Posts Tagged ‘cheryl cole’
Cheryl Cole Moves On From Ashley With Song About Breaking Up
CHERYL Cole never needed England footballing great Ashley Cole to get on. The woman born Cheryl Tweedy never needed Cole’s surname to move her away from the TV talent show singer with a conviction for assaulting a toilet attendant.
Now divorced from Ashley Cole, Cheryl can finally be her own woman.
On her new album Messy Little Raindrops, she sings the song Happy Tears, lyrics released to an expectant and compliant media:
I cried when I heard you were cheatin’
I cried when I said I was leavin’
I cut off my hair and painted my toes
I sold all the diamonds and burnt all your clothes
I cried when I slashed all your tyres
I cried when your suit hit the fire
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Hated Cheryl Cole Seeks Relativity In Piers Morgan
X FACTOR line of the Day comes to us via the Star’s Peter Dyke and Nigel Pauly, who tell readers:
“Troubled Cheryl Cole has turned to Piers Morgan to prevent her becoming a national hate figure.”
Because if you want to look more lovable who better to stand next to than Piers Morgan..? (Sharon Osbourne is away.)
READ: How The X Factor And Sony BMG Fixed It For Katie Waissel, aka Katie Vogel
The X Factor 2010: Where You’ve Seen The Fix Factor Finalists Before
X Factor 2010: After Katie Waissell Treyc Cohen Is Another Fix?
X Factor 2010: Wagner Fiuza Carrilho Is The Cheryl Cole Antidote We Crave
Posted: 13th, October 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
X Factor 2010: Katie Waissel’s Cheryl Cole Snog And Cher Lloyd Is Dot Cotton?
X FACTOR 2010 contender and alleged dwarf snogger Katie Waissel says of Cheryl Cole, her and Cher Lloyd’s mentor on the show:
“You can tell she has the biggest heart and it’s no wonder she is the nation’s favourite lady.”
Only a cynic would award Waissel the Order Of The Brown Nose and start panting into a sick bag. But let us give the budding singer some credit. She did not compare Cheryl Cole to Princess Diana nor use the phase “nation’s sweetheart”.
READ: How The X Factor And Sony BMG Fixed It For Katie Waissel, aka Katie Vogel
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Posted: 3rd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
X Factor Photos: Cheryl Cole’s Book Signing And Sharon Osbourne’s Mosquito Issues
CHERYL Cole was writing her name in her new book ‘Through my eyes‘ at Waterstone’s in London. Because Cheryl is one given to crying the book is best read through goggles underwater.
As the fans waited outside in the rain – 300 silver wristbands have been given out with a further 100 gold wristbands given to the next 100 in reserve – pixie-voiced Sharon Osborne was bigging up the X Factor by picking on another of its judges, Dannii Minogue.
“I didn’t hate her because hatred is very close to love and takes a lot of emotion, and I don’t have time for her. She is like an insect – a mosquito that won’t go away.”
A mosquito! Like the one that bit Our Cheryl and gave her malaria!! Sharon, you have gone too, too, far…
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Posted: 1st, October 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: Is Cheryl Cole’s Judgement Of Tom Richards The Most Stupid Comment Ever?
THE X Factor calls 16-year-old Tom Richards, whose vocals give Cheryl Cole cause to come up with one of the best X Factor lines of all time. The English language needs a new word to describe the judges’ comments, something that moves on from contrived, routine or hype.
While we think one up, Tom sings The Scripts’ Man Who Can’t Be Moved. The judges say he has good voice but needs to move about less.
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Posted: 11th, September 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)
X Factor Autotune Gives The Amateurs A Cheryl Cole Moment
HATS off to the X Factor judiciary for getting wannabes ready for a professional career in pop music by showcasing Sony BMG pal Katie Waissel and mutating the amateurs’ voices in the Autotune mangle.
Says one source who watched the show:
“It’s still grossly unfair. While Cheryl Cole gets to lip sync, the likes of Gamu Nhengu have to actually sing all the words in order. It’s just unprofessional. Autotune is a start but until they allow the singers to mime like a pro, I’ll be watching the show with the volume turned off.”
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Posted: 23rd, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)
X Factor: Cheryl Cole Drops And Simon Cowell Opens His Mind In Video
THE X Factor is back. That melange of syrups, spite and sycophancy is back on the telly. The newspapers trail the show with pictures of Cheryl Cole collapsed on her judging desk at Simon Cowell’s school for pop pap. The mojo has drained from her hair.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage (in photos)
She is as spent as glamour model after a Grosvenor House spit roast.
To promote the show the ITV mandarins have released images of the moment Cheryl fell ill with malaria. Those of you who thought the disease could not be an entertaining as, say, Tourette’s, are challenged. Ever observant of the human condition, Simon Cowell asks Cole: “Are you ill?” Cole battles on. Singers will be judged!
But what is going through Cowell’s mind as he sits and looks on?
Why, this is:
Posted: 21st, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Cheryl Cole’s Anti-Malaria Crusade And Tick For Ashley
CHERYL Cole is heading back to Africa on a Malaria “CRUSADE”. As Britons bask in the rain and dodge wasps, the Mirror reminds us that Africa is worse off. But African can be saved.
Cheryl Cole has “survived malaria”. And now she is on a “CRUSADE”.
Saintly Cheryl has declared holy war on godless mosquitoes.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage (in photos)
And so it is that a married woman who went on a jolly with her alleged lover
will save Africa from the disease with a missionary zeal. (OK – grandstanding is all well and good if lives are improved.)
She will go to Uganda just as soon as the X Factor telly show is finished.
So much for the mosquito. But what celebrity will stand up for the misunderstood creature whose lot it is to carry the eukaryotic protest bug? Perhaps H from Steps or Euan Blair?
And what about the tick? You know… What about Ashley Cole?
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Posted: 14th, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
How Derek ‘The Hoff’ Hough Saved Cheryl Tweedy’s Life And Other Facts
DID you know that Derek Hough saved Cheryl Cole’s life? The Mirror says Hough called “999” when Cheryl took ill. Yes, he had previously taken married Cheryl to Tanzania, where it is thought she caught malaria. But that was Cheryl Cole. The Mirror says this woman’s name is Cheryl Tweedy. Although it isn’t.
But the story goes that Hough called the emergency services. As we learn:
Cheryl Tweedy has revealed that she owes her life to boyfriend Derek Hough.
The X Factor star says a medical blunder left her just hours from death, and she only pulled through after dancer Derek told medics to carry out further tests… which showed she had malaria.
Hough is pronounced Hoff, as in David Hasselhoff. Derek Hough is the new Mitch Buchanan. He’s not, reportedly, dating a married woman. He’s saving her life:
Cheryl told a friend: “Derek saved my life. If he hadn’t spoken out to the doctors and told them he thought something was seriously wrong I would probably have died.”
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Posted: 1st, August 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole Nursed By ‘The Hoff’
DEREK Hough – pronounced not “Ho” but Hoff as in The Hoff – has moved in with Cheryl Cole, that “nation’s sweetheart” married to Ashley Cole.
The Sun says of Chezza and the man who looks like Antony Armstrong Jones in Noel Edmonds’ hair:
“Pal Derek ‘to nurse’ ill Cheryl”
Cheryl is making malaria this season’s most talked about disease. And the Sun says Derek will “nurse” her.
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Posted: 28th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole And Ashley Cole Reunite: All The Facts And Photos
ASHLEY Cole has not met with malaria-infested Cheryl Cole. The NoTW’s Dan Wootton and James Desborough have “exclusive” news.
A source tells us that Ashley wants to meet Chelsy but only if she ditches Derek Hough:
“The simple fact is Cheryl doesn’t want to see Ashley. Given everything she’s been through it just wouldn’t be a good idea…
“She’s still incredibly fragile and doesn’t need that sort of potentially traumatic experience.”
The suggestion seems to be that Ashley Cole’s presence might make Cheryl feel worse and induce a set back in her recovery.
Ashley Cole is toxic!
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Posted: 25th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Cheryl Cole Lives In Junk Food ‘Funeral Parlour’
CHERYL Cole’s Malaria Diet that took her to just over 7-stone (NoTW) and 6-stone (People) moves on to Module 2: the junk food weight programme.
Says the Star:
The singing star, 27, who has had to pull out of her judging spot on the X Factor, has withered to a shocking six stone.
And she is now aiming to put on weight:
The pair are feeding her loads of greasy grub at the £6million Surrey mansion she used to share with love rat husband Ashley Cole, 29, in a desperate bid to fatten her up.
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Posted: 19th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole’s Malaria Diet: Pictures
CHERYL COLE is “DOWN TO SIX STONE”.
So says The People, which has the foresight to weigh the “nation’s sweetheart” and promote the Malaria Diet on its front page.
Or as the NoTW’S Dan Wootton says:
The stricken X Factor judge is now just over 7 STONE and so thin that her bones poke out.
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Posted: 18th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole Becomes The Privacy Seeking Cheryl Tweedy
CHERLY Tweedy, as the Sun calls her – her name is Cheryl Cole (it says so on the label stamped on her neck) – has malaria. And even in her weakened condition she manages to lend her names to the quote of the day.
News is that she is only allowing her mum Joan and “close pal” Derek Hough into her hospital room.
A source, presumably one who has not seen her, tells the press that Cheryl is too weak to read documents about her divorce from Ashley Cole. The same source then tells us:
“She was delighted to get some privacy.”
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Posted: 14th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Ashley Cole ‘Gave’ Cheryl Cole Malaria?
CHERYL Cole has malaria and is very ill in hospital. And if you want someone to blame, then blame not her alleged lover Derek Hough, who took a married women on a “romantic” holiday to Tanzania, not the venue for not keeping malaria-infested mosquitoes at bay, but blame Ashley Cole. The man’s a tabloid monster!
In Pictures: Cheryl Cole And Derek Hough’s Ballroom Karma Sutra
As the NoTW says:
“The fact is, we came close to losing someone very special,” say a source. The paper adds:
Friends blame husband Ashley – who Cheryl is in the process of divorcing – for bringing her to the low point that made her easy prey to the disease
If Cheryl Cole dies, the tabloid logic seems to be that Ashley Cole would have killed her.
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Posted: 11th, July 2010 | In: Reviews | Comments (16)
Cheryl Cole’s Deadly Malaria And Ashley Cole’s Foursome
CHERLY Cole has malaria. So says the Daily Mirror. And Ashley Cole has “romped” with “4 girls in just 24 hours”. What do you want first – the shakes or the shakes?
Cheryl Cole is said to have caught malaria on a romantic holiday with Derek Hough, the dancer.
Ashley Cole is in a nightclub in LA. A strumpet is flashing her naked chest at him. Says the Star of goings on before, during and after a trip to the Guys And Dolls nightclub:
SHAMED Ashley Cole was out scouring Los Angeles for trashy women yesterday, while his estranged wife Cheryl lay on her sick bed in Britain.
Yeah, looking for trashy women in LA! Why go so far? Why not just call one of sex phone lines advertised in the Daily Star, watch its sister organ Channel X or go clubbing in Kent?
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Posted: 6th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Lady Cheryl Cole Strips In Hollywood Movie: In Pictures
CHERYL Cole will not stick with World Cup winning hero Sir Ashley Cole. Her ladyship will move on – and strip. It is now ok to dislike Ashley Cole once more, and that is just one of the positives resulting from England’s defeat to the Germans. We’re all Anglo-Saxon now, readers. Or Dutch.
So. What news of the “nation’s sweetheart”?
Well, she’s going to strip. Sorry. Make that, Cheryl Cole is going to star in a comic street in the Beano. Pow! Biff! Cheryl’s going to sings diet with Minnie The Minx.
Why? Well, as the Star says:
Dundee-based publishers DC Thomson spotted her sporting a red and black striped outfit, designed by the late Alexander McQueen, in her video for Fight For This Love.
Comic book readers can look out for Cheryl entertaining the kids in her tight, slashed black plastic peek-a-boo top and matching knickers.
Take that, Walter Softy!
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Posted: 28th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Simon Cowell Says Cheryl Cole Is Now Cheryl Tweedy – Her Neck Disagrees
JUST in time to crack American between her Max Wall dancing thighs, nation’s sweetheart Cheryl Cole is now nation’s sweetheart Cheryl Tweedy.
Celebrity Teeth: Before And After
Granted, it says “Mrs C” on the back of her neck. But she doesn’t have to see it. So. It’s ok. And should Ashley Cole’s England win the World Cup what man will not want to kiss the badge and say, “I was there”? Bring a biro, lads. Sign the flag.
Question: If Cheryl is to break the US, will she get her alleged new lover’s name printed on her head – “Derek Hough” (pronounced Ho)?
The World’s Weirdest And Stupidest Tattoos
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole And Derek Hough Do Tanzania: In Pictures And Nibbled Tattoos
CHERYL Cole is in Africa. She’s in Tanzania with Derek Hough. Yesterday, she was still in love with nation’s World Cup sweetheart Ashley Cole. Today, “smitten” Cheryl – soon to be Cheryl Tweedy – is in Tanzania on what the Sun calls a “romantic trip to Africa”.
And it is a “secret trip”. Look, there’s secretive Cheryl walking through Heathrow Airport with her Hough and an assistant.
Cheryl Cole Reunites With Ashley Cole For World Cup: Pictures
Or as the Mirror’s 3am Girls tell us:
The sneaky little things arrived at Heathrow separately yesterday before hopping on a flight to Tanzania for a dirty long weekend.
Surely “romantic” weekend? Maybe. As the headline informs readers:
Cheryl and Derek are probably bonking in Africa as we speak
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Posted: 17th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
The Monstering Of Cherly Cole’s ‘Attacker’ Danielle Beeres: Pictures
CHERYL Cole’s “ATTACKER “ who left her “terrified” is Danielle Beeres. Danielle is 21. Danielle, says, the Sun’s Andrew Parker, “talks about her constantly and practises copying Cheryl’s signature.”
Does talking about someone a lot make you “obsessed”? That question to you, the Sun, OK!, Daily Star, Simon Cowell and more…
Pictures: Cheryl Cole Attacked With Pen By ‘Crazed Mob’ In Birmingham
Does talking about Cheryl Cole make you a potential “attacker”? Defamer’s Jess McGuire says she is “obsessed” with Girls Aloud. Is she dangerous. Might she ask for Cheryl’s autograph?
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Posted: 16th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Pictures: Cheryl Cole Attacked With Pen By ‘Crazed Mob’ In Birmingham
CHERYL Cole, wife to World Cup hero Ashley Cole, has been “attacked in the street” by Birmingham’s Hotel du Vin. She is in town for the X Factor auditions.
Yep. What the **** is the nation’s sweetheart doing on a street? Why has she not been attacked in a spa, the First Class lounge at Heathrow Airport or in a palace?
Do we sympathise with her? It Cheryl had not left nation’s sweetheart Ashley Cole to fight for the World Cup alone, she could have been attacked in South Africa, by a lion or hippo, perhaps. Anywhere but the street. It’s just so common.
Cheryl Cole Reunites With Ashley Cole For World Cup: Pictures
Anyhow, what about this attack, what the Mirror calls on its front page:
“Terror at hands of crazed mob?”
Cheryl Cole was badly shaken after a terrifying security breach in which a persistent fan made a lunge at the X Factor judge.
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Posted: 15th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Piers Morgan Replaces Larry King At CNN: Thank Robert Green
PIERS Morgan is replacing Larry King as the face of CNN chat. The four-year-deal is said to be worth $5,5milion. And you can thank Robert Green.
So. Piers Morgan leaves for the US. Another Simon Cowell judge, Cheryl Cole is reported to be heading over there. And in exchange all we need do is instruct Robert Green to let America win the World Cup game with England 1-1.
We win!
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Posted: 14th, June 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
In Pictures: Cheryl Cole And Derek Hough’s Ballroom Karma Sutra
CHERYL Cole followed Justin Bieber onto the Wembley Arena stage to sing about fighting for love. Cheryl is divorcing England’s sweetheart Ashley Cole. He’s doing his bit for his country among the colonials in Africa as his wife is being felt up by Derek Hough on stage. (Vera Lynn should weep.) Derek’s step-dad Aaron Nelson says: “For Derek, this is true love. There is no doubt about it. He is totally in love with her and it’s easy to see why. She is one hell of a girl.” Here’s Cheryl in pictures. Look out for the ballroom karma sutra and the big “**** you, loser” finale…
Ashley Cole’s Women (Alleged)
In Photos: Captial Radio Summertime Ball (Rihanna, Bieber, JLS, Cheryl Cole And…)
Cheryl Cole Hurts Ashley And England’s World Cup Dream: What Would Vera Lynn Do?
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In Photos: Captial Radio Summertime Ball (Rihanna, Bieber, JLS, Cheryl Cole And…)
ALL the photos from the Capital Radio Summertime ball, featuring Justin Bieber, will.i.am, Usher, Rihanna, JLS, Cheryl Cole, Dizzee Rascal, Kesha, Scouting for Girls, Alexandra Burke, Jason Derulo, Ellie Goulding, Tinie Tempah, The Wanted, Esmee Denters and Chipmunk… Want to see the photos? Here they are – enjoy them all:
Ashley Cole And Lapdancer Sarah Purnell, Cheryl Cole’s Patriotic Double: Photos
WHAT news of Ashley Cole, now just a couple of injuries from being England’s World Cup captain? Well, the NoTW says he is stepping out with a new lover – an “ex-lapdancer who is the image of estranged wife Cheryl”.
That would Cheryl Cole, the most beautiful woman in the world? Great news, then, for Sarah Purnell, who will be the new nation’s sweetheart when Chezza takes her fists and Autotune to the US.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage – in pictures
“See you later, Sexy Bum,” yells Ashley as Sarah leaves his training camp.
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Posted: 6th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (9)
