This Morning milks This with premium rate phone comps as Carole Malone looks on

ON ITV’s This Morning “Consumer champion Carole Malone is back”. she will be “fighting rip-off merchants”.

She’ll be “warning you about the premium rate telephone number scam”. Those are the premium rate numbers you can call to claim your prize.

Later on This Morning, viewers can invest well over a £1 in answering puzzlers like:

Buzz Lightyear, Woody and Jessie are characters in which film series?
A. Star Wars
B. Harry Potter
C. Toy Story

Rowan Atkinson played which of the following characters?
a) Mr Blobby
b) Mr Benn
c) Mr Bean

Anorak

Posted: 20th, March 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Carole Malone Says Raoul Moat Facebook ‘Fans’ Will ‘Die In Agony’

CAROLE Malone is ranting about Siobhan O’Dowd, the social media guru who created a popular Facebook tribute page to “Superman” Raoul Moat that got everyone from a beaming tabloid hack, through female vigilantes to the Prime Minister talking. She wants shooting!

Says Malone:

“…Siobhan O’Dowd, the sicko single mum who launched her Facebook page “RIP Raoul Moat – You Legend” has a twisted sense of humour – along with the 38,000 other sickos who are members of her group.”

Carole has not read the group, it seems. Journalists don’t need to do research – they just react. She fails to realise that many of those so-called Moat Maniacs thought Moat was a twat and that O’Dowd wants shooting.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment

Cheryl Cole’s Secret X Factor Gig: Carole Malone Exposes The Truth

CAROLE Malone does the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole and produces a review about a song that has not yet been sung.

Somerset Bob spotted the oddity. And as MacGuffin says:

“In mid-October it was widely trailed that Cheryl Cole was to perform her new single on The X Factor and that she was not going to be singing live (although only some of it appears to have been mimed in the end). Noticing that the show goes out on a Saturday night, Malone fired off her column for the next day’s News of The World. She asked:

‘Why did she mime her new solo single on last night’s X Factor?'”

Anorak

Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Hanging All Footballers For Marlon King’s Crimes, With Carole Malone’s Old Rope

FOOTBALLER Marlon King’s victim – he punched her in the face – wants to show you her face and tell you what a bastard he is. And he is. But Carole Malone wants more. She wants to attack all footballers and football fans.

But you don’t need to look at the picturesm, which are front-page news in the NoTW. You can listen to Emily Carr tell all about the attack.

As King, 29, began an 18-month jail sentence for groping 20-year-old student Emily Carr and punching her in the face, she told for the first time how the £35,000-a-week striker taunted and floored her in the vicious nightclub attack.

It’s a story told in adjectives: “Student Emily”; “vicious nightclub attack”; “horrifying injuries”; “devastated victim”; “horrific moment”…

Our shock pictures reveal the awful aftermath of the beating that left Emily spattered head to toe in blood, her teeth forced through her lip and her nose badly broken – disfigured for life.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (6)

Jade Goody’s Spirit Wants To Smack Jack Tweed?

JACK Tweed, of Jade Goody Industries, is in conversation with whale-voiced Carole Malone, in:

Jack Tweed: I trashed memory of Jade with sex, Red Bull and vodka. His boozing and partying have made him a national disgrace. Now Jack Tweed finally confesses

Finally!

Says Jack: “But I don’t know what else to do. She’s not here to tell me what to do. And she was the only person in the world who could – and who I’d listen to.”

And poof! – Jade is reborn:

Anorak

Posted: 16th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Video Of Virgin Atlantic’s 25th Birthday Celebration

VIRIGN Atlantic’s 25th Birthday Celebration is so crayzee that Richard Branson has called upon Chris Biggins and the New of the World’s seance-voiced columnist Carole Malone to help him celebrate.

America does not deserve them.

Listen out for Malone swallowing her champagne in the First Class lounge as eh opines that Virgin is all about opening up flights to the lower classes.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Money | Comment

Whatever Happened To Karen Matthews’ Other Baby?

SHANNON Watch: Anorak’s looks at Shannon Matthews, Karen Matthews and the greater Matthews clan…

Karen Matthews is guilty of a serious crime: she made columnists look like fools:

BEATRIX CAMPBELL: “Who do we blame?”

Compare and contrast the stories of Shannon Matthews and Madeleine McCann – and what we see is a narrative of nasty class prejudice

Shannon Matthews’ neighbourhood, community and family are poor, lacking in resources, and yet they have spontaneously displayed remarkable resourcefulness – children organised a vigil, adults went out searching for the missing child, community intelligence led the police to her. And once she was found, a party was promised.

Karen Matthews has acted appropriately throughout: she was waiting for Shannon at home; she contacted the police as soon as she had exhausted all the obvious locations.

And yet, our eye is drawn to her poverty, numbers of partners, cans of lager going into her household. Everything about Ms Matthews’ life has been up for scrutiny.

Continues for a few hundred more words…

THE SUN: ‘Let Shannon go please’”

She said Shannon’s disappearance had broken her family apart and told how she cried herself to sleep at night and could not go into her daughter’s bedroom.

She said she accepted police had to carry out criminal checks on members of her family.

DAILY EXPRESS: SHANNON MOTHER MAY BE PREGNANT

THE mother of Shannon Matthews is thought to be pregnant with her eighth child.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (17)

The Columnists Do Baby P: Death, Middle Class Evil And Porn

BABY P Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Baby P in the news…

A child is killed. The child is blonde. The papers have their new cause to shock and sicken…

THE COLUMNISTS:

CAROLE MALONE (Sunday Mirror): “Baby P: They’re ALL guilty”

They. Guilty. Of what crime?

I HAD to force myself to read it. And every sickening, gut-wrenching detail made me want to hunt down the monsters who’d hurt Baby P—or allowed him to be hurt—and hurt THEM.

There’s a Facebook club you can join, Carole…

Never in all my years in this job have I read an account of child cruelty like this one.

Never. Not Jamie Bulger; not Bradely & Hindley; not the case files of paediatricians specialising in child protection?

The Wave Trust charity recently produced a grim list of the most disturbing cases that have followed over the intervening 35 years. Jasmine Lorrington, battered to death at the age of four in 1984; 20-month-old Martin Nicoll, who died of 68 injuries in 1991; Lauren Wright, 6, starved and beaten to death in 2000; two-year-old Ainlee Labonte, ditto, in January 2002; and 21 month old John Gray, who died as a result of 200 injuries, including a ruptured liver, in 2003.

Is Carole looking for a researcher?

I kept seeing them punching him, smacking his head, knocking his teeth down his throat. I kept thinking at what point did his spine snap? How agonising was it? How often did they hurt him? Did this little mite ever feel one moment’s love or happiness?

Imagine…

In my mind’s eye I saw them making him beg like a dog, spinning him round in that chair till he fell off. I imagined his eyes wide with terror, thinking: “No, please, not again.”

Enough! Make it stop…. Maaaaaake it stop, please….

Anorak

Posted: 16th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)