celebrity police force | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘celebrity police force’

In Pictures: Lindsay Lohan Goes Down For 90 Days – Escapes Parental House Arrest

LINDSAY Lohan has been jailed for 90 days. The Celebrity Police Force always gets its photo of cops with stars for the canteen wall.

Lohan has been jailed for violating the terms of her probation over a 2007 drink-drive charge – she missed seven court-ordered alcohol education classes. Expect lots of footage and interviews with Lohan’s mother dressed in full Tenko garb.

When they come to make the film of Aung San Suu Kyi’s life, Lohan can draw on her experiences. Did Kyi take mandatory drugs test and wear leggings? Kyi might like to meet Lohan half way. Even top actors need help.

When Beverly Hills Superior Court judge Marsha Revel sentenced her, Lohan wept. She said:

“I did the best I could.

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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Noel Fielding Searched By Camden’s Celebrity Police Force

THE Celebrity Police Force have been meeting with Noel Fielding, The Mighty Boosh’s Vince Noir. Reports are that Fielding was spotted with an “alleged dealer” in Camden Town (i.e. anyone aged between 16 and 92) and given a full body search at the local station. No drugs were found on his person.

And after meeting a few of the starry-eyed coppers, he was sent on his way…

Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Coronation Street’s Eileen Method Acting Drink Driving Ban

CORONATION Street actress Susan Cleaver stands before the Beak at Manchester City Magistrates Court, and is banned from driving for 17 months after drink-driving.
Yeah, who’s Susan Cleaver? She’s the actress, who plays likeable lioness Eileen Grimshaw – the taxi operator!

She’s introduced herself to the media at large in traditional fashion. Cleaver was driving a Land Rover Freelander when she was pulled over by police less than a mile from her home in Northenden, Greater Manchester, in the early hours of Monday March 29.

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Posted: 14th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Peter Andre And Katie Price And The Case Of Princess Tiaamii’s Black Eye

WHAT news of Peter Andre and Katie Price, aka, the Pop Acorn and Jordon? Well, the NoTW says TV’s leading professional dry humpers had a row about Princess TenaLadyMeeee’sblack eye“.

Alex Reid Naked (NSFW)

But having called in the police and the legal, the shiner turned out to be “smudged MASCARA”.


As Katie undergoes ITV to be inpregnated with Alex Reid’s swimming Toffee Crispies, all eyes on one of the existing Katie Price support acts, Young Lucille Ball top Junior Pete’s Denis Arnez Princess TeepPee.

Peter spots “bruising” on the little girl’s face. He, as reported, tells his lawyers. Katie tells the police. The Celebrity Police Force (CPF), never ones to pass up a chance to meet a celeb, meet Pete.

Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)

A Sussex CPF spokesman:

“We have no concerns for the child’s welfare, and the matter has been closed.”

But still all eyes are on Princess TeenyMeenies’ eyes. Will she be the first to blink? Can she blink or has the glue from her false lashes sealed her lids? Don’t dare to look away…

Katie Price And Peter Andre’s Public Row Over Princess Tiamii’s Hair In A Test Card Special: Pictures

Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures


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Model Jordan body painted as the Ice Maiden, poses for the media during a photocall in London's Covent Garden today December 6, 1998, where she launched the Swatch Christmas watch Sparkling Life, priced at 55. PA Photos.

Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Pete Doherty Escapes Jail And Immediately Arrested By Celebrity Police Force: Photos

PETER Doherty is at Gloucester Crown court posting for photos with the Celebrity Police Force. The CPF always get their photo. The canteen walls at the cop shop recall meetings with the some of the brightest and biggest stars of their age. Right now the star division are drawing lots to see which of them get to park outside Amy Winehouse’s place and attend the Spurs Christmas party.

As for Doherty, well, he was set free after admitting careless and drink driving after a gig in the city. Having been fined £2,050 and banned from driving for 18 months, the CPS got to arrest him again, this time on suspicion of possessing a controlled drug. Is this why they let him go, to give the copper in the picture a chance to see his face in the papers and on the canteen walls?

Pete Doherty and the CPF – working in tandem for each other’s fame. Says one copper: “The sooner Pete gets back behind the wheel and off his face the better for all of us. My kids keep having a go about never seeing me in the papers.”


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Pete Doherty is led away by police (for reasons unknown) after appearing at Gloucester Crown Court where he faced charges relating to dangerous driving and marched towards Gloucester police station on the opposite side of the road.

Posted: 21st, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

After Holly Sampson Meet Arrested Child Star Brian Bonsall, In Photos

brianbonsallthenandnow-300x192STILL reeling from the news that Wonder Years’ actress Holly Sampson should become a porn star and, allegedly, have sex with golfer Tiger Woods in amateur capacity (did she see it as her last chance to become a waitress?) we learn of another child TV star on the skids. It’s Brian Bonsall, of Family Ties. Anorak’s Man in LA reports:

LAST week it was Meredith Baxter making headlines… now it’s Brian Bonsall, the lovable little tike who played kid brother Andrew Keaton.

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Posted: 8th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Strictly Come Dancing Ricky Whittle Arrested By Celebrity Police Force

8072374CAN it be mere coincidence that with the X Factor now bereft of Jedward and the I’m A Celebrity jungle rid of Katie Price, Strictly Come Dancing pro-celebrity hoofer Ricky Whittle gets arrested? thatl;s R.I.C.K…

Yesterday, Dancing judge Alesha Dixon was turned away from a club. It was front-page news. Now Whittle is pinched on suspicion of assault. The Celebrity Police Force knows a star when the spot one, and they tell us:

“A 29-year-old man from Billinge, Lancashire, has been arrested on suspicion of assault. He remains in custody where he will be questioned by officers later today.

“The arrest follows an incident in which took place in Duke Street, Liverpool City Centre, in the early hours of Friday morning. The incident involved a collision with a male pedestrian.”

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Posted: 27th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Shayne Lamas Is DIU Shame Lame Ass Role Model

shayne-lamas-diuDID US reality TV fodder Shayne Lamas set herself up to get arrested on purpose to promote her new telly show Leave It To Lamas?

Lamas – aka Shame Lame-Ass – was arrested for DUI 1 on Saturday. Says she to the E! network which – get this – broadcasts her show:

“Early Saturday morning after consuming one drink, I willingly drove through a mandatory check point on my way home.”

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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Police Arrest West Ham Firm For Pretending To Be Hooligans

the-firmPolice appeal for information leading to the arrest of six notorious West Ham actors.

THE media loves football violence, just loves it. Scotland Yard loves it as well. Without the threat of football violence, policemen would never get to exercise their equal opportunities credentials by being rude and threatening to red and blues, red and whites, yellows and some other non-blacks. It also gives the police the chance to test out new baton techniques and gases, and walk on the hallowed turf.

So much do the police love football violence that they have issued 66 pictures of West Ham fans caught in acts of organised violence back in August as the Hammers played Millwall.

You may recognise six of the hooligans as being actors in the TV film The Firm. This is method acting at the edges of legality.

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Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

X Factor: On The Shayne Ward Protest March And Leona Lewis Is Attacked

5971585X Factor news: On the protest march with Shane Ward’s barmy army; and Leona Lewis is attacked…

SHAYNE Ward. Anyone? Yes, you the man with the Marcel curl and packet of Monster Munch? No, sir, it’s not a voting district in Melbourne. Anyone..? Madam! Yes… Nice try. But Shayne has, to the best of our knowledge never squired a potbelly pig on a Thai beach.

Shall we tell you? OK. A Shane Ward is… Well, they can tell you. The Manchester Evening News knows:

FANS of X Factor winner Shayne Ward have taken to the streets of Manchester to protest at delays in releasing his new album.

What do we want? To spend our money on manufactured reality TV musicians and corporate record companies! When do we want it? Before we hit puberty!

The singer, from Clayton, shot to fame after winning the X Factor three years ago, but has not released any new material for almost two years.

Because he’s so popular that if he releases an album there is the risk that unless everyone can buy one there will be riots and looting?

Fan Julie Nelson-Littleproud said that she felt forced to act after Shayne’s record label repeatedly delayed the release of his third album.

Julie Nelson-Littleproud is a product of nominative determinism. She is:

Superfan Julie Nelson-Littleproud, who is the woman behind the protest… “[Shayne is] just a normal person, really down-to-earth and so easy to talk to, not at all struck by stardom. He appreciates his fans and he always does the best for them.”

That was earlier in the month. Now Julie is at large once more:

“We, the fans, want a new album, we want a new tour and we want Shayne to be given the chance to shine like the star we know he truly is.”

Shayne is said to be recording an album in a studio – an album that will be released early next year in time for the January sales.

Meanwhile, another X Factor winner, Leona Lewis, has reportedly been slapped during a book signing at Waterstone’s’ Piccadilly shop in London.

When a celebrity is involved the Celebrity Police Force is swift to act, grabbing a camera, a big felt tip and a pot of Touché Eclat.

Says an officer for Scotland Yard, showing his good side to camera:

“The female did not require hospital treatment – we are at the scene.”

Drama, indeed. Shayne Ward may well be best to remain wherever he is…

Spotter: Bat E Bird in the forums

Posted: 14th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Peter Doherty In Court, Pictures

PETER Doherty. Calling Pete Doherty. Pete’s tour of British courtrooms continues today as the Babyshambles singer appears at Gloucester Crown Court today for a plea hearing.

Doherty arrives with a female companion and signs autographs for members of the public and the Celebrity Police Force, for whom he acts as patron and the celeb of last resort if an arrest needs to be made.

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Posted: 1st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Gladiator Haunted By Katie Price’s Rapist

gladiator-ace-and-katieGOOD news for amateur detectives investigating the identity of the “very famous” celebrity who raped Katie Price.

Because no news is good news.

Police investigation into Katie Price rape claim stalls after she refuses to co-operate

No investigation:

Detectives are unlikely to investigate a claim by model Katie Price that she was raped unless she co-operates with them.

No information:

Surrey Police said officers ‘lack substantiated information’ about allegations made by the 31-year-old that she was raped by a mystery celebrity.

No crime:

A spokesman said an ‘incident’ has been recorded but Price must speak to them if they are to formally record a crime and start an inquiry.

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Posted: 18th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Katie Price’s Alleged Rapist Speaks Out

KATIE Price says she was raped by a “very famous” celebrity and the clues to the rapist’s identity come thicker and faster than Jack Tweed on his way to jail.

Whoooa! Tweed is not the rapist; he’s innocent. That is a fact. Other top celebrities who did not rape Katie Price include Michael Jackson, James Dean, Bobby Charlton, Susan Boyle, the Queen Mother and Nookie Bear.

The Daily Mirror takes up the cry of the nation and screams from its front page: “TELL US WHO RAPED YOU.”

Defiant Jordan yesterday told police they were wasting their time trying to get her to name the star she alleges raped her.

Detectives vowed to probe the sex attack allegations and asked her to tell them who the celebrity was. They said: “If you make an official complaint, we will investigate this crime.”

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Posted: 18th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Katie Price Reveals Rapist’s Identity

rapeKATIE Price says she was raped. And then the other heeled clog drops: Katie says the rapist is a well-known celebrity.

So who is this celebrity?

“A famous celebrity raped me and Peter knows who it was. It was years ago before I was with Pete, and my friends and family knew about it at the time.”

Next week, Katie might tell us the colour of the rapist’s hair. Then she will maybe say where she was raped and give us a clue as to whether it involved lead piping, a rope or a gun. Then we’ll be able to play Strip Cluedo, Celebrity Edition, using our vibrating pieces to race around the board from Anand Jon Alexander, Fatty Arbuckle, Mike Tyson and whoever it was who Ulrika Jonsson said raped her in her book.

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Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, OK! | Comments (8) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Summer Of Death: Rolling Stones’ Brian Jones Was Murdered

1204798IT’S the summer of death and we are made to remember that before Michael Jackson there was Brian Jones – the former Rolling Stones guitarist died 40 years ago.

Now Jones’s death is to be reviewed in light of  new evidence. No, not a new Rolling Stones anniversary tribute. Well, not yet. New evidence of a crime.

Jones’ body was found at the bottom of a swimming pool at a house in Cotchford farm, Hartfield, East Sussex in July 1969.

Dead. End of story. Well, no. In showbiz no-one dies any more. The resting star just enters a new phase in their career development. And the Celebrity Police Force, the CFP, do so love meeting a star.

News is that the Sussex CPF have been handed new information on Jones’s death.

Back then, the coroner’s report stated “Death by misadventure“.

Jones’s lover, the Swedish Anna Wohlin (pictured), said she had dived into the pool and pulled him out and given him artificial respiration. But he died.

At the inquest, PC Albert Evans said that he had found at the scene a small bottle of brandy, a vodka bottle, a bottle of whisky and a number of containers containing different types of pills.

In the film ‘Stoned‘, the theory that Jones was murdered is explored. Stoned advances the not unheard but so far unproven view that the hapless ex-Stone was done away with by his disgruntled, one-eyed builder, the late Frank Thorogood…

A dead builder. A dead star. And a mystery.

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Posted: 30th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Kerry Katona Arrested And Kept To Police Cells

kerry-katona-arrestedKERRY Katona has been arrested and questioned over an allegation that she assaulted a man in Warrington.

Katona is arrested in Warrington by Cheshire Police, the northern chapter of the Celebrity Police Force, who tells us:

“At approximately 3.50pm on Wednesday August 26, Cheshire Police attended a premises on Hawthorne Business Park in Warrington following a report of an assault.

“A 28-year-old woman from the Wilmslow area has been arrested on suspicion of assault, criminal damage and a public order offence.”

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Posted: 26th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Kerry Katona’s Extra Nostril Filled With Bacon Fat, Pictures

kerry-katona-naked-tongueNEWS now on Kerry Katona, aka Cocaine Kerry, and that “a bit of Kerry’s nose fell out.”

What it fell out of, we can only guess, but the smart money is on a tin of biscuits or a packet of Iceland Boozie Brownies.

In the News of the World, Dan Wootton sniffs out the truth:

COCAINE addict Kerry Katona failed to realise the horrific damage her drug-snorting is inflicting even when part of her nose FELL OUT in the bathroom.

As she held out the stray bit of nostril in her outstretched hand, fallen Atomic Kitten pop idol Kerry confessed: “I’ve got a hole in the nose ‘cos of the coke. This has just come out.”

All the better to fit a straw into, you may suppose. But the TV star’s “stepsister and closest confidante Pat Ferrier was right there and shocked by what she saw and heard”.

And now the confidante tells the Sunday tabloids about what she saw, confidentially:

“We were in America for our dad’s funeral last year when the hole first started to develop. Kerry was in the bathroom for ages. I’d seen her take the tweezers in and I said, ‘What you doing?’

“She said, ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ Then in her hand she’s got this thing that she dragged out of this hole in her nose. It looked like when you get the fat off bacon. I’ve got a strong stomach but that was almost too much.”

If you had to eat any celebrity, Kerry Katona would surely feature pretty high on the list, a kebab-reared mix of bacon fat and alcohol. If the breast implants could come stuffed with a sage and onion mix, all to the good for self-basting Kerry:

“Kerry’s life is out of control now. She IS a drug addict. Her nose IS caving in – I’ve seen it with my own eyes. She needs to get help or she’ll DIE…

Shockingly, Kerry agreed with me. She just turned around and said, ‘I’m going to tell you something Pat. My mum will outlive me. I’ll die young.’ “

And thus Kerry Katona becomes the victim of, well, something. As she tells the Sunday Mirror:

“No one forced me to do it, I’m a grown-up woman and I did it because I was very unhappy at the time and thought it might make me feel better about myself. I have been crying and been at my wit’s end since it happened…

“They [Drugs] don’t make you look cool, they make you look an idiot, and all your insecurities and self-hate – the main reasons I took them in the first place – are only made worse.”

But let’s put the Katona nose in perspective. How big is the hole, and can it be passed off as Kerry’s tribute to Michael Jackson?

The telltale hole in Kerry’s nose is not yet as bad as the cocaine damage infamously suffered by ex-EastEnders star Danniella Westbrook, whose septum – the dividing wall between the nostrils – was almost completely eroded. But stepsister Pat revealed: “The hole has got bigger and has penetrated through to the other side. Kerry can put the end of her glasses into it.”

Disgusting, but useful – and cheaper than a piece of string. It might even be the talent that keeps Kerry at the apogee of the British showbiz movement.

“She’s shown it to people. And it makes this funny whistling sound when she breathes through her nose.”

Life keeps getting better for Kerry. If she can hold a tune then the future is rosy. Onwards and upwards for Our Kerry, then?

“Kerry sees herself having a tragic early death like movie star Marilyn Monroe… Marilyn was one of the most famous women in the world and Kerry’s hardly in her league.”

Fair does. If Kerry dies young she will die young like…can we agree on Minnie The Talc, the woman who used to sit on the bench in the recreation ground shouting at the pigeons and eating frozen pizzas? Or James Dean?

In The People, Kerry Katona’s mum agrees that her daughter is going to die. And then wonders about that hidden camera:

“Only a few people would have had access to her bathroom to put it in there. She thinks she knows who did it and she is raging. She said to Mark, ‘You should have protected me, you shouldn’t have let this happen to me, I’m ruined’.

But this story is as much about Kerry Katona as it is about the video of her snorting cocaine/ anthrax/ bi-polar medication/ Tamiflu or whatever the teddy cam caught her doing. So lest any reader think the NOTW is complicit in a shoddy PR stunt or in cahoots with the Celebrity Police Force, Pat tells us:

“But it would be great if, when that day arrives, she HAS been off the drugs and can tell them this video was the turning point in her life. It could almost be a source of pride.”

And we are proud of the NOTW for giving us one of our Top Ten Kerry Katona Watching Moments.

But what next for Kerry, who has now been dropped by Iceland:

“It was great fun, good money and the people I worked with had become like a second family.”

The squirrel, right? Kerry spent so long with that Iceland squirrel there were fears her children would see it as their father. But dad is Brian McFadden, and he wants the two oldest Kerry kids. Only, as the Star reports:

KERRY KATONA has been thrown a lifeline in her bid to keep her children after hearing her ex-husband’s relationship is in trouble. Former Westlife star Brian McFadden is to launch a custody battle for his daughters following allegations Kerry took cocaine in the family home. But, we can reveal, Brian does not want the girls with him in Australia, partly because his romance with ¬Delta Goodrem, 24, is already strained but also because he doesn’t want their lives to be completely overturned.

Hurrah! Kerry aKtoan’s carrer is dead. But her kids are alive and well. Long live them. Long live the new Kerry Katonas….

Posted: 23rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Kerry Katona In Fight For Kids And Installs CCCTV

katona2KERRY Katona, formerly Kerry McPadding, is in “Kerry cop quiz”, embroiled in allegations that she has taken cocaine.

While Anorak investigates if bi-polar medication can be snorted, the Sun says Kerry’s Kapers could be the last, er, straw:

TROUBLED Kerry Katona will be quizzed by police on Monday about her cocaine-snorting shame.

The Sun knows it was cocaine – just knows it:

Katona, 28, was keeping mum yesterday when she returned from holiday in Tenerife with husband Mark Croft. But she must explain to cops how she ended up being filmed secretly in her home taking the Class A drug.

Anorak suspects the teddy bear cam, or the Celebrity Police Force’s new CCCTV, which are to be installed in every celebrity’s house in the UK. CCCTV will alert the CPF to any wrongdoing and with it the opportunity for a meet and greet.

Meanwhile, Kerry marked the outing of her anthrax-snorting video by jetting off on her holidays:

A pal of the I’m A Celebrity winner said: “She has been totally stressed out on this holiday. She has told her inner circle of friends that she doesn’t want police at her house because she doesn’t want her kids to see them. But she has resigned herself to the fact that she has a lot of explaining to do. It has been just about the worst week of her life.”

But while Kerry takes the waters and the ice crystals, the Star says:


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Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Babyshambles Peter Doherty Court Case, On Coke

7696806GOOD old Pete Doherty, aka Babyshambles Pete, who has not died but remains alive and continuing his tour of UK courtooms with an unplugged gig at the Magistrates Court in Cheltenham.

Last month, Babyshambles Pete, the 30-year-old ex-Libertines frontman, was stopped in Gloucester after police officers spotted a car allegedly being driven erratically.

The Celebrity Police Force went into action and enlivened up a dull night by getting up close with a celeb.

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Posted: 11th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Jermain Defoe Arrested By Celebrity Police Force

jermain-defoeJERMAIN Defoe, of Tottenham and England, has been arrested.

As the Mirror screams from its front page:

“DEFOE FURY – England ace wrongly arrested and held by cops for five hours”

The Mirror calls them “bungling cops”. But Anorak readers will recognise them for what they are: the Celebrity Police Force. Their mission is to be photographed with as many famous people as possible. Today, the CPF meets Jermain Defoe:

Footballer Jermain Defoe was “unlawfully” arrested today on suspicion of driving while disqualified, his lawyer said. Defoe’s solicitor said the Tottenham and England striker was not disqualified but had been held for more than five hours at a police station in Harlow, Essex.

Driving while disqualified should not be confused with DWB (Driving While Black), which though not a crime, yet, is frowned upon by some police.
Essex Police said the arrest had been based on “inaccurate” information held on a computer.

In interview Defoe was asked about his driving, his licence, his best ever goal, why-oh-why he left West Ham and if Chantelle Houghton sleeps on her back.

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Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Rihanna To Play Wonder Woman

rihanna-courtroomRIHANNA’S lover Chris Brown has been sent to mingle with the Celebrity Police Force for six months, and  the good people at Michele Marie PR notice something about Rihanna. No, not the bruises and the discomfort but the gems:


Rihanna’s Court Style

LOS ANGELES – June 22, 2009 – While attending the Chris Brown preliminary hearing, Rihanna wore a vintage [redacted] yellow gold and diamond bracelet watch (Retail price, $8,500) and vintage [redacted] 18 karat yellow gold, ruby and diamond earrings (Retail price, $13,000), both from [redacted].

Gawker’s Cajun Boy spares the client any shame by redacting the press release in the manner of a House of Commons goon. Anorak wonders why she didn’t defend herself with it when Brown attacked. Wonder Woman, she ain’t.

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Posted: 23rd, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Britain’s Got Talent’s Britney Spears’ Benefits Stopped

fred-bowersTHE Celebrity Police Force tuned into Britain’s Got Talent, when Leicestershire’s 73-year-old break-dancer Fred Bowers took to the stage.

Fred Bowers did a roly-poly and step back and forward like aman unsure what do to next. He was sensation. He was also claiming benefits for a leg injury. But now that payment has been suspended while the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) investigates.

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Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Lindsay Lohan Questioned By Police Over Missing Jewellery

lindsay-lohanTHE Celebrity Police Force is on the trail of Lindsay Lohan. Lohan is to be questioned in connection with the disappearance of £30,000 worth of jewellery from a shoot she did for Elle magazine.

Lohan was allegedly “taken back” by the jewellery.

Says a source:

“She kept going on about the jewels asking if she could have them. We all thought she was joking!”

The CPF are on the case. The British police always get photographed with their celebrity, and Lohan is a prized picture.

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Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Housemate Saffia Quits Big Brother

saffia-cordenGOODBYE Saffia Corden – aka Police Corden. Anorak looked on waiting for the Celebrity Police Force to knock on the door and arrest you for leaving your kids behind to go on holiday.

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Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Pete Doherty Arrested For Drugs

police-dohertyLOOK it’s Peter Doherty, aka Peter Doherty, aka Pop F**kwit, getting arrested in Gloucester.

Call Dr Foster, because there are bound to be drugs involved.

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Posted: 11th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0