Posts Tagged ‘Celebrities’
Hayden Panettiere Chillingly Tells Everyone About Her Dad Making Her Scream As A Child
HAYDEN Panettiere will be required to do a lot of screaming in the new Scream flick, unless of course, she gets bumped off early doors like Drew Barrymore did in the first of the franchise.
And weirdly, she’s decided to come clean about how she got so good at screaming in the first place – her father used to make her shriek, repeatedly, when she was small.
So how did he do this?
One can only assume that he mastered the art of springing out at her from behind doors and doing his best to strangle her to death or, indeed, spend balmy sunny afternoons tying her up and inserting art scalpels into the beds of her fingernails.
Right? That’s the logical thing to think, isn’t it?
Of course it isn’t you sick pervert. The truth of the matter is that Hayden’s father is an immensely paranoid man who was constantly in fear of something terrible happening to his future pension.
“I’m a fireman’s daughter and he always taught me, because I’m such a small girl, that you always have to look like you have somewhere to be and someone’s gonna miss you if you (don’t) get there.”
“He used to tell me all the time when I went to the mall with my friends, ‘What do you do if somebody comes up and grabs you?’ He taught me to scream, ‘You’re not my daddy, you’re not my daddy’.
This is perfectly normal isn’t it? Nothing wrong here.
“So I had a lot of practice screaming, ‘You’re not my daddy’. Now it just sounds wrong. But I’m pretty good at screaming.”
So there you have it. Parents are all clearly imbeciles.
Israeli Prime Minister Hates Justin Bieber Or Something
JUSTIN Bieber has slowly been revealing himself as a little superbrat. An impressive feat seeing as he’s only a matter of minutes old, still dripping in amniotic juices and placental gunk.
Rumour has it that, despite not having grown a proper set of finger nails yet, the pint sized popstar is already cheating on his celebrity girlfriend, Selena Gomez, and has been caught flipping the bird at the paparazzi after they took his picture repeatedly (not that he likes the attention and the riches and privilege that comes with being someone in the public consciousness constantly).
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Mariah Carey Is Stupid Because She Thinks Her Unborn Twins Have Different Personalities
IT must be slowly dawning on Mariah Carey that she’s not the only person on Earth who has ever had a baby. As each new stretch mark appears on her drum-taut stomach and each haemorrhoid pings like popcorn from her anus, her sheer will to make this whole pointless event special grows and grows.
Fact is, her new children are just another pair of things to occupy some vital space on our failing planet. They’re guaranteed to grow-up to be disappointing adults, drunk on their own sense of self worth and ultimately jaded at the prospect that they’re just things that live to ultimately die without ever achieving anything remotely great in their lives.
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Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Vanessa Hudgens Defends Her Skimpy Outfits In Sucker Punch
GOOD lord! Hollywood hasn’t got a history of using women as sex objects in movies… until now that is! See, the shock and scandal is that, in new action flick – Sucker Punch – Vanessa Hudgens and her costars all parade around in very little clothing and it has people all in a tizz!
In the film, onanists will be able to enjoy the bodies of Hudgens, Abbie Cornish, Emily Browning and more, all charging around in tiny slips of material. Of course, this has never happened before in the history of film.
As such, Variety were absolutely correct to gripe that this movie is nothing more than “fantasy fodder for 13-year-old guys” and that the assembled ladies are sporting nothing more than “demeaning fetish gear”.
Cor. Demeaning fetish gear eh? PHWOAR. The cinemas could well set ablaze with the friction from young men rubbing their thighs too furiously.
But whatever. Hudgens doesn’t agree with these mewing Mary Whitehouse sorts.
“I was in the best shape of my life, so why not? The woman’s body is a beautiful thing. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t, like, be our best in our costumes.”
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Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Thieves Wisely Pawned Off What They Stole From Paris Hilton
THIEVES may not have been very attentive at school but they’re not daft. Think about it – when you’re locked out of your house, instead of finding inventive ways in, you stand there staring at your dying battery symbol with all the futility of an ice-pop in an inferno, pacing around and worrying about looking like a dodgy swinebrained git.
In the time it takes you to wonder what you can lob through a window, a good burglar will have sneaked in, stolen your identity and killed your beloved dog before the alarm even kicked in.
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Coco Pops Sales Plummet As Jedward’s Stupid Faces Adorn Box
COCO Pops are the cereal of the cheeky monkey child. Coco The Monkey has always embodied that vague notion of wacky rebellion, essentially being the spokessimian for those sticking two fingers up at those who say you can’t eat chocolate for your breakfast.
Of course, adults like to secretly gorge on Coco Pops even though they tell everyone in the office that they eat boring things like muesli and that most hideous of constructs, the ‘graze box’.
However, that’s all about to change as Kellogg’s have done something so incredibly stupid that we’ll probably see the end of Coco Pops existing as a thing.
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Charlie Sheen Wants Mila Kunis Whether She Likes It Or Not (Photos)
CHARLIE Sheen, the stumbling, mumbling meme, should enjoy his brief renewal of fame – mainly because it is clearly going to end quickly and painfully. When he was on drugs, he was great fun. Like children round a dead dog, we thrilled as we poked him with a stick, dry-heaving at each deathly breath that came our way.
Then he went and spoiled it all by becoming self-aware. Tiger blood, it would seem, can convince a man that he’s actually of some importance to the world, when really, all we wanted was a tragic clown.
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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Jay Z Loses His Mind And Becomes Fan Of Kerry Katona
JAY-Z, for the most part, is a man you can trust. He’s given the world a frightening amount of great hip hop records, shared fine artists like Rihanna via his record label and, of course, he’s married to Beyonce which shows he has impeccable taste in the female form.
Or does he? You see, J-Hova has clearly lost his bap as he’s apparently come forward as a fan of Kerry Katona.
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Posted: 6th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Victoria Beckham Tackles Grief Head-On After Pram Tragedy
OUR world is a frightening and relentlessly cruel place. Each time a decent and talented person like Victoria Beckham tries to take one step forward in this crushing, unloving planet of ours, there’s something unimaginably horrible to make her inconsolable with grief, making her question her will to stay alive.
The latest tragedy to befall Posh will leave you, dear reader, with a palpable sense of injustice in the world.
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Posted: 6th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (12)
Plan B Would Like To Do A Comedy TV Show
IF his preposterous pop-rap career wasn’t comedic enough, Plan B would apparently love to star in a comedy show on the television! Imagine the japes he could get up to! Telling his hilarious stories about selling a bit of weed way back when and ‘conquering soul music’! Haw haw!
Apparently, Plan B (real name Clarence Glans Thimbleberry III) would only do it… not that anyone has shown the vaguest bit of interest in giving him his own show… if he could showcase his ”sick” humour.
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Celebrities Then And Now: A Gallery Of Changing Faces
IN this gallery Anorak looks at what happened to teenage stars, sex symbols and celebrities who allowed age to catch up with them. Lindsay Lohan was once a bright-eyed child starlet. Now, she’s a glassy-eyed young adult famous for her media output. What lies in store for the aged star?
Posted: 24th, May 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
The Big List Of Real Names Of Celebrities
REAL names of celebrities:
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Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
