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Glasgow Council ‘Steals’ Working Class Woman’s Home For Commonwealth Games Village

MARGARET Jaconelli and her husband Jack don’t want to leave their two bedroom home in Ardenlea Street, Glasgow. They have lived there for 34 years. The powers that be say they must go because their tenement block is to be demolished to make way for facilities for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, specifically an athlete’s village.

Yep, they are going to build more flats. Why not just allow the locals to rent out their properties to the athletes?

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Posted: 18th, March 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (3)


Commonwealth Games 2010 Closing Ceremony Photos: No-One Died

COMMONWEALTH Games 2012: No one died. No one was sucked down a drain in the swimming pool when two people in the athletes’ village / sink estate flushed the toilet at the same time.

Australia won lots of gold medals for swimming. England became rebranded as Team England and gave full throat to Jerusalem, a song that calls for England to be split by religion-fired fighting between the natives and patronised by Jeremy Bowen.

Indian fans stayed at home – although not the Indian soldiers with the impressive moustaches. Lots of people played pipes in public. And the Seychelles tonked it bitter rivals Tonga in the medals table…

The London Olympics has very little to live up to. Thank fuck for the Commonwealth…

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Musicians and dancers perform during the 2010 Commonwealth Games Closing Ceremony at the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 14th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comment


BBC Presenters Watch The Commonwealth Games On TV But Go To South Africa For World Cup

HOW many BBC presenters and experts does it take to cover the Commonwealth Games in Delhi? And note that loads of them went to the World Cup in South Africa to chatter and natter and analyse, expertly.

Well, for the commonwealth games in Delhi, the nodding heads are all in a studio in Shepherd’s Bush.

Ian Thorpe Clare Balding, Sue Barker, Jake Humphrey, John Inverdale, Hazel Irvine, Michael Johnson, Colin Jackson, Denise Lewis, Steve Cram, Jonathan Edwards, Chris Boardman, Huw Edwards, Adrian Moorhouse, Mark Foster and Gail Emms are all in London watching the big event on the telly.

So. Why is it that for the World Cup the licence fee payer sent Gary Lineker, Alan Hansen, Alan Shearer, Lee Dixon and many, many more to sit in made-up a studio and watch the matches on monitors?

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Posted: 8th, October 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Commonwealth Games: England’s National Anthem Jerusalem Plays And England Forgets The Words

COMMONWEALTH Games: They played Jerusalem when Fran Halsall stood on the podium. The 20-year-old winner of the 50m butterfly at the Dr SJ Mukherjee Aquatics Complex is the first person to ever hear the strains of Hubert Parry’s score played at a sporting event.

The tune was chosen because 1,896 entrants in a YouGov survey voted like this:

1. Jerusalem: 52.5%
2. Land of Hope and Glory: 32.5%
3. God Save The Queen: 12%

Duncan Lewis, Marketing Director for Commonwealth Games England, said, “The nation has spoken…

Around 60 million people live in the UK.

The tops–selling single of all time in the UK is Elton John’s Candle In The Wind 1997 / Something About The Way You Look Tonight, which in 1997 alone sold 4.8 million copies.

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Posted: 5th, October 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Commonwealth Games 2010 Photos: Will Swimmers Die When Two Athletes Flush Toilet at Once?

THE 2010 Commonwealth Games photos: News is that the opening ceremony was such a hit in New Delhi that it is also the closing ceremony. The medals have been awarded on the basis of results of spot checks at rooms at the athletes’ village. Well done St Vincent & The Grenadines. Less well done, Scotland. Hard cheese, Cyprus – literally…

Of course, we’re joking. Stay tuned, sports fans, for the closing ceremony and the sight of the swimmers going down the plug hole when two athletes flush the chain at once…

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The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall attend the opening ceremony of the 2010 Commonwealth Games in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 4th, October 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Commonwealth Games 2010 Photos: Prince Charles And Camilla’s Unfurled Tampon

COMMONWEALTH Games 2010 In Photos: Prince Charles is in India to oversee the colonials and see if the swimmers disappear down a huge plug hole when two toilets are flushed in the athletes village. As ever, the pictures are brilliant, especially the one of Camilla with a tampon-themed umbrella. Charles should enjoy that.

Can you create a caption for Picture 1?

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Duchess of Cornwall speaks with Tom Reynolds (left) from Northern Ireland and Roger Skedd from Scotland as the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall tour the Athlete's Village in New Delhi, India, ahead of the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games.

Posted: 3rd, October 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Commonwealth Games: Dehli To Be Twinned With Slough As Typhoid Strikes Chief Medical Officer

MORE Commonwealth Games news as the event’s chief medical officer Tarun Garg is off work with a suspected bout of typhoid.

But rest assured that all is well. Although if you are going to the stadium in Delhi and thinking of fainting or falling ill take care to collapse into a neat ball shape. One woman who passed out at the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium was placed on a stretcher and taken to a lift that would transport her to the first floor medical rooms. Only, the stretcher could not fit inside.

Away from the filth and cock-ups, the talk is of Islamic militants targeting the games. Can they hurry up. Come friendly bombs and all on the stadium.

John Betjeman was right…

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A Langur is seen outside the National Stadium in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 1st, October 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Commonwealth Games: Delhi Assaults Senses With Vuvuzela

COMMONWEALTH Games: Just when you thought the Commonwealth Games could not get any worse they started selling vuvuzelas. Delhi’s assault on the senses continues…

Lest we forget:

Posted: 30th, September 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Commonwealth Games: Indian Boxer’s Bed Collapses (Video And Photos)

COMMONWEALTH Games: To Delhi where Indian Akhil Kumar, a boxing champion, has sat on his bed int eh ehtlest village and felt it collspe benath him. Kumar wons gol;d at the 2006 Melbourne Games fifhgitn in the 54kilogrmase division.

Says he:

When I sat down on my bed to take a rest, it collapsed. It was quite scary. I later discovered that there was no plywood under the mattress, it had just been placed on the frame.”

And her comes out old pal and Indian official Shelia Dikshit to say:

“All efforts are being made to hold a successful games.”

On a personal note, your writer once stayed in Delhi . I pulled back the pillow on my bed and exposed an ants’ nest. Or “auxiliary builders”, as the Indian authorities now call them…

The Photos are Brilliant:

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Security forces guard the Athletes Village in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 27th, September 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Commonwealth Games: Brilliant Pictures Of The POW Camp-Themed Athletes Village And Banned Skateboards

THE Commonwealth Games in Delhi are going to be must-see telly.

Will the pool leak all the water before the swimmer completes his lap? Will runners in lane 7 have an unfair advantage because their track is downhill?

Will anyone escape from the village that looks like a POW camp in wartime..?

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Security forces guard the Athletes Village in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 26th, September 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Commonwealth Games Photos: England Expected To Clean Up In Delhi, Literally

GOODBYE Team England. We looked on as they headed to Delhi for a date with rubber gloves, tinned food and the Modern Pentathlon.

First in are the England hockey team. Take look at their faces, readers. These are the best damn cleaners in British Athletics. Next to arrive will be the keen pro-amateur grouters of the weightlifting team. Then the long jumper tillers and so on. If the Commonwealth is about coming together, then it is up to Great Britain to lead the way.

And if we can invade Poland without delay and get some of their workmen onside, then so much the better…

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Security forces guard the Athletes Village in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 24th, September 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Delhi Athletes’ Village In Pictures: Commonwealth Games Sink Estate

PICTURES of the athletes’ village at the Commonwealth Games show the place resembling a sink estate in, say, Scotland. This might explain why the Scotland team have delayed their trip to India. Why bother travelling when you can experience urban decay, poverty and begging right at home.

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Security forces guard the Athletes Village in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 23rd, September 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)


Commonwealth Games: Millions Tune In To See Who Will Die In Delhi

THE Commonwealth Games risked being a non-event until the boffins in Delhi enlivened it with a new Modern Pentahlon. Who now cannot resits tuning it not see:

CEILING LIFT

The ceiling has collapsed in the weightlifting zone. Can the Welsh team keep it up before the plasterboard crushes them to death?

PIPE VAULT

As the floor gives way, pole vaulters have just seconds to chose an implement with which to cross the growing divide – plastic, copper or lead (controversial).

LONG JUMP

The pedestrian bridge has collapsed. Bits of it may collapse beneath you as you run. Look on as the athletes defy gravity – for a bit before plummeting into a huge hole. Added pints for screams, somersaults and twists.

DENGUE RUN

Marvel as the rhythmic gymnasts use fly swats and lengths of double-sided sticky tape tied to ribbon to run through the athletes’ village.

DOWN THE DUNNY

The swimming pool is filling up with raw sewerage from the pipe beneath the diving boards. On the command “FLUSH!” the swimmers dive in and swim desperately away from the toxic tide.

Says one sports fan: “Fiver says Pakistan wins.”

Posted: 22nd, September 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (6)