Posts Tagged ‘funny’
Ahmed the hoax bomber’s dad ‘occasionally returns to Sudan to run for president’
You’ve read about Ahmed Mohamed, the 14-year-old pinched for taking a homemade clock into school – staff and Texas police thought it was a bomb and arrested him.
Well, the Dallas News report features a few works on Ahmed’s dad.
He just wants to invent good things for mankind,” said Ahmed’s father, Mohamed Elhassan Mohamed, who immigrated from Sudan and occasionally returns there to run for president. “But because his name is Mohamed and because of Sept. 11, I think my son got mistreated.”
Does eveyrone get a turn, like jury service?
Posted: 16th, September 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews | Comment
Typo LOL: Daily Express praises Kate Middleton’s pubic hair
And the prize for typo of the day, goes to the Daily Express.
It is a typo, right?
Spotter: @scaryduck
Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, Royal Family | Comment
First Date With Carl: man tells the story of how he shat his pants on a first date via a cartoon
In First Date With Carl, Carl recalls how he shat his pants on a first date.
Could be worse, of course. This guy shat his pants in front of millions.
Spotter: reddit
Clear the court: John Terry’s FCB introduces the woman saying ‘vagina’ over and over and over
When England footballer John Terry rowed with Anton Ferdinand, the matter came to court. In 2012, Chelsea captain Terry was acquitted of the racially aggravated public-order offence of calling QPR’s Ferdinand a “fucking black cunt“. In court the phrase became the acronym ‘FBC’. But his summing up at Westminster Magistrates’ Court, chief Magistrate Howard Riddle used the words many, many times.
Highlights are:
The defendant does not deny that he used the words, “fuck off, fuck off”, “fucking black cunt” or “fucking knobhead”. His case is that his words were not uttered by way of abuse or insult nor were they intended to be abusive or insulting…
He says they were used after a perceived false accusation made by Mr Ferdinand, the accusation being to the effect that the defendant had used the term “black cunt” during their exchanges with each other…
The issue between the defendant and the Crown is whether Mr Terry uttered the words “fucking black cunt” by way of insult…
There is also no dispute that John Terry directed the words “black cunt” in the direction of Anton Ferdinand…
It starts off funny. And then it gets a tad wearing:
It is equally clear, and equally not in dispute, that he also directed the words “fucking knobhead” at Anton Ferdinand…
It is obvious, and again not in dispute, that at the time that John Terry said “black cunt” and “fucking knobhead” he was angry…
Ms Whitewood is of the opinion that the words spoken by John Terry are “Yeah and I [obstruction] you/ya fucking black cunt (pause) fucking knobhead”…
In cross-examination he accepted that he appears to use the word “and” and as a result the only difference between the prosecution and the defence is that the Crown alleged he says “you/ya fucking black cunt” whereas the defence case is that he said “a fucking black cunt?”…
And then it gets to being funny again:
There is then the evidence of Anton Ferdinand that he at no stage accused John Terry of calling him a black cunt…
In cross-examination Mr Ferdinand at first appeared to deny that Mr Terry said, in the dressing room, “do you think I called you are fucking black cunt?”…
There is no doubt the words “Fucking black cunt” were directed at Mr Ferdinand…
Another possibility, and this is a possibility suggested to me by the defence, is that he did indeed accuse John Terry of calling him a black cunt, knows perfectly well that the words observed on the TV footage were in response to that comment, and is lying about it…
Another doubt about the facts is what was said by Anton Ferdinand at the time of his obscene gesture to John Terry, shortly before the words “black cunt” were spoken…
And now tiring:
A related point is the way that Mr Terry’s facial expression changed at the moment he uttered the words “black cunt”…
On the other hand the footage of Mr Terry as he says “black cunt” adds credence to the defence account that something of a different order had just been said to him, something altogether more insulting…
The prosecution point out that in the FA interview Mr Terry was asked “can you remember exactly what you said back to him?” and replied “I think it was something along the lines of, “You black cunt, you’re a fucking knobhead”…
There was a word that looked like Bridges or black. There was another word that looked like cunt…
And finally you can’t stop laughing. You’re sat in the court giggling and snorting like an adolescent. You are riding the “black cunt” rollercoaster.
The prosecution has presented a strong case. There is no doubt that John Terry uttered the words “fucking black cunt” at Anton Ferdinand. When he did so he was angry. Mr Ferdinand says that he did not precipitate this comment by himself accusing Mr Terry of calling him a black cunt….
Weighing all the evidence together, I think it is highly unlikely that Mr Ferdinand accused Mr Terry on the pitch of calling him a black cunt…
And now to the video of the woman saying vagina in court.
Posted: 9th, September 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Hilarious: bad lip reading the 2015 Republican debate
Posted: 20th, August 2015 | In: Politicians, Reviews | Comment
The saddest aisle in the supermarket (photo)
This is the saddest aisle in the supermarket.
Spotter: @TechnicallyRon
Posted: 19th, August 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment
The greatest pizza ‘theft’ story ever: neighbour calls police on stolen delivery
It’s 7:22pm on July 2. A person has ordered a pizza. They call the police. They say a neighbour has taken their pizza. Police discover the neighbour has also ordered a pizza.
It’s 8:03pm on July 2: Neighbour wrongly accused of pizza theft reports being upset.
Posted: 12th, July 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Store apologises for ‘unfortunate’ ‘Krispie cocunt’ typo
‘Shoplifters will prostituted’
New Zealand supermarket chain Countdown regrets the “unfortunate case of human error” that led to a sign advertising Griffins Krispie Toasted Coconut Biscuits referring to “Crispie Toasted Cocunt”.
The ‘body milk’ is on aisle 4.
Posted: 4th, June 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Observer Food Monthly exposes cover model’s eating problem
Observer Food Monthly highlights the ‘worst aim ever’:
Spotter: @Gary_Bainbridge
Sepp Blatter Misses Irony of His Pro-Ethics Tweet
FOOTBALL fans (and even some non-football fans) will tell you that Sepp Blatter, arch ruler of FIFA and world football, is not a nice, upstanding bloke.
Many see him as the Emperor Palpatine of football, cackling away at his dastardly schemes.
Well, today, Sepp Blatter took his irony bypass pill to tweet about ethics in the football community. It’s a bit like Rupert Murdoch calling for calm while people are shouting at immigrants.
Of course, the response to this statement was swift and less-than-complimentary. One person tweeted: “You really don’t get irony do you Sepp?” while another referred to him as the “hitler of football”.
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10 Actors Who Swapped The Boards for the Bandstand
PART Kermit, part hipster, Michael Cera is loved by many (and he probably irritates a fair few too, but that’s normal) and has starred in a bunch of films that make people in Converse Chuck Taylor’s go weak at the knees.
So it isn’t very surprising that Michael Cera has released folk album called ‘True That’.
The actor released the material on August 8th via his Bandcamp page. Not many people noticed it, but then, Superbad co-star Jonah Hill posted a link to it and now everyone is cooing and clucking about it.
Of course, he’s not the first actor to have a go at singing and making music. In fact, the movies are filled with actors who have decided to have a go at making sweet melodies. The results, obviously, have been mixed and sometimes, downright baffling.
Mostly though, they’ve been a bit bland. Remember Minnie Driver’s album? Of course you don’t. Was it bad? Sadly, it was competent so no-one could get mad.
Some actors have been pretty good, but they’re no fun – we’re interested in the weird ones. Dudley Moore’s fine jazz and J-Lo’s ace pop aren’t for us.
We’re here for the lousy and oddball.
Robert Mitchum
Cinema legend Robert Mitchum was swept away by the infectious music of the Caribbean and thought he’d make a calypso album. His deadpan delivery is funny, but is it a bit racist doing what is tantamount to a comedy black voice? Judge for yourself.
Scott Baio
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Aberdeen FC And The Human League Present The 11 Greatest Footballer Chants (Volume 1)
UNEXPECTEDLY to most, the Human League’s ‘Don’t You Want Me?’ went top ten midweek. No-one really knew why, especially die-in-the-wool Human League fans. Everyone was pleased all the same.
However, what had happened was Aberdeen FC fans (with excellent taste it has to be said) had been buying the song in droves after they rejigged the famous chorus into “Peter Pawlett baby!”
So with that, let us look at Aberdeen fans being brilliant and some of the other magnificent football fan reworkings of famous pop songs. Some of them might even be better than the originals!
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Top 5 Sign Language Moments That Don’t Involve Nelson Mandela
AFTER a man, stood onstage at Nelson Mandela’s memorial waving his arms around wildly, making up sign language as he went along, leaving deaf South Africans wondering if they were watching someone being attacked by invisible wasps, it got us appreciating what those who do sign-language can do.
They appear on TV, at press conferences and as groups of children during emotional renditions of songs at opening ceremonies. They even have sign language at some festivals now.
And, with absolute and maximum respect for what they do, they can be very amusing sometimes. With that, let us look at the Top 5 signing moments.
No. The massive charlatan at Nelson Mandela’s gig doesn’t count this time round.
Sign Language Meets Donk
Donk took over small towns for a summer and, due to the nature of such a heavy beat, it could actually be perfect for deaf people. However, they shouldn’t be denied the hilarious lyrics of ‘Put A Donk On It’. One signer on TV impressively kept up with the rapid fire lyrics. A lesser human would’ve been doubled up with body cramps one verse in. This is probably the best video on the internet.
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Posted: 14th, December 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment
When World Cup Draws Go Bad – In 1982 Football Was A Tatty Affair
THE World Cup is a glamorous, slick affair these days… but that wasn’t always the case. Back in 1982, the World Cup draw was an absolute shambles.
The draw for the 1982 World Cup in Spain suffered from a numerous cock-ups and technical problems while small boys in capes waddled around nonplussed.
And overseeing it all? A young Sepp Blatter, now president of FIFA, but at the time, merely the general secretary. It’s not like Blatter to make a hash of something surrounding football, is it?
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Watch A Terrifying Amount Of Geese Nearly Fly Into Some Cackling Humans
YOU’VE heard of Sharknado? Well, how about a Geesenami? That’s right. Someone caught, on camera rather than ‘by hand’, hundreds and hundreds of geese in flight.
Of course, this sounds a bit tedious like Springwatch. However, these geese were sat toddling around, all sinister, and then took off across some school playing fields.
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And The Award For Most Baffling Letter To Santa Goes To…
SANTA is a busy man. First off, he has to get a load of occasional staff for the grotto, just like the Post Office do. He’s probably working them harder than Amazon too, but he’s got a sleigh that is propelled by flying elk, so he can do as he damn well pleases.
Let’s be honest here – Father Christmas is the Kanye of Yule. He’s bigger than Jesus and he knows it. He gets all the thanks and people leave him sherry and treats. What does Jesus get? Piss all.
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Posted: 3rd, December 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Arsenal fan now homeless thanks to Man United bet
FOOTBALL does wonderfully peculiar things to people. Human adults wear suits to play finals of matches on computer games while others will name their children after entire teams from the 70s.
Yes, we’re looking at you Charlie Oatway of Sunderland FC, or to give him his full name, Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway (he’s named after the entire promotion-winning QPR team of 1973).
More recently, there’s an Arsenal fan who has come a cropper thanks to his football fanaticism and he learned that you shouldn’t ever bet your house on anything.
Literally.
Henry Dhabasani put a wager on, involving his two-room property on the Arsenal beating Manchester United at Old Trafford. Rashid Yiga was more than happy to see the bet and they both settled down to the grudge game on Sunday.
Dhabasani gambled his house while Yiga offered up his new Toyota Premio AND his wife. The two signed their bet in front of local leaders and other football fans in Iganga.
Manchester United won the game 1-0 and Dhabasani promptly fainted on the final whistle. Reports say that, the next day, several United fans stormed the place where Henry lived with his three wives and five children and chucked them out onto the street.
[via MEN]
Posted: 15th, November 2013 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment
The 11 Best Football Red Cards
PEOPLE say that a red card can spoil a decent game of football. Nonsense. It adds a layer of wonderful jeopardy into proceedings and, more to the point, sometimes they’re really very funny.
There have been some mystifying red cards over the years (players getting sent off for mistaken identity or getting three yellows before leaving the pitch) and some have just been brilliant.
With that, let us look at some of the more fun ones.
1. Don’t get a decision going your way? Indulge in some ‘simulation’. That didn’t work? Jab your opponent in the balls, right in front of the referee.
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Posted: 8th, November 2013 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Arsenal Fans Will Enjoy This String Of Incredible Misses
ARSENAL may be having a ball in the Premier League at the moment, but what about their Argentinian namesakes? Well, Arsenal de Sarandi have also had a decent start to the season, nd luck is certainly on their side too, as their match with All Boys shows, from Friday.
With All Stars through on goal, striker Javier Campora saw his cheekily chipped attempt come back off the crossbar and he met the rebound, which he managed to clobber the woodwork again.
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Devil Cat Tells Woman To ‘Go AWAY’
WHO needs Doctor Doolittle when you have animals that can talk English? That’s what one lady was faced with in Dublin after her kitchen was invaded by a Devil Cat.
‘Caroline H’ filmed the feline hiding in her kitchen, tempted in by the smell of biscuits.
The moggy, when shooed, replied with what sounds like ‘go away’, before flashing its demon eyes at everyone and knocking everything flying in the kitchen. Caroline’s off-screen companion can be heard helpfully shouting: “He’ll jump on you, Caroline, he’ll jump on you!”.
The footage ends with the cat hanging from the window frame like a weirdo.
“No cat was harmed in the filming of this video,” she wrote on YouTube. “The cat safely left the house after I stopped filming. This cat was an invader after our cookies. Please keep all doors and windows closed to protect yourself against rogue angry cats.”
After the video went online, another resident came forward to claim the cat was hers, and that it certainly wasn’t a ‘devil cat’ as described.
“Henry isn’t lost. He does, however, have a secret life that I don’t question him about. We’re all entitled to our secrets,” Emily Coffey wrote.
Posted: 20th, October 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Church Erects Father Ted Tribute Mural
ON Twitter Carl Tidy spots this Church mural that suggests Father Ted’s Father Jack has been in the building. ARISE:
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Posted: 17th, October 2013 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment
