Australian Politician Jason Wood Has Multiple Orgasm In Parliament

FROM a castle on Obama Beach. Anorak brings news of Australian Liberal backbencher Jason Wood looking at the commecil imple-imple-ple-ple implemacations of multiple orgasms in parliament…

Anorak

Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Susan Boyle Goes Home

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Susan Boyle in the news. Susan goes home.

TO the Susan Boyle, sorry, Britain’s Got Talent road show, and people who like seeing crying children are flooding in.

And Susan Boyle is missing. While the crew scatter drawing pins on the stage and pinch the kids, Manchester waits for La Boyle. But she is not singing. Not today.

Says a spokesman:

“She has been advised to rest today. She has done three amazing performances but she is being advised to rest.”

Saving the world takes it out of you. Susan must rest now. Susan is like ET, and must be reunited with Pebbles in her mother ship lest she waste away. Does Hollie Steel have a bike?

Meanwhile, Gordon Brown also grows week. And people begin to wonder…

Anorak

Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Andy Murray Works On his Grunt

IT’S summer. And that means tennis. And that means Wimbledon and Murray Maniacs and a promise of life after Tim Henman and loadsa grunting.

Murr-rrry fits nicely with the Timm-mee chant. But while Timm-eee looked at home among the tennis club sisterhood, Murray looks as if he’d rather be playing before a football crowd, where grunting is the norm.

At the French Open, Michelle Larcher de Brito, a 16-year-old Portuguese, unleashed a memorable grunt that outlasted many of her rallies. Her opponent, Ara-vane Rezaï, complained to the umpire about the din. Larcher de Brito lost and was booed off court.

Says Larcher de Brito:

“I don’t think it would be fair if you’re not allowed to shriek or scream or grunt. It’s part of the game. I’m 16 and I’m still learning. Maybe I can eventually put it under control. I don’t know, but I’ll try. It comes from Seles; it comes from Sharapova. It comes from great players.”

Had only Arthur Mullard been born a few decades alter and handed a racket Britain may not have had to wait so long for a champion. You emulate the great to make yourself great, and the British just aren’t cutting it.

Play up!

It’s a matter of national standards. Horatio Nelson is hit and emits an invitation for a kiss. King Harold is speared in the eye and barely gasps. Gordon Brown’s mouth grasps for air and finding it carries on. Listen for a grunt on the film Zulu. None. It’s just singing.

Compare that to American legends like Sylvester Stallone who serialised his grunts into a franchise, and the French for whom the grunt can be translated into – and we’re not making this up – 5,321 different nuances.

It’s time to hang up Cliff Richard’s umbrella and bring in Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

“Tennis,” says Frankie.

“Ugh!” grunts the crowd, in the manner of Angelina Jolie taking on in the stomach.

What is it good for?

“Ugh!”

Anorak

Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comment

Gordon Brown Slashes Military Spending

GORDON Brown and those rats leaving the sinking ships – and those rats oddly staying on the sinking ship – are behaving like a drunken sailor. Or a pirate.

If only:

Drunken sailors generally spend cash that they’ve already earned themselves, rather than running up debt to be paid by others. If our politicians started spending like drunken sailors, it would in fact represent a dramatic improvement.

Anorak

Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Obama And Brown’s Gentry Liberalism

Gentry Liberalism

Here is a highly thought-provoking article in Forbes magazine about the phenomenon it refers to as “gentry liberalism” – a term designed to capture the mindset of the sort of person who has voted for New Labour in the UK and Mr Obama’s Democrats in the US. It is, of course, such a shame that the word liberalism has been bent out of shape to mean something rather different, but the underlying logic of the article is hard to contest.

Of course, Mr Obama has a while yet in power, but if I were one of his campaign managers, I’d look at the massacre of left-of-centre parties in Europe with a certain amount of forboding. He’s not invincible, not at all – Samizdata

Yvette Cooper Und Eva Braun

Anorak

Posted: 10th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

BNP Does The Apprentice

MATT Buck looks at the BNP and the elections:

“Only idiots could fail to see the symbolic importance of Britain returning its first fascist members to the European parliament after yesterday’s elections.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, June 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (4)

Taxpayers Pay Bankers For Advising On Failing Bankers

BECAUSE no-one at the Treasury has a clue how the City works, the failures in the grey suits hired the failures in the pinstripe suits to advise them:

Four City investment banks have charged the Treasury at least £9 million in fees for advising the Government on how to stop the financial system from imploding, The Times has learnt.

In addition, UK Financial Investments (UKFI), the body set up to handle the Government’s bailed-out bank shares, spent £1.2 million of taxpayers’ money in the first five months of operation. It is believed that most of the money was spent on salaries for the handful of officials who operate UKFI, which is designed to be at arm’s length from the Government. UKFI is understood to have low costs outside salaries partly because it uses rooms within the Treasury as its headquarters.

The Treasury hired a swath of investment bankers for advice on how to stabilise the financial system and avert the collapse of more lenders. It also sought advice on how to help investment banks purge themselves of billions of pounds worth of bad debt on their balanace sheets.

Come the revolution, Gordon Brown will set up a department and a Revolution Czar…

Anorak

Posted: 8th, June 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)

Alan Sugar Says ‘Labour Offers No Route Out Of Recession’

SURRR Alan Sugar is soon to be Lord Alan Sugar – Lorrralan. Sugar is Brown’s big pointy finger, pointing the way ahead.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Obama Omaha And Barack Rewrites The Spanish Inquisition

YOU say Omaha. Gordon Brown says Obama. Now Obama speaks. And he’s got his own take on history. Hey, no-one expects an inquisition. So no questions:

Obama Omaha:

Islam has a proud tradition of tolerance. We see it in the history of Andalusia and Cordoba during the Inquisition.

Barcepundit notes:

By the time the Spanish Inquisition was created in 1478, Cordoba has been reconquered from Islamic hands almost 150 years earlier, in 1236.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Gordon Brown Renames Omaha Beach “Obama Beach”

OBAMA Beach. Not Omaha Beach. Obama Beach Video.

Dear Gordon Brown,

For your own health and well being, go now.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment

Gordon Brown Might Be In Trouble

A LOOK at Gordon Brown in the news. Old Mr Anorak says, “I may not be a political expert, but I sense the rumblings of discontent”…

Gordon Brown may be days from departure. Or – like the twitching body at the end of a hangman’s noose – his final spasms may be more drawn out.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Gordon Brown Trains For London Marathon

SO bad has it got for Gordon Brown that the Daily Star – the official Big Brother newspaper – replaces its front-page daily diet of BB news with a cartoon of the monocular leader.

What odds the paper has mistaken goings in the House of Commons for the Big Brother house:

Anorak

Posted: 6th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Gordon Brown Lay In The Darkness For Days On End

GORDON Brown Lay In The Darkness For Days On End. He wants Britain to lead the world in beating infants…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Brown Sugar: Gordon Brown’s Celebrity Drug

GORDON Brown offers “new seriousness” and the death of the vapid celebrity culture in politics.

And to prove it he’s just hired Alan Sugar as his “enterprise czar”…

2008: Gordon Brown’s Non Celebrity Celebrity Year

Bloody Alan Sugar Presents The Apprentice Uncut

David Cameron Employs Tony Blair To Save His British Business

Anorak

Posted: 5th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (5)

Gordon Brown’s Nursery State

RICHARD North loosk at nursery games in the House of Commons:

Watching the glee with which the BBC dealt with James Purnell’s resignation last night and the febrile excitement of the claque, the only conclusion to be drawn is that the political classes have totally lost the plot.

Politics now has become a self-referential sport, totally divorced from reality, consumed by its own narrow passions, focused only on the great election game, which has become an end in itself.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Susan Boyle Extends Her Sympathies To Gordon Brown

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s-at-a-glance look at Susan Boyle in the news – featuring the madness of Susan Boyle, Gordon Brown and Britain Wot Talent?

You Scum!

Today she’s in a London psychiatric clinic, suffering from “emotional exhaustion.” Thanks to us – Lauren Beckham Falcone, Boston Herald

Turning Her Back On Fame

“She told me that after the final, she wants to come back and resume her previous life,” one of Boyle’s neighbours, 24-year-old housewife Vicky McLean, told the Mail on Sunday newspaper.

“She doesn’t want to make millions and go to America, she just wants to sing. I think all she really hopes to have out of it is enough money to buy her house” – AFP

Anorak

Posted: 4th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Voter Chins Gordon Brown

VOTER Chins Gordon Brown ahead of Euro Elections…

Image: HuffPo

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, June 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment (1)

Labour MPs Email Gordon Brown To Resign

LABOUR MPs are being met by an email that calls on Gordon Brown to step down as Prime Minister.

Dear Gordon,

Over the last 12 years in government, and before, you have made an enormous contribution to this country and to the Labour Party, and this is widely acknowledged.

However we are writing now because we believe that in the current political situation, you can best serve the Labour Party and the country by stepping down as party leader and prime minister.

And so allowing the party to find a new leader to take us into the next general election.

Yours,

XXX

Sky News says the email asks MPs to sign the letter and send it to a particular email address. Once  50 MPs have signed it it will be published.

Brown is doomed.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)

Gordon Brown Takes The Pill

GORDON Brown is aiming to secure the vibtating raver vote with his campaign slogan ‘E Not Hate“…

Keep taking the pill.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, June 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment

Gordon Brown Joins Orangemen March

IN “PM MAKE-UP SECRETS LOST IN TAXI BY AIDE”, Sun readers learn that Gordon Brown takes the shine off things with a dusting of
terracotta Guerlain. And puts the shine back on by way of an illuminating foam.

It is often said that politics is showbusiness for ugly people, but politicians are now routinely better looking than showbiz types. We like our singers frumpy and plain and our politicians fit and shagable. Susan Boyle or Caroline Flint? What was Tony Blair but a better looking Cliff Richard?

Anorak

Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Gordon Brown’s Cheap Plumber Leaks On RBS

GORDON Brown’s expenses, and those of 13 members of his cabinet, are the subject of much news chatter. Did you know that Brown claimed £6,577 in bills for a cleaner, which he shared with his brother, between January and March 2006?

Did you know that he signed off a war in Iraq that cost…? Did you know that he raided your pensions, a move that cost..? Did you know that he raised taxes at a cost to you of..? Did you know that Gordon Brown’s cleaner earns over 18k a year?

Did you know that RBS has posted £857m loses for the first 3 months of this year? We now own, through the Treasury, 70 per cent of the bank.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, May 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Gordon Brown Stars In Worst Photo Opportunity Ever

ON the day Gordon Brown  and members delivers ID cards to the people of Manchester to help the rest of spot geniuine Man United fans from interlopers, we are met with this picture of Leader Number One…

Jacqui Smith Introduces ID Cards For Porn

Spot the turkey…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (2)

Exclusive: Gordon Brown Makes Moves To Resign

GORDON Brown resigns – or at least he makes ready for his early departure.

He’s responding to the petition:

Video:

Anorak

Posted: 29th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (2)

Indian Voters Show Middle Finger To The Vote

INDIAN voters are giving the finger to the country’s election.

As reported:

The Election Commission is ensuring your message goes out loud and clear — they are giving your index finger a go-by, and painting your middle finger with indelible ink instead. A Commission official said the change was necessitated by the recently-concluded elections to local bodies in some parts of the country. “Since these voters will still have their index fingers marked, we decided to uniformly mark the middle finger of the left hand.”

Anorak

Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

MP Petitions: Gordon Brown Resigns

ANORAK’S fairly regular look at those petitions appearing on the Prime Minister’s website.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment