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If George Clooney looks ‘frazzled’ you should see his nanny

Clooney looks “ace” in the Daily Mirror. The paper has a paparazzi shot of George Clooney and Amal Clooney at a tennis match lose to their home in Italy. Neither is holding a racket, but they are holding hands. They look like a well-groomed couple minding their own business.



But over in the Mail, Clooney is “frazzled”. He’s a new dad “after two months of sleepless nights”. No, not or the couple’s umpteen nannies, for George. To prove its point (surely to spin a story from a papped photo? – Ed) the Mail shows us Clooney looking “fresh-face and beaming” in April.



PS: on the day the the Mail leads once more with news of Princess Diana 20 years after her death, odd indeed it should feature a half-page paparazzi photos of the Clooneys. After all, it was in the wake of Diana’s death that the Mail made this pledge:

8 September 1997, eight days after the death of Princess Diana:

“Mail leads the way in banning paparazzi pictures. 

“The proprietor of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Evening Standard announced last night that his papers will not in future purchase pictures taken by paparazzi

“Viscount Rothermere, chairman of the Daily Mail and General Trust plc said: ‘I am, and always have been, an admirer of Diana, Princess of Wales, and nagged my editors to protect her so far as they could against her powerful enemies.

“In view of Earl Spencer’s strong words and my own sense of outrage, I have instructed my editors no ‘paparazzi’ pictures are to be purchased without my knowledge and consent.'”

Such are the facts.

Posted: 21st, August 2017 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment

Joan Rivers Found Dead On George Clooney’s Face

Joan Rivers looks at beads during the Krewe of Orpheus parade in the Uptown area of New Orleans Monday, Feb. 23, 2009. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Joan Rivers looks at beads during the Krewe of Orpheus parade in the Uptown area of New Orleans Monday, Feb. 23, 2009. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)


JOAN Rivers has died. She was 81 (mostly). Reports say she had gone into hospital for a routine operation on her throat and then died from cardiac arrest. But, you know. did she?

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Posted: 5th, September 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Anti-news: Clooney Won’t Be Joining Twitter


APART from sex scandals and tapping people’s phones, there’s little more the newspapers like doing than reporting on non-news. Now, that’s not to say they write about things that some might find uninteresting, but rather, stories about things that the stars won’t be doing.

So what’s the latest?

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Posted: 10th, February 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The decline of man: the steady emasculation of our role models

THE decline of Man: modern man is in a state of crisis, reared on a diet of creams, depilated, patent skin and self-tanning unguents. Here, Anorak looks at the fall of manhood.

Actor George Clooney arrives at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on Sunday Jan. 13, 2013, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP)


“I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing’.”

It is generally assumed that George Clooney was joking when he delivered the above quote. One thing is true, though: ‘ball ironing’ (or ‘male laser lift’) is available at the Beauty Park in Santa Monica for just under $600, and it is proving very popular.

Clooney may not have had the treatment himself, but his familiarity with it is cause for concern. It’s just the latest in a series of milestones in the steady emasculation of our role models. And the rot set in, as it so often did, in the 1950s.


Dennis Compton

Library file 71904-3 dated 1958 of (l/r) John Mills, Dennis Compton, Burt Lancaster and Frankie Vaughan.

Compton (second left, with Burt Lancaster and Frankie Vaughan) was a brilliant batsman with a Test average of 50 (including over 200 runs in one match against South Africa using an antique bat borrowed from the cricket museum). He also found time to play football for Arsenal, with whom he won both the league championship and the FA Cup. Unfortunately, he also became the face of Brylcreem, and set the tone for future generations of sportsmen to dabble in the darker corners of male grooming.

Man3 (1)


Elvis Presley


Presley offended people in numerous ways –not least with his habit of wearing eye makeup. None of which stopped him from being drafted into the US Army. Here the prospective GI sits his written military exam, in slightly more discreet slap.

Singer Elvis Presley, 21, takes his pre-induction written examination as he is processed for the U.S. Army in Memphis, Tenn., Jan. 4, 1957. (AP Photo)


Henry Cooper

As deodorant manufacturers attempted to broaden their appeal to the male half of the population, they recruited macho sporty types like Our ’Enery (’ere wiv’ ’Arvey Smiff) who here advertises Brut with the immortal slogan ‘Splash it all over’.


Ron Atkinson

Big Ron: The Sunbed Years.

Man6 (1)


Graham Gooch

Graham Gooch, Essex

In his playing days as opening bat for England, ‘Goochy’ sported an imperial moustache and resembled an officer at Rourk’s Drift. His subsequent hair transplant came as something of a shock – and led to a series of rather defensive gestures. Defensive, not about the fact of the transplant, but the quality of the weave itself.

Here Gooch, as the official caption puts it, ‘test[s] his hair replacement treatment in a Central London health Gym, to disprove claims that the treatment does not work. The former England captain is at the centre of an disgreement, after a client of AHS (Advanced Hair Studio) along with the Advertising Standards Authority claimed that adverts claiming that Gooch could swim, shower, and play sport with his hair treatment were wrong and misleading.’

The former Essex and England cricket star Graham Gooch , lets British athlete Sarah Wilhelmy (left) and model Helena Boyko, test his hair replacement treatment in a Central London health Gym, to disprove claims that the treatment does not work.   * The former England captain is at the centre of an disgreement, after a client of AHS (Advanced Hair Studio) along with the Advertising Standards Authority claimed that adverts claiming that Gooch could swim, shower, and play sport with his hair treatment were wrong and misleading.


David Beckham

Manchester United and England star David Beckham following in the footsteps of Denis Compton after announcing his sponsorship deal with Brylcreem. The football star has signed a minimum two year deal with the hair product range.

The signs were there as a young boy, when he enjoyed wearing knickerbockers and ballet shoes. Later we had his own take on Brylcreem advertising (above) and experiments with sarongs. His nomination here, however, is for his championing of the ‘back. sack and crack’ – the logical conclusion of the waxing mania that overtook British manhood in the twenty-first century.

Luis Figo

Deserves his place here for his role in the general poncification of older men, with his truly terrible Just For Men advertisement – a product for disguising grey hair and beards and allowing old men to kid themselves that they are attractive to women half their age.

Cristiano Ronaldo and Rio Ferdinand

AKA: Ronaldo and Rio in hotpants hell. What were they thinking? Seriously?


Shane Warne


He held his hands up to the hair transplant, and fair play to him for that, but Shane’s explanation for his subsequent transformation into a taught-faced waxwork is altogether less convincing: he attributed it to ‘good moisturiser’. Others spoke of botox, facelifts and teeth whitening. Wherefore art thou, Warney-o?

Leinster Rugby


The citadel falls. Once upon a time the best you could hope for in a rugby union changing room was a bar of coal tar soap and a turd in your kit bag. Now you are more likely to find a range of hair and skin care products. Leinster Rugby are now sponsored by Nivea for Men. Or should that be ‘Men’?

O tempora, o mores!

Man14 (1)


Posted: 24th, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, Fashion, Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)

Sudan Ambassador says George Clooney is very dishy – photos

GEORGE Clooney has been arrested during a protest at the Sudan Embassy in Washington. The demonstrators are protesting the escalating humanitarian emergency in Sudan that threatens the lives of 500,000 people. Eyewitnesses say that Clooney looked remarkably handsome.

Says one onlooker:

“I wasn’t sure about the light beard, having seen him clean shaven on the cover of Men’s Vogue, but he really pulled it off. Way to go, George.”

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Posted: 16th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Berlusconi Hires George Clooney To Play Him In Sex Trial TV Footage

THE sex trial of Italian septuagenarian Silvio Berlusconi welcomes Cristiano Ronaldo and George Clooney.

Berlusconi is the despot who stands accused of, while not being as big as Hosni Mubarak and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and fucking entire countries, nonetheless shagging enough locals to be noticed.

Clooney and Ronaldo are on a list of 78 witnesses named by the prime minister to defend him against charges of sex with under-aged prostitute Karima el-Mahroug. Berlusconi is also accused of using and abusing his position to intervene on Mahroug’s behalf when she was detained by police on suspicion of theft.

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Posted: 30th, March 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment

Lancashire George Clooney Involved In Dating Site Perfume Theft

BLACKBURN Magistrates’ Court calls Tracie Barnes, who was on date with the “George Clooney lookalike” she had met on the Bnaughty online dating site when disaster struck.

Having met her own George Clone at the pub, the Beak hears that Tracie Barnes fled from the pub. She left behind her train ticket and her money.

Says Mr Church-Taylor, defending:

He had posted a photograph on the website but when she met him face-to-face he wasn’t the George Clooney lookalike she was expecting. She made an excuse to go to the toilet and left without saying goodbye.”

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Posted: 30th, November 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comment

George Clooney’s Waxwork Lights Up The Wet Room: Pictures

THE new George Clooney waxwork at Madame Tussauds in London was supposed to be the central plank of a photo shoot featuring a bevy of women looking amorously at the hairy candle. Instead it turned into a weird display of freakish emoting as the women – a mob of staff and visitors – mop their eyes and look at Clooney with a mixture of boredom and pity. One groper wears widow’s weeds as if she has news of Clooney’s demise. Clooney remains unmoved. But with a decent match he may light up the room yet…


Picture 1 of 5

Staff and visitors with the George Clooney waxwork at Madame Tussauds in London.

Posted: 29th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole’s August Reunion With Ashley And Those Chuckle Brothers Rumours

STOP press. Having heard from Amanda Holden that Cheryl Cole is “probably” in love with Ashley Cole, heat magazine says the nation’s sweetheart (that’s Chezza – as you were, Amanda) is giving Ashley one “LAST CHANCE”.

Cheryl has set her sights on an “August” reunion. And you can read all about the “SECRET TALKS” inside the mag.

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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Heat, Key Posts | Comments (2)

David And Victoria Beckham Driven Into Lake Como Villa By George Clooney’s Paparazzi

GEORGE Clooney is selling his 18th-century Villa Oleandra at Laglio home in Lake Como to escape the paparazzi and the fans eager to see him and his Italian lover Elisabetta Canalis.

So who will buy a place besieged by fame-hungry loons? The Times tells us that David Beckham told team-mates that the villa was “quiet and peaceful, and not far from Milan”.

The Corriere della Sera says the Beckham – Day-vid and Vicky – want to buy it. As the headline will tell us:

David and Victoria Beckham driven into Lake Como villa by paparazzi.


Posted: 25th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

Tiger Woods: Jaimee Grubbs Stars In Reality TV Show

JAIMEE Grubbs is getting tips all over the place: first Tiger Woods and now George Clooney.

Grubbs is the ultimate waitress, a shoo-on to appear as a judge or mentor in Pop Waitress, a show in which celebs compete to see whish of them can earn the most tips a claim the prize of a job behind – or wearing – the red rope at a top Las Vegas bar.

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Posted: 11th, December 2009 | In: Sports | Comment

The Rise Fall And Rise Again Of Brad Pitt’s Stripping Singer Victoria Hart

79_victoria-hartTHE Sun spots Victoria Hart, the American-born teenager hired to sing for George Clooney and Brad Pitt for the Oceans 13 party in Cannes in 2007. Hart is also the paper’s former blogger, who wrote for the paper about her time in the US.

The Sun says Hart is now working as a stripper for £20 a dance. No big deal. The Sun features Page 3 Girls and leads with news of Katie Price, a woman whose primary sexual characteristics are good clean family fun. The paper also features adverts for adult movies and chat lines for “college girls” and “naughty women”. It’s just that grainy image makes it looks like Hart is up to no good:

The California-born beauty said: “The worst bit is when they try and touch you. You can turn around and they will actually lick you. It can be horrible, but the money’s good.” She added: “I’ve had some problems but things are still working out. I didn’t want anyone to know about this.”

Thanks to the Sun’s Richard White and that grainy picture now everyone knows about it; and reminded of her existence.

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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Renee Zellweger And Bradley Cooper Name The Day

7727516DID you know that Renee Zellweger is “currently romancing the hottest actor of the moment…”? So says OK! magazine.

No, it’s not Brad Pitt. No, not George Clooney. No, not Gerard Butler. No, not Steve McFadden. It’s…

“…Bradley Cooper.”

Yes, that Bradley Cooper, from the A Team film, which is due out in 2010.
And that is not all. Renee is turning 40 soon. But OK! shouts that “IT DOESN’T MAKE HER FEEL SAD.”

So what does make Renee Zellwegger feel sad? OK! sits down with the middle-aged actress for a chat.

“I’m so sad that everyone keeps pointing to this birthday.”

Before telling us:

“I feel nothing different. Nothing. There’s nothing different…”

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Posted: 2nd, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

George Clooney Give Mark Wahlberg The Gift Of Fear

george-clooney1WANT to know what George Clooney got Marky Mark Wahlberg as a wedding gift?

Don’t bother guessing, it’s a rhetorical question. What Clooney gave Whalberg was an insight into his issues.

As the National Enquirer reports:

To his closest pals, prankster George Clooney will forever be “George Clown-ey” for wacky stunts like… sending buddy Mark Wahlberg a wedding gift that arrived just before his “I do” to new bride Rhea Durham – who definitely did NOT echo Almost Hubby’s delighted belly-laugh when he opened the box and found: a ball and chain; handcuffs; a straightjacket inscribed with his name; and a photo of Marky Mark peering forlornly through jalihouse bars.

Clowney ships the same hilarious gift to pals preparing to walk The Last Mile… er, I mean walk down the aisle.

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Posted: 14th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

George Clooney Rides Elisabetta Canalis To Grease

7658279GEORGE Clooney is pictured riding with his lover Elisabetta Canalis. They have matching helmets and soft leather jackets.

Behind them are Rande Gerber and Cindy Crawford. They too have matching helmets and soft leather jackets.

If Peter Storm did bikers gear this would be in the catalogue.

All four

Clooney Clones are riding motorbikes in Italy. The Mild Bunch are on the look out for the rival local gang of toughs, who ride 50cc scooters and like to give visiting American the wrong directions to mama’s pizza shoppe.

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Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

George Clooney Addresses G8 Summit

GEORGE Clooney is in the G8 environs, standing in for Mr G9 Bono as the celebrity who will receive the world’s leaders and opine on global matters.

Picture Gallery:

Among the little people


Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

George Bush’s Legacy Marked In George Clooney Film And Wind Power

BARBRA Streisand says George Bush, whom she had just been kissed by, will be remembered for “the ruination of our country”. And – irony of ironies – “But, he was very disarming…”

Indeed, he was disarming in Iraq and Afghanistan. So Bush is war. Or will Bush be remembered for his environmentalism:

The United States overtook Germany as the biggest producer of wind power last year, new figures showed, and will likely take the lead in solar power this year…

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Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)

All George Clooney’s Films Flop, But Kidman Is Box Office Hell

GEORGE Clooney. All his films are box office disasters:

Last year’s Michael Clayton brought in less than $50 million in American receipts. Good Night and Good Luck’s fared little better, grossing just five times its $7 million budget. Syriana, the cerebral thriller set all around the world, grossed $50,824,620 domestically, just 824 grand more than its production cost. The Good German? $1.3 million in the States. And earlier this year, Leatherheads, Clooney’s biggest flop to date, brought in just $40,666,628 worldwide after being produced for $58 million.

Ocean’s 11 did quite well… But, his films aren’t all box office gold. But neither are Nicole Kidman’s:

Nicole Kidman is the most overpaid celebrity in Hollywood, US business magazine Forbes said.

The Hours actress, who won an Oscar in 2003, topped the magazine’s second annual list of most overpaid stars, taking the top spot from fellow Australian Russell Crowe.

Kidman’s films were estimated to only earn one US dollar (57p) for every dollar the 41-year-old actress was paid, compared with eight US dollars (£4.57) a year ago.

The Invasion, a remake of the 1956 classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers, lost 2.68 US dollars (£1.53) for every dollar earned by Kidman, who was reportedly paid 17 million US dollars (£9.7 million) for her role.

Forget the hype. Why not use a new actress and make the film better?

Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment