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Danny Dyer

Posts Tagged ‘Danny Dyer’

Danny Dyer rescues Shamima Begum: TV hardman brings home ISIS hardwoman

EastEnders actor Danny Dyer has yet to head to Syria to bring home Shamima Begum in a televised docudrama. But he was invited on to Good Morning Britain to tell us that Begum had “lost her soul” when she joined ISIS and should be allowed to come home. Lest you think it odd that an actor is invited to offer his opinion on world affairs on the mainstream telly, know that Geri Halliwell was (and still might be) a UN international ambassador. Her missions to heal the planet were picked up by OK! magazine, proving that when drought, famine and war strike any would-be refugee should ensure they possess a sympathetic backstory about miracle babies, being bullied at school and answer interrogators with the command “GIRL POWER!”. It’s enough.

What Dyer said has been picked up. In a clip posted somewhere on the internet, and picked up by the Sun, a man tells the camera: “This is a message for Danny Dyer, or anyone that f***ing knows him. I’m nearly 58 years old, a scaffolder and used to work for the Royal Marines Commandos… If you’ve got the bollocks to give all the s*** like that on TV and you don’t know anything about the armed forces with kids losing their dads, mums or anything like that then you need to get a grip. You’re making it out like you’re a hard man but you’re as hard as a f***ing lollipop.”

Mate. He’s an actor. But his mum’s up for it, telling us: “To all those w*ers out there slagging off my son for having an opinion. You do realise that he couldn’t give a tuppenny f*** what you think.”

Danny Dyer

Diplomacy reigns – until Jeremy’s Hunt’s aunty breaks ranks.

Posted: 23rd, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment


Love Island winner Jack Fincham: being famous gets you drugs and booze

Jack Fincham, winner of TV’s Love Island, and Mr Dani Dayer, wants to talk about “My coke shame”. But before the shame, the sympathetic back story. The Sun, which leads with the news of Fincham’s drug taking, tells us he “caved in” to the “temptation” of “regularly being offered drugs in the wake of his TV triumph”. Other reality TV shows offer less mind-blowing prizes. But that’s showbiz.

Jack, 27, tells us: “I’ve made a terrible error.” And ..? Well, why are you telling us, Jack? Are you getting in first before an expose hits the papers? Is the Sun now an extension of the therapy industries – “If you want a sympathetic ear and a chance to talk, call 0800 Snort ‘n’ Tell (You’re amongst friends!”)?

There are two more pages of Fincham to browse. And we note that he’s “dreading telling hardman Danny Dyer about his cocaine shame”. Danny is, of course, Dani’s homophonous dad, the EastEnders actor.

But surely Danny will understand how “dangerous elements of the showbiz scenes” can pull young noses towards an incidental table in an Kent hotel. Says Jack: “Since winning the show I’ve been offered cocaine a lot”, plus “free drinks” and a chance to appear in another reality TV show. Yes, that’s right, Jack’s shame trails the TV show The Full Monty, named in honour of the film in which a group of down-on-their-luck men from the impoverished provinces turn to the skin trade to earn a few quid and fame. Showbiz, eh. The top prize used to be car.

Posted: 5th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


The entire first season of Danny Dyer’s The Real Football Factories in one 60 second chunk

“I edited the entire first season of Danny Dyer’s The Real Football Factories into one 60 second chunk,” tweets ‏@AchinglyChic.

It’s brilliant:

Posted: 30th, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, Sports, TV & Radio | Comment


Danny Dyer should write his own EastEnders scripts and freak his nut out

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DANNY Dyer is the new King of the EastEnders Queen Vic. Here’s hoping he’s writing his own scripts. As his self-penned tweet of the anniversary of 9/11 proves, he has a way with words:

 “Can’t believe it’s been nearly 11 years since them slags smashed into the twin towers. It still freaks my nut out to this day.”

‘Ave it!

Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Pie and Mash saved the world: the stars who love the traditional cockney staple

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PIE and Mash, the traditional cockney staple, is under threat. An ageing fan base, coupled with a shortage of eels, has accelerated the decline of the traditional eel and pie shop.

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Posted: 17th, September 2013 | In: Celebrities, Flashback, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3)


Pimp Premiere In Pictures: Danny Dyer’s Shallow Grave

TO the premiere of Pimp in Soho, where Dyer-bolical genital torcher Danny Dyer is trying to bury the British film industry in a grave so shallow it makes the average adolescent boy’s daydreams look like Stephen Hawking’s morning porridge. We looked out for actual pimps arriving to spot the likes of Unibond Division 1 liggers Bex Shiner, Sophie Reade, Bianca Gascoigne, Imogen Thomas, Alicia Douvall and Javine Hylton. And then tried to work out who would hire the talent..?

Alicia Douvall (NSFW)

Posted: 20th, May 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Danny Dyer: How To Set Your Lover’s Genitals On Fire And Other Tips

DANNY Dyer’s is no longer Zoo’s Agony Aunt (emphasis on agony) – having advised a reader to cut his ex-lover’s face. But the biggest shocker is not that Dayer does not write his column:

“This is totally out of order, I am totally devastated. I have been completely misquoted. This is not the advice I would give any member of the public. I do not condone violence against women.”

But that the reader who wrote in for Dyer’s advice exists. He’s called Alex Woolliscroft. And he tells the Guardian:

“It does change my view of the magazine for printing it and the man. I did it because I wanted some advice. His advice was a bit sick. I was with the girl for a year and would never think about trying to hurt her.”

Wonder if Alex or any other Zoo readers took note of Dyer’s column when he advised John in Glasgow to set fire to his lover’s vagina?

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Posted: 8th, May 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment


Danny Dyer’s Tips For Slashing Hiram Monserrate In A Broken Bottle Fight

DANNY Dyer says slashing your ex-girlfriend’s face is fine if she dumps you and is having fun with someone else. You can see our photos of Dyer being throttled here.

And read Aunty Danny’s tips in Zoo magazine.

And if you’re in the US, you can watch Hiram Monserrate, the chap who lost his state senate seat after slashing his girlfriend’s face with broken glass, get punched in the face.

Hamilton Nolan says:

Hiram Monserrate got himself some nice attention yesterday when he announced that he’ll be fighting in a charity boxing tournament to raise money for autism. Mostly the attention was like, “Seriously, boxing is your first public act after the whole wife-slashing thing?” But still, attention.

Here’s Danny – who remains a blunt instrument.

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Actor Danny Dyer is held in a neck lock by Sergeant Richard Harley, Physical Training Instructor with the Royal Marines, during weapons and combat training in Cobham, Kent, in preparation for the filming of a World War II movie, Age of Heroes.

Posted: 5th, May 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment


Danny Dyer’s Agonising Agony Aunt In Zoo

IN this week’s Zoo, Danny Dyer is putting the agony in agony aunt. A readers writes that his lover had left him and she seems to be doing fine.

Click image to make it grow.

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Posted: 5th, May 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Pictures Of Danny Dyer Being Throttled: Age Of Heroes

WE went along to see Danny Dyer being throttled. Whaddyamean you’d have paid a few nicker for the ‘ows’ yer fathers, know what I means?! Luverly. We spotted Dyer being encased in a neck lock by Sergeant Richard Harley, Physical Training Instructor with the Royal Marines, during weapons and combat training in Cobham, Kent, in preparation for the filming of a World War II movie, Age of Heroes. Danny likes to hang about with hard men. The harder the men, the better. Do you like your men hard? Throttling is a bit like auto-erotic asphyxiation, in uniform… It’s well ‘ard!

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Actor Danny Dyer is held in a neck lock by Sergeant Richard Harley, Physical Training Instructor with the Royal Marines, during weapons and combat training in Cobham, Kent, in preparation for the filming of a World War II movie, Age of Heroes.

Posted: 30th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Stacey Solomon And Danny Dyer Presents The Malice In Wonderland Permier: Pictures

TO the premier of Malice In Wonderland – a film in which an American law student is run over by a London cab, wakes with amnesia and to find herself tours haunts frequented by no-marks. At the premier we spotted Bianca Gascoigne, Danny Dyer (nominative determinism)  and Stacey Solomon. Life and art and all that:

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Danny Dyer arrives at the premiere of Malice in Wonderland, at the Prince Charles cinema in Leicester Square, central London.

Posted: 4th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Celebity Big Brother: Danny Dyer Misses Out To Vinnie Jones

DANNY Dyer – star of films about soccer hard men and All Star Mr & Mrs – tells Zoo magazine readers that “Vinnie Jones must have had a huge tax bill. He’s sitting in a house with a bird who slept with Ronnie Wood and an idiot who’s rumping Jordan, so that’s the only reason he can be there.

Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)

If there one thing sadder than a celeb writing about Big Brother it is the celeb not even being on Big Brother and speaking in 1950s Cockney English.

“He’s a cut above the others in fame terms. Mind you, that’s not hard. You could put the Chuckle Brothers in and they’d be a cut above everyone else.”

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Posted: 12th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Susan Boyle Extends Her Sympathies To Gordon Brown

susan-boyle-nutsSUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s-at-a-glance look at Susan Boyle in the news – featuring the madness of Susan Boyle, Gordon Brown and Britain Wot Talent?

You Scum!

Today she’s in a London psychiatric clinic, suffering from “emotional exhaustion.” Thanks to us – Lauren Beckham Falcone, Boston Herald

Turning Her Back On Fame

“She told me that after the final, she wants to come back and resume her previous life,” one of Boyle’s neighbours, 24-year-old housewife Vicky McLean, told the Mail on Sunday newspaper.

“She doesn’t want to make millions and go to America, she just wants to sing. I think all she really hopes to have out of it is enough money to buy her house”AFP

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Posted: 4th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)