Posts Tagged ‘funny’
Brazilian cat gets arrested with a saw and phone strapped to it
BRAZIL is, quite frankly, the most brilliantly ludicrous country on Earth. Away from the obviously mental Amazon rainforest, there’s the most corrupt football league on Earth, a fanatical belief in Jesus, appalling crime and poverty and the kind of folklore legends that makes English mythology look like a dank pond.
And to underline this, Brazilian police have arrested a cat.
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Posted: 7th, January 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Jewel robbers break into KFC by accident
BEING a jewel thief must be an exciting gig. Turtle neck sweaters, Milk Tray on the go and creeping around with all the suave sophistication of a cat with a tail made out of pearls. That, of course, is fiction and real jewel thieves are as thick and stupid as common-or-garden burglars.
And this is proven by two bungling oafs who thought they were going to indulge in some supreme swag taking, but instead, ended up in a KFC.
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Wild deer runs through the streets of Chelmsford to signal end of world
BADGERS are collapsing roads, tiny horses are using public transport, cows are harder than you and catfish are killing land mammals. Slowly but surely, animals are showing humans that they’re coming for them and that mankind’s time is nearing an end.
We’ve been warning you all for ages, yet no-one is taking us at all seriously.
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Woman spends NYE imprisoned in a shop
NEW YEAR’S EVE is a wonderful time isn’t it? A feeling of togetherness, celebration and dodging puddles of puke and sexual sputum. Unless you’re the old woman from France who saw 2013 in while imprisoned in a supermarket.
The 73-year-old in Roubaix was shopping at an Intermarché store on December 31st when she felt ill and headed to the toilet.
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Posted: 3rd, January 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
A monkey! Riding a dog! In the middle of an American Football match!
THINK about the entertainment that surrounds football matches in England. A meat and potato pie with grey innards? Someone doing a draw so someone wins £200? Or if it is a special game, maybe Katherine Jenkins looking contemptuous on the halfway line, trying to flog some awful CD of warbling?
Well, once again, America puts us all to shame. The Super Bowl has had Prince, The Who and Paul McCartney and a football match has knocked them all into a cocked hat with the greatest entertainment any sport could ever hope to sit beside…
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Is it a bird? Is it a plane? What? It really is a flying Superman?!
IMAGINE for a moment, that you’re riding around with a friend in SoCal, and suddenly, one of you notices that Superman is flying over your head.
You’d either die from happiness or start leaping around, crazed and unable to process the information and ending up throwing up all over yourself, before hurtling yourself into the sea.
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Africa thinks Mike Tyson has had a sex-change (extreme female rape empathy)
FOREIGN press outlets are getting confused with Western satire. The Onion’s obvious spoof piece which said that Kim Jong Un had been voted sexiest man of 2012 was reported as fact in China.
And now, online outlets in Africa have falsely reported that Mike Tyson has had a sex change after they read and believed a daft piece by NewsBiscuit.
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Manchester United install tanning booth for players
MANCHESTER United aren’t going to help football’s softy, preening image after they installed a tanning booth at their training ground.
Now, of course, they’ll argue that they’ve installed a ‘Vitamin D machine’ at their Carrington training facility, and Manchester being the Rainy City, is sorely lacking in sunlight. However, we all know that this machine has been installed because professional footballers are all massively vain, upright swine… it has nothing to do with healthy skin and bones.
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Tiny horses would rather catch the tube than walk
HUMANS are brilliant because they’ve worked out ways of not doing things in increasingly elaborate manners. Want to get somewhere? Make a machine take you. Stupid animals do all that walking while we are flung around in metal contraptions, feet up, listening to music and reading books.
We even poo inside.
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Posted: 18th, December 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment
CCTV footage of fools in train stations released
BEING drunk on a train is the single most soul-destroying experience a human can suffer. Sat on a wobbling, hot carriage with a headache, reeking of ale and needing the toilet every 10 minutes. If you’re going to be drunk on a train, at least have the clout to have been on a good night out beforehand, rather than just getting trolleyed on a choo-choo.
That said, if you do end up tottering through a train station when you’ve had a few, you might end up on a video put out by a train company.
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Union J fan woman screams what we’re all thinking at X Factor (VIDEO)
THE single greatest thing the X Factor has given the UK, is that for one night a week, we’re unified in bewildered hatred. Of course, there’s the berks who hate it because they sneeringly prefer ‘real music’ by ‘people who write their own music’ (warning: Chris De Burgh wrote his own songs and half of Motown didn’t). The best people enjoy the show and the hatred it stirs.
X Factor is the only time Britain is truly alive.
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Posted: 4th, December 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Shave with bacon flavoured shaving foam
EVER found yourself shaving and wondered how magical your life would be if you could eat your shaving cream? Of course you have. Everyone on Earth has wanted to eat shaving cream.
With that in mind, thank the stars for the land of the free! America, a place of many delightfully crackpot ideas, has a company who has developed a new bacon-flavoured shaving cream. You read that correctly. Shaving foam that tastes like pigs.
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Posted: 30th, November 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Telford man sentenced after causing ‘terror by dildo’
IMAGINE you heard about a man concealing a dildo about his person. You’d imagine he was either embarrassed to have it on him as something of a prude or, indeed, that he had it down his trolleys in a bid to appear that he was well endowed.
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Posted: 27th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Play ‘Football Manager’ and get a job in the Azerbaijan Premier League
IF you’ve played Football Manager (or Championship Manager, or whatever the other one is called), you’ll know what a life ruiner it is. Men have been reduced to wrecks, pacing around their living rooms in their best suits, worn specially for cup final day. Degrees have fallen to the wayside as sleep-deprived students aim to get AFC Wimbledon into the Champion’s League.
And all for nothing, right?
Wrong!
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Mass death never sounded so cute: Dumb Ways to Die
DEATH. It isn’t a nice thing, but it sure as hell is inevitable. So, with that, which should treat death with the contempt it deserves and laugh in its face, be merry around it and… well… try and avoid it in the cheeriest way possible.
And with that, we go to Australia where, instead of frightening the bejeezus out of you, an animated safety video prefers to indulge you in a little fun without giving you a boring, stern lecture.
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Julie gets high in the dentist and makes the whole world laugh
GOING to the dentist is no fun. They drill your face, tell you off for the amount of sugar you spoon into your honking gob, and force you to read copies of Woman’s Own that are older than the internet.
However, sometimes, it is really really really fun. Especially when they jack you up on loads of drugs.
And to prove this, a video has gone viral of a great sport called Julie, who had her wisdom teeth removed. Filmed by her husband Cameron, Julie’s pie-eyed confusion is one of the most joyous things online right now (and not a stupid, cutesy animal in sight).
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Sweden, where public transport is blighted by sex
SOME stereotypes are ace. While the English are known for complaining and being racist, the Swedish are simply known as being really, really sexy. Who wouldn’t want that as people’s default setting about you? And this, it seems, is a stereotype that has some legs.
Lovely, lovely legs.
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Blackbirds found blind drunk in playground
SOME young tearaway blackbirds found dead at a primary school in Cumbria, which doesn’t sound very funny. However, when you consider the fact that they were dead from alcohol poisoning, it suddenly feels more amusing.
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Posted: 7th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Frankie and Benny’s get toddler blind drunk on whiskey
TREMENDOUS news parents! Eaterie chain, Frankie and Benny’s are getting your children drunk! We can all laugh as they slur their words, soil themselves, garble incoherent nonsense, waddle around flitting from gleeful to angry crying and… wait… that’s all children ever isn’t it?
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Posted: 11th, October 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
The Delivery – a John Lewis boy with a box film
FIRST came the John Lewis boy and his head in box Christmas gift. Now comes the Laughing Basset comedy group and their weepy box – starring Truman, Gina Jenkinson, Richard Colley (with laughter from Steven O’Neill)…
Posted: 9th, January 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Closer Magazine Are Having A Baby With Christine Bleakley
SINCE babies are already taking over the world I was interested to read Katie Banks’s article in Closer magazine this week. I think Katie’s got herself a little flustered here and has disappeared into the pink playpen she keeps under her desk because reading her go on and on about Christine Bleakley wanting a baby made me realize that every girl eventually outgrows her Care Bear collection.
It was real nice of Katie to clear up a piece of obvious the size of Vanessa Feltz when she tells us that Christine is thinking about having babies with fiancee Frank Lampard.
Katie goes on to say that once Christina has unattached Frank’s umbilical cord from his b-hole then Frank will want to have babies every morning.
“He’d have babies in the morning”
(Via: Christine Bleakley / Closer magazine)
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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
South Korean MP Uses Tear-Gas In Parliament, Which Is Just Brilliant!
POLITICS is so dull in the UK. Men in drab suits shout while women with bad hair all boo at admin. The most excitement we’ve had is when Bryan Ferry’s posho offspring lobbed some coloured powder around and that wasn’t particularly fun at all.
However, over in South Korea, they’re much better at firing things up. One Korean MP decided that he’d use tear gas powder against the parliament’s deputy speaker in the hope that he’d block ratification of a key trade deal with the US.
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Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment
Fire Plus Skateboarders Equals Mocking Laughter: Video Fun
HOW much fun are skaters? They’re loads of fun! It’s cool when they do their inventive tricks while soundtracked by The Ramones and whatnot, but really, the best thing about them is when they bail.
Bail videos – if you’re not down with the parlance, they’re the reels that show them busting their heads and ramming their genitals on rails and the like – are THE best thing about skateboarding.
And what’s better than someone hurting themselves by accident? Someone hurting themselves via collective stupidity of course!
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Learning Computers With Greta: Video
COMPUTERS were once the sole property of the ubergeek. No-one really understood them and those that tried thwacked the keys while typing like they were playing Whack-A-Mole.
Of course, geeks in the ’90s were a special, unlit breed of people (very much like the Games Workshop crowd, all vitamin deficient and filled with indecipherable jargon) which meant that they never got the girls at school or picked up ladies down the local bar.
And so, they had to make do with people like Greta. Who is Greta? Greta is a floral bikini clad lady who taught the world about Windows ’95.
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Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: Technology | Comment
Have You Met Jaws Cat? Video
OFTEN, we write lovely, long introductions for videos that we share with you by way of setting a certain tone before you leap in and watch.
However, there comes a time when there are no adequate words. This is one of those occasions.
Basically, what we have here, is a cat, the Jaws theme tune and one of the most peculiar noises you’re likely to hear all week.
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Posted: 31st, October 2011 | In: Strange But True | Comment
