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Tabloids lead with naked women, feuding women, mad women and lesbians

tabloids women


Who buys newspapers? Women and men who like looking at women do. Or at least they used to buy them – now they get them for free in supermarkets. Today’s tabloids are curious for the absence of men on the covers. They look like fashion titles, porn mag and women’s weeklies. Across all the tabloids, only the Daily Express features a man on the cover, and he’s Prince Charles, the kind of bloke who never understood what a T-shirt is and grimaces as he attempts to straddle two poles by being both relevant to the hoi polloi and beyond the reach of mere mortals. Charles is on the Express‘ front-page to illustrate how lucrative it is to be a royal. This year the proles are to fund the Queen to the tune of £82.2million, or £1.21 from each of us. That represents “such good value” says the Express. The Express costs 55p.

But the rest all focus on women only.

The Daily Star, the Express‘ fun stablemate, has Eastenders actress Jessie Wallace looking tired and emotional as she “boobs” on a bight out; “Sexy” Emma Willis illustrating the fact that Big Brother, the show she presents, is crap (yes, it is still on); Theresa May signing a deal with the DUP (pronounced D! U! P!) to give the county a working Government; and Meghan Markle, Prince Harry’s current lover, often “nips over to Harry” on a plane.

The Sun leads with claims that “lesbian jailbird” Syndee Offord and “female prison guard” Faron Selvage enjoyed “LESBIAN ROMP BEHIND BRAS”; May’s deal; and the Sun’s “Chest test”, in which Alice Lazar covers her naked breasts in glitter and walks about the streets of London.

The Mirror leads with Theresa May and D!U!P! leader Arlene Foster engaging in a “handshake of shame”. It’s “May’s £1bn Bribe to Crackpots”.



But the Daily Mail takes the cake. Its cover shows a picture of Princess Diana and Camilla Parker-Bowes, once “Britain’s most hated woman” and now part of the PR camping to make us believe that after Her Majesty leaves the throne the feckless ninnies and knobs who make up her Royal Family will do a decent job of being our betters.

To recap, then: in this enlightened age, the tabloids lead with naked women, sexy women, mad women, women’s primary sexual characteristics, materialistic women and lesbians. We’ve come a long way, baby….

Posted: 27th, June 2017 | In: News, Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Celebrity Big Brother Review: Day 1, Where Everything Felt The Same

SOME things had changed in the skewed landscape of (Celebrity) Big Brother. First off, there was no Davina. It was also on a different channel, getting shunted sideways from Channel 4 to Five. And other things had changed too like… er… well… nothing.

See, BB came back with Marcus Bentley providing his usual ebullient Geordie narrative, along with that theme tune, that house, that braying crowd of placard holding dimwits and that sneaking suspicion that this show, while briefly exciting in return, has probably had it’s day.

In previous years, Big Brother has always fared well on the opening night. We can all muster up enough interest to see which poor, beleaguered sod wants to put themselves through the wringer, tuning in to hurl obscenities at them or, more appropriately, shriek “WHO ARE YOU?! NO SERIOUSLY! WHO? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A WIKIPEDIA PAGE! YOU PLEB!

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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0