Toddlers are more stupid than chickens – birds outperform kids in numeracy and logic

YOU’VE cooed and coochied at your darling little baby, posting endless identical photographs of them on Facebook and heard your friends tell you barefaced lies about how beautiful it is, and that it has it’s ‘daddy’s eyes’… but here’s some news for you and your little shit-machine – chickens could well be smarter than your human toddler.

A survey was conducted and found that chickens have the ability to out-perform young children at numeracy and logic.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 19th, June 2013 | In: Strange But True, Technology | Comment

The PartyFowl Diaper Harness for full-grown pet Ducks, Geese, Chickens, and other Poultry

FIANLLY! “The PartyFowl *Made-To-Order* Diaper Harness for full-grown ADULT pet Ducks, Geese, Chickens, and other Poultry.” Yours for £25 each:

Anorak

Posted: 16th, June 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Sexy cockerel calendar produced for hens

YOU’VE obviously been very worried about the arousal of hens in 2012 because someone has gone to the trouble of producing a calendar for lady chickens, filled with sexually alluring cockerels.

Millions of years of evolution, and this is what humans have become.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 10th, December 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Gianni The Sex Change Cock Saves The Catholic Church

GET a load of Gianni the egg—layer cock. Gianni the cockerel can do the lot. Before a fox raided his harem and killed all the hen, Guianni was the cock of the plot. Then he started laying eggs.

Because this is fact and not a scam, scientists at the United Nation’s Farm and Agriculture Organisation will arrive at Gianni’s Tuscan idyll to study the bird’s DNA to see what made him change.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Scare Story Of The Day: Two Thirds Of Our Chickens Are Out To Kill Us

SCARE story of the day: “Killer Bug In Most Chickens” – two thirds of chickens sold in the UK are infected with a deadly bacteria.

MORE than three-quarters of British chicken is contaminated with a potentially lethal food poisoning bug, a report revealed yesterday.

Potentially lethal – as in if a chicken fell from a tower block and hit you beak first in the eye it could kill you? The Express is here to inform:

Tests on birds for sale in shops across the country showed that 76.1 per cent of whole British-reared chickens harbour the campylobacter bug, which kills 80 people a year and makes a further 440,000 ill.

And it’s a growing problem, because in 2001, the BBC reported:

Campylobacter, which can cause severe stomach pains and diarrhoea, was found to be present in 69% of chickens tested, according to an investigation for BBC1’s 4 x 4 series.

The Express has more facts:

Chicken is the most pop¬ular type of meat in Britain with consumers eating their way through 1.64 billion birds every year.

That’s a lot of chicken making 440,000 people ill.

Campylobacter is the single biggest cause of food poisoning in the UK and up to 40 per cent of cases are thought to be caused by chicken bought in shops.

That’s 176,000 people made ill by infected chicken meat, from a trial of 1.64 billion birds.

There were 55,000 cases in the UK last year but these are only an eighth of the real estimated total of 440,000 cases because so few of the people who fall ill go to see their GP.

So that’s 22,000 cases of people being made ill by bad chicken meat from a total of 1.64 billion birds.

So why is this news, let alone front-page news? Well, the man with a vested interest tells us:

Andrew Wadge, chief scientist at the FSA, said of the report: “This survey has shown that, despite a lot of work we have done over the last few years, we have not really made any sort of in-roads on the level of campylobacter and we know that if we could do that then all the evidence points towards having a really big effect on food-borne illnesses.

“This is a long-standing problem, not caused by modern production methods. It is disappointing that the levels of campylobacter remain high. This is a significant public health burden and a big economic burden.”

Let’s hope he gets the Government funding he needs to save us all.

In other news: cook your chicken thoroughly until the bacteria are dead.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, October 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Chickens Killed By Inflatable Jamie Oliver Balloon

“AS soon as the gas is released to raise the balloon they go absolutely crazy.

“It is absolute chaos, when they go into anything and that causes the egg to explode inside them.

“The fragments of the egg and its contents then infect them and then they die from it – it’s a horrible way to go.”

No doubting that. Being killed by your unfertilised unborn is just about the one crime that had never featured on Anorak’s pages.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, November 2008 | In: Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (3)