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Rocket Man: when Elton John met Vladimir Putin it was dark

Casting his 'rod'

Casting his ‘rod’

For a moment Bono was worried. No less a colossus of diplomacy than Sir Elton John had received a personal call from Russia’s President Vladimir Putin.

At which we all scream: ‘Knew it! Knew he was gay! No-one that upset by homosexuals can be straight! The topless shots! The love of close-contact wrestling! Putin was the last to know.’

But then the vision of new alliances gets murky. The story goes that Elton thinks he met with Putin but the Putin he met with was an imposter, a Sham Putin – a man only pretending to be the macho leader. Well, so says his spokesman. On Instagram, Elton thanks the Russian:

 “Thank you to President Vladimir Putin for reaching out and speaking via telephone with me today. I look forward to meeting with you face-to-face to discuss LGBT equality in Russia.”

But Mr Putin’s spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, says no meeting ever took place. “Putin did not have a conversation with Elton John and, more importantly, we did not receive any kind of offer about a meeting,” Mr Peskov told reporters. “If there will be such a wish, I don’t doubt that the president will be ready to meet, including with Elton John.”

No word yet from Mr Putin, aka jobbing Putin ‘look-alike’ ‘@RocketMan’….

Posted: 16th, September 2015 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Reviews | Comment


IVF: An Elton John study in conformism that goes against human nature

 Louise BROWN, born at Oldham Hospital near Manchester, Great Britain, is the result of the IN VITRO fertilization of her mother. The biologist Robert Edwards holds the baby beside the midwife and the surgeon Patrick STEPTOE, on July 25, 1978. (Photo by Keystone-France/Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images)

Louise BROWN, born at Oldham Hospital near Manchester, Great Britain, is the result of the IN VITRO fertilization of her mother. The biologist Robert Edwards holds the baby beside the midwife and the surgeon Patrick STEPTOE, on July 25, 1978. (Photo by Keystone-France/Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images)

 

How does an orthodoxy take hold? When designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana shared their views on love, sex, romance, gay marriage, children, IVF babies and children of same-sex couples the media and celebrity voices united in condeming them, siding with Elton John, who expressed his displeasure with a shrill call to boycott the brand.

The Daily Mirror has carried this news on its front page:

“Elton – I will never wear Dolce & Gabbana again after they dared call my kids synthetic”

Elton, who with his husband David Furnish is father to IVF-conceived sons Elijah and Zach, appeared over two more pages. It was “Elton’s fury” at an “astonishing attack”.

Elton said: “How dare you refer to my beautiful children as synthetic?”

But they were synthesized? This is how the BBC explains IVF to GCSE students:

If a couple are having difficulty conceiving a child because the quantity or quality of the man’s sperm is poor then IVF can be used. This is where the egg is fertilised outside the woman’s body and then implanted back into her uterus. As FSH can also be used to encourage the production of several mature eggs at once, it is used as part of IVF to increase the number of eggs available for fertilisation.

Some people worry about the ethical implications of IVF. They are concerned that couples may want ‘designer babies’ with ‘desirable’ qualities, so may only want certain fertilised eggs. For example, they may want a girl if they have lots of boys in the family, or they may wish to avoid producing a baby with an inherited defect.

Elton goes on:

And shame on you for wagging your judgemental fingers at IVF… a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people both stright and gay, to fulfil their dream of having children. Your archaic thinking is out of step with the times, just like your fashions. I shall never wear Dolce & Gabbana ever again.  #BoycottDolceGabbana.

At which point anyone not laughing or thinking Chris Morris was writing the news should dash out and buy armfuls of D&G schmutters. Do they do a kids’ range? If they do, buy that, too. Elton John wants people who are judgemental banned. And – irony of irony – many voices on Twitter, that paragon of intolerance and incoherence, agree.

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Posted: 17th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Elton John kicks Dolce & Gabbana out of the gay community centre

Elton John kicks Dolce & Gabbana out of the gay community centre

 

Whoah! Put that down that Floral Jacquard Waistcoat and Bolero Jacket with Trimming (£3,300.00)! Think on. Anyone ready to buy that or a Dolce & Gabbana T-shirt (RRP. £445) should first know that Elton John says you must not. You see, Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce, for it is they, have said that they prefer “traditional” families. Dolce likes a male and female to be parents, rather than man and man, or woman and pigeon.

He also says IVF creates “synthetic children”.

“I’m not convinced by those I call the children of chemicals, synthetic children. Wombs for rent, sperm chosen from a catalogue … psychiatrists are not ready to confront the effects of this experimentation,”

Elton John – gay, married, dad of two two children through IVF and ‘womb renter’ – says Dolce’s views are “archaic” and “deeply insulting”.

Gabbana says: “We firmly believe in democracy and the fundamental principle of freedom of expression that upholds it.”

Elton John adds:

“How dare you refer to my beautiful children as ‘synthetic’… And shame on you for wagging your judgemental little fingers at IVF – a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people, both straight and gay, to fulfil their dream of having children.”

Isn’t John guilty of wagging his finger at them?

Elton John then coined the hashtag #BoycottDolceGabbana.

And everyone laughed at his intolerance? No. Gay rights activist Peter Tatchell said in the Guardian:

“It’s quite outrageous that two gay fashion designers who have relied on the gay community for much of their success are opposing gay equality. They’re lining up with the Pope and the far right in their support for legal discrimination.”

Didn’t they just rely on their talent and business acumen? Or do the minutes from the gay community AGM suggest members only wear D&G’s schmutters because the designers are gay, and therefore are in the meeting and not easily ignored?

Tatchell adds:

“If they don’t want to be parents that’s fine, but it’s deeply insulting to disparage the many same sex parents who have brought up children happily and successfully.”

Is anyone else astounded that sucessful parents would be so thin skinned as to give a toss what D&G think, let alone have the energy to demand they be shunned, ruined and banned from the gay community centre for speaking freely?

Now. About that 450-quid T-shirt – can you wash baby sick out of it?

Posted: 15th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment


PHEW! Jesus The Jew Would Approve of Gay Marriage, Says Elton John

elton john jesus

 

MOST people who don’t like gays are religious, or at least, religious sympathetic. They think homosexuality goes against nature or some kind of cosmic order.

Some are violent or abusive toward gay people, because presumably, they feel the need to serve up justice because they don’t believe their god is up to the job, cometh the hour. The inherent weakness of deities must be a constant concern for the praying sorts.

Or, maybe it is something to do with deities being into homosexuality?

Elton John reckons that Jesus Christ would approve of gay marriage. In an interview with Sky News, Sir Elton added that he’s meeting up with Russian President Vladimir Putin in a bid to try and improve Russia’s gay rights record.

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Posted: 30th, June 2014 | In: Music, Reviews | Comment


Putin Says He Likes Elton John (Just Not The Other Gays)

Youngsters Karen Davies and bradley Luxon, dressed as Little Bo Peep and Elton John, turn out for the Queen's Silver Jubilee street party in St. Stephen's Street, Bow, London Ref #: PA.9984165  Date: 07/06/1977

Youngsters Karen Davies and bradley Luxon, dressed as Little Bo Peep and Elton John, turn out for the Queen’s Silver Jubilee street party in St. Stephen’s Street, Bow, London Date: 07/06/1977

AS well you know, Russia has been saying some spectacularly dumb things about the LGBT community. In return, the gays and right-minded people have been telling Russia to stick it up their collective hole and piss off while they’re doing it.

And now, with Elton John speaking against the country’s anti-gay law, Vladimir Putin has decided to proclaim his love for Sir Elton, saying that he’s “an outstanding musician”.

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Posted: 20th, January 2014 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Reviews | Comment


Rocketman: Tom Hardy To Play Obvious Doppelganger, Elton John (Eddie Murphy Busy)

film rocketman

IF you were given the job of finding an actor who looked like Elton John, one of the last people you’d choose was Tom Hardy. You’d inevitably go for Eddie Murphy before him, as at least he could play the entire cast of the film with a variety of masks (and he’s got previous when it comes to making soulful pop).

Yet, here we are, looking at a musical biopic called Rocketman, which will feature the man-mountain who played Charles Bronson and supervillain Bane in the last Batman movie, as the little Candle In The Wind singer.

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Posted: 28th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Film, Music | Comment


The 17 British sports legends and pop stars who owned their own shops

WHEN Huddersfield Giants star Danny Brough (seen here with his bestselling blueberry bonbons) revealed his other life as co-owner of the Hull confectionery shop Sweeet Shack (with an extra ‘e’) some people may have raised an eyebrow or two.

Shop1

Once upon a time, however, there was nothing unusual about celebrities operating a sideline. Former footballers, boxers and cricketers opened newsagents, sports shops and pubs. And they weren’t the only ones. Even the Beatles got in on the act.

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Posted: 1st, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Flashback, Key Posts, Music, Sports | Comment (1)


Pop culture: the hand-painted Elton John toilet seat

OBJECTS of desire: the Elton John hand-painted toilet seat. Life the seat, Rocket Man:

Elton John toilet seat

 

Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer | Comment


Tamara Ecclestone flashes her bum at that swanky sun-kissed wedding

tamara-ecclestone wedding

OK! has an update on the wedding of pneumatic bum cream modelTamara Ecclestone — daughter of F1 supremo and 1960s action figure Bernie. As previously recorded, Tamara has decamped from her £45 million Kensington house with walk-in birkin museum and crystal bath to marry a Jay Rutland on the French Riviera.

Details of the £12 million do are emerging.

At the rented out Grand Hotel du Cap-Ferrat, Bernie coughed up for Mariah Carey, Elton John, Mark Ronson and Lionel Richie to provide atmosphere.

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Posted: 21st, June 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Christmas hits: those Seventies seasonal smashes

Seventies seasonal smashes

From the time when Christmas records ruled the Earth

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Posted: 20th, December 2012 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comment


Famous musicians doing ordinary things at home

IN this collection of great photos, we see famous faces form the 1970s at home. Look out for Frank Zappa, Elton John, Iggy Pop, Keith Richards, Grace Slick, Freddie Mercury and David Bowie:

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Posted: 6th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities, Flashback | Comment


Elton John calls Madonna a ‘fairground stripper’

MADONNA has always had her detractors and, while they are mostly unfair, sadly for Madge, they’re quite often very funny. Morrissey once said that she was the closest thing to legalised prostitution on Earth and Joan Rivers said that the singer is “so hairy, when she lifted her arm, I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.”

And now, Elton John is sticking the sequinned boot in.

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Posted: 7th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


List-makers add Elton John to 2013 deathpool sheets

DEATH. As a dark Shadow, beckons his prey into the unknown by a soft whisper in the soul. Or, in the case of Elton John, something that will be of great concern after he was hospitalised after he came down with a ”serious respiratory infection”. No poetry will ever make Elton John want to die. He wants to live forever. In a palace made from diamonds and marbles.

Mister Yellow Brick Road was rushed to the Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, where they have hospital beds made from cocaine and chihuahuas, in the early hours of yesterday morning. He’s undergone every single test on Earth (just in case anyone is competitive about such matters, so he can eventually roll his eyes and say “yeah, had it”) and doctors have told him he won’t be performing ever again. Okay. That’s not true. He won’t be performing for a bit.

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Posted: 24th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


In photos – Revlon Concert for the Rainforest Fund at Carnegie Hall

THE Revlon Concert for the Rainforest Fund at Carnegie Hall featured Elton John, Jennifer Hudson, Bruno Mars, Channing Tatum, Sting, Meryl Streep and Jenna Dewan showed us how. Nothing says ‘Save the Planet’ like jetting into New York for a show… PS – what’s Elton John up to with that suppository?

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Sting performs during the Revlon Concert for the Rainforest Fund at Carnegie Hall, Tuesday, April 3, 2012 in New York. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

Posted: 4th, April 2012 | In: Music | Comment


Madonna takes on Elton John and just about everyone else in the world. Again.

NOW that Madonna’s pop-crown is slipping Lady GaGaward, largely thanks to her taking herself far too seriously and spreading herself too thinly, she’s remembered that nothing gets you column inches like a beef. Or numerous beefs. She’s beef mad, clearly.

The big story is Madge and Elton John are at loggerheads after the Golden Globes. Queen Bitch Elton said that Queen Bitch Madge ‘didn’t have a chance’ winning the award for Best Original Song. She promptly went and won ‘best song’.

This isn’t the first time they’ve fallen out. They spat at each other in 2004 after Elton accused Madonna of miming. After hearing about Elton’s ratings of her, she snarked: “Was he wearing a dress? Those are fighting words… OK, well, may the best man win.” After picking up the award for her W.E. song Masterpiece,Madge stated: “I hope he speaks to me for the next couple of years. He tends to get mad at me. I don’t feel bad.”

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Posted: 17th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Elton John is sick about losing to Madonna: Golden globes winners (and loser) photos

ALL the winners of the 2012 Golden Globes – each trying to hold their trophy the least like an adolescent boy. But the real onanistic action was to be had when Madonna took on Elton John for the best song. Madonna won the gong for a song called Masterpiece. Elton John looked like the Maquis de Sade trying to choke down a pickled onion-fed bottom burb.

David Furnish took to Facebook:

“Madonna. Best song???? Fuck off!!! Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in it’s narcissism. And her critisism of Gaga shows how desperate she really is.”

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Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Elton John Introduces Zachary: Saviour Of The Dressing Gown Industry

ELTON John is now ready to showcase his son on the telly. John, David Furnish and son Zachary Levon Furnish-John-Dwight-Luther-Blissett-Junior are dressed in dressing gowns before Barbara Walters, the US broadcaster.

Sir Elton (striped silk) and Furnish (white towelling embroidered with his name – an aide de memoir to match the tattoo of Zachary’s name he now bears on his arm. There is no obvious tattoo helping Furnish to recall who John is, but we advise him to buy a programme for the singer’s current world tour and a ticket for this September when Sir Elton begins a residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas that will run into 2014.)

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Posted: 22nd, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Elton John Feeds Zachary Breast Milk – From A Breast

ELTON John is feeding his son Zachary breast milk. Very possibly from an actual Muslim male breast:

I asked Elton John if he was cloth diapering Zachary. He looked at me a second and then replied “Well, we use proper nappies.“  I knew immediately that had to be a yes, but to be sure that I did not give false information I had him clarify for me what exactly  “proper nappies” were.  I asked, so are they reusable or do you throw them away.  He said “Well they’re proper nappies, cloth”.  You know how awesome I thought that was?  Celebrities cloth diapering.  Wow…Elton John cloth diapers his son!

It get’s better…

After seeing how important this sort of thing was to me, Elton then informed me that Baby Zachary is thriving off of an awesome diet of Breastmilk!

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Posted: 3rd, March 2011 | In: Music | Comments (10)


Elton John Show Off Zachary At Gnomeo Premiere: Photos

TO the premiere of Gnomeo and Julie (it is as it sounds – gnome meets lover; gnome losers lover; gnome impales himself on fishing rod barb). The film is produced by news dads Elton John and David Furnish, they of the censored sperm shake. This might well be the future for Elton.

New celebrity mums and dads are fond of turning their soft hands to the creative arts and bringing us ranges of clothing and books so that we plebs can dress our sprogs like better looking and more talented babies. We can read our kidzzz the same stories, perhaps while impersonating the famous writer and thus increase the chance, however miniscule, that our child will not grow up to resent our inability to get them record deal and a modelling contract with Chanel.

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Posted: 31st, January 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Elton John’s Gay Family Photos Censored By Anti-Gay Christians In Arkansas

ELTON John and David Furnish’s baby Zachary is not acceptable viewing for the people of a Harps supermarket in Mountain View, Arkansas. The US magazine in which they showcase their child to the planet has been encased in a protective sheath, known locally as a “family shield“.

So, who are the leaders of Harps?

Kim Eskew, President & COO:

Kim and his wife Karen live in Springdale and are members of First Baptist Church of Springdale.

The church is part of the Southern Baptist Convention.

The church believes that:

Homosexual is a chosen behavior not a discovered sexual orientation.

A child is set up as a result of poor parenting to make them more likely to choose to become homosexual.

Homosexuals can convert to heterosexuality through prayer, becoming saved.

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Posted: 27th, January 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)


Elton John Jailed

ELTON John has been jailed. As the Bexley Shopper tells us:

WE think it’s going to be a long, long time before one prolific armed robber walks free following a string of hits on transit vans.

Elton John, aged 51, of Brockley Road, Brockley, has been left singing the blues after he was found guilty at Woolwich Crown Court yesterday (Jan 12).

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Posted: 13th, January 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John: Photos Of Elton John’s Son

ELTON John, 62, is now father to Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John. The birth mum is a surrogate. (Whose egg? Liz Hurley? Liz Taylor? Liz Windsor?) The other dad is Elton’s husband David Furnish, 48. Anorak likes the name, although the double-barreled surname evokes images of a smark downstairs privy.

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Posted: 30th, December 2010 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comments (77)


X Factor Elton John Week Song List: Presented By Cheryl Cole’s Dog Carrier

X FACTOR: CHERYL Cole has a dog carrier. An assistant was seen carrying Cheryl’s dog into the London studios ahead of the X Factor show. He’s cradling it. Can the dog walk? If Cheryl Cole looking for her dog to do for her what Pebbles the cat did for Susan Boyle? What does it mean?

Wagner CarillhoI’m Still Standing/Circle Of Life mash-up. The lions King for the man with the might-have-been leonine hair.

Mary Byrne – Can you feel the love tonight? Aka CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT???!

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Posted: 13th, November 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)


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