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cheryl cole

Posts Tagged ‘cheryl cole’

Chelsea’s Ashley Cole Accused Of Attacking Clubber: What Would Cheryl Think?

CHELSEA footballer and former Mr Cheryl Cole has “attacked” a “clubber“.

The Star’s Stone Age headline for a modern man appears above the news that:

“Ashley Cole was caught on CCTV throwing a wild punch at a football fan in a late-night bust up.”

Cole is alleged to have uttered the time-honoured enjoiner:

“Do you know who the f*** I am?”

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Posted: 27th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment


Nadine Coyle Doesn’t Like The Rest Of Girls Aloud, Which Is A Huge Surprise

FACE IT, Girls Aloud were one of the most fun pop bands to have around, releasing a whole bunch of killer singles that managed to straddle the teeny-boppers and the adult pop enthusiast. Of course, with success came trouble and they all went their separate ways piddling around with solo projects and egos.

While Cheryl briefly became the nation’s sweetheart and Nicola, Kimberley and Sarah were just plain likeable while they waited for the Girls Aloud reunion, Nadine Coyle went a bit mad. She waltzed off to America, opened a restaurant, flopped a solo LP and became increasing distanced from her band mates.

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Posted: 11th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cheryl Cole Pays Lip Service To The Beauty Obsessed

CHERYL Cole is in Los Angeles. She puckers up for the camera wearing a pair of giant pink rubber lips…on her face.

She tweets:

“I think we’ve been in LA too long, LMHO!!”

The portrait is a parody on false uniform looks:

“I can’t get my head around everyone having the same nose, because I think it’s the unique things about your face that make you beautiful. I’m not judging, but unless something is really getting you down, it’s best not to mess with nature.”

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Posted: 23rd, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The Salvation Of Cheryl Cole: Nation’s Sweetheart Shows She’s Changed

CHERLY Cole is no longer a god on television’s Mount Olympus. The X Factor and the nation’s sweetheart parted company; Cole replaced by Tulisa, a less pretty London version of her pre-Cowell-ed former self. The show would go on and Cole would… Well, what?

The talk is of ‘what next?’ for Cheryl, a woman whose star rose on the telly. The story has been of a lip-synching woman hiding her pained eyes behind big glasses – a woman for whom fame has been a cruel mistress.

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Posted: 8th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Who Is Cheryl Cole’s Soldier Lover?

JOIN the armed forces and win a chance to shag Cheryl Cole, Vera Lynn never made such an offer to Our Boys (and Girls), and her career is less starry for it.

The Daily Mirror continues to publicise its mawkish Pride of Britain Awards with Cheryl’s brave trip to Afghanistan.

Cheryl would have been braver had she visited Afghanistan as a holidaymaker, keen to show the world that beyond the bombs and the militants, the place has a few nice spots, a half-decent spa, hunky fellas and real people who actually live there.

Instead we get news that Chezza has pulled:

Cheryl has returned from Afghanistan with a twinkle in her eye – after taking a shine to a hunky British soldier.

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Posted: 21st, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)


Cheryl Cole Warned To Stay Out Of Muslim Toilets

CHERYL Cole is in Afghanistan. The Star in Sunday leads with news that she is being targeted by the enemy. No, not Nicole Scherzinger. It’s even worse than that. The Star’s front-page headline yells:

“CHERYL DEATH THREAT – Star Targeted Over Afghan Visit”

News is that “ranting extremists” say Cole has put herself in danger by heading to Afghanistan to support Our Boys.

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Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cheryl Cole’s Fights War On Terror With Mushrooms: Nation’s Sweetheart Does Afghanistan

CHERYL Cole is in Afghanistan. She’s fighting the Taliban the only way she knows how: by posing for photos, smiling widely and blowing up an effigy of Simon Cowell on the cover of the Daily Mirror.

Inside and fallen nation’s sweetheart Cheryl is pouring bottled water into a dog’s mouth. Says Martin Fricker:

And black labrador Ammo wasn’t the only one lapping up the star’s attention – as her morale-boosting trip went with a bang. In a cheeky stunt organised by Army explosive experts, the Girls Aloud singer got to blow up a dummy of Simon Cowell.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Ashley Cole ‘Cheats’ On Cheryl With Kerry Meades: Photos

ASHLEY Cole fetches his ex-wife and current lover Cheryl Cole a cup of tea and an ironed ciggie. And the rest of us read the Mirror’s news that the Chelsea footballer allegedly shagged one Kerry Meades in Los Angeles – “just days before he flew back to London to seal his reunion with Cheryl with a passionate public kiss at her 28th birthday party.”

The Mirror calls her testimony a “devastating account”. Devastating for whom? For Cheryl Cole – a woman Ashley allegedly cheated on with loadsa women, including, famously, vomit-fuelled sex with a hairdresser? For Ashley? For us?

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Posted: 17th, July 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (4)


Ashley Cole Services Cheryl In The Bath (Photos)

CHERLY Cole and Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole are back together. The nation sweetheart’s search for another “Cole” to match her neck tattoo proved futile. George Cole (too old), Ole King Cole (too gay) and Cole Porter (too dead) were not right, or too busy to get with Chezza.

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Posted: 15th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Cheryl Cole And Simon Cowell Are Going To Kiss And Make-Up

HATE! That’s all that has floated between Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell since the Girls Aloud singer got unceremoniously dumped from X Factor USA. Paula Abdul was in there, stirring the pot and making things worse like some horrific teen-film snide.

Of course, this might not be strictly true. Cheryl may have understood completely and thought “these things happen at work sometimes. C’est la vie.” Are we suggesting that this whole fall-out was a construct of the media? Heaven forfend!

If that’s the case, the story must be running out of juice because now it’s rumoured that the pair are burying the hatchet and going to play nice again after nearly two whole months of cutting ties with each other.

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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Sweet Angelic Ronan Peake Led an Innocent Childhood in Norwich, Far Away From Simon Cowell

Simon Cowell has called in the police to get heavy with the anonymous blogger who suggested Simon Cowell had been grooming British Bieber-alike Ronan Parke for Britain’s Got Talent stardom. 

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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Technology | Comment


Cheryl Cole And Ashley Cole Reunite For The Big One: The His ‘n’ Hers Perfume Contract

VOMITOUS Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole wants to tell us that he is back with Cherly Cole, that woman on whom all manner of non existence attributes have been doused. Well, a pal does. As reported in the Daily Star, sister organ to OK! magazine in whose pages Ash and Chez first married:

He told pals: “I’m going to marry Cheryl again – it’s what we both want… I just wish people would judge me more on football – more than on a life that people don’t really know…

“If I wanted to address every single thing in the papers I’d lose my mind. It makes me crazy now when I hear things. But you’ve just got to deal with it. I’m just here to play football.”

Brilliant stuff, there from the man who sold his wedding to a showbiz mag, wrote about his life in an unintentionally hilarious book called My DEfence, in which he revealed (thanks, Ash, for giving us the chance to use this again):

One call changed everything about how I viewed and felt about Arsenal. “Ash! Are you listening?” said a virtually hyperventilating Barnett. “I’m here in the office and David Dein is saying they aren’t going to give you £60k a week. They’ve agreed £55k and this is their best and final offer. Are you happy with that?” I nearly swerved off the road. “He is taking the piss, Jonathan!” I yelled down the phone. I was so incensed, I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard.

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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (4)


Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Pregnancy Is Proof Of God’s Love For Humanity: Photos

CHERLY Cole (a “nation’s sweetheart” who failed to be the “nations’ sweetheart”) and Ashley Cole (Chelsea and England footballer allegedly into kinky vomit-fuelled sex (see photos below)) are having a baby. Just two national newspapers lead with the news:

“We want kids together,” announces the Daily Mirror.

“Cheryl & Ash’s baby love,” says the Daily Star.

As Anorak raiders know, TV psychic Derek Acorah relayed news from the spirt world that 2011 would be the year of the Little Cole. It thus followed that the Cole Baby would be confirmation of life after death.

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Posted: 4th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Cheryl Cole Does Lap Dance For Ashley Cole: Mum Joan Approves (Photos)

CHERLY Cole and Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole have proven life after death – and now they prove their love for one another at Chezza’s 28th birthday party>

A source tells the NoTW:

“Cheryl even did a sexy lap dance for Ashley and stroked his face. But the clincher came when Ashley’s fiercest critic, Cheryl’s mum Joan, took him by the hand and led him over to her daughter. That was the final seal of approval.”

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Posted: 2nd, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cheryl Cole And Ashley Cole’s Baby Proves There Is Life After Death (Photos)

CHERLY Cole is back with Ashley Cole and minds return to TV psychic Derek Acorah. In February 2010, he saw visions of Cheryl Cole and her Chelsea footballer. He told us what a spirit guide had told him:

“Before the end of 2010, Cheryl and Ashley will be committed to a baby. It will be born in 2011.”

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Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Cheryl Cole And Ashley To Mate In Josef Fritzl’s Old House After Boating Serial Killer Strikes

DID you know that Cheryl Cole is in fear for her life? The Daily Star does. It says on its front page that the woman now back with Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole is in danger:

“CHERYL FEARS FOR HER LIFE”

Like us, you cynics think the Star is about to report on how Chezza is fearful of losing her lifestyle. But you’d be wrong. The Star pushes the envelope of fact and fiction. Laura Neil tells us:

CHERYL COLE has cancelled a holiday with ex-husband Ashley after learning a serial killer is on the loose.

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Posted: 27th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


Reunited With Ashley, Cheryl Cole’s Vagina Rides The Door Knob Of Love: Pregnancy, Photos And A Career BOAST

CHERLY Cole has moved back in with Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole – back into their big house in Surrey. It’s the six-bedroom Georgian property near Godalming the Coles paid £3.55 million for. The place is called… Hurtmore. It was called Hurtmore before “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl and her flying fists moved in.

And who can hurt more that Our Chezza? Ever since Cheryl punched a black toilet attendant in the face, her core brand values have been hurting and caring. As she watched adolescents sob on the X Factor and squashed their dreams by saying these amateur singers were not good enough to be the next Cheryl Cole, her brand of caring has been force fed to the masses in much the same way geese buy into the foie gras industry.

Cheryl Cole did not fight for her love to Ashley because it was not a love worth fighting for. So, some shock to read in the NoTW:

DEFIANT Cheryl Cole has confessed she’s still in love with serial love rat Ashley and told him: “I should never have divorced you.”

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Posted: 26th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Cheryl Cole Is On A Fame Support System

CHERYL Cole has been talking. The woman upon whom all manner of non existent attributes are bestowed is reaching out via her official website. The words are beyond parody:

Hi my Gorgeous ones.

It’s me! I wanted to talk to you all direct, and first and foremost thank you all for your continued love, unbelievable LOYALTY and support and remind you that I love you all to bits.

Where do i start? I have had the weirdest past few weeks (nothing unusual there though.) I wouldn’t even know how to begin to tell you all about it.

What I do know for certain is that I have the BEST, most unbelievable people out there, who I feel so lucky to call my support system.

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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Cheryl Cole Moves In With Ashley Before Quitting The UK (Photos)

CHERYL Cole has moved back in with Ashley Cole. Can it be that the nation’s sweetheart with the fists of fury (and love) and doggy tattoo is once more with her former husband, the pukacious (surely rich? ed) Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole?

The News of the World says the ex-X Factor judge has “spent the night with him at the £5million marital home in Godalming, Surrey“. The headline thunders:

“CHERYL MOVES BCK IN WITH ASH”

As ever, these super-injunction thing newspapers use an unnamed source to fill in the gaps:

“They were saying what a special night it was. They were mucking about like old times just playing pool, smoking and having a few drinks. There wasn’t any awkwardness between the two of them and they seemed very comfortable together.”

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Posted: 19th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)


Cheryl Cole V Run DMC – She ‘Talk This Way’

CHERLY Cole V Run DMC – She ‘Talks this Way’.

The story of a “nation sweetheart’s” X Factor sacking – as told by Jenny Bede.

Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: Music | Comment


Cheryl Cole X Factor Fix: Sophie Amogbokpa, A Visa And It’s All About The Money

CHERYL Cole has is heading back to the US version of the X Factor. Maybe.

An “insider” told The News Of The World:

“This is the biggest surprise of the lot – Cheryl is back. Who could possibly have predicted this – it appeared that Simon had dumped Cheryl for good? But behind the scenes Simon has been wooing Cheryl. And key executives at Fox all realised they had made a big mistake. They have been watching the tapes of her at the American auditions and realising that she could be a huge star over there.”

So much for the theory that an auto-tuned singer with a history of assaulting a black toilet worker would not go down all that well with Americans. It turns that that Cole is mega-talented. Jenny McCartney had this to say on the nation’s sweetheart in 2003:

On the night of the assault, Cheryl Tweedy was already wasted – on vodka and Red Bull, wine and complimentary champagne – when she staggered down to the ladies’ lavatories. There sat 38-year-old Sophie Amogbokpa, a black lavatory attendant, who earned a paltry £25 a night with which she funded her part-time law degree. In the course of a dispute – during which Miss Amogbokpa requested that Tweedy pay up for the sweets she had snatched – an energised Tweedy punched her very hard in the eye. In the pictures, Amogbokpa looked as if she had been horribly mugged: she suffered pain for weeks.

Tweedy was charged with both racially-aggravated assault and simple assault. The former hinged on whether she had called Miss Amogbokpa “a fucking bitch” as a witness claimed, or “a fucking black bitch” as Miss Amogbokpa subsequently claimed. The jury decided that there was not enough evidence that Tweedy’s assault was prompted by racism rather than uncomplicated viciousness, and so convicted her of plain assault. The judge called it “an unpleasant piece of drunken violence” for which Tweedy had shown “no remorse whatsoever”.

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Posted: 5th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Cheryl Cole: Lies, Channel FIVE And Mental Illness

WHAT news of Cheryl Cole? By now you’ll be wondering how she’s getting on in the USA. Are they, like us in the UK, attributing all manner of non-existent attributes upon the Geordie singer?

Well, the Mail tells us:

However, the Daily Mail has learned that since being sacked Mrs Cole has become ‘uncontactable’. She has refused to take phone calls from TV executives,

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Posted: 30th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)


Cheryl Cole’s US X Factor Audition Tape: Nation’s Sweetheart Bombs In America

CHERLY Cole has been “AXED AGAIN”. No sooner has the UK version of the X Factor announced its judging panel (Gary Barlow, Zig ‘n’ Zag, Tulisa Contostavlos, Louis Walsh and Kelly Rowland) than the nation’s sweetheart is told she’s not wanted on the show’s US version. Maybe one of the UK’s judges will suddenly leave and Chezza will step in to save the day?

We are in the age of the Cheryl Cole conspiracy theory. While some are wondering how she managed to get on in the first place, others are wondering how she managed to get off. Anorak hears that Cowell was threatened by Grassy Knoll, a fabled FBI agent working in cahoots with the Bilderberg Group’s Illuminati divsion basded in Max Clifford’s suite at the Vatican.

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Posted: 29th, May 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


Cheryl Cole’s X Factor Snub Is A Cynical PR Lie: And We Love It

CHERYL Cole was dropped from the US X Factor because her accent was too thick for Americans. Yeah – those are the same Americans of whom seven out of ten can’t pronounce the name of her replacement Nicole Scherzinger and would buy a gun made of processed cheese.

Well, that’s the PR. And the PR is now in full overdrive, spinning the story of how an overrated pocket-sized Geordie with a decent punch went to America and came home.

And Cole’s return is great news for us. Really, it is. It is! According to the Daily Star’s front page, Cole has been detailed to “save the UK X Factor“.

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Posted: 27th, May 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)


Why Cheryl Cole Was Dumped Off The US X Factor

WELCOME home, Cheryl Cole. News is that the “nation’s sweetheart” is no longer a judge on the US X FActor, having been replaced by with Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls, who was the show’s hostess.

According to TMZ, the new panel of pap features only one Brit, that being showbiz eyeball licker Simon Cowell. He shares the bench with L.A. Reid, Paula Abdul and Scherzinger.

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Posted: 26th, May 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (6)