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Snickers tweets that Katie Price and Cher Lloyd are stupid

THE Snickers Twitter campaign is an unedifying assault on the internet. The idea is that celebrities eat a Snickers and then do something out of character. The stars then each tweet a photo of themselves holding a Snickers by way of apology  / explanation. It’s as if Snickers is a drug that drives you nuts. It wasn’t me, officer, it as the Snickers. So far, we’ve seen Katie Price, aka Jordan, pretending that eating a Snickers made her clever. Now, Cher Lloyd, the X Factor creation, says eating a Snickers made her read some books.

The message is clear: famous and successful women are thicker than a pair of Snicker-fed thighs.

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Posted: 25th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cher Lloyd Advises That X Factor Hopefuls Should ‘Get Out, Now!’

REASONABLE verse, terrible chorus. That’s the honest, non-emotive review of Cher Lloyd’s recent number one, ‘Swagger Jagger‘. See, someone needs to be emotionless about it because, for some inexplicable reason, everyone’s got apeshit over it, unable to do anything other than adore it endlessly, or berate it like it’s a mass murder.

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cher Lloyd’s Swagger Jagger Is Dire: But Is It Terrible Enough To Be A Hit?

CHER Lloyd is that boil washed Cheryl Cole tribute act who arrived on the X Factor with her unsympathetic backstory and Romanian playground styling. Cher survived the freak zone, the crying zone and the hate zone. She is now in the beyond parody zone, the star of a video and a song that, as one commentator puts it, explains why kids should stay in school. It also explains what Cheryl Cole’s legacy to the entertainment business is.

You can call her a crappy singer of crappy songs dressed in crappy clothes in a crappy video. But let no man say Cher Lloyd is not true to her word. As she said:

“You haven’t seen the last of me, definitely not. I’m going to use this as my platform and I’m going to make sure I’m the biggest goddamn thing to ever come out of The X Factor.”

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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Music | Comments (8)


X Factor: Cher Lloyd Is A Children’s TV Star And Matt Cardle’s Dead Mum Lobbies For Votes

CHER Lloyd is no longer on the X Factor. Dot Cotton’s Team America action figure was once a shoo-in for the title. The show would progress and Cheryl Cole, that “nation’s sweetheart”, would carry her abbreviated mini me to victory on a wave of mojo, hair extension, a sweet right hook and weepy Girl Power.

Then on the final Cher sang a children’s song and looked like a stroppy youth worker with a dream at a Coventry kidz ‘n’ dadz social club. The X Factor is a TV show – if the wannabes want to get on after it’s over they need to continue their career on the magic box. Cher would make a decent character on Balamory or a big sister for Horrid Henry.

Matt Cardle, Rebecca Ferguson and One ­Direction march on. And Cher strops off. And she sounds horrible, threatening, even:

“You haven’t seen the last of me, definitely not. I’m going to use this as my platform and I’m going to make sure I’m the biggest goddamn thing to ever come out of The X Factor.”

What bigger than Simon Cowell’s ego. The planet is no big enough, Cher.

“That’s not being cocky, it’s just being very, very, very committed to what I do.”

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Posted: 12th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


Cher Lloyd’s New X Factor Tattoo: Photos

X FACTOR 2010: Cher Lloyd’s getting a new tattoo.

So far Cher has a tattoo of a musical note on her left hand; “Bolsillo Lleno De Suenos”, which is Spanish and means, sentimentally, “a pocket full of dreams”, inked along her right forearm; and a bow tramp stamp.

Tattoos – The Tramp Stamp

Now Cher is to get a new one:

“I’m going to ask people what I should get…they can send me ideas on Twitter!”

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Posted: 6th, November 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


X Factor: Cher Lloyd And One Direction’s Zayn Malik’s Sexy Dating Games

X FACTOR agonists Cher Lloyd and One Direction’s Zayn Malik (Scary Bieber; aka Zain Malik) are getting off with each, playing spin the bottle, blushing, scribbling Cher 4 Zayn on the phone box and having babies too young – or whatever it is teens in love do.

So far Cher has been dating One Direction’s Harry Styles:

X Factor’s One Direction are fast becoming teen heartthrobs but it seems curly-haired Harry Styles may have only got eyes for one girl – Cher Lloyd (Metro – pictured)

“Secretly” dated Aiden Grimshaw – a source told the Mirror:

“It’s fair to say that everyone in boot camp knows that they have fallen for each other. It’s so obvious.”

And fallen for Liam Payne

A fellow contestant told The Sun: “There was an obvious spark and everyone was talking about it. They just clicked. We thought they were pals as they were getting on like a house on fire. They soon disappeared though, and slipped into one of the rooms.”

Now, after a dire week on the X Factor in which no-one shone and the judge’s drivel about how tasty they all are made them look like witches seducing hapless passers by into the gingerbread house to devour, Cher is in love with Zayn. Together they are Chayn.

Lest you doubt the validity of the love, a source says in the NoTW:

“They’re completely into each other. Cher goes for bad boys and Zain very much fits the bill.”

What’s badder than an X Factor contestant in Justin Bieber’s hair, doing what Simon Cowell tells him and singing Bonnie Tylers Total Eclipse Of The Heart? Singing it twice?

Posted: 31st, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (11)


X Factor 2010: Cher Lloyd And Katie Waissel Work On Their Hate

THE long gap between the short songs on the X Factor is fuelled by Katie Waissel stories about how much she is “hated”.

The aim is simple: keep Katie in the news headlines and create a polarity of opinion among the show’s fans.

But she’s not alone in being the topic of the PR storm. The tabloid focus is on Katie and Cher Lloyd.

The narrative is that Cher Lloyd is “fragile”. The Mirror reports that Simon Cowell has asked One Direction to look after “fragile” Cher.

And here’s hated Katie, or rather hated Katie’s caring dad Maurice. He tells the Mail:

I’ve had Katie sobbing on the phone to me every night. She’s had death threats sent to her over the internet, and we’ve had to ask the police to intervene. Only the other night, Katie said to me: ‘Dad, what’s the point in going on if everyone hates me?’

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Posted: 28th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment (1)


X Factor: Cher Lloyd Gets A Burqa To Escape Daily Mail

X Factor 2010: The Mail says that X Factor’s Team America action figure Cher Lloyd “plasters her make-up on… with a trowel”.

Here’s what “Daily Mail reporter” has to say:

The luminous singer was spotted out in London yesterday, with her face caked in orange foundation, making for a rather unflattering look.

Whatever your views on Cher Lloyd, she’s a young woman whose had stars placed in her eyes. And sometime you can’t win. A few weeks back the Mail was criticising her for not showing her face.

The live X Factor shows haven’t even begun yet and it looks like the fame may already be going to the head of teen contestant Cher Lloyd. The 17-year-old hopeful was accompanied by two assistants and covered by a pashmina as she popped out of rehearsals to get some money from a cashpoint yesterday.

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Posted: 27th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor: Cher ‘Lies’, Cheryl ‘Mimes’ And Why It’s All Make Believe

X FACTOR’S Cher Lloyd – a shoo-in to play the young Dot Cotton in the EastEnders movie – was the winner in waiting until Simon Cowell created One Direction and got them kitted out in Justin Bieber’s hair.

Cher is being billed as talent. But the X Factor is not a talent show. The X Factor is bit of telly, with characters, a plot, editing, styling and scripts. Cher says she wrote her own raps. This video below says she’s wrong.

Katie Waissel knows the BMG hierarchy and Dermot O’Leary’s manager. The rest you’ve seen before as extras on various other shows. Cheryl Cole mimes and there is no irony in her then judging others singing ability because – you – see – Cheryl has just been on the telly to weep about her private life and the media intrusion.

Cheryl Cole is not a great talent spotter and musical mentor. Dannii Minogue isn’t either. Nor is Louis Walsh. Nor is Simon Cowell. They are TV presenters we watch because there is something about them that we find interesting.

Just today the Sun stells us that Simon Cowell and Walsh have been in a “bust up“. Cowell calls Walsh a “Mosquito“. Walsh says he and Si “had a row“. The Sun’s front page tells of “bitter in-fighting”.

Cheryl can’t go on Piers Morgan’s show to weep because she’s
“tearful”.

And the show goes on because we the viewers want it to. And we will get the postars we deserve…

Posted: 25th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor 2010 Rehearsal Photos Week 3: Cher Lloyd Works Paul’s Boutique

X FACTOR 2010: Cher Lloyd, that  Team America action figure and shoo-in to play the young Dot Cotton in EastEnders: The Movie, arrived for rehearsals with a huge Paul’s Boutique bag.

(Belle Amie sported carrier bags and name badges, and Paije Richardson had a manbag only beaten for brightness by Simon Cowell’s teeth.)

Paul’s Boutique is the name of the Beastie Boys’ second album. Rolling Stone wrote of it back in 1989:

Sure, Paul’s Boutique is littered with bullshit tough-guy bravado, but it’s clever and hilarious bullshit: Who can be put off by claims like “I got more hits than Sadaharu Oh” and “I got more suits than Jacoby and Myers“?

As Cher Lloyd might say: “A-ring-a-ding-ding.”

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X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd seen at a recording studio in London.


Posted: 18th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


X Factor 2010: Cher Lloyd Attacked By Hypocritical Daily Mail

X FACTOR 2010: The Daily Mail has Cher Lloyd in its sights. Sure, Lloyd does herself no favours by calling herself she and the other 11 Disciples in the X Factor final the “chosen ones”, taking credit for a song that isn’t hers and pulling faces like Dot Cotton drawing on a ciggie, but the Mail attacks her for everything and anything.

As Cher heads to a cashpont machine, the Mail looks on. And this is the Mail that warned us about chip and pin crime:

Motorists were warned yesterday of a new bank card cloning scam in which fraudsters use spy cameras to record PIN details as they are keyed in by customers at petrol station counters.

Matthew Hickley told Mail readers:

Dynamic security system developed as cash card fraud spirals out of control.

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Posted: 8th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor 2010: Cher Lloyd Says Simon Cowell Is The Messiah?

X FACTOR 2010 contestant Cher Lloyd has her feet on the ground, readers. Here’s what she says about Gamu:

“Thank the Lord we are the chosen ones.”

The chosen ones? There are 12 tribes of Israel. Jesus has 12 Disciples. There are 12 singers in the final.

As Sinitta put it:

“I personally can’t see what the problem is. After all, Mary Magdalene was a prostitute and Jesus hung out with her. This is a true testament of the kind of character Simon really is. There’s something quite Christian about him.

Simon Cowell dad was Jewish. Although his mum is not a virgin…

Posted: 8th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor 2010: What Really Happened When Gypsy Cher Lloyd ‘Bullied’ Ophelia At School

X FACTOR 2010: Cher Lloyd is now a hate figure. The Sun says she’s a “VIOLENT BULLY”. Can this be our Cher, the young lovely who is a dead ringer for Dot Cotton Team America action figure? Surely not?!

Poor Cher burdened with a name that to all the world looks like an abbreviated form of Cheryl. But Andrew Parker claims Cher is a “merciless bully” in her own right.

Meet Ophelia Blakeway. Yep, that’s right… Ophelia. Cher, meet Ophelia. Ophalia, meet Cher. Everyone is named after a star of stage and screen in Malvern where the pair went to school. Just in the girls’ class alone there is a Dunaway, Romeo, Van Damme, Lord Olivier, Godot and plenty of Violet Elizabeth Botts.

(Although, apparently, short for Cheryl, but short for Chert, a fine-grained silica-rich microcrystalline, also-known-as ’Malvern Gold’.)

Says Ophelia (no nun herself):

I want people to hear the truth about what Cher was like. Everyone is making her sound like an angel but she caused me a lot of pain.”

The voice right? That singing?

“I’ve had problems ever since. I’m still trying to get over depression. I had counselling, I cried, I was self-harming. It’s not nice because I have the scars.”

Can telling the tabloids everything she knows and sticking the knife into Cher help Ophelia feel better? Can this make the “verbal torture” go away?

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Posted: 8th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (12)


X Factor 2010: Katie Waissel’s Cheryl Cole Snog And Cher Lloyd Is Dot Cotton?

X FACTOR 2010 contender and alleged dwarf snogger Katie Waissel says of Cheryl Cole, her and Cher Lloyd’s mentor on the show:

“You can tell she has the biggest heart and it’s no wonder she is the nation’s favourite lady.”

Only a cynic would award Waissel the Order Of The Brown Nose and start panting into a sick bag. But let us give the budding singer some credit. She did not compare Cheryl Cole to Princess Diana nor use the phase “nation’s sweetheart”.

READ: How The X Factor And Sony BMG Fixed It For Katie Waissel, aka Katie Vogel

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Posted: 3rd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


X Factor Cher Lloyd And The Swizz: Video Rap

X FACTOR wannabe Cher Lloyd, the Cheryl Cole clone – Kelly Brook’s Team America voodoo puppet (Ally Ross) – told viewers she made up lyrics for her rap on last weekend’s show. She wondered if the show was ready for her.

Lloyd then blurted out a few lines about Tiger Woods before singing Coldplay’s Viva La Vida.

Her lines? If so, she might care to sue Swizz Beatz, who used very similar words in their version of the same song.

What are the odds, readers..?

Posted: 28th, September 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment