X Factor: What Joe McElderry Fears, Lucie Jones Naked And A Fight

X FACTOR: Danyl Johnson is departed. The greatest microphone juggler in the business is no more. Olly Murs, the man with the name that’s as contagious as his itchy dancing, Lucie Jones naked, dull Joe McElderry and Carry On X Factor Stacey Solomon go on. The news round-up:

The Sun (front page): “XSTATIC – Olly, Stacey and Joe in final as Danyl dumped”

Daily Star (front page): “X FACTOR STARS’ FIGHT NIGHT – Signers at war as cocky Danyl is booted”

War! Is there much blood? The Star:

Nerves were really playing havoc with them all. There was a lot of bickering

The War of Bickering, eh. It’s brutal stuff. Want to hear what “cocky” Danyl says?

“I might have gone out in the semi-final but I’ve gone out to some of the best people I’ve ever met. I’m looking forward to spending time with my friends and family and hopefully I’ll get a couple of gigs if anyone wants to come along.”

Anorak

Posted: 7th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

X Factor: JLS Are Bigger Than Twilight And Stacey Solomon ‘Dumps’ Olly Murs

X FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance round-up of X Factor in the news: JLS are bigger than Twilight, Take That and Manchester United; Cheryl Cole’s fake hair and happy-happy-happy marriage give us reason to be cheerful and Stacey Solomon dumps Olly Murs…

A Year With JLS

The top selling calendars are – according to Calendar-maker Danilo and retailer HMV:

1. JLS
2. Twilight Saga
3. Cheryl Cole
4. Michael Jackson
5. Robert Pattinson
6. Manchester United
7. Top Gear
8. Family Guy
9. Liverpool
10. Pink
11. Hollyoaks Babes
12. Zac Efron
13. Cliff Richard
14. Hollyoaks Hunks
15. DCI Gene Hunt
16. Simpsons
17. Take That
18. Arsenal
19. HMV My Inspiration
20. Dr Who

21 – Jedward who?

Stolly

Anorak

Posted: 29th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

X Factor: Cheryl Cole Gets Her Own ITV Show, With Rihanna

WHEN the X Factor is finished, ITV will keep us up to speed with the life of Cheryl Cole with a one-off special, entitled Cheryl Cole’s Night In.

Given the tabloid chatter about Cheryl’s marriage to Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole – “Ashley blows hot and Cole” (Star);” Is Cheryl Cole’s love life losing the X Factor?” (Daily Mail) – Cheryl might be happy with the company.

We will join Cheryl as she sits on the sofa waiting for Ashley to come home and tell her that Clement Freud joke.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

X Factor Does Pride Watch: Cheryl Cole Patronises Joe McElderry

X FACTOR does Pride Watch: Pride Watch highlights instances of Remote Pride, when someone barely or not at all related to the subject says how proud they of them, a comment that at once patronises the target and takes partial ownership of their achievement.

Cheryl Cole is “mentoring” Joe McElderry, the shiny, sexless Cliff Richard boychild by choosing what songs the voice coach trains him to sing.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Cheryl Cole’s Secret X Factor Gig: Carole Malone Exposes The Truth

CAROLE Malone does the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole and produces a review about a song that has not yet been sung.

Somerset Bob spotted the oddity. And as MacGuffin says:

“In mid-October it was widely trailed that Cheryl Cole was to perform her new single on The X Factor and that she was not going to be singing live (although only some of it appears to have been mimed in the end). Noticing that the show goes out on a Saturday night, Malone fired off her column for the next day’s News of The World. She asked:

‘Why did she mime her new solo single on last night’s X Factor?'”

Anorak

Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

In Pictures: X Factor Lucie Jones Sings Cardiff

WHILE London-based X Factor acts – JLS,  Too black Rachel Adedeji and Cheryl Cole tribute act Kandy Rain – play GAY Heaven, Welsh girl  Lucie Jones performs outside St David’s shopping centre in Cardiff, Wales.

Is there no GAY Heaven in Wales? Maybe in some hidden happy valley, there is. And while JLS and the X Factor Kids meet their yong fans, Lucie Jones meet hers. Want to see them? Brace yourselves…

Lucie Jones

Image 1 of 11

X Factor contestant Lucie Jones, who was voted off the show last Sunday, appears on stage outside St David's shopping centre in Cardiff, Wales.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Peter Andre ‘Dates’ X Factor Singer Stacey Solomon

WANT to read about Peter Andre’s “movie date” with X Factor hopeful Stacey Solomon?

In OK! magazine, you can. What’s more, the magazine has the “FIRST EVER PICTURE”.

This is a front-page exclusive. And we begin our journey through a magazine in hunt the X Factor starlet and Mr Katie Price, as was.

Anorak

Posted: 12th, November 2009 | In: OK! | Comment

Cheryl Cole’s Ring Gives Ashley The X Factor

CHERYL Cole’s wedding ring is big news. On the last X Factor, Cheryl did not wear her massive rock. Why? Well, before we get to the heated debate, let Cheryl explain, via sources:

The judge, 26, who spent yesterday with the injured Chelsea footballer, 28, said she ditched the £160,000 sparkler as it clashed with her outfits on Saturday and Sunday’s shows.

When your wedding ring clashes with your outfit you know you’re in a secure relationship, or in need of a new ring and a dress hewn from solid rock with two rubies on your nipples and a diamond gusset. Something befitting a WAG.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

X Factor: Simon Cowell Seduces Lucie Jones’ Grandma And Jedward

X FACTOR Watch: Simon Cowell seduces Lucie Jones grandma, and makes  a hero of Chery Cole and Jedward more popular than ever.

Daily Mirror (front page): “X RAGE”

There’s a picture of Simon Cowell looking smug. And news in bullet points:

* 3,000 furious complaints on ITV
* Cowell tried to rig Cheryl vote
* Watchdog may probe fix

Taking each of those points in turn – The Fury:

Can a complaint be furious? Well, Lucie’s grandma says “yes”. And she is:

“I was furious. I said all along if it came down to Lucie and anyone else he would get rid of her because he is afraid of her. He is afraid of her voice.”

Anorak

Posted: 10th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Shaddap You Face: John & Edward Fight To Bring Back The Novelty Christmas Song

X FACTOR Watch: Jedward walks, Max Clifford stalks, Pete Warterman puts on rose-tinted specs for Pop Idol, Cheryl Cole’s teeth are wanted, Dannii Minogue is a sight screen and Anorak’s campaign to bring back the novelty record…

Jedward, the two–headed beast, move onto another week’s awfulness. They need to make it truly terrible to keep their bandwagon going. It’s not easy to be hated. Look at Noel Edmonds.

They say that when Jedward sings the world heats up and a polar bar suffocates. They say the CIA are using recordings of Jedward to torture prisoners’ gonads. They say Jedward are husband and wife, hailing from a small factory in China.

They say they must win to restore the novelty record to its rightful place as the Christmas no.1. Where is the new Renee and Renato? Mr Blobby? Bob The Builder?

And after Christmas, where is the new Father Abraham’s crooning for his Smurfs, T.U.R.T.L.E. Power, The Purple People Eater and anything by STEPS? Jedward… We need you to bring back the novelty Christmas record.

To today’s X Factor news:

Herald (Ireland): “No stopping Jedward now as celeb agent Max Clifford is set to snap up the twins”

X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes are being lined up by celebrity agent Max Clifford as their popularity soars.

Look out for Jedward pulling on matching Chelsea kits, shagging a bit-part actress and becoming the new Kerry Katonas.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

World’s Smallest Mum Stacey Herald Gives Brith For Third Time

IN this week’s Closer magazine, we get to meet “the world’s smallest mum”.

How small is she? Well, she’s smaller than Cheryl Cole, who says “The baby’s on hold”. (Cancel the twins!) The world’s smallest mum is Stacey Herald and she is 35 and 2ft 4 in small.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

X Factor: Teacher Shows Danyl Johnson And Olly Murs How To Quit

X FActor wananber Danyl Johnson is a teacher. Toby Moulton on Australian Idol shows him, John & Edward, Lloyd Daniels, Olly Murs and every other wannabe that singing might not be for them. A look at the X Factor show judges Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole suggests singing is not for them either – it’s just a gateway to the fame, riches and adulation.

Says Toby: “I now know you I am – I’m a teacher.”

It could be mawkish. The audience goes wild. But the man’s point is well made. You’ve got to want it to get on in Simon Cowell’s pop prep school. And wanting it can override any need for talent.

Toby Moulton did not want it enough. He knew his own mind. Simon Cowell knows his own mind. His acts seem to have left their minds at the door…

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jedward Do The X Factor: The Most Amazing Things About John & Edward Mania

X FACTOR  Watch – Jedward special: Simon Cowell fixed it for Jedward, Halloween and bust, swine flu, Robbie Williams supports, Noel Gallagher cheers, JLS are on  message, Danyl Johnson votes John & Edward, the look-alikes and Jedward sing YMCA…

ON the front pages of the Mirror, Sun and Star, each time dressed as vampires ready to administer a love bite to anyone close enough, and so create another Jedward clone, the brothers Grimes introduce Halloween.

The Mirror: “X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes may be too sick to perform”

The sick so-and-sos. What they gone and done now?

Simon Cowell’s prayers could be answered – terrible twins John and Edward have been SILENCED by raging sore throats.

If they can’t sing, John & Edward get a pass through to the next round. Happily, Queen’s We Will Rock You is along with YMCA the world’s big semaphore hit and John & Edward can still perform with camping and foot stamping while stood on a large rock.

But the Brothers Grimes are now bona fide celebrities and a sore throat is not enough. As stars they demands more:

THE X Factor twins have been struck down with “flu-like” symptoms – just 24 hours after The Sun revealed the pair were at risk from swine flu.

Belfast Telegraph: “X Factor: Would you vote for the Grimes brothers?”

At his BBC Electric Proms performance last week Robbie stunned the crowd when he told them: “Go for the twins. John and Edward all the way.”

Well, if you can’t stun the crowd with your singing your new song that sounds like a composite blend of your own song with lyrics penned by an angst-riddled teenager, knock them bandy with something else.

And it’s not only Robbie Williams who likes Jedward:

Last year’s X Factor runners-up JLS have also given them the thumbs up, and even Noel Gallagher is reported to be behind them.

You imagine X Factor runners-up JLS like them because it reflects well on them to support a special needs act, and Noel Gallagher likes them because it’s pretty much what Simon Cowell’s pop factory deserves.

X Factor favourite Danyl Johnson, who is being mentored by their nemesis Simon Cowell, has revealed that he’s been voting to keep the twins in.

Danyl Johnson is so desperate to be likes he votes for John & Edward and then let’s this fact be know to the world at large. Others need John & Edward to remind the rest of us that they exist:

And John and Edward have also won the support of Big Brother reject Becky Shiner, who waited outside the X Factor house for hours to see them.

And to be seen.

The Guardian: “X Factor twins John and Edward pin victory hope on talent for publicity”

Simon Cowell described them as “vile little creatures who would step on their mother’s head to have a hit” and vowed to leave the country and sulk for six months if they won. Cheryl Cole said they could neither sing nor dance (“fact”) and more than 181,000 people joined a Facebook hate group in their name.

Hundreds of journalists quite about them.

“It’s been Jedward mania this week,” said Sam Delaney, the editor of Heat. “We’ve hit the tipping point. It’s up there with Bros mania, or Take That at their peak.” Delaney said the rise of JedwoodJohn and Edward mirrored the ascent of another upwardly mobile public figure. “There are parallels here with David Cameron,” he said. “People started off loathing him, then they started mocking him and then one day we woke up and thought: ‘Jesus Christ, he could actually win this.'”

Surely he thought, “Simon Cowell, he could actually win this.” Cowell is bigger. Right, Max:

Publicist Max Clifford believed people were voting to wind up Cowell. “The more Simon speaks out about them the way he does, the better it gets for them.”

The more media space they get the more people are familiar with them and the more likely they are to vote for them. Simon Cowell! John & Edward are Nick Griffin set to music!

But wait a moment. What’s this?

The Sun: “Simon loves Jedward”

SIMON Cowell secretly loves X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes and hatched a plot to turn them into megastars FOUR MONTHS ago, The Sun can reveal.

What’s this? The voting public is being duped? Louis and Simon are in this together!

Westlife’s Shane Filan said Simon and Louis showed footage of the boys to him and his bandmates in June, declaring: “They’re going to be massive.” And he said Simon knows the duo will have a big TV career even if they flop as pop stars.

Shane, 30, whose band is managed by Louis, the twins’ mentor, said: “We went with Louis to Simon’s house in LA and they took us to a room with a cinema and said, ‘We want to play you something.’ They played us John and Edward and Simon said, ‘They’re going to be massive.’ We were like, ‘Oh my god, they’ve gone crazy!’ It was when they did their first audition and they were asked where they’d be in ten years’ time and they were like, ‘We’re gonna be a bit older.’ And Simon said, ‘These are going to make it in the final 12.’

So it’s a fix. Cowell and Walsh are in an elite club of two that sets the agenda as to who wins their TV show.  And you trust the Sun to bring you the facts:

The Sun told this week how the twins scored the highest vote on last weekend’s show, while Simon’s act Danyl finished in the bottom two.

Only they didn’t. Rachel did. John & Edward came nearer the bottom than the top. Is the Sun in on this conspiracy to promote Jedward?

Irish Times: “The public’s guilty pleasure”

You can hear the editor screaming: “Get me a few hundred words on Jedward fast. A writer gets to work:

WE ARE ALWAYS more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess than to be praised for the 15 which we do possess.” Clearly, Mark Twain wasn’t an X Factor devotee, but his words are cannily spot-on when it comes to Dublin twins John and Edward Grimes. Talent – in musical terms anyway – doesn’t ooze from their collective pores, and some critics question whether they have any skills at all, let alone 15 of them.

Spot on, then. One thing we can agree on, and the writer can agree with himself on is this:

Cringey? Yes. Camp? Certainly. But it was so damn watchable, even if you had to peek through your fingers.

To win the show, Jedward need to be as awful as possible. Anorak has produced their playlist to ensure success. And do look at their look-alike gallery – your suggestions please…

Anorak

Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Jedward: What John And Edward Will Sing To Win The X Factor

JOHN & Edward will be singing We Will Rock You on the X Factor next week. Not only will Thing 1 and Thing 2 be getting the audience to stamp their feet and clap their hands, but they will also be rapping. This is the Five version of the hit queen song.

It could not be more terrible. And its very awfulness will ensure that John & Edward move on step on to becoming this year’s X Factor champions.

Having so far performed Oops! I Did It Again by Britney Spears is a kak-footed, tuneless version of the singer that could see the lads make a fortune as musical impressionists, and a version of Ricky Martin’s La Vida Loca that was a brilliant parody of the Latino heartthrob who always threatens that he about to sing and dance but never quite erupts.

Indeed, Martin’s shtick of sticking a pose that suggests much more rhythm to come has been adopted by the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole who doesn’t dance so much as ape the Windmill Theatre’s tableaux vivants, stain stock still between swift jerks.

But we digress. The focus is on John & Edward., and what they will need to sign to win the show. What ever it is is has to be memorable. And because Jedward are awful it has to memorably awful.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

X Factor: John & Edward Perform Live Duet With Miming Britney Spears

X FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance looks at X Factor in the news: Louis Walsh mocks Cheryl Cole’s singing, Simon Cowell vows to spend more time in the sun, and John & Edward do Britney Spears too well.

Daily Mirror (front page): “YOU’RE TWIN FREAKS – Cowell savage John & Ed”

Savages? He’d never risk his teeth.

“This X Factor is the hardest one to call,” he says, still reeling from Danyl deffo-not-a-bully-deffo-still-would Johnson being in the bottom two last weekend. “The twins are completely deluded and live in fantasy land but they are lovely. They thought Britney would watch their performance and wanted to invite Robbie to their party.”

John & Edward performed a live version of a Britney Spears song. The performance was every bit as good as the original, save for the boys failing to dry hump the stage, not miming and omitting the Max Wall tribute.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

X Factor: Spice Girl Mel B Rejects Top Job She Wasn’t Offered

THE X Factor is the biggest show on the telly. And Melanie Brown is the former Spice Girl trying to get noticed in a blonde wig. But Mel will not stop at nothing to get on. She will not judge.

In the the Star’s “MEL 3 HAS SPANKING GOOD NIGHT”, Mel considers working as an X Factor judge:

When we met, she explained why she’d never be a judge on The X Factor. She said: “No, that’s not for me. I really don’t like judging people, it’s mean.”

This the same Spice Girl Mel B who sat on the judging panel for the second annual Blue Peter book awards.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

X Factor: Danyl Johnson Look-Alike Gallery

THE knives are out for Danyl Johnson, this year’s X Factor hate figure. How can there be a contestant who can move and sing better than show judges Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue?

Johnson has been called cocky and vain – character traits you’d suppose were prerequisite for making it in Simon Cowell’s pop factory.

But the biggest bugbear about Danyl Johnson is his looks. He has a face formed not by surgeons blade and chemist – see Cowell, Louis Walsh and Danni Minogue – but by committee.

Anorak got to thinking and we asked the typing pool who Danyl Johnson reminded them off. These are their answers – your suggestions, please…:

Anorak

Posted: 28th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

X Factor: Victimised Cheryl Cole Wants To Punch Simon Cowell

LOOK out Simon Cowell, it sounds like Cherly Cole has not developed as much had been hoped. The X Factor judge found guilty of assaulting a toilet attendant remains a fan of the short sharp shock, as the Star’s front page says:

“Simon Cowell is nasty rude and annoying. I want to punch him”

This is “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Cole on message. Anyone who has watched the X Factor cannot help but notice that the aim of the three non-Cowell judges is to turn on Cowell and say how wrong he is. The more forcibly they can do this the less chance the watching millions will realise that without Cowell the show loses its only talent.

The routine goes like this:

Cole: Check out me dimples
Cowell: Nothing short of awful. Horrendous
Louis Walsh: No. you’re wrong
Dannii Minogue: Stares purposefully

The audience cheers and hisses allowing Cowell time to think of a simile – “Your like Hitler without the fun”, or a metaphor, “You’re Cilla Black in braces.” The Star takes up the theme:

Cheryl Cole told last night how she feels like “lamping” Simon Cowell because he is so “nasty, rude and annoying”. The chart-topping Geordie beauty has broken her silence on the increased “friction” between her and Simon on this year’s X Factor.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

X Factor: Tabloids Bully Danyl Johnson Over Stacey Solomon’s Son

ONE day on from news that Simon Cowell is to investigate stories that X Factor’s ‘Bronze Age Will Young’ Danyl Johnson has been mean to Stacey Solomon, the Star screams:

“X FACTOR BULLY BOY MAKES BABE’S LIFE HELL”

And:

“Stacey a sobbing wreck over Danyl’s jibes”

As we’ve said, Stacey should thank Danyl for connecting her with her tears. If she can mime and dry hump a microphone, Stacey may yet becomes a pop sensation in the mould of a Cheryl Cole or Dannii Minogue.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

X Factor: Joe McElderry Hits Lucie Jones, Lily Allen And John & Edward’s Soiled Suits

X FACTOR round-Up: Joe McElderry hits Lucie Jones, Lily Allen sings, Strictly Come Dancing flails, John & Edward soil their clothes and evil Lisa Hayden-Johnson…

Metro: “X-Factor Lucie Jones left in tears after ‘bust up’”

X-Factor beauty Lucie Jones was left in ‘agony’ after she was struck in the face by a tambourine by show rival Joe McElderry back stage.

Can McElderry copy Danyl Johnson’s Stacey Solomon shtick and help Lucie Jones connect with her tears?

The Welsh beauty cried out in pain after the 18-year-old misfired throwing the instrument in the air, striking the stunner direct in the face…

But injured Lucie was left stunned, wondering whether her nose had been broken after she reportedly crying out: ‘Ouch! What the hell did you do that for? It really hurt.’

It’s the X-Ray Factor. But did she cry? If you’re going be the new Cheryl Cole, you’ve got to cry:

The injury was an extra blow for Jones, 18, who was left in floods of tears on Saturday night’s show after her big band performance failed to win over Simon Cowell.

Hold the tambourine, literally. Lucie Jones is already crying.

Mirror: “AXess all areas”

Anorak

Posted: 26th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

X Factor: Danyl Johnson Helps Stacey Solomon Connect With Her Tears

MORE X Factor news as The People spots “’Vile’” Danyl Johnson who “has rival [Stacey Solomon] weeping”.

Vile? Surely The People means to say “heroic” Danyl Johnson. If the ‘Bronze Age Will Young’ can make a rival singer weep, surely he’s doing his own battle for the Christmas No.1 no favours. Tears are what the X Factor is all about, which is why on last night’s show we met the agonists’ proud parents, including Johnson’s mum who, naturally, wept.

So who is Johnson making cry this week – two weeks ago Johnson accused of making Cheryl Cole tribute act Kandy Rain sob like a vicar with his zip caught in a lap dancing club.

Danyl Johnson left rival Stacey Solomon in tears in the X Factor house with a vicious personal jibe.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)

Anorak Wraps Up The Week When Lindsay Lohan Died And Nick Griffin Forgot His Lines

THAT was the week when: Lindsay Lohan died, Nick Griffin twitched, Cheryl Cole had the Y Factor, India’s call centre workers exploded, Stephen Gately died – again; Madeleine McCann became a mascot – but not a Halloween outfit – and James Arthur Ray didn’t break sweat…

Sunday October 19:

Only Video Of Anne Frank Emerges

Cheryl Cole’s X Factor Lap Dance Undoes Whitney Houston’s Dress

Someone should have told Whitney Houston that you don’t need a wardrobe malfunction to be British pop star, you just need to come on stage dressed as a lap dancer and get mum, dad and the kids to clap along.

Indian BT Worker ‘Bombs’ British Customer’s House

“I’m disgusted that something like this can happen with such a respected company. The whole thing has been upsetting. It doesn’t get much worse than someone – a stranger – saying he is going to blow you up.”

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

Closer: Lindsay Lohan’s Suicide, Katie Price’s Crying Kids And Cheryl Cole

IN this week’s Closer magazine: Lindsay Lohan’s suicide, Victoria Beckham is 700,  Myleene Klass is proud of Charlotte Church, speaking for Cheryl Cole and fears for Katie Price and Peter Andre’s kids…

* THE death of Lindsay Lohan is proving to be a popular story. Following news that Lohan will die in 2010 – and your glimpse into her future – Closer magazine explains the method of her demise:

“SUICIDE FEARS FOR LINDSAY.”

“Friends say the star – who looked miserable and dishevelled in Paris recently – is living on a diet of pills, vodka and cigarettes.”

That would seem to be unlikely. But Closer has no time to investigate and beneath a picture of Lohan smoking a ciggie, tells us:

“She’s been wearing loads of bracelets too, which friends fear are covering up wounds from cutting herself.”

Anorak

Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: Key Posts | Comment (1)

X Factor Cheryl Cole’s Kinky Lap Dance Sing-Along

CHERYL Cole’s “Kinky Sex Factor” occupies the Daily Star’s front page.

Having done a passable impression of a wind-up tin lap dancer as she lip-synched her new song on a singing contest, Our Cheryl is now embroiled in a tale of perverted sex.

“Star’s sauce lap-dance secret is out.”

X FACTOR judge Cheryl Cole was accused of double standards last night after blasting Kandy Rain for flashing the flesh and then doing it herself. The Girls Aloud babe, 26, even wore a similar revealing black top as band member Coco Lloyd, whom she had slated.

Hold on a moment. Cheryl is no lap dancer–cum-singer. Our Cheryl is a toilet-attendant-assaulter-cum-lip-syncologist. If you are going to criticise a national treasure, get it right.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Is Susan Boyle Pregnant In Time For Christmas 2009?

SUSAN Boyle to have a Christmas TV special. A panto?

Oh, no she won’t!

Oh yes she will.

Get Pebbles. Like Dick Whittington, she must  turn again for London!

Reports are that Susan will perform in front of celebrities for a festive “An Audience with Susan Boyle”.

Susan Boyle will appear before what is still called “a live studio audience” of celebs to answer questions from the likes of Amanda Holden, Cheryl Cole, Chris Biggins, Piers Morgan and (did we mention Amanda Holden?) and DJ Talent between songs?

A source tells the News of the World:

“Everyone is really excited about the show. With the huge worldwide appeal of Susan, the show could be screened right across the globe and potentially be one of the biggest ratings successes for ITV ever.”

Anorak

Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: Key Posts | Comments (5)