Posts Tagged ‘celebrity gossip’
Aaron Carter Says That Michael Jackson ‘Gave Me Cocaine’
REMEMBER Aaron Carter? Of course you don’t. He’s a nobody. He’s a failure from Dancing With the Stars, the brother of a Backstreet Boy and once released a bunch of awful, awful cover versions in the hope of becoming a baby sensation like Justin Bieber.
These days, he’s just a thing with muscles that occupies perfectly good space.
That said, Carter was once in the affections of Michael Jackson, which is nice and innocent isn’t it?
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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Aged Princess Diana Appears With Duchess Catherine On Newsweek’s Magazine Cover: Photos
QUEEN of our hearts, Princess Diana, appears on the latest issue of Newsweek, photoshopped together with Duchess Catherine. That’d be Kate Middleton to you, who is waltzing around with one of Diana’s rings on. Anyway, the thought of the two together isn’t that strange as Diana would’ve been Middleton’s mother-in-law had she not careered into the inside of a Paris tunnel.
However, what is causing a kerfuffle is the fact that Newsweek have ‘shopped Diana’s image so it looks old. It would appear that whoever did the hatchet job hasn’t ever seen a 50 year old woman before, making Diana look like a regal Mumm-Ra.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Bieber’s Heavies Think They’re Above The Law In ‘Misunderstanding’
GYRATING period, Justin Bieber, has caused a near riot before setting his dastardly henchmen on the cops. Yep, you heard. Bieber is some kind of lunatic who thinks he’s above such small things as the law.
You see, what happened was Justin Bieber was launching his women’s fragrance (us neither. He’s also got a range of lady nail varnish out as well. Next week, Bieber sanitary towels) at Macy’s in New York City and it all went off. In the rumpus, Bieber was knocked to the ground, which made at least three people laugh.
Naturally, Bieber couldn’t just wave at his dangerous, death-threat sending fans from afar… he had to go and stir them up like a madman feeding hot screws to his rabid pitbull. The pint-sized singer deviated from previously agreed route he was supposed to take, making a man jump the barricade to help the hairless wonderboy.
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Posted: 24th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Vegetarian And Contrarian Morrissey Likes Lady GaGa’s Meat Dress
MORRISSEY is, as you may have guessed by his constant bleating, a vegetarian. He’s so staunchly vegetarian that he actually makes people decided to eat only meat, just on the off-chance it could irritate him. Constant haranguing never stopped people from doing what they do, rather, only provokes them to do more as an act of snidery.
Mozza has, in the past, walked out on shows because the smell of festival burger vans was making him feel sick, which is a bit rich when you consider that the overriding smell of a festival is faeces and badly rolled joints.
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Posted: 22nd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (2)
Stella Mouzi Photos: Gibson Isn’t Racist Or Woman-Hating Because He Has A New Not-White Girlfriend, So There
OKAY, Mel Gibson may well have dropped the N-bomb on his ex whilst wishing a raping on her and, yeah, he may have come across rather Anti-Semitic that time… and yes, fair enough, he may well have looked like a woman loathing lunatic when he confessed to slapping Oksana Grigorieva in a police report, but you’ve got it all wrong.
See, the beaver-handed maniac has a new girlfriend. Who gets a girlfriend if they hate women? And she’s not all-American either. She’s a Greek gothic model called Stella Mouzi. So he can’t be racist can he?
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Crystal Harris Dumped Hef Over Other Women, Remarkably
IMAGINE the shock that rocked Crystal Harris’ mind when she discovered that Hugh Hefner – a man world famous for being surrounded by scantily clad women 24/7 in the Playboy Mansion, as well as founding a magazine that is also filled with naked gals – had other women in his life.
Harris, a professional derober herself, said that she “didn’t feel comfortable” knowing Hefner had these other women knocking around.
Seriously. She only realised this when they were on the brink of marriage. Amazing.
Apparently, Crystal had second thoughts about the whole Getting Hitched To Mumm-Ra thing because of issues surrounding monogamy and only said yes to his marriage proposal because he asked with a crew of cameramen. Monogamy issues! Here, we have a man who only has one erection left in his life because the sudden movement of blood will almost certainly kill him.
She told US TV show Entertainment Tonight:
“I wasn’t the only woman in Hef’s life. I didn’t feel comfortable in my heart knowing that and getting married to him, because a marriage is between two people. That’s not what our relationship was.
“It happened so fast. Hef asked me to marry him in front of three cameras and a photographer. I thought it was something I wanted.”
Meanwhile, Hugh, currently the same age as the Great Pyramids in Cairo, has been getting over his heartbreak by watching romcoms at the Playboy mansion with the other Playmates living there.
It’s depressing isn’t it?
Meanwhile, Hugh’s ex, Kendra Wilkinson, thinks the smut mogul needs “time to breathe” after the break-down of his nearly-marriage.
She said:
“I’m leaving him alone right now. He needs time to breathe and grieve. Obviously I feel really bad for him and the situation.”
She then presumably walked away into the night, laughing her tits off at his misfortune.
Claire Sinclair Photos: Playboy’s Playmate Of The Year
Hugh Hefner On Dead Fish, Bunny Tales And Urine : Photos
Carol Needham On Playboy And Page 3: How A Legend Was Made
Every Single Playboy Photo Ever Published: Kelly Brook To Marilyn Monroe
MUST READ: What’s It REALLY Like To Have Sex With Hugh Hefner?
Karissa And Kristina Shannon’s Naked Playboy Pictures
Henfer And The Shannon Twins: Putting The Jail In Jailbait
Hope Dworaczyk Is Playboy’s 3D Centrefold: Pictures (NSFW)
Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Christina Hendricks Is Literally Smoking Hot As She Sets Herself On Fire
THERE has been a by-law passed that you absolutely MUST fancy Christina Hendricks from Mad Men. Not necessarily fancy her all the time, but rather, fancy her when she’s in her Mad Men clothes. If you’re a woman who doesn’t fancy women, then you must, by law, appreciate the fact she has those ubiquitous ‘curves’.
You must. Or face the death penalty.
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Justin Timberlake Is A Filthy Dope Fiend Who Likes Sticking Drugs Up Himself
SEXY back? Justin Timberlake is more likely to be indulging in blow-backs after he admitted that he “absolutely” smokes marijuana.
So there you go. Timberlake is nothing but a wretched stoner who is wheeling out the same ol’ line of ‘it helps me to switch off and relax’. Aye, and eat two thousand packets of Cheetos while giggling at monkey’s pissing in their own mouths in YouTube videos.
He said:
“The only thing pot does for me is it gets me to stop thinking. Sometimes I have a brain that needs to be turned off. Some people are just better high.”
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Selena Gomez Gets A ‘Being Brave’ Sticker In Children’s Hospital: Bieber Fans Pray For Her Death
DID you hear about Selena Gomez being rushed to hospital suffering from feeling pukous and having a eye-melting headache? Are you a demented Bieber fan who has been sending death-threats, cheering that she might die and that, in fact, your little voodoo doll actually worked?
Good for you. You must be thrilled, despite the fact Bieber still won’t ever take his miniature arousal anywhere near you because you’d inevitably kill his lust by constantly screaming at him.
Anyway, Gomez, has been getting lots of medical attention and it is thought that she has a combination of food poisoning and exhaustion. Everyone is looking at Beliebers as potential poisoners.
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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Rihanna ‘Gropes’ Underage Fan And Parent Goes Mental: Photos
RIHANNA was once a really enjoyable pop-star. Now, she’s a controversy-machine, continually setting out to shock people without letting up, leaving everyone a little tired of the whole thing thanks to overkill.
And now, she’s outraged a mother by apparently ‘groping’ one of her fans who is underage. Of course, ‘underage’ implies that Rihanna groped the fan up her front-garden or something, which clearly isn’t the case or the headline would read ‘Rihanna Rapes Child’. Which she didn’t.
The photos, posted online at MediaTakeOut.com have been complained about by the girl in question’s family, which is invariably the source of great embarrassment to a teenage girl, now set for a life of bullying from her peers, thanks to her Auntie shooting her mouth off like a weird homophobe.
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Kim Kardashian Had An ‘Affair’ With Someone You Haven’t Heard Of: Launches Perfume
MYSTIFYINGLY famous Kim Kardashian (she’s the Kardashian sister who had a sex tape online if you can’t tell them apart) is getting married soon, which is obviously wonderful news for all of us adoring fans. She’ll be looking at her vast piles of money and wondering how she’s going to spend it on her special day – unlikely to be her last ‘special day’ in fairness.
She’s blissfully in love with some chap called Kris Humphries, who is some kind of American sports personality, thereby, completely unheard of outside of the United States of America.
What could possibly go wrong?
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Posted: 9th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Carol Voderman Wins Rear Of The Year Ahead Of Pippa Middleton’s All Encompassing Bum
DEBT selling number cruncher and policy-advertiser Carol Vorderman has won Rear Of The Year.
The odd thing about this vote is that pretty much no-one has mentioned Voderman since her carcrash appearance on Question Time when she revealed herself to be a mean-spirited, vinegar-faced harridan, provoking thousands of viewers to puke into their hands the second she started talking. About anything. At all.
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Posted: 8th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Simon Cowell Vomited Into His Hand At Ronan Parke Fix Claims
EMOTIONLESS Simon Cowell may seem, but there’s nothing wrong with his gut, as he produced enough bile to feel physically ill as claims of ‘FIX‘ swirled around him concerning warbling foetus, Ronan Parke.
That’s right. The desperately nauseous mogul felt ‘‘sick to the stomach” when an article claimed that 12-year-old Parke had already been earmarked as a winner for the wearisome Britain’s Got Talent – a show that also featured more than one elderly lady performing an erotic dance routine with some dogs.
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Posted: 8th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Noel Gallagher Wants Liam To Come And Ruin A Perfectly Good Wedding
WARRING siblings, Liam and Noel Gallagher, haven’t seen eye-to-beady-eye since they collectively knocked Oasis on the head. A welcome relief for anyone with ears and at least one brain cell.
And thanks largely to the current crop of indie poppers all being dullards in tight, bollock-rupturing jeans, people still look to these bickering feather-cut headed has-beens for something to write about. With Noel getting married to Who Cares?, thoughts go to the fact that when families get together at a wedding, reunions can sometimes end in fistfights on the car park.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Wife Laughs, Then Probably Cries, In The Face Of Reconciliation
BICEP brained Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably sat somewhere on his own right now, silently weeping over photographs of his family that he destroyed when he forgot to put a condom on while entering his maid and then keeping the resultant child a secret for a decade or so.
He’s probably sent texts to Maria Shriver, his soon-to-be-ex who will take him to the financial cleaners, saying ‘I can change’, which are clearly very funny if you read them aloud in his voice.
Arnold Schwarzenegger And Mildred Patricia Baena’s Love Child Photos
However, Maria is not interested, making it abundantly clear that there’s absolutely no chance of her giving their marriage another try.
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Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Pink Has A Baby Girl On Twitter: Willow Sage Hart Photos
PINK has always defined herself by what she’s isn’t. She’s not some stupid girl, she’s not shallow, she’s not like ‘them’, she’s ‘fragile’, she’s… well… incredibly ordinary if the truth be told.
You see, while passing herself off as this outsider who managed to win over the mainstream, she’s actually just like every other singer out there who thinks that her personal life is in some way special to us all. She’s told everyone about her sexuality, her break-ups and rows and now we’re going to hear aaaalll about her new baby girl, which was planted in Pink’s womb by husband Carey Hart.
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Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: Music | Comments (18)
Rihanna Shoots A Rapist Dead
POP music has always traded on sex and shock to shift units. Elvis Presley used to gyrate like a man in the bath with a two-bar heater and Madonna made a whole book dedicated to making sheltered people gasp in astonishment (the rest of us were just sickened at the appearance of a shirtless Vanilla Ice).
And so, it isn’t really surprising when a new pop-star comes along and starts talking about taboo things. And, lately, Rihanna has been ramping things up. She made a record called S&M, which saw her talking about how much whips and chains excited her… and now she’s going to kill a rapist on our televisions.
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Teen Singing ‘Throb, Sean Kingston, Critical After Tackling Bridge On Jetski With Head
ADULTS may not be familiar with the name Sean Kingston, but the rampant childbots of the internet are. They love him. They love him a bit like they love Justin Bieber, but not as much because Bieber is much thinner and whiter than Sean Kingston.
Either way, he capture the hearts of youngsters with his hit, ‘Beautiful Girls’, where the junior crooner declared that they made him feel “suicidal“, which is peculiar for a young man with all that life of beautiful girls ahead of him.
However, here comes the awkward twist. See, Kingston is in a critical condition after crashing his jet ski into a Miami Beach bridge. Sean and a female passenger were injured when they careered into the Palm Island Bridge over the weekend.
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Quite Obvious Former Smackhead, Bob Dylan, Admits He Used To Take Heroin
TAKE one look at Bob Dylan – who just happens to be celebrating his 70th birthday tomorrow, despite looking and sounding like a 70 year old since around 1964 – and you think, there’s a man who used to like bags of heroin disappearing up his puny arms.
Even the photographs of him in his youth look like he was a smackhead. Of course he was! Just about every singer in the ’60s and ’70s was strung out on the horse at some point!
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Posted: 23rd, May 2011 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Peter Andre Won’t Be Dating You Famous Women, So You Can Breathe Easy
DESPITE barely registering on most people’s scale of celebrity, Peter Andre has an almost charming delusion that he’s a big deal. He takes his music very seriously (no, honestly he does – if he was any more earnest, he’d be a good replacement for the Montell Williams Show) and is very, very keen to remind us all what a good parent he is.
Not that anyone cares about his stupid offspring.
And now, for reasons unclear, Pete wants to inform us all that he won’t be dating women who are in the public eye anymore. Is that because they don’t tend to recognise him?
“I always thought they should understand your job, but given the option now I would like to stay away from dating anyone in the industry.”
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Posted: 22nd, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Tale Of Jane Fonda, Her $55k False Teeth And Her Sex Life
WHEN you think of Jane Fonda, you may well think about her as an actress or fitness instructor or, indeed, something of a political activist (probably the coolest looking political activist ever, granted).
However, you can now think of her as having the most expensive gnashers in Hollywood as reports break out to much antipathy that the star has pooh-poohed the idea of splashing her riches on things like cars in favour having $55,000’s worth of false teeth in her face.
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Posted: 20th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Imogen Thomas: Blackmailer Or Not?
THIS writer has been warned away from a number of stories thanks to the ubiquitous super injunction. Kinda irritating when you meet the celebrity in question and have to stand there with a big shit-eating grin on your face, coupled with whitened knuckles of frustration.
One super injunction that seems to have a whole bunch of names attached to it regardless is the one involving Imogen Thomas, who you may remember as being ‘Her Off Big Brother 7 Who Had The World’s Most Listless Sex Tape Leaked’.
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Posted: 17th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Is Cheryl Cole Dating Steve Jones In Moist Publicity Stunt?
SINCE Cheryl Cole split with that dastardly greed-monger, Ashley Cole, she’s been somewhat billed as some kind of forlorn, sexless damsel, just looking for anyone, ANYONE to make her happy.
Of course, there were rumours that she was bumping her uglies with Derek Hough, but no-one can fully embrace the notion that he’s straight, so that didn’t run like it may’ve. There’s also will.i.am, but no-one honestly believes that he has any genitalia at all.
And so, while Cheryl is away backcombing her hair in America, and feeling all homesick, she’s apparently bunked-up with X Factor USA host, Steve Jones. That’s right. Steve Jones. Former T4 presenter and man so handsome that he makes armchairs aroused.
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Posted: 17th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Charlie Sheen Not Happy About Ashton Kutcher Replacing Him, Which Is A Massive Surprise
REMEMBER us telling you that Ashton Kutcher was to replace Charlie Sheen on Two And A Half Men? Do you recall that rising tide of ambivalence toward the whole story in your gut as you wondered why anyone would want to know should tawdry details about a show that no-one outside of America is stupid enough to watch?
Well, in what is devastatingly surprising news, Charlie Sheen wants to say something about it all.
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Posted: 16th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Charlie Sheen To Be Replaced By Ashton Kutcher To Make Two And A Half Men Most Loathesome Sitcom Ever
YOU may have thought that Two and a Half Men was pretty irritating when Charlie Sheen was in it. It was remarkable that Sheen somehow managed to become even more galling when he acrimoniously quit the show and spent his time coming up with personal memes, haranguing adult actresses, making women cry in cupboards, punching chandeliers and hoovering up suitcases of coke… and generally looking more hallowed out than the inside of a Shredded Wheat bisk.
Well, the makers of the dreadful sitcom have performed an impossible trick by finding the one man who walks this godforsaken planet who is more irritating than Sheen himself. And without the use of drugs.
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Posted: 13th, May 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
