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Britain’s Got Talent: Janey Cutler Is Twice As Hairy As Susan Boyle

IT’S Britain’s Got Talent’s Janey Cutler. The Sun says Janey is “SuBo II”, an improved version of the hairy prototype. Cutler is hairier, owns more cats, has a longer-dead mum, was starved of oxygen nitrogen at birth and will be pastronised twice as much as the old version. Janey has “Don Not Resuscitate” tattooed on her ambitions. JaCu is gonna be huge.

Janey might never have been kissed but she does have seven children. Janey sings in the Glasgow auditions on the “same Glasgow stage on which SuBo, 49, made her mark – to a similarly bored reception from the judges”.

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Posted: 8th, May 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (6)

Britain’s Got Talent’s Christopher Stone: The Hairless Angel’s Sympathetic Back Story

CHRISTOPHER Stone is Britain Got Talent’s Hairless Angel, a singing “sensation” who the Sun says is the victim of bullying. Here’s Christopher’s sympathetic back story that will maybe see him pip Tia Brodie to the prize to sing for Her Majesty:

Says he:

“I was bullied from day one until the day I left. Day in, day out. It started off being physical and became mental afterwards – but the mental bullying was worse by far.

“Bruises heal but the pain from mental bullying doesn’t just go away.”

Stone is the singing accountant. He is also a product of Chetham’s School of Music in Manchester, where he studied after leaving the “atrocious” school in Harrogate, scene of so much bullying.

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Posted: 26th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Britain’s Got Talent: Christopher Stone Is The Hairless Angel

BRITAIN’S Got Talent introduces Christopher Stone – the Hairless Angel; ChrisSto; The Signing Accountant; the one who wouldn’t shut the *** up about Maria.

By day Stone is a 28 year old accountant. By Saturday night telly Stone is a 28-year-old accountant in a beige jumper being kept waiting by Simon Cowell’s pursuit of good telly to live his dreams. Will he go through to the next round with the regurgitated Stevie Starr and the stripper with the burning rag?

And ChriSto:

“I’ve come to Britain’s Got Talent to audition today mainly from pressure from my parents, more than anything else. They’ve been telling me for years and years that I need to do something like this.”

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Posted: 24th, April 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (22)