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Posts Tagged ‘Camilla Duchess of Cornwall’

Tabloids lead with naked women, feuding women, mad women and lesbians

tabloids women

 

Who buys newspapers? Women and men who like looking at women do. Or at least they used to buy them – now they get them for free in supermarkets. Today’s tabloids are curious for the absence of men on the covers. They look like fashion titles, porn mag and women’s weeklies. Across all the tabloids, only the Daily Express features a man on the cover, and he’s Prince Charles, the kind of bloke who never understood what a T-shirt is and grimaces as he attempts to straddle two poles by being both relevant to the hoi polloi and beyond the reach of mere mortals. Charles is on the Express‘ front-page to illustrate how lucrative it is to be a royal. This year the proles are to fund the Queen to the tune of £82.2million, or £1.21 from each of us. That represents “such good value” says the Express. The Express costs 55p.

But the rest all focus on women only.

The Daily Star, the Express‘ fun stablemate, has Eastenders actress Jessie Wallace looking tired and emotional as she “boobs” on a bight out; “Sexy” Emma Willis illustrating the fact that Big Brother, the show she presents, is crap (yes, it is still on); Theresa May signing a deal with the DUP (pronounced D! U! P!) to give the county a working Government; and Meghan Markle, Prince Harry’s current lover, often “nips over to Harry” on a plane.

The Sun leads with claims that “lesbian jailbird” Syndee Offord and “female prison guard” Faron Selvage enjoyed “LESBIAN ROMP BEHIND BRAS”; May’s deal; and the Sun’s “Chest test”, in which Alice Lazar covers her naked breasts in glitter and walks about the streets of London.

The Mirror leads with Theresa May and D!U!P! leader Arlene Foster engaging in a “handshake of shame”. It’s “May’s £1bn Bribe to Crackpots”.

 

 

But the Daily Mail takes the cake. Its cover shows a picture of Princess Diana and Camilla Parker-Bowes, once “Britain’s most hated woman” and now part of the PR camping to make us believe that after Her Majesty leaves the throne the feckless ninnies and knobs who make up her Royal Family will do a decent job of being our betters.

To recap, then: in this enlightened age, the tabloids lead with naked women, sexy women, mad women, women’s primary sexual characteristics, materialistic women and lesbians. We’ve come a long way, baby….

Posted: 27th, June 2017 | In: News, Tabloids | Comment


Jamie Vardy and ‘brassy’ Becky are no classy Charles and Camilla: a Daily Mail hatchet job

Compare and contrast the Daily Mail’s reporting on Becky Nicholson’s wedding to Leicester City and England footballer Jamie Vardy and Camilla Parker Bowles marriage to Prince Charles.

Alison Boschoff and Andy Dolan write on the Becky-Jamie alliance:

The most brazen WAG of all: Three children by three dads. A fling with Peter Andre. No wonder England football hero Jamie Vardy’s parents won’t be at his wedding…

For Vardy’s mother Lisa and stepfather Phil — who has raised him since he was a baby — will not be there because they do not approve of their son’s choice of wife, a glossy, risque brunette named Becky Nicholson…

So, what’s the problem? Well, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Becky, who will be gliding down the aisle in a £5,000 traditional white dress, is anything but a blushing bride. For she has not only been married once before as a teenager, but has also gone on to have two children by two other men….

As is perhaps customary when a high-profile footballer makes it official with a WAG, Hello! magazine will be in attendance, with its sizeable chequebook and security retinue…

Since Jamie’s rise to fame she has kept her colourful mouth shut, except when there is a cheque in it for her.

 

jamie vardy hello

In this week’s tawdry Hello! mag – “Prince Harry is a great guy!”

 

Now enjoy “Charles and Camilla: Married at last“. Charles, who may recalls was cheating on his wife, Princess Diana, with married mum-of-two Camilla. Charles once expressed a desire to be Camilla’s tampon. Cheating Charles, heir apparent and with it a defender of the faith and good morals, had a civil ceremony with Cheating Camilla, and then scored a televised Anglican blessing by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle. Charles’s parents did not attend the marriage ceremony.

Charles and Camilla were in the ancient surroundings of St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, for the service, conducted by the Archbishop of Canterbury in front of more than 700 guests. Earlier they had married in more humble surroundings in the Windsor Register Office, with just 28 guests but without the Queen or the Duke of Edinburgh.

The Duchess of Cornwall changed into a porcelain blue silk dress with hand painted ikat design, hand embroidered with gold thread work, for the blessing of her marriage this afternoon.

The designers’ starting point was the Duchess’s comment that she liked the style of the velvet dress they had designed for her to wear for the gala night at the Royal Opera House…

At the reception, the Duchess wore a court shoe with a soft point toe and a 5.5cm heel in pale grey shot silk…

She carried a small, simple elegant floral bouquet bound with silk from her dress. Auricular flowers in dusty shades of greys and creams with touches of gold had been mixed with clusters of Lily of the Valley both for the scent and the sentiment…

The flowers were cut from English plants later to be grown in the gardens at Highgrove. A sprig of myrtle, representing happy marriage, was sent from a well wisher in Cornwall for the bouquet.

And what colour dress did chaste Camilla wear to that civil wedding to the down-at-heel Prince?

 

Camilla Charles wedding dress

 

Good job Camilla’s not like that Becky. But if she wants to get the “brassy” look, the Mail is here to help her. Below photos of  Becky in her undies – “Blushing bride: Rebekah appeared in a downmarket newspaper modelling ‘wedding lingerie’ (pictured)” – the Mail offers readers the chances to “GET THE LOOK” and “Say ‘I do’ like Becky in bridal lingerie”:

 

BEcky Nicholson wedding

 

It’s not about money, readers. No. It’s about class…

 

Posted: 29th, May 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews, Royal Family, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


I’m A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price Is More Hated Than Baby P’s Mum

katie-price-dumps-alexI’M A Celebrity Watch: I’m A Celebrity’s Katie Price is hated by all, loved by Alex Reid, hated by the entire country and replaced by a bikini…

On last night post-Katie Price show, Anorak began Bikini Watch – keeping a tally of how it was before the big holes left by Katie Price and her Jordans were plugged with other contestants.

After 2.8 seconds, we saw Sabrina Washington in a bikini, followed five seconds later by soon-to-be-ejected Lucy Benjamin (get ‘em while you can), and 11 seconds later then we saw Stuart Manning with his chest out.

At the end of the show, having heard Katie’s flat drawl expwain mi weaons fur leeevin’ ther jungal, there was not enough to for Benjamin to say what a wicked time she’d had.

It’s a good fist at replacing Katie Price, but for the papers it is too little and to, well, little. Though no longer on I’m A Celebrity, Katie Price dominates the tabloid chatter. The news round up:

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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)