Posts Tagged ‘Britney Spears’
All I Want For Britney Spears Is A New Head
BRITNEY Spears wants all of us to have a Merry Christmas.
We just want her to get her head straight – literally…
Posted: 23rd, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
How TO Wreck The X Factor Final, With Britney Spears
HAVE you heard of the “PLOT TO WRECK X FACTOR FINAL”?
The Star brings news of the daring conspiracy to turn the X Factor TV talent show into a sham contest in which the most complaint singer can win.
The story is illustrated by picture of Britney Spears, the mime artiste who has done more than any other to encourage half-talented, vapid wannabes that they really can make it all the way to the top.
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Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Man Banned From Dressing As Britney Spears Near School Gates
BERETS off to Britney Spears look-alike Peter Trigger, 59, of Farnden Close in Thorplands, Northamptonshire, who has been dressing as a schoolgirl and hanging around near a primary school.
For over a year, Trigger has been outside the gates acing as honey trap to seduce any real perverts and paedos in the area. It is life-long learning in a cloak of childcare.
But some people misunderstand. Police are called. The Beak is summoned and Mr Trigger pushed before him.
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Posted: 7th, December 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (3)
Britney Spears Naked Angelina Jolie 9/11 Joe Swash Charlie Brooker Knob Feast
BRITNEY Spears naked, Miley Cyrus naked, Angelina Jolie naked, Israel vs Palestine naked, Joe Swash, iPhone, 9/11 conspiracy, Facebook, MySpace, and Anthea Turner clothed.
There, that should guarantee this column gets oodles of traffic. Thanks to the Guardian’s Aida Edemariam for using that top search fodder in her piece, words also used in frowning Charlie Brooker’s Guardian feature.
Not that Anorak saw it, having spent the past week searching for “Joe Swash pots Nicola McLean” in Paddick’s pocket; McLean being the only women to be snookered by her chest.
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Posted: 6th, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Britney Spears Show Diana Vickers That Anyone Can Be A Star
X FACTOR agonist Diana Vickers will now open her private photo album for OK! readers and other voyeurs.
Diana is the show’s non-dancing, whispering, shoeless singer, who only ever hits levels audible to non-canines when she stands on a drawing pin or asks viewers to vote for her.
Vickers is in the “Ah – She’s Only Young” age group, which affords singers the right to be utterly devoid of talent but still possessed of hope.
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Posted: 5th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
F*** Me baby One M ore Time: At Home With Britney Spears
GRIM news in the Enquirer that Kevin Federline, aka rapping rodent K-Ferret, has, allegedly, taught he and Britney Spears’ son the “F-WORD!”.
A straw poll of the Anorak typing pool reveals the answer to the question as to what that word might be. The results in order from most likely to least are:
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Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
How To Work Britney Spears Into Your Column, By Peter McKay
PETER McKay is enlivening his moribund Daily Mail column with a big picture of Britney Spears in her fishnets and pants.
After talk of her “train-wreck life, of public meltdowns, drug and alcohol abuse and difficult personal relationships,” he tells us that it’s all “very far removed from girlie pop music of old, isn’t it?” His example? Like Patti Page.
Ah, yes, La Page.
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Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
One Time Hit: Britney Spears Has The X Factor
GREAT news for the X Factor contestants who got to see and smell Britney Spears live and realise that with the right lighting, sound engineers, backing singers, shoes, styling, hair extensions, make-up and hype they can be every bit as good as Britney Spears.
Hey, with the right package and bra, Simon Cowell can be as good as Britney Spears as can any number of the perpetually ovating X Factor crowd, Britney’s driver, Timmy Mallett, Sarah Palin’s turkey and Noel Edmonds.
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Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Britney Spears Can Do Obama
CAN Britney Spears? Yes she can…
How they love him – yeah, him, him, him, him, him, him and him.
Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Britney Spears: Cooler Than A Wasabi Enema
SAYS Britney SPears:
“I’m kind of stuck in this place and I’m like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day….It’s better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way….It’s bad. I’m sad. It’s like Groundhog Day every day. It’s really boring….
We hear you…
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Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: X-Rated Spears, Witherspoon’s Pigs And Pricks
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top celebrity news story…
Reese Witherpsoon
“I HAVE two pigs and boy, are they real pigs! They just get down in that mud and roll around” – Reese Witherspoon, Daily Star
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Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Britney Spears In Paint Job Horror Ding
BREAKING Britney Spears news in the NOTW. Britney is shopping in a shop. Now read on…
The Womanizer star’s driver got caught up in a bumper bashing episode while the singer was shopping in West Hollywood. You can see the incident on our weekly round-up of the hottest news from Hollywood.
Other news:
Angelina Jolie housekeeper road tests new apron
Jennifer Aniston still not pregnant
Pickled Amy Winehouse sold by the jar
Lily Allen’s Tobacconist lights match…
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Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
That Britney Spears Ghalib Sex Tape In Full
READERS may recall the news of the sex tape that Brummie Adnan Ghalib is said to be flogging. Says the former confident of Ms Britney Spears:
“There is no sex tape. I’m extremely upset and taking legal action”.
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Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Manchester City And Prince Harry In For Britney Spears Sex Tape
IT’S a Britney Spears sex tape.
Celebrity sex tape enthusiasts who want to see a mother-of-two having sex with an early-middle-aged Brummie can buy the goods for £5m.
What with the credit crunch, though, only the very few can afford to buy the tape, and it is believed it is being offered first to Manchester City, Prince Harry Baseball Cap and George Soros.
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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Javine Hylton Summons The Celebrity Police Force
JAVINE HYLTON has been arrested by the Celebrity Police Force, reports the Sun.
Javine was arrested after, allegedly, “leaving a foul-mouthed voicemail for her ex-manager”.
Readers may believe that obscene phone calls are Javine’s new work, her singing career having hit the skids since the halcyon days of failing to get a place in Girls Aloud and flashing a nipple (hers) on Eurovision.
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Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Brave Jade Goody Is Sobbing
“I’M IN pain but I won’t tell my boys,” says Jade Goody in the news of the World.
Better, perhaps, Jade’s little pork balls read it themselves, or learn it from one of their classmates whose mum or dad reads the NOTW.
As ever celebrity cancer-victim Jade Goody has an epithet. Having been, “Crack” Jade Goody, “BRAVE Jade Goody,” and “WEEPING Jade Goody”, she now appears as “SOBBING Jade Goody”.
Jade has enjoyed a type of fame for some years now but still the papers resist calling her “TROUBLED Jade Goody”. How she has tried to attain the ultimate qualifier, but it stubbornly remains the preserve of for A-listed like Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse.
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Posted: 21st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
What Britney Spears Sounds Like Naked
THIS is what Britney Spears sounds like naked:
Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
