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The best 20 seconds of cricket in 2121

If they can score a few less, this lot might yet make it into the current England team. Cricket really is the best team sport every invented.

Posted: 11th, March 2021 | In: Sports | Comment


Ben Stokes and a cat called Loki in The Ashes at Headingley 2019

Adrian Mirfakhrai (@AdyMirf) has put his Covid-19 times to fine use with this video of Loki the cat and Ben Stokes playing The Ashes at Headingley in 2019.

Posted: 2nd, April 2020 | In: Sports | Comment


The joy of cheating

cheating football

Cheats never prosper – but Maradona went on to win the World Cup after his ‘Hand of God’ moment

 

We love cheating, referee errors, good goals disallowed and bad goals that were. A Manchester United player was just offside for their first goal against Arsenal last week. The officials missed it. Arsenal’s first goal crossed the United goal line by the width of a cigarette paper. Again the referee missed it. But the robots didn’t. Goal given. Last night West Bromwich Albion cheated in their 2-2 draw with Aston Villa. “Jay Rodriguez just threw himself at the cross,” Baggies head coach Darren Moore told BBC Sport. “He admits that it did hit his arm but he didn’t know much about it. And you’ve got to admire his honesty.” 

How can you not admire the footballer who scores with his hand? Not the part about his being honest. That’s guff. Cheating is cheating. We should admire Rodriguez because he pushed the rules to the limit, found them wanting and in so doing created emotion and a story from a small moment in a distracting leisure activity. Isn’t football great.

Well, enjoy it while it lasts. VAR is an abomination. Football is fast. Mistakes happen. Fans and players feel feted or hard done by. The joy surges. The antagonism builds.

At another recent Arsenal match, this time against Spurs, the Tottenham striker Son dived to win a penalty. No VAR was used. Arsenal felt aggrieved. The home fans seethed. The visitors taunted. The stadium throbbed like Terry Waite’s bladder. It was great. What a show. This was the theatre of football. It’s not an insurance seminar on risk reduction. 

So congratulations to Rodriguez, Son and all the players and refs who keep the game human. Don’t let the robots in. They’ll kill it. 

PS:  If football is to become an extension of the classroom, will that stop cheating? Nope. James M. Lang argues that place and time can trigger cheating: 

[C]heating levels are fairly high, but they have always been so. The better question to ask is why. Duke University researcher Dan Ariely and his colleagues have conducted dozens of experiments designed to see what makes people willing to engage in acts of cheating and dishonesty in their everyday lives. Their findings have been remarkably consistent: most people, under the right circumstances, are willing to engage in small acts of dishonesty. This seems to be a part of our human nature.  With enough incentives in front of us, most of will cheat at least a little bit.

Cheating is natural. The temptation to cheat is human:

As it turns out, almost anyone will cheat when given even minor, consciously imperceptible behavioral cues. For instance, in a series of three experiments, a group of psychologists found that lighting could affect cheating. In one study, participants in a dimly-lit room cheated more often than those in a lighter one. While both groups performed equally well on a set of math problems, students in the darker room self-reported that they correctly solved, on average, four more problems than the other group—earning $1.85 more as a result, since they were being paid for each correct answer. The authors suggested that the darkness created an “illusory anonymity”: even though you aren’t actually more anonymous in the dark than in the light, you feel as though you are, making you more likely to engage in behaviors you otherwise wouldn’t. Similar effects have been observed with a variety of situational factors that don’t seem directly related to cheating. We cheat more, for instance, when we’re in a messy environment—one that has more signs of socially deviant behavior, like litter, graffiti, and other rubble.

And then – and then – you think of the spirit and what happens next. What reputation do you want? Matthew Syed cites a sporting great:

In the World Cup semi-final between Australia and Sri Lanka at St George’s Park in 2003, the Aussies were on 34 after five overs when Aravinda de Silva was brought on to bowl. On his second delivery, Adam Gilchrist stepped forward to sweep, edged the ball on to his front pad, and watched it sail into the hands of Kumar Sangakkara, the wicketkeeper. The Sri Lankans made a sustained appeal. Rudi Koertzen, the umpire, shook his head. “Not out,” he said.

In True Colours, his wonderful autobiography, Gilchrist would later recall that he felt “strange” at that moment, perhaps a little confused. “So much discontent about umpiring, video decisions, and trust between players had been bubbling away,” he said. He then heard an emphatic voice in his head. “Go,” the voice said. “Walk”. As he made his way towards the pavilion, something odd happened. The Port Elizabeth crowd started cheering. They knew that he had made a gesture more important than mere winning and losing.

We love the cheats. And we love the heroes. The best bit is that in the rough and tumble of sport, in the complexity and contradiction of what it is to be human, you can be both. And there’s always the drugs…

Posted: 8th, December 2018 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, News, Sports, Spurs, Technology | Comment


Steve Smith quits Australia cricket captaincy role

Smith Smith is no longer captain of the Australian cricket team. His deputy David Warner has also stepped down. Both players cheated and got found out. Smith admitted that the team’s “leadership group” had discussed a plot to tamper with the ball in the Test series against South Africa. Cameron Bancroft was caught on camera on the third day of the third Test between in Cape Town taking a yellow tape from his pocket before rubbing the ball. Aware he;d been spotted, he then stuffed the tape down his trousers.

 

Down Under Press

 

“We had a discussion during the [lunch] break and I saw an opportunity to use some tape, get some granules from the rough patches on the wickets and change the condition,” said Bancroft. “It didn’t work. The umpires didn’t change the ball. Once I was sighted on the screen I panicked quite a lot and that’s why I shoved it [a piece of sticky tape] down my trousers.”

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was upset. “I am shocked and bitterly disappointed by the news from South Africa,” said Turnbull. “It seems beyond belief the Australian cricket team have been involved in cheating. Our cricketers are role models and cricket is synonymous with fair play. How can our team be engaged in cheating like this? It beggars belief.”

Role models. Haha. No. They’re not. But they are cheats.

Posted: 25th, March 2018 | In: News, Sports | Comment


Ben Stokes reminds the country that people still play cricket

England cricketer Ben Stokes has been making news ever since he was arrested following a bout of alleged fisticuffs with Ryan Hale, a former soldier who served in Afghanistan, on a night out in Bristol.

Everything about Stoke’s life to date is being examined for signs of mania. He wore comfi-Slax and a jumper for his interview for the England captaincy; the winner, Joe Root, wore a suit and tie, and most likely tucked his vest into his Y-fronts. He did an impression of Katie Price’s disabled son Harvey, which someone filmed. In 2011, Stokes was arrested and cautioned for obstructing the police. He’s ginger. He was rusticated from a tour of Australia for boozing. He achieved four speeding offences in one month.

 

 

The big shock, of course, is that a cricket should be on the front pages at all. Cricket usually attracts less media attention than Wayne Rooney’s urine; it’s f7 on the keyboard when there’s no football on. And that’s the international stuff. Cricket at country level has less pull than Ann Widdecombe in a moist tent.

 

 

The MCC, ECB and all other cricket boards should write a letter to Stokes thanking him for making cricketers and cricket worthy of our attention. Cricket needs exposure even more than the aforementioned Katie Price and her Jordans.

As for Stokes, a player who often eschews the cloying professionalism in favour of the amateur spirit, we,, he should save his aggression for the match.

 

Posted: 30th, September 2017 | In: News, Sports | Comment


‘Piss Off Fatso’: When Thompson and Lillee wreaked havoc

 

The Ashes are coming. A friend tells me with no little boasting, “I watched Thompson and Lillee on ‘The Hill’.” That was the 1974-1975 Ashes, when Geoff Thompson and Dennis Lillee were on a mission.

As Lillee put it: “I’m trying to scare him, trying to hurt him, perhaps in the ribs or leg or something so that he at least knows you’re around.”

And the crowd? Well, they loved it. “Lillee! Lillee! Kill! Kill! Kill!”

 

 

And Thompson and Lillee really hated the English. The 1974-75 Athes series was brutal:

England were surprised when Thomson was included in the Australian side for the opening Test in Brisbane. “We never thought they’d pick Jeff,” recalled David Lloyd. “We thought it was a different Thomson… Froggy, who played for Victoria.”

In the days before the Test, Thomson upped the hype in a TV interview when he said: “I enjoy hitting a batsman more than getting him out. I like to see blood on the pitch.”

The night before the match Lillee came across Thomson in the bar drinking scotch. “When I go out to bowl I want a hangover from hell,” Thomson explained. “I bowl really well when I’ve got a headache.”

When the game got underway Australia batted first, leaving Thomson in the pavilion to nurse his hangover. Towards the end of their innings Tony Greig, who could bowl briskly and generated significant lift from his 6ft 7in frame to trouble decent batsmen, bounced Lillee. The ball reared at his head and he could do no more than glove it to Alan Knott. “Just you remember who started this,” muttered Lillee as he trooped off.

“When I batted at Perth I didn’t even wear a cap,” said Lloyd. “All I had was an apology for a thigh pad.” It was in that Test that Thomson struck Lloyd so hard in the groin that his protective box was turned inside out. “You didn’t feel fear,” he added, “but you did feel a hopelessness at times, a feeling that you couldn’t cope.”

Mike Denness noted Lloyd’s reaction when he returned to the dressing room after one innings. “Within seconds his body was quivering. His neck and the top half of his body in particular were shaking. He was shell-shocked.”

Here’s a fun anecdote from the Perth Test:

“Good morning, my name’s Cowdrey,” he said. Thomson has told the story so often, with ribald twists introduced depending on the audience, that it is hard to know precisely what he said in response but his latest account, gives a flavour: “As I handed my hat to the umpire, I was revved up and just wanted to kill somebody and Kipper walked all the way up to me and said: ‘Mr Thomson I believe. It’s so good to meet you.’ And I said: ‘That’s not going to help you, Fatso, now piss off.'”

Did it hurt? David Lloyd tells us:

After making a heroic 49 in his first knock, Lloyd was making dogged progress in the second innings when Thomson caught him ‘full on’ in the most tender part of the anatomy.
“We wore little pink plastic boxes at the time which were totally unsuitable for the job,” he explained. “It cracked open and what I had inside fired through before the box snapped shut again like a guillotine coming down. Even after 32 years, I lose my voice just thinking about it. There’s retired hurt and then there’s retired hurt…”

For your diaries:

23-27 November 2017 – First Test, Gabba.
2-6 December 2017 – Second Test, Adelaide Oval (Day-Night)
14-18 December 2017 – Third Test, Perth (venue TBC)
26-30 December 2017 – Fourth Test, MCG.
4-8 January 2018 – Fifth Test, SCG.

Posted: 19th, September 2017 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment


The Ashes: Australia collapse like a Sydney backpacker at a real ale festival

England have thrashed Australia in the Ashes first test. Australia were chasing 412 runs. Victory would only be achived with the third-highest winning total in Test history.

They failed wonderfully.

When the Telegraph’s man in the know opined “This time Australia present an appearance of invulnerability”, he was over-egging the pud. 

Australia collapsed like a Sydney backpacker at a real ale festival.

Aussie skipper Micahel “get ready for a broken fucking arm” Clarke was out-fought and out-thought.

 

Posted: 11th, July 2015 | In: Sports | Comment


Football Is A Cipher For All Social Ills: Kevin Pietersen Is Lucky He Plays Cricket

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WRITING in the Times, Rory Smith looks at Kevin Pietersen and how football isn’t allowed to be a sport but seen as cipher for social ills:

Picture the scene. On the back of a particularly disappointing World Cup, one of the most gifted English footballers of all time is told, in no uncertain terms, that he will no longer be required by his national side, no matter what sort of form he is in. For almost a year, he holds his silence, keeping the game’s omerta under considerable legal duress.

Then, when he finally speaks, he lacerates almost everyone he came into contact with over the course of his decade-long international career. He lays bare a dressing room culture poisoned by gargantuan egos, riven by cliques, where younger, less experienced players are ruthlessly intimidated by senior professionals, but at the same time reveals a host of his own mistakes, his disinterest, his sensitivity, so easily confused with self-absorbed vanity.

He does not quite use that vintage Partridgean phrase – “needless to say, I had the last laugh” – but the whole memoir comes across as a brazen act of self-apologism, designed to skewer the reputation of his enemies and bolster his own self-image. It is a sordid, distasteful business, made worse when it emerges that factions within the Football Association were keeping a dossier of his behaviour, applauding his goals at the same time as sharpening a knife to plunge into his back when the moment comes.

And then imagine the tone with which each tawdry detail would be revealed and swallowed. Imagine the think-pieces in the newspapers about football’s rotten soul and the diatribes about these unimaginably wealthy young men who seem to encapsulate everything that is wrong and classless and twisted about modern society.

Imagine the disdain. Imagine the phone-ins detailing how football has lost its common touch, how detached it has become. Imagine the clucking Surrey dinner parties in which footballers are proscribed as awful, repugnant beings, not the sort of people you would wish to be associated with at all. Imagine the subtext of us and them, of old money and new, of Persimmon estate and council estate.

Kevin Pietersen has a book out. You might have noticed. What you will not have noticed is the phenomenon described above. You will not have noticed the issues he has raised being used to tar the image of all cricketers. You will not have noticed the creep into using the Pietersen case as a cipher for something more. You will not have noticed the subtext that these are rich, spoiled young men, and that they would handle their money and fame an awful lot better if only they were a little better educated.

This is because cricket – and rugby, and the Olympic disciplines – are not held to the same standards as football.

He’s spot on.

Read it all – it’s worth the entrrance fee…

Posted: 8th, October 2014 | In: Sports | Comment


Kevin Pietersen Shoots His Mouth Off At Everyone

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CRICKET, to the uninitiated, has always seemed perfectly quaint and polite. Of course, cricket fans know that within the sport is some of the most brutal trash-talking, ego maniacs and a lot of heavy drinking.

Even the ever-so-English David Gower, who played the grinning straight man on panel show They Think It’s All Over, was a lunatic. In 1991, he went for a joy-ride in a Tiger Moth biplane after they’d been dismissed in a match, before posing with his plane in the papers the next day. Even though his captain, Graham Gooch was apoplectic with rage, it didn’t stop Gower, during the fourth Test at Adelaide, walking out to the crease to the tune of Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines.

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Posted: 6th, October 2014 | In: Sports | Comment


Andrew Strauss And Kevin Pietersen Trade Insults At The Crease

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FORMER England captain Andrew Strauss chose to share his view of former England colleage of 82 Tests Kevin Pietersen at the Lord’s bicentenary celebration match between the MCC and the Rest of The World. Commentating for Sky Sports, microphones picked up Strauss calling Pietersen a “c***” in an aside to one of his co- commentators, Nick Knight.

But only viewers watching on the Fox Sports app. heard the insult, something that should increase future downloads as cricket fans seek out more entertainment than even the contents of Ian Botham’s cereal bowl can supply.

 

Exposed, Strauss then disapointed cricket lovers by stating:

“I apologise unreservedly, particularly to Kevin Pietersen. I am mortified and profusely sorry.”

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Posted: 6th, July 2014 | In: Sports | Comments (2)


Watch Cricket in The 80’s – Rookies, Rebels & Renaissance

Joel Garner (on ground) gets the congratulations of Viv Richards after taking the catch - off Michael Holding's bowling - which dismissed Alan Knott for nine in England's first innings in the second Cornhill Test match at Lord's . Other West Indian players including wicket-keeper Deryck Murray (wearing pads) celebrate Knott's departure.

Joel Garner (on ground) gets the congratulations of Viv Richards after taking the catch – off Michael Holding’s bowling – which dismissed Alan Knott for nine in England’s first innings in the second Cornhill Test match at Lord’s . Other West Indian players including wicket-keeper Deryck Murray (wearing pads) celebrate Knott’s departure.

IN the 1980s, cricket was violent, thrilling, angry, captivating and utterly fantastic. When the mighty West Indies played England at Lord’s in June 1980, I was by the Tavener’s pitch-side pub. It smelt of warm body, smoke and beer.

A West Indian steward saw me trying to get a view and invited me to sit by the rope. In the bright sunlight, I stepped over the low barriers and onto the grass. Joel Garner was bowling. At 6ft 8inches tall, running in fast with the ball held high in his hand, Garner was the most fearsome, magnificent human being I had ever seen.

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Posted: 10th, March 2014 | In: Flashback, Sports | Comment


High-five horrors: James Faulkner pokes Brad Haddins in the eye

HIGH-Five horrors presents James Faulkner fluffing the god-awful high-five and poking Brad Haddins right in the eye. Slapping flesh might be good enough for the Americans, but if the Australians see any value in the Commonwealth and links to Great Britain they must surely be manifest in a smart, brisk handshake. British Colonialism  might be old hat, but standards never go out of fashion. It’s signs of American imperialism you need to watch out for – literally:

Posted: 15th, October 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


Monty Panesar: Bothers women and urinates on bouncers

File photo dated 28/07/2013 of Sussex's Monty Panesar. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Wednesday August 7, 2013. Sussex have launched an investigation after England cricketer Monty Panesar received a fixed penalty notice from police for being "drunk and disorderly" following an incident at a Brighton nightclub. See PA story CRICKET England. Photo credit should read: Chris Ison/PA Wire

CRICKETERS are nice aren’t they? Not like those awful footballers with their grotesque wealth, dreadful taste in cars and super-injunctions. They play sports in their sweaters and take breaks for cups of tea and polite applause.

Right? Wrong.

Cricketers are the masters of deception, sledging opponents at the crease, turning up rat-arsed at Downing Street and, in the case of Monty Panesar, urinating on bouncers at a nightclub.

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Posted: 7th, August 2013 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


The Ashes Balls: Brad Hiddin ‘waited’ but Stuart Broad ‘cheated’

COMPARE and contrast: Stuart Broad refuses to walk until the Ashes umpire gives him out – which he doesn’t.

Broad is called a cheat. The tabloids lead with calls for him to banned from cricket.

Brad Haddin knew he was out. But the Australian never walked, waiting for the umpire to use technology. The crowd waited. Australia were close to an unlikely victory in the First Test. If he’s given not out, they might yet have won. Says Haddin:

“Yeah I hit it. I knew it was out. I hit the ball, it was obvious.”

Calls for his head: none. Back page coverage: nil.

 

Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


Can 3-year-old Lil K. Lewis save Australian cricket? (Video)

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CAN Australia be saved? The cricket team needs a new star. And 3AW might just have spotted her. Lil K. Lewis is three. Tim Blair does his best Richie Benaud and appraises the talent:

That backlift is perfect. Her first shot is a drive through mid-wicket taken from outside the off-stump in the manner of Viv Richards, who shares Lil’s lower-hand style. The second shot is a lofted straight drive, again featuring that strong right hand. Lil’s third shot is a cover drive so majestic, so technically exquisite, that the little girl freezes in her follow-through so that lesser players might learn how it’s done: 

Posted: 27th, March 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


England cricket fan not killed when ball hits his head

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HARD cheese on Alex Dettman, 30, who was smacked on the head by a cricket ball. Dettman was ‘watching’ New Zealand take on England at University Oval in Dunedin when he was hit by the ball struck by Kiwi batsman Hamish Rutherford.

Says Dettman, who hails from York, England:

”I blew my nose, looked up and went `Uh-oh’.”

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Posted: 9th, March 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


Face of the day: Ken Clarke does England v West Indies

FACE of the day: Cricket understands Mondays. The Test schedulers who made Mondays the fifth day got it. So, then, to the Second Test at Trent Bridge, where Justice Secretary Ken Clarke is watching the mighty England – the team we expect to win and often does on home turf – tonk the once mighty West Indies by nine wickets. What d’yer think of it so far, Ken..?

 

Posted: 28th, May 2012 | In: Sports | Comment


Bevan Small and Michael Mason showcase cricket’s relay catch

BEVAN Small and Michael Mason  perform the cricket relay catch to dismiss Northern Knights batsman Brad Wilson. This is brilliant:

Posted: 10th, January 2012 | In: Sports | Comment


Learn To Bat Like New Zealand Legend Chris Martin: The Video

LEARN to bat like Chris Martin – star of 32 ducks for the New Zealand rugby team:

Posted: 5th, December 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


South African Cricketers Amazing Remembrance Day Tribute: England Footballers Shamed

ENGLAND crickets is wonderful sporting Remembrance Day tribute:

Fun fact: at 11.11am on the 11/11/11, South Africa required 111 runs to win the First Test against Australia.

South Africa wins!

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Posted: 13th, November 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif, Mohammad Amir And Mazhar Majeed Shouldn’t Have Bothered With Lawyers

HOW successful were the lawyers in keeping former Pakistan captain Salman Butt, 27, Mohammad Asif, 28, Mohammad Amir, 19, and the corrupt agent Mazhar Majeed out of jail?

Butt’s lawyer Ali Bajwa:

“He has gone from a national hero to being a figure of contempt. He has lost almost everything. There is only his liberty and his family left to lose. What purpose would a custodial sentence serve?’

Salman Butt: jailed for 30 months

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Posted: 3rd, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment


The Annual Bramble Mid-Solent Cricket Match In Photos

THE sun shone at the annual Bramble Bank cricket match. This year old salt Sir Robin Knox-Johnson joined members from the Royal Southern Yacht Club in Hamble, Hampshire and the Island Sailing Club in Cowes on the Isle of Wight, for the annual cricket match on the Bramble Bank in the middle of the Solent. The bank is a shallow area of sea in the centre of the Solent which is exposed for about an hour during the lowest tides of the year. The teams take it in turns to win in alternate years and host the post-match festivities. Next year, should the football season not pan out, Fabio Capello’s England will be invited to play an exhibition match…for the full 90 minutes.

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As the tide closes in, members from the Royal Southern Yacht Club in Hamble, Hampshire, and the Island Sailing Club in Cowes on the Isle of Wight, compete in their annual cricket match on the Bramble Bank in the middle of the Solent.

Posted: 29th, September 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Photos Of The Day: England Cricket Team Gives Australia And India A Chance

ENGLAND – playing fair, as ever…

Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


England Fans Showboat As Cricket Team Becomes World’s Best (Video)

SOMEONE make cricket an Olympic sport pronto – England are the best in the world at it. We can catch anything from swine flu to Sehwag. Blimey – even the fans are showboating…

Posted: 14th, August 2011 | In: Sports | Comment


Who Ate All The Pies?

AT the second npower test match at Trent Bridge, Nottingham, the ladies take their seats – and most of yours seats, too…cricket

Posted: 30th, July 2011 | In: Sports | Comment