Posts Tagged ‘films’
Bill Murray defecates on Ghostbusters 3 script
WHAT does Bill Murray think of Ghostbusters? What is Ghostbusters? Sadly, it’s not a film about the ample bosom of sexy female spectres, but rather (as you damn well know) a caper involving some near-useless blokes in boiler suits getting giddy in the face of gate-keepers and goo inducing thimgummies.
Oh, and in the first Ghostbusters, Ray is fellated by a ghost in a montage, but no-one ever mentions that.
Either way, pretty much everyone loves both Ghostbusters films and a third one wouldn’t go amiss. We can all revel in nostalgia and all collectively fawn over Bill Murray who is possibly the coolest man on Earth.
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Tom Cruise Drops Top Gun 2 Rumour Bomb
SCIENTOLOGY may well be making everyone dislike Tom Cruise, but he’s still a big celebrity noisemaker. And now, while touting his latest Mission: Impossible film, he’s decided to make everyone sit up and waggle their ears by saying that there’s a Top Gun sequel in the offing.
In fact, it’s ‘being worked on’.
Tom told MTV.com he is still involved, saying:
“I hope we can figure this out to go do it again. If we can find a story that we all want to do, we all want to make a film that is in the same kind of tone as the other one and shoot it in the same way as we shot Top Gun… We’re working on it.”
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Javier Bardem To Try And Kill James Bond
HAVE you seen No Country For Old Men? If you have, you surely agree that Javier Bardem is one of the most sinister humans to ever grace a screen.
He’s so good at playing a dead-eyed killer, that it is more than easy to actually convince yourself he actually partakes in murderous activities away from the screen.
Brrrr.
Well, Javier is to take his menacingly blank gaze supernova as its been officially announced that he’ll be playing the villain in the as-yet-untitled 23rd James Bond film.
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Roman Polanski Acknowledges That He Probably Shouldn’t Have Sex With 13 Year Old Girls
IT must be difficult being faced with a supposedly genius filmmaker, especially when he’s got a penchant for having sex with minors.
This was the trouble faced by Ewan McGregor and Kate Winslet, who have both starred in films of Roman Polanski lately, and gushed about how clever he is in print, neatly sidestepping any awkward questions about ALL THAT.
However, oddly, the French-Polish filmmaker is now the one chattering away about it all and has, at long last, managed to mention the thing everyone’s been muttering about for aaaaaaaaaaages.
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Posted: 28th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Brave Liver (Chopped): Mel Gibson To Make Film About Jewish Hero Judah Maccabee
JEWS! What do you make of Mel Gibson? He’s not exactly been Mr Popular with the Jews after being accused of anti-semitism when resisting arrest a while ago.
If you don’t remember, Gibbo is alleged to have yelled:
“You motherfucker! I’m going to fuck you! Fucking Jews! The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”
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Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Gerard Depardieu Decides To Take A Wazz On A Flight, Which Is Understandable
WHAT would you do if you really needed to go to the toilet, but you found yourself stuck on a plane that wasn’t moving? You’d ask a steward/ess if you could go to the ‘rest room’ for ‘a rest’ wouldn’t you?
What happens if that flight attendant say “Non.”
Well, if you are called Gerard Depardieu, you’d flop your old chap out and take a long, drunken piss in the aisle of the plane. That’s exactly what you’d do because that’s precisely what has happened on an Air France flight.
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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
Get Your Big Pants Ready! Bridget Jones 3 Is Coming!
HEY! Curvy women! The actually-thin-but-puts-weight-on-because-someone-pays-her-to Renée Zellweger is coming back to play Bridget Jones in an attempt to pretend she’s one of you, thereby making your worthless lives that little bit more recognisable.
Of course, that seems needlessly aggressive. Suffice to say, we’ve all got worthless lives, including Renée Zellweger.
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Jennifer Aniston In Trouble For Gay Slur: Because Homophobia Is Good Box Office Unlike Racism
UH-OH! Jennifer Aniston is in a bit of trouble at the moment. No, it’s nothing to do with those thousands of episodes of Friends where she nearly had the whole world’s eye out thanks to a lack of bra under her vest, but rather, she’s said a homophobic slur.
Naturally, she’s isn’t some raging gay-basher, but rather, it is something she’s said in character.
Aniston plays a seductive dentist (sigh) called Dr Julia Harris in the new film, Horrible Bosses. In it, she tells her dental assistant:
“You’re starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Hollywood Is Dead: Angry Birds Movie Is Considered
HOLLYWOOD is not in rude health. People can’t be bothered going to the cinema in quite the same numbers as they once did. Quite right too as cinemas are the most joyless places on Earth with their smell of disinfectant and outrageously priced snacks.
The worst element of the movies is the films shown themselves, often being turgid, generic fluff dribbled out to saps paying a tenner-a-pop, for which they’re supposed to be grateful.
And the latest nail in cinema’s coffin is the announcement that we could very well be treated to a feature length version of the irritatingly addictive Angry Birds game.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Wife Laughs, Then Probably Cries, In The Face Of Reconciliation
BICEP brained Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably sat somewhere on his own right now, silently weeping over photographs of his family that he destroyed when he forgot to put a condom on while entering his maid and then keeping the resultant child a secret for a decade or so.
He’s probably sent texts to Maria Shriver, his soon-to-be-ex who will take him to the financial cleaners, saying ‘I can change’, which are clearly very funny if you read them aloud in his voice.
Arnold Schwarzenegger And Mildred Patricia Baena’s Love Child Photos
However, Maria is not interested, making it abundantly clear that there’s absolutely no chance of her giving their marriage another try.
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Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Quentin Tarantino And Lady GaGa To Team Up For A Movie?
SEEING as Quentin Tarantino allowed Lady GaGa to use the Kill Bill Pussywagon in the singer’s promotional video for Telephone, it isn’t surprising that the film director is looking at GaGa and thinking of putting her in one of his films.
And what better way to try and sweeten the deal than by getting Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to butter up the Judas singer while on a jolly at the Cannes Film Festival? Unless they tried to adopt her, which could be kinda irritating.
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Dan Aykroyd Has 21,000 Bottles Of Vodka Stolen From Him
POOR old Dan Aykroyd. He’s currently mourning the loss of 21,000 bottles of vodka stolen from him. He was, apparently, planning on drinking them this weekend as well.
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Posted: 12th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
There’s Nothing Cynical About JLS Wanting To Collaborate With Gwyneth Paltrow
BACKFLIPPING saccharine irritants and tepid pop dispensers, JLS, want to collaborate with Gwyneth Paltrow. Why? It might have something to do with the fact that she’s very famous, recently decided to become a singer, appeared warbling on an award ceremony with Cee Lo Green, married to insipid Coldplayer Chris Martin and is the talk of Tinseltown thanks to an appearance on TV smash, Glee.
Nothing cynical about that then.
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Brigitte Bardot Mourns Suicide Ex Husband
REMEMBER when Brigitte Bardot was nothing more than a brilliant nymph who didn’t care much for wearing clothes and ached of Gallic cool? Remember those days? The days before she started being an animal rights activist and… uh… mentalist who said dodgy things about Muslims. Yeah. Those were good days.
Bardot seemingly likes animals more than the world of Islam, criticizing slaughter procedures of sheep while saying things like “…my country, France, my homeland, my land is again invaded by an overpopulation of foreigners, especially Muslims” as well as calling homosexuals “fairground freaks”.
Well, now she’s going to have to mourn a human for a change after reports broke of her ex-husband, Gunther Sachs, killing himself. It has been suggested that he shot himself.
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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Katie Holmes Settles With Rag That Accused Her Of Being A Druggie
JUST because Katie Holmes married Scientology poster-boy Tom Cruise, it doesn’t mean she’s on drugs. The taking of drugs explains a lot of erratic behaviour, but Katie is keen to point out that, if you think she’s a bit of a lunatic, she’s like that of her own free-will.
And this whole drug thing has seen the actress settling a defamation claim with US celebrity magazine, Star, after they falsely suggested that she was constantly ripped to her tits on good quality drugs.
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Posted: 29th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Vanessa Hudgens Defends Her Skimpy Outfits In Sucker Punch
GOOD lord! Hollywood hasn’t got a history of using women as sex objects in movies… until now that is! See, the shock and scandal is that, in new action flick – Sucker Punch – Vanessa Hudgens and her costars all parade around in very little clothing and it has people all in a tizz!
In the film, onanists will be able to enjoy the bodies of Hudgens, Abbie Cornish, Emily Browning and more, all charging around in tiny slips of material. Of course, this has never happened before in the history of film.
As such, Variety were absolutely correct to gripe that this movie is nothing more than “fantasy fodder for 13-year-old guys” and that the assembled ladies are sporting nothing more than “demeaning fetish gear”.
Cor. Demeaning fetish gear eh? PHWOAR. The cinemas could well set ablaze with the friction from young men rubbing their thighs too furiously.
But whatever. Hudgens doesn’t agree with these mewing Mary Whitehouse sorts.
“I was in the best shape of my life, so why not? The woman’s body is a beautiful thing. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t, like, be our best in our costumes.”
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Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Man Eaten By Camera On Brighton Beach
DAVE makes films at his company Sheepfilms. Or at least he used to..:
Posted: 4th, March 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
