Posts Tagged ‘fat’
Slimmer Of The Year Mike Smith Can Marry Himself
MIKE Smith, 57, lost 17 stone off his 13st 12.5lb mass and has been named Slimming World’s Greatest Loser. Smith is the one you can see full on and not in profile. That is a cardboard cut-out. In Zhuhai, China, Liu Ye, 39, has just married a life-sized foam cut-out of himself. Says he: “There are many reasons for marrying myself, but mainly to express my dissatisfaction with reality.” At least the sex will be reliable…
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Posted: 29th, April 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Bye Bye Burger Boy: Barnsley Council Sets A Fat Lad On Fire
THEY were going to burn the Barnsley Burger Boy as part of a council “health festival”. The fat lad would burn for days and show us that fat peoples will not be tolerated and that they can be an alternative use of fuel.
This was not a real fat boy. Not this time. The 40ft effigy burnt in the heart of Barnsley this July in a ceremony called Bye Bye Burger Boy would be made of tobacco, or something. The figure would be an obsese lad dressed in tight clothes “sitting in an overflowing ashtray facing a table weighed down with burgers and cakes”. Yep, it could be you.
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Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Scare Story: Fat Kids In Liverpool Die Before Fat Parents
SCARE story of the day is that parents will out outlive their fat children. The Sun says “thousands” of fat children “could die before their parents”. A doctor called Dr Steve Ryan, who works at Alder Hey Children’s Hospital, tells BBC telly:
“People were starting to say maybe this is the generation where children will be dying before their parents.”
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Tens Of Thousands Of Fat Patients Dying In Hospitals
SCARE story of the day is that half a million patients are starving on hosptial wards. How many of those are fat – because this Government hates the fat? As for the news we are told, the Sun screams:
50,000 DIE STARVING ON WARDS EACH YEAR
The Tories call it “horrific”. A report finds that 2,656 patients had died as “a direct result of malnutrition” in the past 10 years.
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Posted: 26th, February 2010 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)
Kevin Smith Attacked In Global War On Fat: Too Wide For The Sky
THE director of such cult classic films at “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,” and “Chasing Amy” didn’t exactly get A-list treatment by Southwest Airlines last night on a flight between Oakland and Burbank, writes Anorak’s Man in LA. Kevin Smith is “Too Wide For The Sky“.
Kevin Smith was actually thrown off his flight because he physical size was deemed by the pilot to be a security risk.
Smith took to Twitter to vent about the situation, owning up to the fact that he’s overweight, but pointing out that he still fits within the seat’s arm rests and doesn’t require a seatbelt extender.
Dear @SouthwestAir – I know I’m fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?
Southwest has since Twittered and telephoned an apology to Smith, along
with a $100 gift certificate toward future Southwest fares.
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Posted: 15th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Slimmer Of The Year: Five Steps To A Less Fat And Disgusting You
WHAT better way to get you in shape for those scanners than seeing pictures of some people who used to be fatter. It’s the Rosemary Conley Diet and Fitness Magazine Slimmer of the Year Awards 2010, held at the Marriott County Hall hotel in central London. Time to shed those Christmas pounds and looks acceptable in decent society. With Anorak’s Diet Plan you too can lose weight. Here are Top Tips To A Less Disgusting You:
1. Nothing turns you off food faster than having a loved one die. If mum won’t die for you then remind her that it is her hips you are carrying about. The heartless bitch.
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Peru Arrests Men For Liquidising Fat People For Beauty Industry
IN Peru, four men are arrested on suspicion of harvesting the fat from the obese and selling it as fuel for European cosmetics.
This is victimless crime, right New Labour? The fat get put out of their misery; the thin don’t have to see the fat; the beautiful people who actually care about their looks get to look more beautiful – so long as they don’t eat the stuff – and the fat finally get to touch thin flesh.
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Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Weston Bans Fat Mums From Giving Birth In Town
FAT mums-to-be are barred from having babies at Weston General Hospital. The hospital will only safely admit women with a body mass index (BMI) of 34 and under.
As you’re lying there screaming “GET IT OUT” a dietician will approach and test you for fatness. If you pass you can have the baby. If not, you will have to a) ingest it; b) leave, perhaps for St Michael’s Hospital in Bristol, 20 miles away. Run. It’ll do you good.
A BMI of 34 is equivalent to a 15-stone 5ft 6ins tall woman. A spokesman says: ”
Our foremost concern is for the safety of mothers who deliver here and their babies.”
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Posted: 12th, November 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Husband Of Mum Too Fat Too Look After Children ‘Can’t Eat’
FROM the Scottish social workers who brought you “Too stupid to be a mum and marry” – we learn of the woman too fat to be allowed to keep her baby.
To Scotland, once more, where a fat woman is giving birth by Caesarean section. Already the youngest of her six children, aged 3 and 5, have been removed from her care. Why? Because social workers feared that they were at risk of becoming obese.
But aren’t we all at risk of becoming obese, just as we at risk of being hit by a bus or sat on by an elephant?
The facts are these: mum, 40, weighed 23 stone before falling pregnant. Mum called the social workers. She wanted help with a child who had developmental problems. Her toddler weighed 4 stone. Her 13-year-old son weighed more than 16 stone. Her 11-year-old daughter weighed 12-stone.
And having invited the social workers in, things took a nasty turn.
Says dad, who is married to mum:
“I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t tell you how powerless I feel. The other children are devastated too.”
He can’t eat. Is the social workers’ plan working?
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Posted: 22nd, October 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
The Fat And Obese Storm London Mayor Boris Johnson’s Offices
HEAR that? The obese are on the march in London. They’ve massed outside the portly mayor of London’s offices ahead of a BBC documentary on obesity-ism, calling for rules like those in San Francisco, where discriminating against fat people is banned by law.
The campaigners are members of the Size Acceptance Movement. A Marsha Coupe tells the BBC:
“I have been punched, I have had beer thrown in my face, I have had people attack me on the train. They say ‘Move out of the way fatty! Well person coming down the aisle!'”
She tells other news organs:
“London prides itself on being diverse yet there is almost a zero-tolerance on anyone of size. You cannot walk the streets without being verbally or physically assaulted.”
Fellow campaigner Kathryn Szrodecki responds:
“This is a very common event – someone being beaten up should be a crime.”
It isn’t?
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Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
Beer Belly Saves Man From Drowning In Human Waste
SO fat is Gerhard Wilder, 46, from Bochum in Western Germany, that when he fell down an open drain his stomach prevented him falling to his death, possibly in the excreta of human life.
But such is the persecution of the fat that, as reported:
He has now pledged to stay off beer and go on a diet after embarrassing pictures of the incident were shown all over German media.
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Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
London 2012: Drugs Make Fat People Exercise More
HEADLINE of the day in the Telegraph, where hope is made new for Britons vying for gold at the Olympics 2012:
“Drugs ‘could make people more willing to exercise’.”
Yipeeeeeeeee!
Drugs like alcohol which induces people to walk, often to a pub or off licence.
Drugs like cannabis that cause track-suited lads on pushbikes to peddle fast through provincial estates, sometimes chased by other men on pushbikes…
Drugs like “e” which passed from hand to hand like a baton that no-one dare drop.
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Brooke Shields Says Virginity Makes You Fat
BROOKE Shields shares with Health magazine her views on viginity and fatness:
“I think I would have had sex a lot earlier. I think I would have been much more in touch with myself. I think I wouldn’t have had issues with weight – I carried this protective 20 pounds [in college]. It was all connected. I think I would have lost my virginity earlier than I did at 22.”
Have sex – be thin.
Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Fat Man Acquitted Of Squashing Wife To Death
IN Germany, an obese man has been acquitted for squashing his wife to death.
To a house in Hanover, where the couple are arguing over Italian music. The woman pours beer over her husband’s laptop. They fight. She locates his neck. She hits his neck. He falls. On her.
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Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Fattest Mum Raises Triplet Babies On McDonald’s
THE country’s “Fattest mother” – Leanne Salt – feeds her triplets on McDonald’s fast food. The children are eight-months-old.
The woman’s name? Mrs Salt.
And so we add a page to Anorak’s Nominative Determinalism Guide Book.
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Posted: 28th, April 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (17)
United Airlines Makes Fat Bastards Pay More
UNITED Airlines is to charge obese passengers extra to fly on their craft.
The Huffington Post asks: “WHAT DO YOU THINK: POLL.”
Asking Americans if they think fat people should be taxed for being so gargantuan is like asking a turkey if he thinks the Pilgrim Fathers were good for his kind.
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Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Modern Conundrums: Can Non-Obese Outweigh The Majority Obese
A PUZZLER, a modern conundrum: Can the non-obese outweigh the majority obese?
Michael Segal notes:
If all of the obese people were children, and all of the not-obese people were adults, the nonobese could outweigh the obese in a country in which half of people are children. This is imaginable since obesity has been increasing in recent years, though implausible because obesity is not that much more prevalent in children.
Average height?
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