England WAGs Caster Semenya Make Over, In Pictures

England WAGs Caster Semenya Make Over, In Pictures

UPDATE: Caster Semenya Has ‘Internal Testes’ And ‘No Womb’

IT was always going to take something huge to push war and Katie Price off the tabloids’ front page, and last night it happened: England qualified for the World Cup finals in South Africa.

Newspapers rejoice. Next summer will be a halcyon time when the news comes to you every day and after a period of 90 minutes plus injury time, full of key facts, exotic names and hate figures.

And there are the WAGS, who we will follow from the moment they pop a boiled sweet into mouths at 30,000ft, through the shops and into the stands to gossip on phones and ask each other what the score is. And watch out for Victoria Beckham’s Caster Semenya makeover.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment

Carly Zucker Is Not A Footballer’s Wife

“CARLY Zucker isn’t most people’s idea of a footballers wife.” So says the Mirror, which spots Zucker, she of the reality TV show and celebrity magazine wedding, now seen showing off her cleavage for a tabloid newspaper article.

Carly Zucker is not most people’s idea of a footballer’s wife – if most people get their ideas of footballer’s wives from reading backcopies of Shoot! football magazine in which footballers always drive Ford Capris, have bubble perms and wives called Ann, who used to be a nurse.

The Mirror is adamant that Zucker is different:

She doesn’t have the bleached blonde mane, false nails and fake tan.

No, the tan looks real enough. This is Zucker who told us:

“I still live a very practical life. If I want something nice like a piece of jewellery I’ll wait and ask for it for my birthday.”

And who now tell us:

Things weren’t just handed to me, I had to work for them or wait for a birthday.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

An Invitation To Join Joe Cole As He Marries Carly Zucker

OK! invites its readers to a Joe Cole and Carly Zucker wedding “special”.

In “Joe Cole scores”, readers can see Cole (smart light grey FA Cup Final-type suit) stood behind Carly Zucker (plain white dress), herself stood behind John Terry, the England captain clad in a sunset yellow suit with what appears to be a bouquet of white roses growing from behind his right eat. In front of John Terry – facing him – is his wife, Toni Terry, dressed in the contents of King Midas’s bottom drawer, the stuff he reserved for when he wanted to dazzle.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Peter Andre “Cheated” On Katie Price

IN Closer magazine, Jordan, aka Katie Price, tells one and all that pop acorn Peter Andre “CHEATED ON ME”.

“He planned to leave me ages ago,” says Jordan. “I should have trapped him with a baby.”

Peter Andre denies the allegations. And there is talk of Jordan “unravelling” – literally. In one phone call, Jordan is said to have yelled at Pete: “You’ve used me and spat me out.”

Well, would you swallow Jordan?

In other Closer news:

Anorak

Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)

Carly Zucker trapped in six-star reality hell

CARLY Zucker may have left the jungle but ‘I’m A Celeb…’ producers have reportedly ignored her tearful requests to fly home and get her hands on fiance Joe Cole’s “buff bod” (her words, not ours).

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, December 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

Carly Zucker’s naked bottom is more interesting than the Champions League

Last night’s Champions League action = meh.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment (1)

Wag The Dog: Carley Zucker Waits For Joe Cole To Stump Up

“IT’S Really, really tough being rich,” says lucky Carly Zucker, Wag to Chelsea and England footballer Joe Cole and Blue Peter garden dweller.

Well, not, that’s not what she said. What she said was:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Nicola McLean’s Optics Illusion To Timmy Mallett’s Little Kilroy-Silk

IN the I’m A Celebrity Jungle “our Nicola” McLean “has still got her boobs out”.

Only she hasn’t. Nicola’s boobs remain restrained in her top waiting for the moment when despair takes root in the celebrity camp and she can uncork out her nipples and dispense a hearty broth (left) and nip of gin (right) to one and all.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Tongue Fisting The I’m A Celebrity Wannabes

A TONGUE twister to limber up your lips on the cover of today’s Daily Star: “I’M A CELEB WAG WAR.”

Take it away I’m A Celeb agonist Esther Rantzen… “I’m A Stheleb Tonth Tvisther.”

Go, go, failed London mayor and ex-gay copper Brian Paddick: “I am a celebratty tonguey fister.”

Now you EastEnders Joe Swash: “OimashlebtungtwistersthOiAmOiIam.”

And so it goes, all the way to Robert Kilory Silk: “I am a tongue shitter.”

No lie: the Star really is 10p cheaper than the Sun and “10 times more fun.”

The Sun can only go on about “Baby P” who died in the care of its “vile” mum and stepdad.

If the Daily Star got its hand on the story, it would be a game of spot the difference between Baby P and Baby M.

So funsters, we turn back to the Star, and learn that miniature Wag Carly Zucker, former Muppet Dani Behr and Friend-Of-Anorak Nicola McLean will be providing more tongue twisters should they and any of the aforesaid Swash, former Blue singer Simon Webbe or Martina Navratilova gel in the dell.

Anorak will be rooting for Our Nicola, who used to play with our patron Old Mr Anorak’s youngest at the Corum Fields drop-in centre, London.

You go, Nicola. And if you see fit to win and want to do good deeds, how’s about returning that pencil your little sister took…

Anorak

Posted: 12th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)