold and Jack London to get powerful drugs, including Demerol”.
Anorak hears rumours that Jackson also used the names Neda Soltan, Neda Soltani, Madeleine McCann, Manchester United, Cristiano Ronaldo (that enough?), Secret Sex Video, Angelina Jolie Naked (the SEO says keep going), Brad Pitt, Barack Obama and Prince Harry Windsor. (Enough, this isn’t the Liverpool Post, The Guardian or Habitat.)
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Posted: 2nd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Angelina Jolie’s OK! Magazine Interview
ANGELINA Jolie is a “supermum”. She was “public enemy number one”, when she first hooked up with Brad Pitt, who one married to “girl-next-door” Jennifer Aniston. Brad is best known the Most Fanciable Man in Film. Or superdad. Or one half of Brangelina.
For someone who speaks so often to celebrity magazines, Jennifer Aniston has so little new to tell us.
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Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Do The Apprentice
AMERICA has Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It even has a spare Jennifer Aniston. In the UK, we have Philip Taylor and Kate Walsh, the wannabe and the might-be who endured weeks on The Apprentice auditioning for a media career.
In Grazia, readers can see Phil taking a break from staring at himself reflected in Kate’s teeth to tell us that he has left the north-east to move in with Kate in London flat.
Says Phil:
“There’s more to me than people think, I’m pretty good looking, I’m smart and I’ve go something about me.”
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Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jennifer Aniston Plans The Divorce Party
JENNIFER Aniston is at the Women in Film Awards in Culver City, Calif., where host Chelsea Handler is presenting the actress with the Crystal Award for Excellence in Film. Yeah, really.
Here’s Jennifer Aniston:
“I have a strange parallel with movies I was doing and my life off screen. First, it was The Good Girl…which evolved into Rumor Has It, followed by Derailed. Then there was The Breakup. Followed by the lighter side, Friends With Money. If anyone has a movie called Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Man, that would be great! I’m at table six, and my agents are at table 12.“
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Posted: 13th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Remember Diana And Dodi
BRAD Pitt & Angelina Jolie are over. Finished. Zip. Gone.
The National Enquirer has the news that it had last week, and for many weeks before that. One day the news will bear fruit and Pitt and Jolie will be disunited – unless they should perish beneath a mountain of children at the same moment, in which case they will go on being united for ever, a kind of Dodi and Diana, with better hair and teeth.
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Posted: 9th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
A Day in The Life Of Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt: Pictures
ANGELINA JOLIE and Brad Pitt are famous for harvesting children and being famously photogenic…
A day in their life goes like this – that day is June 7, 2009:
MORNING: Brad and Ange Marry:
ANGE: OK, LET’S WED
Dean Piper, of the Daily Mirror, tells us –
Jolie & Pitt to marry to quash rift rumours
Posted: 7th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Angelina Jolie’s New Tattoo
ANGELINA Jolie is Brad Pitt’s preferred bedtime reading.
When bored with Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt bailed out. Now Angelina aims to keep hold of her man by having her skin covered in a good read. Leave the light on, Ange, I’ve not finished.
Now the Huffington Post’s Katherine Thompson says he’s noticed a new tattoo on Jolie’s person – a new chapter.
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Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie Catches Brad Pitt Texting ‘Golden’ Aniston
HAVING been told yesterday in HELLO! that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are so in love and that Jennifer Aniston has not made any contact whatsoever with Pitt, the Enquirer trills:
“ANGE WALKS IN ON JEN & BRAD”
It is…
“The EXPLOSIVE confrontation.”
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Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Brad And Angelina Jolie In Headlock Drama
HELLO! magazine has a question for its readers: “BRAD AND ANGELINA – DOES THIS COUPLE LOOK LIKE A COUPLE IN CRISIS?”
The question is accompanied by a shot of the two actors – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, for it is they – entwined before the cameras.
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Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Jennifer Aniston And Brad Pitt Get A Hotel Room
JENNIFER Aniston and Brad Pitt are “back together”.
There’s a “secret hotel reunion”. There are “tearful daily calls”. He’s “wearing her necklace”.
Grazia magazine’s cover trails a welter of facts.
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Posted: 12th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Angelina Jolie’s Secret Child
ANGELINA Jolie “STUNS” Brad, says the Enquirer.
No, not with a Taser. Angelina stuns him with a baby.
This headline news suggests that Brad – a father to six – is very easily stunned, going round in a state of perpetual shock, marvelling at the big orange light in the sky, the wonder of blinking and making noises with that hole in his face.
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Posted: 28th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Brad Pitt Moves Out On Angelina Jolie
BRAD Pitt “moves out” of where ever it is he lives and the National Enquirer follows up that bombshell with news that he “wants all 6 kids”.
Ha! All six? Brad was never that good at the counting game, and Anorak learns that the world boasts around 3billion children, every one them better off with Angelina Jolie, David Banda and Octomum’s kids (plus ca change) included, although not Suri Cruise (Obey Her!).
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Posted: 9th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Barack Obama Pulls Brad Pitt; Brown Settles For Gail Trimble
Barack Obama Pulls Brad Pitt; Brown Settles For Gail Trimble.
IAIN Martin tells Telegraph readers:
President Obama has been rudeness personified towards Britain this week. His handling of the visit of the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, to Washington was appalling. First Brown wasn’t granted a press conference with flags, then one was hastily arranged in the Oval office after the Brits had to beg.
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Posted: 6th, March 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)
Hairdresser Makes Thong From Brad Pitt’s Hair
ANORAK has featured clothing made from pet hair on these pages before. But there was never a technique for you to harves your pet’s hair and turn it into personal furnishings.
How about a hairy Brad Pitt thong?
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Posted: 26th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Dogging Brad Pitt’s Face As Jolie Shags Dad
BRAD Pitt is getting older. And fan notices. As This Is London reports:
“Brad was enjoying a cocktail and chatting with friends at party when this woman, who was clearly drunk, approached him. She went on and on about how the aging make-up in The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button made him look ugly as a dog’.”
The source went on, “Brad listened politely and explained that the make-up was essential to telling the story properly. The woman finally piped down for a moment, then looked closely at Brad’s face. She then said, And you should definitely shave that goatee because it looks just horrible’, before marching off. Brad’s buddies cracked up laughing.”
Now, who does Brad look like… Find out here.
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Posted: 13th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie Lives With Her Dad Brad
BRAD Pitt (lover to Angelina Jolie) and Jon Voight (father to Angelina Jolie) – compare and contrast…
Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
Lily Allen Watch, With Brad Pitt, Gary Lineker, P Diddy And Amy Winehouse
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top/ most pointless celebrity news stories, with Gary Lineker, P Diddy, Brad Pitt and Amy Winehouse
GARY LINEKER leads the way as a family man — completing his clan with a puppy. The former England striker, 48, took the golden labrador on a Christmas stroll with fiancée DANIELLE BUX, 29 – Gordon Smart, The Sun
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Posted: 27th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Brad and Angelina’s Children Banned From Watching Toy Ads
IN Hello!, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are delivering their Christmas message about how Joseph adopted baby Jesus and didn’t mind that the kid was of a different faith.
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Posted: 23rd, December 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Iraq Rejoices As Angelina Jolie Pregnant With Twins
ANGELINA Jolie is “gearing up for another set of twins”. So says the National Enquirer in “TWINS AGAIN!”
The even better news is that she’s chosen to give birth in Iraq, and that means a no-fly zone over heard, just like in Namibia.
While peaceniks celebrate, the Enquirer tells of “secret fertility treatments”, perhaps manifest in the recent growth sighted on Brad Pitt’s testosterone-fuelled top lip.
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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Zahara Jolie Pitt Has A Twin
ZAHARA Jolie-Pitt, No. 3 on the Jolie-Pitt swatch watch, has a twin.
Can Madonna save her?
Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: Beckham Breakdance, Throttle Cipriani And Pitt Cereal
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top/ most pointless celebrity news stories…
THe Beckhams:
“Cruz, three, showed off his breakdance moves – falling on the floor and swivelling on his bottom” – Martin Phillips, the Sun’s ‘Senior Features Writer’ covers the big news
The Jolie-Pitts
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Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Private Photos Of Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt
WANT to see “PRIVATE PHOTOS” of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt?
Well, here they are on the cover of W magazine.
Shhh! Keep it just between us.
File under: Beyond parody…
Posted: 9th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Brad Pitt Product Places Barack Obama
BRAD Pitt: actor. Barack Obama: politico. Who needs who more?
Product placement…
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Posted: 6th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (3)
