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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Trump and Melania join the crown green bowls club

trump melania woman

 

When Donald Trump and Melania were welcoming the French President and his wife, the First Couple opted to wear flannels and thereby best absorb some of drooling Macron’s copious amounts of salvia (see hands, faces, necks – the guy gets rid of best he can but we’ve started to notice; he’s almost resorted to licking people).

Previously:

 

melania white

 

Spotter: @waathepies.tv

Posted: 27th, April 2018 | In: Politicians | Comment


An incredible photo of racoons waiting to pounce

“Family friend went camping 30 years ago and heard a noise. She stuck her camera outside her tent and snapped this picture.”

 

family racoon photo

 

Via Awkward Family Photos, Flashbak

Posted: 25th, April 2018 | In: Strange But True | Comment


How they do the weather on Sky News (video)

And now on Sky News, the weather….

sky news weather funny

Spotter: AlreadyTaken74

Posted: 4th, February 2018 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment


The one with the roof, the skateboarder and the pig (video)

The one with the roof, the skateboarder and the pig

Video of the day is the one with the roog, the skateboarder and the pig:

Posted: 28th, November 2017 | In: Strange But True | Comment


The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump: Ode to 45

The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump

 

Donald Trump’s poetry is composite blend of Tweets, speeches and interviews  edited by Rob Sears, who notes the “little known alternative fact that the 45th President, Donald J. Trump, has long been a remarkable poet.”
The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump considers Trump “a modern-day Basho or Larkin” with smaller hands.

The greatest misapprehension about DJT corrected by this volume, however, may be the idea that he sees money and power as ends in themselves. In fact, just as Wilfred Owen turned his wartime experiences into poetry, and Slyvia Plath found the dark beauty in her own depression, Trump is able to transform his unique experiences of being a winner into 24-karat verse. He didn’t build a huge real-estate empire for the billions; he did it so he could write poems…

Highlights:

I won!

Well, we’ve had some disasters, but this is the worst

Bad hombres

I’ve known some bad dudes
I’ve been at parties
They want to do serious harm
I’ve seen and I’ve watched things like with guns
I know a lot of tough guys but they’re not smart
We’re dealing with people like animals

But they are the folks I like the best—by far!

I am the least racist person there is

I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks
I remained strong for Tiger Woods during his difficult
period
Oprah, I love Oprah. Oprah would always be my first choice
Kanye West—I love him
I think Eminem is fantastic, and most people think I
wouldn’t like Eminem
And did you know my name is in more black songs than any
other name in hip-hop?
You are the racist, not I

I respect women, I love women, I cherish women

Vagina is expensive
No more apologies—take the offensive!

Hot little girl in high school

I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high IQ)
Just think, in a couple of years I’ll be dating you
It must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees
Come here, I’ll show how life works. Please.

We’ve got to stop the stupid

You know what uranium is, right?
It’s a thing called nuclear weapons and other things like lots
of things that are done with uranium including some bad
things
I have to explain this to these people, they don’t even understand basic
physics, basic mathematics, whatever you call it
I mean, they’re like stupid

Look at the way I’ve been treated lately

I should have been TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year
Just like I should have gotten the Emmy for The Apprentice
I should have easily won the Trump University case
I should have won New York state but I didn’t
I unfairly get audited by the I.R.S. almost every
single year
No politician in history—and I say this with great surety—
has been treated worse or more unfairly

Spotter: The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump , Dangerous Minds

Posted: 13th, November 2017 | In: Books, Politicians | Comment


Sole Survivor outlives fish: BBC pun of the day

bbc pun sole survivor

Posted: 14th, October 2017 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Barry Norman’s letter to two drunks who asked him to be their ‘honorary uncle’

“Drunk one Saturday night my friend I wrote to WONDERFUL Barry Norman asking him to become our honorary uncle,” tweets . “I treasure his letter.”

 

 

barry norman letter funny

 

barry norman letter funny

 

Barry Norman: Barry Norman (21 August 1933 – 30 June 2017)

Posted: 3rd, July 2017 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Teenagers put glasses on museum’s floor and people thought it was art

When we saw Brooklyn Beckham’s terrible photography being passed off as a talent for anything other than parody, we recalled another example of meaningless nonsense being passed off as art. In 2016, two pranksters placed a pair of spectacles on the floor at San Francisco’s Museum of Modern Art. Before long the glasses were being viewed as a telling and important piece of art.

 

san francisco spectacles hoax prank art san francisco spectacles hoax prank art san francisco spectacles hoax prank art san francisco spectacles hoax prank art san francisco spectacles hoax prank art

 

The hoaxers, @TJCruda and @k_vinnn, would doubtless be delighted to realise that their artwork fared better than other proper arty things. Tate Britain once threw away a Gustav Metzger installation, a bag of paper and cardboard.

Meanwhile, my own artwork, Vomit In Sock, has been touring the country’s music festivals. Catch it where you can.

Is it art? Dunno. What do you care? It is if it looks like it is.

Spotter: Bored Panda

Posted: 28th, June 2017 | In: Key Posts, News, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


‘Mark Zuckerberg meeting truckers in Iowa looks like a movie about an alien who slowly learns to feel’

Mark Zuckerberg meeting truckers in Iowa looks like a movie about an alien who slowly learns to feel

 

Spotter: zzzzaaaacccchhh

Posted: 26th, June 2017 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Shopper uses great keepy-uppy skills at the supermarket

To Brazil, where a local man is demonstrating how to shop with style. Forget the 5p bag and go native. And get me a dozen eggs… Game on!

 

football gif funny shopping

Posted: 20th, June 2017 | In: Sports, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


BBC admits to ‘election rigging’

Finally! The BBC has admitted what so many suspected: they’ve been ‘rigging” the election:

Posted: 3rd, June 2017 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment


LMFAO: the brilliant Pope meets Trump gif

Spotter and creator:

Posted: 25th, May 2017 | In: Gifs, Politicians | Comment


Evolution of Douchebag Style – the man bun vaper and beyond

Inspired by 100 Year of Beauty, some bright sparks have nailed the running joke of men’s fashion with the “Evolution of Douchebag Style”.

 


Spotter: BlameItOnTheVoices

Posted: 14th, May 2017 | In: Fashion | Comment


Costa Coffee Salford offers its toilet as a birthday party venue

Anyone looking for a compact and bijou venue for a birthday party, a UKIP conference, an intimate wedding or just a place to mingle with fellow urban badger enthusiasts after work can head long to Costa Coffee in Salford. The toilet is available for hire.

 

Costa Coffee Salford hire

 

Spotter: @ThePoke

Posted: 9th, May 2017 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


The Specials: Nursing Home Pensioners Rip It Up To Too Much Too Young (Video)

The Specials’ Too Much Too Young for the Nursing Home! As John Lydon says: “The Best Ska Punk Bands Ever.”

Posted: 25th, April 2017 | In: Music, TV & Radio | Comment


Dolly Parton Sings Jolene In The Death Metal Style

dolly parton bunny

 

Take it away, Dolly Parton. Her she is belting out a death metal version of her timeless hit, Jolene. It was created by Andy Rehfeldt – check out his Mary Poppins singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

 

Spotter: Laughing Squid

Posted: 24th, April 2017 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment


Tires down a ski jump – alternative Olympic sports

tyres down a ski jump

 

With the UK’s olympic-sized Olympics budget under review – can we just embrace technology and go long on drugs and short on training? – Anorak’s on the look out for cheap and cheerful alternative events.

And here is one: tyres down a ski jump.

Posted: 23rd, April 2017 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment


Caption writers protect the Easter Bunny from would-be Trump assassins and Elma Fudd

The President of the United States is on the LEFT.

 

trump bunny left caption

 

“Excellent use of parentheses. Bravo caption writers.” tweets @Zoeparamour.

“Sometimes Breaking News comes at exactly the perfect moment” adds @Melissajpeltier.

 

donald trump rabbit

 

Spotter: Twitter/@MelissaJPeltier & Twitter/@ZoeParamour

Posted: 22nd, April 2017 | In: Key Posts, Politicians, TV & Radio | Comment


Man vomits as he proposes to girlfriend on private plane over Reedley, Ca.

Man vomits as he proposes to girlfriend on private plane over Reedley, Ca.

 

As he cruised the skies on the look out for a ‘MARRY ME’ sign he’d painted on the ground, Darrell Hamilton Jr reached into his bag and pulled out a ring box. To showed it to his fiancee Rheanna Lopez – and then puked all over the floor.

She said “Yes”. And the women who married my friend who shat the bed on their romantic night in France – tip: don’t have the whitebait in Le Touquet – also said ‘Yes’.

 

Posted: 15th, March 2017 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Make Your Own ‘Mazel Tov Cocktails’ With Scottie Nell Hughes

Scottie Nell Hughes was talking to CNN about Hillary Clinton’s props Jay Z and Beyoncé. She made a reference to Jay Z and Kanye West’s 2012 video for “No Church in the Wild. It features a ‘Mazel Tov’ cocktail.

No. Not a Molotov cocktail. Hughes spotted a “mazel tov cocktail”.

Hughes went on Twitter, “trust me.. I realized at that moment, I should have taken a nap at some point the last 24hrs.”

So how do you make a Mazel Tov cocktail? Like this:

 
Ginfilte (fish)
Cream (cheese)
Kabbala Coffee Liqueur
Single smaltz whiskey
Candles

Posted: 7th, November 2016 | In: Reviews | Comment


Drink! Feck! Girls! Kids dressed as Father Ted characters win Halloween

“These must be the best costumes of Halloween 2016 by my sisters friends in Wicklow,” tweets @ChrisJudge.

 

father ted halloween kids

Posted: 31st, October 2016 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment


Dear Sir: A woman writes a formal rejection letter to a penis photo on Facebook

Like many internet users, Sarah-Louise Jordan recived an unsolicied picure of a penis in a Facebook message. She writes, “I found a surprising picture in my messages. So, I did the only English thing there was to do; I wrote them a letter.”

 

dick photo facebook letter b

 

“Dear Sir,

Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.

However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.

The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:

Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step by step guide to saying hello)

How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves

Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration

How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)

AND

Penis reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.

We will also answer questions you might have such as:

Do I have too much time on my hands?

AND

Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?

(Note: the number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)

Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:

An inventive critique of your pride & joy

AND

A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.

We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.

Yours faithfully.”

 

 

dick photo facebook letter b

 

dick photo facebook letter b

Spotter: Sarah-Louise Jordan on Facebook

Posted: 30th, October 2016 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


St Dunstan’s school, Glastonbury, sends parents typo C-bvomb

The message to parents with children at St Dunstan’s school, Glastonbury, Somerset, is clear: state your ‘cunt’ of birth:

 

school cunty

 

The school says the word ‘cunty’ is a typo and not a comment on nationality. The letters ‘O’ and ‘R’ were not included in error.

 

Posted: 13th, October 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment