Posts Tagged ‘germany’
Man Rips Off Friend’s Testicles In Foreplay
AT Dusseldorf district court, Hans O. is said to have torn off his friend Alexander J.’s testicles. It is said that Mr J. failed to respond to O’s fondling.
The court is taken back to events on an afternoon in September 2009. We are in the centre of Neuss, a town near Dusseldorf. The men are drinking beer. Night falls. Mr O. becomes aroused.
He unbuttoned the trousers of his friend who was sleeping on the couch, and messed around with his genitals. When the fondling failed to provoke any physical response from Alexander, Hans became furious…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, January 2010 | In: Strange But True | Comments (5)
Boy Loses Arm In Washing Machine, Goes to Bed Without It
“SORRY mami, I’ve gone and lost my arm. I didn’t mean to,” says the little lad whose arm became detached from the rest of him.
The incident occurred in the city of Ulm, southern Germany, and like you we are amazed at the Teutonic capacity for the English language. But the Sun is nothing if it is not factual.
Police spokesman Wolfgang Juergens tells us:
“It is nothing short of a miracle that he didn’t bleed to death in the night.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (9)
Domina-Mobile Is The Mobile Dominatrix: In Pictures
TIMES are hard for German prostitutes. Tough times in the S&M game, where dungeons are in short supply.
This enterprising dominatrix has converted a Renault van into a dungeon, complete with dungeon features, like side impact protection, seat belts, a fan hater and electric windows.
No longer do German masochists need to travel for humiliation. Now they can feel truly humiliated as Domina parks outside their law office, police station or other place of work.
Right now, the Domina-mobile vehicle is just a van, but it is hoped that if money is good, Domina can offer a faster service in a one–seater convertible for racier enthusiasts.
Right, Max?
Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Kebab Maker Accused Of Causing Grievous Boldy Harm With Chilli Sauce
“LEGALLY, the question of whether the spiciness of the kebab sauce constituted ‘normal’ or grievous bodily harm must be addressed.”
So says a German police spokesman in Bremen.
To a food kiosk at the main train station in the northern German city, where a man is ordering his kebab. He asks for a napkin. The seller declines to give him one. The kebab enthusiast wipes his hand on the kiosk.
A fight ensues.
The seller tosses chilli sauce into the man’s face. The police must now decide of the sauce was spicy enough to constitute grievous bodily harm.
Samples are taken. Forensics are called. The police canteen is mustered.
But can a chilli sauce be too hot?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, October 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
World War 2 Alien Urinates On German Sunbeds
IN Germany, Heinz Langer says an alien urinated on his sun lounger while being chased by German fighter planes.
Cue the music: Mad dogs and Englishman…
Heinz Langer, of Hagenburg on the Steinhuder Sea in Lower Saxony, says his sun lounger had been covered in black, yellow and violet flecks that had fallen from the sky.
Says police spokesman Axel Bergman:
“He noticed military aircraft in the area at the time and a short while later this liquid landed in his garden. He believed there was a connection but the military have assured us the liquid was not from their planes…
“There were military planes in the area at the time and we believe there was a connection with the appearance of this so far unidentified acidic substance.
“However we have been in touch with the German air force and been able to rule out any connection with the military.”
Unless, the Germans are planning a new offensive in the sunbed wars, to strafe German holidaymakers with tanning lotion.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, August 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Germans Wheel Sleeping Friend And Settee Onto Train
GERLE Kittler fell asleep on a sofa during at a friend’s party.
“I always sleep like a baby so I didn’t notice anything until the cops shook me awake and demanded my ID. I thought I was in the middle of a bad movie,” said Gerle, who wok up four miles away on station platform in Germany.
His friends had wheeled the sleeping Kittler a mile to the train station, bought a ticket for him and a bike ticket for the settee and waved him a fond adieu.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, August 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)
German Parents Give Children Pubic Waxing Instead Of Driving Lessons
GERMAN parents are giving their teenage children virginal and penile waxing parties.
Accoring to a study carried out by a German psychologist:
“…more and more men agree and are shaving off pubic hair while growing numbers of parents are treating their teenage children to a pubic waxing as an eighteenth birthday present.
Psychologist Elmar Braehler who led the study said: “Even teenagers as young as 14 or 15 are joining the trend to remove all pubic hair. They don’t do it because they think it is trendy – they just find pubic hair revolting to look at and think it is unhygienic.”
In Germany there are even specialist shops now offering permanent pubic hair removal costing 260 GBP per treatment. One store owner, Ossi Casmir, said: “We even get parents bringing their kids along for their first treatment. I’d say it is now as popular as the typical present of paying for their kids to have a course of driving lessons.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, July 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Beer Belly Saves Man From Drowning In Human Waste
SO fat is Gerhard Wilder, 46, from Bochum in Western Germany, that when he fell down an open drain his stomach prevented him falling to his death, possibly in the excreta of human life.
But such is the persecution of the fat that, as reported:
He has now pledged to stay off beer and go on a diet after embarrassing pictures of the incident were shown all over German media.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
How To Make A German Baby In Pictures
IN today’s masterclass, we look at how to make a German baby.
The pictures below are safe for work and very possibly safe for school, caravan parks and fairground workers.
Pay attention to the perm and the child’s raised arms, both of which may or may not be sterotypical.
Posted: 2nd, July 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (6)
David Cameron Holidays In Germany
IN “Cameron German accent is blasted”, the Sun’s Philip Case says:
CONSERVATIVE leader David Cameron caused a stir last night when he put on a German accent to mock ID cards.
Zo? Vot ov zis “gaffe”?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)
Man Beats Man With Live Swan
A ROW on the bank on the River Isar in Munich. One man grabs a weapon – a live swan by the neck – and beats the other man with it.
Two men have been hurling abuse at the victim, shouting: “Piss off you eastern pig, they should rebuild the Wall right up to the sky because of you.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Fat Man Acquitted Of Squashing Wife To Death
IN Germany, an obese man has been acquitted for squashing his wife to death.
To a house in Hanover, where the couple are arguing over Italian music. The woman pours beer over her husband’s laptop. They fight. She locates his neck. She hits his neck. He falls. On her.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment
German Police Catch Cotton Bud Seriel Killer
HAVING let the twins go free in one DNA mistrial, the German police have discovered that the sinister killer who left their DNA at 39 different crime scenes is the woman who made the cotton buds used to collect the sample.
Arrest this factory worker now!
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 27th, March 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Germany: Ex Minister Breaks Silence, Says Nothing
THE second greatest newspaper story ever – Ex Minister breaks silence, says nothing.
The Greatest Newspaper Story Ever
Spotter: Tim Kayne
Posted: 1st, March 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Reviews | Comment
Jens Lehmann, still madder than Mad Jack McMad
THE most unpredictable footballer on the planet, Jens Lehmann, is making headlines again.
This time he’s in trouble for throwing away an opponent’s boot during a German league match.
Read the rest of this entry »
German Fork Lift Truck Video Guide: Evil Dead
HOW to drive a fork lift truck in German, with the Evil Dead…
Posted: 20th, February 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)
Hans Off: German Simon Cowell Gropes Eurovision Colleague
THE Eurovison Song Contest meets American Idol in Germany. It’s the Bundesvision Song Contest. Bundes is going wild for it.
Says host Hans Blomberg of Susanka Bersin as the points roll in:
“But the two most beautiful points remain with me.”
He then proceeded to grab her breast, at which point she smacked him. Video:
That Katie Boyle should live to see it…
Posted: 17th, February 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Reviews | Comment (1)
How To Finger A Chicken On German TV
PETA has noticed the antics of German TV farmer Hansi who has been “sexually abusing chickens”.
The 71-year-old rose to prominence on the fourth series of German TV’s Bauer sucht Frau’ (“The Farmer wants a Wife”) – soon to be renamed: the Famer Wants A Bigger Chicken.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (3)
Headline Of the Day: German Troops To Serve In France
GET this: “German Troops to Serve in France.”
It’s like those 1940 headlines all over again…
Posted: 2nd, December 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
German ref perfects the double booking
Two yellow cards in one awesomely officious gesture? Check. German efficiency? You betcha…
To Berlin! England Expects In Germany
GEORGE Orwell famously described international sport as war minus the shooting, and nowhere in English sporting history is this more conspicuous than when England play Germany at football.
“Two World Wars and One World Cup” was the playground song of the late Sixties and early Seventies. Or as Frank McGhee of the Daily Mirror put it on the eve of the 1966 final: “If, on the morrow, the Germans beat us at our national game, we’d do well to remember that, twice this century, we have beaten them at theirs.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Flashback | Comments (3)
Hitler Comes Out In Support Of McCain, Obama Supporters React With Marker Pens
DON’T bet against John McCain winning, not if Adolf Hitler’s got anything to do with it.
A US President needs two things: a death cult and a fan to mock him up as Adolf Hitler
McCain has a death cult. Sarah Palin has a death cult. Even her children have a death cult. And Obama, well, he has not so much death cult as a base. Joe Biden has no death cult, and given his absence from the debate, he shows few signs of life let alone death.
So the McCain-Palin ticket is ahead. And now we learn that McCain is Hitler.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (22)
Name A German Other Than Dirk Nowitzki And David Hasselhoff
THE Washington Post hears the following exchange between a German hack for the Bild tabloid and Caron Butler, a player with the Washington Wizards basketball team:
Q. Which Germans do you know besides [Dallas Maverick] Dirk Nowitzki?
A. Is David Hasselhoff German?
I heard that you all like him.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (5)
The Funniest Thing To Come Out Of Germany Since A Panza Tank
IT’S not that Germans have no sense of humour. It’s that Germans have a different sense of humour to the British, the Americans and to any other people that rely on subtleties, wit, self-deprecation, irony and word play.
Old Mr Anorak maintains that the Germans killed so many Jews because they thought they were laughing at them. They weren’t – they were laughing at themselves. Had the Germans only joined in everyone would have been happy.
It’s not all bad. Germans can also laugh long and loud at the Austrians. And for that alone they should be admired. If the Germans can make a sitcom about the Swiss and their sense of civic pride we may yet laugh with them.
This is all by way of an introduction to German pop star Ramma Damma, aka Ulli Hopper. Thirty-five years ago he married a pineapple.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, October 2008 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)
Schumacher Tests Positive
GERMAN race ace Schumacher tests postive for banned substances:
German cyclist Stefan Schumacher, a double stage winner in the 2008 Tour de France, has tested positive for the banned blood booster EPO, says the L’Equipe website.
You didn’t think it was the other one, did you..?
