Posts Tagged ‘Celebrities’
Morrissey Fans Searched For Their Meat At Gig
WHILE the big news of the week is the death of Czech painter Zdenek Sykora, one of the first to use computers for geometrical paintings, we’re more interested in meat.
That’s right, Morrissey continues to have his very public nervous breakdown over what people eat, which will hopefully end with the former Smiths frontman naked in a public square, weeping openly as he gorges on dripping burgers and stale fried chicken.
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Posted: 13th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Franco Arrested For Stalking Halle Berry, Despite The Fact She’s Barely Famous These Days
STALKERS! It is fair to say that you’re all completely mental, right? You become obsessed with someone, for pretty much no reason at all. In fact, you don’t even fall in love with the person, rather, an image of them. You may as well have sex with a photocopy and have done with it.
However, what’s even weirder is when people stalk those who are barely famous at all these days. Let us look at Richard Franco who has been arrested for stalking Halle Berry.
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Posted: 12th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Hugh Hefner Says He’s Not Dead – World Still Not Entirely Convinced
PLAYBOY founder and all-round oxygen thief Hugh Hefner has pooh-poohed rumours he’s dead, declaring: “I’m very much alive and kicking!”
However, people are still uncertain and are inundating the heart-broken old coot with requests to poke him with a stick just to see if there’s any movement.
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Posted: 12th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Creepy Taylor Momsen Gets Women To Strip Off While She Gyrates On Stage (Video And Photos)
THERE are people in this world who just can’t get enough attention. They crave it so much that they’re prepared to fling away their dignity just so we take some notice of them. However, in the case of Taylor Momsen – star of Gossip Girl and now treading the sticky floors of various gig pits with The Pretty Reckless – she’s prepared to lose everyone else’s dignity too.
Momsen – who we must remember is a mere SEVENTEEN years old – is rather fond of getting her boobs out in an attempt to shock all concerned. At one show, she got her rack out while her mum was stood in the front row. Was mother dearest egging her on? Seeing as Momsen was a child-star (she was in The Grinch and was very nearly chosen for the lead role in Hannah Montana), there’s a strong chance she’s the kind of pushy mother who will do anything to have fame, vicariously.
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Posted: 11th, July 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Jennifer Aniston In Trouble For Gay Slur: Because Homophobia Is Good Box Office Unlike Racism
UH-OH! Jennifer Aniston is in a bit of trouble at the moment. No, it’s nothing to do with those thousands of episodes of Friends where she nearly had the whole world’s eye out thanks to a lack of bra under her vest, but rather, she’s said a homophobic slur.
Naturally, she’s isn’t some raging gay-basher, but rather, it is something she’s said in character.
Aniston plays a seductive dentist (sigh) called Dr Julia Harris in the new film, Horrible Bosses. In it, she tells her dental assistant:
“You’re starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Cheryl Cole And Simon Cowell Are Going To Kiss And Make-Up
HATE! That’s all that has floated between Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell since the Girls Aloud singer got unceremoniously dumped from X Factor USA. Paula Abdul was in there, stirring the pot and making things worse like some horrific teen-film snide.
Of course, this might not be strictly true. Cheryl may have understood completely and thought “these things happen at work sometimes. C’est la vie.” Are we suggesting that this whole fall-out was a construct of the media? Heaven forfend!
If that’s the case, the story must be running out of juice because now it’s rumoured that the pair are burying the hatchet and going to play nice again after nearly two whole months of cutting ties with each other.
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Simon Cowell Witnesses The Extent Of Paula Abdul’s Lunacy
IT must take a hell of a lot to shock Simon Cowell. He’s worked in the music industry for years and has to deal with Louis Walsh all the time. He’s probably seen horrors that would make a soldier cry. However, he obviously has a limit… and that is Paula Abdul.
It’s said that the music and TV mogul has had to actually ask Abdul to stop “embarrassing” him by ordering her dog a meal and mineral water when they eat together.
That’s right. Paula Abdul gets her stupid chihuahua – Tulip – to sit at the dinner table, and eat with the humans. Of course, the easiest course of action would be to simply throw Tulip onto the nearest griddle and swallow it down in one.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Gwyneth Paltrow Says Marriage ‘Isn’t Perfect’ While Pointing At Stupid Chris Martin
SURPRISE! Being married to Coldplay’s Chris Martin isn’t all its cracked up to be! For starters, just imagine him walking around the house singing to himself. You’d either cut your ears off with pinking shears or take a screwdriver to this throat.
Of course, it isn’t that one-sided. Imagine the horror of having to deal with Gwyneth Paltrow crying every time she accepts absolutely anything from anyone, welling up and preparing teary speeches when offered a brew or whatever.
And so, it isn’t a surprise that Gwyneth says her marriage to Chris Martin isn’t as wonderful as wonderful can be, saying “it’s not perfect”.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
One Of The Kardashians Gets Called A Nasty Name In The Street By A Drunk, Which Is Fun
LOOKING at the Kardashian sisters, it isn’t easy to tell which one is which. They’re all kinda identikit women with the same haircut, the same dress sense, same initials and a penchant for galling attention seeking. Basically, the only way to tell them apart is to grade them by sexual attraction, varying from ‘okay’ to ‘get back to me at the end of the evening’.
Kourtney Kardashian is somewhere between the two poles, being the sister that isn’t as famous as Kim, but certainly not as unattractive as Khloe.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Charlize Theron Thinks That Marriage Is For Idiots
MARRIAGE? That’s for idiots. Why on Earth would anyone want to get something as precious and fragile as love and get the government and church involved? You’re just asking for trouble. And Charlize Theron agrees.
The actress thinks that long-term commitment, not marriage, is the priority for her in a relationship. She can afford stupid rings and is the centre of attention wherever she goes, so sod dressing up like a meringue and throwing a party that is, essentially, the same as a funeral, but the star of the show actually gets to enjoy the post-gig drink.
Theron says:
“I really want for myself a long-term relationship, and I have been in long-term relationships. That’s the kind of union that I want. The actual ceremony is not something that is important to me, but I see the importance for other people.”
“I treat my relationships like marriages, I really do. [Marriage was] “never something that was important.”
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Aaron Carter Says That Michael Jackson ‘Gave Me Cocaine’
REMEMBER Aaron Carter? Of course you don’t. He’s a nobody. He’s a failure from Dancing With the Stars, the brother of a Backstreet Boy and once released a bunch of awful, awful cover versions in the hope of becoming a baby sensation like Justin Bieber.
These days, he’s just a thing with muscles that occupies perfectly good space.
That said, Carter was once in the affections of Michael Jackson, which is nice and innocent isn’t it?
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Harrison Ford Thinks Shia LaBeouf Is A ‘F**king Idiot’
WHEN Han Solo speaks, the world better listen. And Harrison Ford is serving up some truth pie as he points out that Shia LaBeouf is a ”f**king idiot”.
Now, apart from the fact it is quite obvious that Shia is a monumental berk, what prompted the Bladerunner star to say such a thing?
Well, it appears that Indiana Jones isn’t happy that LaBeouf said that he had ”dropped the ball” while filming Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Aged Princess Diana Appears With Duchess Catherine On Newsweek’s Magazine Cover: Photos
QUEEN of our hearts, Princess Diana, appears on the latest issue of Newsweek, photoshopped together with Duchess Catherine. That’d be Kate Middleton to you, who is waltzing around with one of Diana’s rings on. Anyway, the thought of the two together isn’t that strange as Diana would’ve been Middleton’s mother-in-law had she not careered into the inside of a Paris tunnel.
However, what is causing a kerfuffle is the fact that Newsweek have ‘shopped Diana’s image so it looks old. It would appear that whoever did the hatchet job hasn’t ever seen a 50 year old woman before, making Diana look like a regal Mumm-Ra.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Charlie Sheen To Die Painful, Horrible Death Now That He’s Newly Single
TIGER BLOOD! That’s right, the meme-on-legs that is Charlie Sheen is of very little currency to us all now that he’s a crashing borebag. Months ago, when he was thrashing a knife around, punching furniture, tooting drugs and trying to have sex with everyone, he was fun (in a Watching Someone Nearly Die In A Formula One Crash Way).
Now, he’s tedious.
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Posted: 28th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kim Kardashian Would Like You To Glare At The Insides Of Her Bum Please
HAVE you heard the one… well, two about Kim Kardashian having implants in her buttocks to make it more, y’know, buttocky? That’s the rumour that has dogged Kim K for years now, and so, to prove she’s in possession of a completely real arse, she’s x-rayed it and shared it with the world.
As a dare from her sisters Khloe and Kourtney (who, collectively, are less famous that the very arse-cheeks they were displaying to the world) the soon-to-married star of no fixed talent got someone to photograph the inside of her backside in an attempt prove people who don’t believe in Kim’s bum wrong.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Bieber’s Heavies Think They’re Above The Law In ‘Misunderstanding’
GYRATING period, Justin Bieber, has caused a near riot before setting his dastardly henchmen on the cops. Yep, you heard. Bieber is some kind of lunatic who thinks he’s above such small things as the law.
You see, what happened was Justin Bieber was launching his women’s fragrance (us neither. He’s also got a range of lady nail varnish out as well. Next week, Bieber sanitary towels) at Macy’s in New York City and it all went off. In the rumpus, Bieber was knocked to the ground, which made at least three people laugh.
Naturally, Bieber couldn’t just wave at his dangerous, death-threat sending fans from afar… he had to go and stir them up like a madman feeding hot screws to his rabid pitbull. The pint-sized singer deviated from previously agreed route he was supposed to take, making a man jump the barricade to help the hairless wonderboy.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
La Toya Jackson Claims That Michael Was Murdered Like A Mad Conspiracy Theorist (Photos)
MURDER! That’s what Officer La Toya Jackson is crying at the moment about the untimely passing of her very dead brother, Michael Jackson.
What would make her say such a thing? A quest for the truth? Or is it to promote her new new autobiography, ‘Starting Over’? We don’t need to answer that do we? So what is La Toya ‘David Icke’ Jackson claiming then? Bizarrely, she seems to be suggesting that he was murdered for his music catalogue.
La Toya says that Michael feared that there were people who wanted him dead so they could steal his music estate.
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Posted: 21st, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Barely Known Actor From Green Mile Gains Notoriety For Being 51 And Marrying 16 Year Old Beauty Queen
YOU may not know the name Doug Hutchison and indeed, may look at his face and think ‘Uh… maybe… was he in… wait… no… that’s someone else. Go on, what has he done?’ Well, if by ‘done’ you mean ‘roles as an actor’, then he was in The Green Mile and Lost.
However, if you mean ‘done’, as in, ‘gone and married a 16 year old beauty queen’, then Doug is your man! You see, he’s gone all Jerry Lee Lewis and decided to hitch up with someone he legally can’t have sex with in loads of US States.
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Posted: 21st, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Stella Mouzi Photos: Gibson Isn’t Racist Or Woman-Hating Because He Has A New Not-White Girlfriend, So There
OKAY, Mel Gibson may well have dropped the N-bomb on his ex whilst wishing a raping on her and, yeah, he may have come across rather Anti-Semitic that time… and yes, fair enough, he may well have looked like a woman loathing lunatic when he confessed to slapping Oksana Grigorieva in a police report, but you’ve got it all wrong.
See, the beaver-handed maniac has a new girlfriend. Who gets a girlfriend if they hate women? And she’s not all-American either. She’s a Greek gothic model called Stella Mouzi. So he can’t be racist can he?
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Ryan Dunn, of Jackass, Dead at 34
URGH. This is rubbish news to relay. The most likeable of the Jackass crew, Ryan Dunn, has died in a car crash in Pennsylvania early this morning, according to reports.
The story was confirmed with Bam Margera’s mother, Bam of course, being Dunn’s cousin and Jackass colleague.
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sean Bean Gets Stabbed Outside Pub In Row Over His Bird, Which Is So Very Northern
LORD of the Rings star Sean Bean (pronounced Shaun Baun) has been stabbed. No really. He’s been stabbed with some glass by a man who intended to stab him with some glass. This isn’t one of those misleading stories where you’re vaguely told something and it transpires that you were being lead up the garden path.
Bean was involved in something of a scuffle outside a North London pub at the weekend. Sean was smoking a fag (not a euphemism) with his chum April Summers. She’s an ‘adult actress’ and many suspect that she’s the new beau of Bean after he got a divorce from his wife not too long ago.
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Posted: 15th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Soulja Boy Was Hacked When He Did A Racist All Over The Facebook Gays
DESPITE the fact Soulja Boy can’t even hold the vaguest of notes while performing his odd, skewed take on rap-pop, he became something of a sensation. He got his swag on and everyone else forgot to utilise the primary function of their ears.
Soulja Boy, for those half a dozen people who still care, is also famous for getting involved in numerous ‘beefs’… that doesn’t mean he’s opened up a kitchen, rather, he likes slagging people off. And the latest people to face his ire are The Gays and Whitey.
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Posted: 14th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Selena Gomez Gets A ‘Being Brave’ Sticker In Children’s Hospital: Bieber Fans Pray For Her Death
DID you hear about Selena Gomez being rushed to hospital suffering from feeling pukous and having a eye-melting headache? Are you a demented Bieber fan who has been sending death-threats, cheering that she might die and that, in fact, your little voodoo doll actually worked?
Good for you. You must be thrilled, despite the fact Bieber still won’t ever take his miniature arousal anywhere near you because you’d inevitably kill his lust by constantly screaming at him.
Anyway, Gomez, has been getting lots of medical attention and it is thought that she has a combination of food poisoning and exhaustion. Everyone is looking at Beliebers as potential poisoners.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Justin Bieber And Chris Brown Team Up To Really Hate Women Together
TOGETHER, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber have an amazing loathing for womankind. Sure, they may croon their paeans to the boobier sex, but they both quite obviously loathe them.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Rihanna ‘Gropes’ Underage Fan And Parent Goes Mental: Photos
RIHANNA was once a really enjoyable pop-star. Now, she’s a controversy-machine, continually setting out to shock people without letting up, leaving everyone a little tired of the whole thing thanks to overkill.
And now, she’s outraged a mother by apparently ‘groping’ one of her fans who is underage. Of course, ‘underage’ implies that Rihanna groped the fan up her front-garden or something, which clearly isn’t the case or the headline would read ‘Rihanna Rapes Child’. Which she didn’t.
The photos, posted online at MediaTakeOut.com have been complained about by the girl in question’s family, which is invariably the source of great embarrassment to a teenage girl, now set for a life of bullying from her peers, thanks to her Auntie shooting her mouth off like a weird homophobe.
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