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Posts Tagged ‘coronation street’

I’m Glad Hayley Cropper Is Dead: She Never Once Posed In A Bikini

HAYLEY Cropper was dying. Hayley Cropper is not a real person. She’s the work of dramatists at Coronation Street. And she’s dead. No. She’s alive. Hang on… No, Dead. But she could return for a retrospective or Christmas special. That’s the thing with people who aren’t real, they can do things the rest of us can’t. Sherlock can be made to live in today’s London, Tony Blair can be Prime Minister and Hayley can commit suicide rather than die slowly from cancer. It’s something to do with six-month contracts and a prior booking.

The Daily Mail’s paparazzo has “The Last Picture”. But no need to rush out and buy the newspaper because it’s not real news and, in any case, Hayley death is a primetime snuff movie.


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Posted: 14th, January 2014 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Chris Fountain sacked by Corrie after this ‘rape rap’

Chris Fountain arrives at the TV Choice Awards at the Dorchester hotel in London. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Monday 10 September, 2012. Photo credit should read: Ian West/PA Wire

OVER in Yorkshire, there’s a fall-down funny group of rappers called SY Cypher. They freestyle in a self deprecating manner, often threatening to shoot each other with guns they clearly don’t have. Their videos have been hilarious and canny, but alas, no more.

The group had to make all their videos private after they got much more attention than they bargained for, after Coronation Street/Hollyoaks alumni Chris Fountain decided to get in on the act. Appearing masked as ‘The Phantom’, Fountain did a lousy rap with a heap of crass jokes, which regrettably included something about rape.

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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment

Helen Flaganan gave another woman a’long hard blink’

helen flanagan

HELEN Flanagan, who played a gilded lollipop on Coronation Street and a whine gum on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! has become a mainstay of the red-top press. This is on account of her vapidity, cleavage, tweeted break-in at the home of her Manchester City player lover Scott Sinclair, her cleavage, her nose job, no longer dating Sinclair, having been a child actor we’ve watched grow up and her chest

More recently, Flanagan was in the news because Sinclair has been linked with a Sky TV presenter called Donatella Panayiotou. Being a shy type, Donatella has written a caring and classy open letter to Helen in Now magazine:

Like you, I’ve been cheated on by boyfriends before and felt sick when I found out. want to take this opportunity to explain that I’d never do that to another woman – I think it’s Scott who’s been naughty. I met Scott in Cannes while he was on a lads’ holiday on a yacht a few weeks ago. His mates accidentally sprayed champagne over my friends and came over to apologise.

We all got chatting. I didn’t recognise him at first. He seemed so shy and boyish, I thought he was in a boy band, not a Premier League footballer dating one of the sexiest women in the world.

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Posted: 8th, July 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Daniel Bartlam gets 16 years of murdering his mother – the media get Coronation Street

DANIEL Bartlam was 14 when he murder his mother Jacqueline Bartlam, 47, with a hammer as she slept at their home in Redhill, Notts. Bartlam then poured petrover his mother’s body and set it on fire. He claimed burglars had committed the heinous crime. At Nottingham Crown Court Bartlam has been sent to prison for a minmum of 16 years.

Detective Chief Inspector Kate Meynell, from Nottinghamshire Police tells all media:

“The level of violence, the degree of planning and the extent of his lies is not only shocking, but it’s also chilling that a boy could do this.

“I’ve never dealt with something like this and I’m not aware of any other case in this country. He thought he could commit the perfect murder and get away with it.”

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Posted: 2nd, April 2012 | In: Reviews | Comments (15)

Coronation Street’s Deirdre Rachid is a chair

DEIRDRE Rachid, the Coronation Street femme fatale, is now a chair in Top Man:

Spotters: @mydadisloaded and @NickyColman

Posted: 9th, March 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Calls for Coronation Street to be banned after spate of murders

THE “Corrie Copycat killer” is the story of the killer who copied Coronation Street’s murder plots and killed for real.

Its the Daily Mirror’s front-page news:

In a chilling imitation of Street villain John Stape, the teenager beat his victim, doused her body in petrol and set fire to her house

Ban Coronation Street now! At Nottingham Crown Court, a Corrie fan is being sent down for murder:

Existing in a fantasy world of TV soaps, violent films and sick websites, a schoolboy descended into a twilight world of horror.

Hold on a moment. The killer was interested not only in primetime soaps with unlikely storylines but also “sick websites” and “violent video games”. Had he stay tuned, this impressionable lad could have watched the TV news, which is chock full of violence and death. He might also have been exposed to: Tom & Jerry, Six Nations Rugby, newspapers and angry rap music.

Finally, unable to tell fact from fiction, he copied a murderous storyline from Coronation Street and beat a woman to death.

Being unable to tell fact from fiction is what the soap strive for. Shows written by fiction writers and acted by actors end with health warnings – “if you have been affected by anything on tonight’s show who can call a phone number and get help“.

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Posted: 11th, February 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Reserved Helen Flanagan Leaves Coronation Street Under A Basque: Photos

SO. Why is Helen Flanagan quitting Coronation street? She tells Hello! that she’s nothing like Rosie Webster, the would-be glamour model and minx:

“I like that she’s confident, whereas I’m reserved and shy.”

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Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

RIP Betty Driver: Coronation Street Betty’s Hotpot Off The Menu

BETTY Driver the 91-year-old actress who played Betty Williams/Turpin as Coronation’s Street’s barmaid and Lancashire hotpot maker in the Rover’s Return is dead.

The former music hall star was recruited for the role in 1969 and 42 years later was still on the cast list.

Despite her famed success as a soap series meat dish master chef, she was a vegetarian and said she couldn’t cook a hotpot to “save my life”!

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Posted: 15th, October 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Coronation Street’s Kevin Webster Arrested For Alleged Sex Offences

WAAAAH, waw whoa wha-whoa-waaaah… yep, that famous brass that signals that start of an episode of Coronation Street is really quite difficult to write down.

Not as difficult though, as the morning that Corrie star Michael Le Vell, who plays Weatherfield veteran Kevin Webster, is having.

He’s been arrested by police on suspicion of sexually abusing a schoolgirl.

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Posted: 6th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Coronation Street’s Ken and Deirdre Barlow Immortalised In Wax And Comfi-Slax

CORONATION Street characters Anne Kirkbride and William Roache unveil the new wax figures of their real life characters Ken and Deirdre Barlow at Madame Tussauds in Blackpool.

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Posted: 26th, July 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)

Ryan Giggs, Natasha Giggs, Used Knickers And Kym Marsh’s Bedroom: The Facts (Photos)

FOR TEN days straight the Star has featured Ryan Giggs on its front page. Today, the Daily Giggs delivers the headline:

“Giggs bedded babe in my home”

Is that enough to get a blue plaque over Coronation Street star Kym Marsh’s front door? Maybe…

CORONATION Street beauty Kym Marsh fears Ryan Giggs romped in her bedroom with his sister-in-law. Sexy Coronation Street actress Kym Marsh bought her £600,000 house from the estate agents where Ryan Giggs’s secret lover Natasha worked at the time.

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Posted: 17th, June 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (3)

The British Soap Awards 2011 In Photos: The Shaggable Take On The Mentally Negligible

THE British Soap Awards pits the shaggable against the non-shaggbale, and EastEnders againt Coronation Street. This year EastEnders was crowned the Best British Soap.

The only people who should watch these televised AGMs are viewers who actually think that what they are watching is real and London’s grim east is a dystopian nightmare where Shane Richie is the light relief, and not because he plays the role of the jokey blokey sort, but because he appers to actually think he’s acting.

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Posted: 15th, May 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

RIP Trevor Bannister: A Career In Photos

RIP Trevor Bannsiter. You were Mr Dick Lucas in Are You Being Served?. You were slso in pretty much every touchstone British TV show of the past 60 years: Last of the Summer Wine, Casualty, Coronation Street, Silent Witness , Keeping Up Appearances, The Tomorrow People, Crossroads, Armchair Theatre, Steptoe and Son, Z Cars, Softly Softly , The Saint, Dixon of Dock Green, The Avengers and Dr. Finlay’s Casebook.

Yep, he was the cheeky by John Inman’s inside leg…

Posted: 16th, April 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Coronation Street: Samia Smith And Will Thorp Star In Tabloid Masterclass

CORONATION STREET stars Samia Smith and Will Thorp are reported to be in a romance. It’s front-page news in the NoTW, which has been sitting on the story for a month. The story began with the Sun saying Thorpe was “comforting” Smith. They had formed a “solid relationship”.

Now we learn:

“She is smitten with him and he is obsessed with her. They believe they will be together forever.”

Is that right? Do two actors who have been married and parented children think they will together forever? Did they say that? No. Because none of the players will talk to the tabloid, all we have is an unnamed “source”.

Our Corrie source said: “They left their partners and within weeks admitted they were a couple. But both are adamant that nothing went on between them until after they had left their families. There are three young children involved in all of this and it is so sad.”

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Posted: 30th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Why Al Qaeda Did Not Blow Up Coronation Street

REMEMBER when the Sun told us that al Qaeda was going to blow up Coronation Street in a live TV spectacular that would make the tram crash look like, well, this?

The Sun has an update:

Further to our article about increased security at Coronation Street’s studios for their live 50th anniversary episode (December 9), we would like to make clear that while cast and crew were subject to full body searches, there was no specific threat from Al-Qaeda as we reported. We apologise for the misunderstanding and are happy to set the record straight.

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Posted: 3rd, January 2011 | In: Reviews | Comments (10)

Coronation Street Live Activists Try To Free Camilla And Charles From Night At Royal Variety Show: Photos

THE anti-Royal Variety Performance campaigners were not enough to save Prince Charles and Camilla from an evening spent with the N-Dubz, Mark Owen and comedy’s very own Mr Johnny Boden, Michael McIntyre. Says a spokesman for the masked activist network:

“We knew Coronation Street Live was on and that Camilla was a big fan. To see her hermetically sealed inside that mobile fish tank was a scandal and an outrage. We tried and tried to bust her out but it was no use. The glass was just too tough. Sorry, ma’am.”

Says Camilla:

“Never again. Please.”

Posted: 10th, December 2010 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)

Coronation Street Live: Peter Finally Dies From Smoke Inhalation

CORONATION Street Live is gone. And with it go are Ashley Peacock, Peter Barlow and Molly Dobbs.

Peter was always going to die from smoke inhalation. But with his death, and those of Ashe and Molly, the average height of the Coronation Street case has raised a full half-inch to five-feet 2.

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Posted: 9th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Coronation Street: Metrolink Service Almost Back To Normal

CORONATION Street is not fact and that tram crash, though portrayed in the Manchester Evening News (The Weatherfield Gazette has been published an as insert) and on ITN news as an actual event, is made-for-TV scripted drama. No-one died. Well, Alastair Stewart’s career withered on the vine. But no-one died.

Still, half-a-dozen of the institutionalised, needy and other journalists who wacht the show called the Metrolink to see if the trams were back to normal, what with massive accident and all.

Incidentally, the actor who piloted the helm into Molly Dobbs is called Tom Burroughs.

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Posted: 8th, December 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Coronation Street: Who Dies With Alistair Stewart’s Credibility (Photos)

CORONATION Street death mayhem Tram-down and the soap opera scores its audience for five years. If only they could kill a few characters every week, the show would return to former glories.

In all, 14.6 million Britons saw Norris, Molly and Ashley Peacock die. Ooops! Broadcast magazine says13.73m watched it all, not just tuning in for the good bit at the end when the tram hit the buckled rails and careered into Dev’s Mini Mart – with Dev, sadly, out.

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Posted: 7th, December 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (13)

Coronation Street Presents: The Death of Jack Duckworth

RIP Coronation Street’s Jack Duckworth. You were the randy window – the north’s Robert Asquith – who cheated on Vera and then ended up for all eternity in her arms.

Cue Heaven’s bugles – or Eric Spear’s mournful trumpet. And the health warning.

Have you been affected by the telly? Corrie is slice of afterlife stuff…

Posted: 8th, November 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (11)

Coronation Street Cull: Producers Apologise For Derrick Bird And Raoul Moat Plots

CORONATION Street is to maim and kill cast members in a tram crash that has no resemblance to the Derrick Bird nor Raoul Moat stories. It’s not easy to find ways of kill people that will have not reflect on the greater world and necessitate a health warning:

If you have been affected by actors pretending to be hurt in a plastic and foam street, we urge you to seek urgent medical help and know that the sweet old lady Judy Jones is played by hard-nosed bitch of an actress who if you met and ever listened to one of the bitter gin-soaked rants you’d be glad was dead.”

Option one was to go for Norris Cole to turn into a jihadi. He’d start stocking up the sweetshop with copies of the Anarchist Cook Book and ordering lots of chapatti flour from Dev’s mini-mart.

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Posted: 8th, July 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Madeleine McCann: Gypsies, Child Alerts And Coronation Street

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann: The Sun brings news that Our Maddie has been spotted, and a new child alert scheme is launched, and Coronation Street is on hold…

A DRAMATIC sighting of missing Madeleine McCann the day after she vanished is being urgently followed up by private investigators.

…spotted three years ago. We are not told whan the sighting was reported to police.

A man has reported seeing a girl he is now sure was Maddie lying in the back of a van. She was wearing pyjamas identical to the pair Maddie had on when she was abducted.

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Posted: 25th, May 2010 | In: Madeleine McCann | Comments (2)

British Soap Awards 2010: Winners In Pictures

THE full list of the British soap Awards winner 2010 is in. The soaps up for gongs were: EastEnders, Coronation Street, Doctors, Hollyoaks and Emmerdale. The awards are picked by viewers, taking into account hormones and how much stock they put on crying over a dead or abusive partner, and hacks who want to be on the telly. The hacks are called a “panel of experts”.


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Michelle Keegan (left) and Kym Marsh arriving for the 2010 British Soap Awards at the ITV Studios, South Bank, London.


Sexiest Male: Scott Maslen of EastEnders
Sexiest Female: Michelle Keegan of Coronation Street
Best Dramatic Performance from a young performer: Ami Metcalf of Doctors
Best Dramatic Performance by an adult performer: Lacey Turner of EastEnders
Best On-Screen Partnership: Jan Pearson and Christopher Walker of Doctors
Villain of the Year: by Larry Lamb, Archie Mitchell in EastEnders.
Best Newcomer: Marc Elliott of EastEnders
Lifetime Achievement Award: Betty Driver of Coronation Street, who’s been in the show since1969
Best Comedy Performance: Craig Gazey of Coronation Street
Best Storyline: EastEnders – Who Killed Archie Mitchell?
Best Soap Exit: Charlie Clements and the death by tomato ketchup of Bradley Branning
Special Achievement Award: Bill Lyons of Emmerdale
Best Actor: Scott Maslen of EastEnders
Best Actress: Lacey Turner
Scene Of The Year: Hollyoaks – The Parachute Jump.
Best Single Episode: EastEnders for the live transmission in February 2010.
EastEnders: Best Soap

Posted: 9th, May 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (7)

Sally Dynevor’s Coronation Street Cancer Round-Up

SALLY Whittaker has cancer. Sally Whittaker plays Coronation Street’s Sally Webster, who has cancer. She would now like to be billed as Sally Dynevor, her married name.

In this week’s Hello!, you can read about Sally’s “brave battle”, her “darkest hours”, “secret anguish” and “breast cancer hell”.

In case you are confused between reality and fiction, the Daily Star yells:


The Star – sister organ to OK! – makes no mention that the source of the scoop is Hello! magazine. And then it’s headline is augmented by a fact:

“This storyline could very well have saved my life.”

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Posted: 3rd, May 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)