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christmas

Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

Buy the Best Christmas Cards

Looking for Christmas cards, maybe ones without the robin dusted in snow or a turkey doused in cranberry sauce? Well, you’re in luck. Flasbak has a fabulous range of the best Christmas cards. There’s a great choice. I’ve picked out a few Christmas crackers:

Christmas cards – the best Christmas cards – are available at flashbak.

Posted: 14th, October 2021 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Watch: The Watercress line light up at Christmas

watercress line

“Tonight the BF and I went and stood on a bridge in the middle of nowhere to catch a glimpse of a train. It was well worth it,” tweets Tom Lynch.

The Watercress Line runs between Alresford and Alton.

The Mid Hants Railway started life in October 1865 as the Alton, Alresford & Winchester Railway and was intended to connect the existing lines at Alton and Winchester and provide an alternative route between London and Southampton…

In 1937 the line from London to Alton was electrified which meant that the Mid Hants line was no longer part of a through route…

The line, from Alresford to Alton, was subsequently purchased from British Rail in 1975 and through the hard work of the volunteers the first trains ran in May 1977 from Alresford to Ropley. The new company, based on volunteer staff, then re-opened the remaining line in stages, with the extension to Medstead & Four Marks in 1983 and final section to Alton in 1985.

You can book a ride on the Watercress Line here.

Posted: 26th, December 2020 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment


Lux Interior of The Cramps Christmas mix tape download

Lux Interior of The Cramps Christmas mix tape download

Kristian Hoffman received a mix tapes of Christmas songs from Lux Interior of The Cramps. Called ‘Jeezus Fuck, It’s Christmas!!!’, you can download it. Says Hoffman on his Facebook page:

Lux Interior used to make holiday cassettes for me, and so many of his friends. As odd as it seems, he was all about sharing. Listening to this one right now.

 You can get more files at WFMU Ichiban.

Spotter: flashbak

Posted: 24th, December 2020 | In: Music | Comment


Government declares Christmas Truce in War with Covid-19 – virus considering position

“Christmas is saved,” says the Express. It’s “Bubbles with the baubles” trills the Metro – up to four households may be allowed to mix during the festive season. “Ho Ho Homes to Mix,” says the Sun. “Xmas gets go-ahead” is the Daily Mirror‘s lead. The Daily Mail wonders, “Who’ll be in your festive bubble?” The Government has declared a Christmas truce in the war with Covid-19.

As Britishers pop their heads over the parapets, taking part in funerals, prisoner swaps (you mean visiting granny in the care home? – ed), carol-singing and a football match, there is no guarantee that Covid-19 will play along.

As such, fraternising with the enemy should be avoided until a spokesman for Covid-19 – Dominic Cummings, Ivanka Trump or the bloke from Blue Peter who usually does panto but is available at a moment’s notice for other paid work? – tells us otherwise.

Helping to make sense of it all is our resident expert, Mr A. Turkey, who confides: “Whatever they dish up at such a wonderful time of the year, I’m in!”

Lead image: British and Germ(ans)s take a break from the mass killings to get their hair cut and talk about the war.

Posted: 23rd, November 2020 | In: Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment


The Shining In Gingerbread

Twin brother Aaron and Austin Keeling recreated scenes from The Shining with Gingerbread. They’re pretty tasty:

the shining in gingerbread
the shining in gingerbread
the shining in gingerbread
the shining in gingerbread
the shining gingerbread

Spotter: Flashbak

Posted: 21st, November 2019 | In: Film, Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Noel Gallagher on hating Christmas

Noel Gallagher hates Christmas. Well, I guess if you’re called Noel you might well try to break free of nominative determinism. He does protest a lot…

Posted: 24th, December 2017 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The hipster nativity is a thing of comfort and joy

hipster nativity

 

Nicely done hipster nativity makers. The three wise men ride on Segways bearing gifts from Amazon for the newborn. Mary holds her Starbucks and pouts. She looks more than tad high. Joseph is taking a photo of his own head. The bard has solar heating; the sheep has a jumper; and one of the wise men is sporting a waxed ‘tache.

 

hipster nativity

hipster nativity

 

 Spotter: here

 

Posted: 25th, October 2017 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The year my father got my mother a hoover for Christmas 1984

he year my father got my mother a hoover for Christmas 1984.

 

On Reddit, Mr-Irrelevance recalls Christmas 1984, when his father gifted his mother a hoover. The picture of her present is fabulous.

Below the photo, others share their gift memories:

When I was a kid my dad pulled something similar. Mom had been dropping hints for months that she wanted speakers in the kitchen. Christmas morning arrives and Dad gives Mom her big present! I remember her saying “oh I wonder what this is!?” with a big smile on her face as she began to open it. When she realized what it really was the smile faded and the twinkle was gone from her eyes. Instead of speakers dad had gotten her a fucking ironing board. She looked at him hoping it was a joke but no…Dad was really that stupid. The next day Dad went out and bought some really expensive speakers. – foxpoint

I used to work for a charity and at Christmas we would have a stall in the mall where we wrapped up gifts in return for a donation to the charity. It was mainly men who used this service. I always remember the elderly gentlemen who came over full of excitement that he’d found a present that he thought his wife really wanted – it was an ironing board cover. Not even a whole ironing board; just the cover. Imagining Christmas morning in their house made me sad. – TrappedUnderCats

Spotter: Reddit, via Flashbak

Posted: 26th, April 2017 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Cardiff’s plastic Christmas tree is cheaper than a white elephant

Cardiff council has invested £30,000 renting the biggest Christmas tree in the country.

At 40 metres the fake tree made of metal, plastic and more plastic would have been the envy of every municipal council in the land. But something went wrong and the tree if only 40ft high.

The tree, made in China, was hired for £10,000 a year on a three-year contract.

The council has yet to put an ‘angel’ on the tree but the city’s head of parks and gardens is being lubed up as we write.

Posted: 28th, November 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Teen brandished machete gift at mother during Christmas board game despute

other parentsHow was your Christmas?  Did you and the family play games? One 15-year-old did. During play he threatened his mother with a machete he received as a Christmas present.

To West Jordan, Utah, then, where Sgt. Keith Bronson of the West Jordan Police Department says the the fight ensued after a board game was turned over and the boy couldn’t find all the pieces.

“We find that people have a wide range of coping skills,” Sgt. Bronson said. “Some of them are good and positive and some of them are not. Of course, this was a good example of what not to do – when you become angry and decide to take on the adults in your house.

“Specifically with a gift that they’ve given you just a few days earlier. I’m glad we were able to get there and bring stability to this situation as quickly as possible. We would encourage parents or people who are in charge of young people to call police as soon as they feel their own anger is getting out of hand. Police officers can often get in there quickly and and help diffuse a situation if we can be contacted early enough.”

Bad losers, you have been warned.

Posted: 5th, January 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


The top five Christmas songs written by Jews

circa 1925: Russian-born US composer Irving Berlin (Israel Baline, 1888 - 1989) at the keyboard with violinist Jascha Heifetz. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images)

circa 1925: Russian-born US composer Irving Berlin (Israel Baline, 1888 – 1989) at the keyboard with violinist Jascha Heifetz. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images)

 

Have yourselves a happy Christmas, folks. Here are the top five Christmas songs written by Jews:

“White Christmas” – Written by Irving Berlin. Bing Crosby’s version is the bestselling single of all time

“The Christmas song” (“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”) – Written by Bob Wells and Mel Torme.

“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” – Sammy Cahn.

“Santa Baby” – written by Joan Javits.

“Winter Wonderland” – written in 1934 by Felix Bernard.

Take it away, Eartha Kitt:

Posted: 20th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)


Creepy Christmas songs: Angels of Love

An incredibly creepy Christian kids song for Christmas. Linda Blair is away:

 

Posted: 6th, December 2015 | In: Music, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


‘Fat’ Mary squashes nativity donkey to death

fat jesus

To Spain, where a fat ‘Mary’ has crushed to death a natitivy scene donkey:

A donkey, part of a live Christmas crib in southern Spain, has died two days after being mounted by a 150kg (330lb) man who gatecrashed the nativity scene.  The man jumped over a fence and leapt on to the five-month-old donkey, named Platero, who was part of a nativity scene in the town of Lucena, near Córdoba. The donkey was literally squashed by the man.

We need bigger donkeys to keep up with the obesity epidemic…

Posted: 18th, December 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Jesus Wept! The Christmas Jumper That Bleeds For Your Fashion Sins

jesus_front_1024x1024

 

Who hasn’t looked at a Christmas jumper and declared ‘Jesus’?

Shredders are selling this fine seasonal sweater designed by Steve Byrne.

jesus_back_1024x1024

 

Spotter

 

 

 

Posted: 23rd, November 2014 | In: Fashion | Comment


Leicester Mercury Says Haymarket Shopping Centre Has NOT Cancelled Christmas

THE Leicester Mercury has news: the Haymarket Shopping Centre has NOT cancelled Christmas:

Screen shot 2014-11-14 at 08.18.08

 

As you were…

Posted: 14th, November 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


Christmas Jumper-orama: The Hideous Gremlins And Fargo Sweats

READY for Christmas? Ready for your seasonal sweater?

Mondo have greated designs based on the 1984 film Gremlins and the 1996’s Fargo.

fargo 1

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Posted: 19th, October 2014 | In: Fashion, Film | Comment


Jesus X: Why Xmas Is A Venerable Abbreviation For Christmas

xmas

 

CHRISTMAS or Xmas?

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Posted: 24th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comments (2)


Penzance: How The Market Jew Got His Illuminated Christmas Knickers

penzance pant lights

WHAT do you see when you view the Christmas lights in Penzance, Cornwall.

Some see Christmas puddings.

Others see leopard print underwear dangling from a washing line.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


How To… Party In Public At Christmas

PA-8604076

 

CHRISTMAS is pretty much here and you’ll no doubt be going out and getting drunk and dancing and all that fun stuff. However, hate to break it to you, but you’re a nightmare.

You need teaching how to interact with the world when you’re partying through the Yule. So, with that, here’s some helpful tips that will ensure you’re not absolutely loathed by all of humankind through the festive party season.

 

Music

Chances are, you’ve been complaining about Christmas music on Facebook and Twitter solidly since mid-November. Suddenly, drunk, you get the urge to listen to a classic Christmas pop hit in a pub or bar. There might be a DJ on. You’re hammered at it is only 8pm so the DJs barely got their headphones on. Don’t bellow ‘PLAY SLADE!’ at them because, you terrific berk, they’ll be keeping that in the box ’til around midnight, when everyone is nicely drunk and game for something daft. It is a peak-time song. You peaked too early. Whatever you do, don’t get your iPhone out and offer to play it from that, especially if the only soundtrack is the pub jukebox. This makes you a dreadful arse doing no-one a favour.

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Posted: 17th, December 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Corporate Horrors: A TP Bennett Christmas Song

CHRISTMAS time works dos can be awful. But no more terrible than this horror show from the work pod-dwellers at TP* Bennett. The people at this “leading architectural, interiors and town planning practice with over 90 years’ experience across a broad range of building types in both the private and public sectors” are here to make you feel w whole lot better about your own company’s holiday season antics.

* A Building firm called TeePee. What are the odds:

Posted: 16th, December 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Cashing In On Christmas: The Biggest Rip-Off Albums Ever

IT’S Christmas! Time for a rip-off…

The historic album charts are full of magnificent Christmas Number Ones, including runs by the Beatles from 1963 to 1965 and 1967 to 1969. Ironically, however, the one year they didn’t manage the feat was 1966 – when their record label released a greatest hits collection specifically for the Christmas market.

 

Cash-in1

 

The album was something of a rip-off, in that it consisted of pre-released hits, plus one song that had not been yet released in the UK. Thus fans wishing to hear the boys’ cover version of Larry Williams’s Bad Boy were forced to shell out for a full-price album.

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Posted: 16th, December 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment


Christmas Disco! The 70s Songs Played At Christmastime In Hell

mistletoe disco band - A

 

DISCO music started with a fair amount of street cred; it wasn’t until it was marketed to oblivion that it fell out of favor. Like other counterculture movements (i.e. the hippie, psychedelic, punk, and grunge) it found its way to the mainstream whereby it was diluted and force fed to the masses. Disco, once an underground movement, flooded pop culture in the latter half of the 70s to such an extent that a backlash was inevitable.

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Posted: 14th, December 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment


At Last! Lie Detectors In Santa’s Grotto

PA-5268135

FOR years, lying little swine have got away with lying to Santa, saying they’ve been good all year when in fact, their school reports say something very different.

At long last, children in shopping centres in the UK are being asked to take a lie detector test before being granted an audience with His Holiness, Father Christmas.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 11th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


And The Award For Most Baffling Letter To Santa Goes To…

SANTA is a busy man. First off, he has to get a load of occasional staff for the grotto, just like the Post Office do. He’s probably working them harder than Amazon too, but he’s got a sleigh that is propelled by flying elk, so he can do as he damn well pleases.

Let’s be honest here – Father Christmas is the Kanye of Yule. He’s bigger than Jesus and he knows it. He gets all the thanks and people leave him sherry and treats. What does Jesus get? Piss all.

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Posted: 3rd, December 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


What Happens When Your Crash A Car Carrying A Christmas Tree (Video)

christmas tree car

 

THINKING of transporting a Christmas Tree on your car roof?

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Posted: 28th, November 2013 | In: Technology | Comment