Guy Ritchie | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘Guy Ritchie’

Guy Ritchie gets morgue room in new home

FORMER Mr Madonna Guy Ritchie is fitting hi new £6 million home out with a room “packed with…poisonous plants”.

Interior designer Nicola Fontanella said:

“He wants everything to look like it does in Sherlock Holmes.”

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Posted: 9th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jacqui Ainsley (Guy Ritchie’s Lover) Talks About Her Private Life In Hello!

JACQUI Ainsley is the lover to Guy Richie, former husband to Madonna. She’s in Hello!, talking about Guy’s pyjamas, her “organic” move into his home, their cooking and watching telly together, her learning Hebrew, her godson…

Says Hello!:

“Both Guy and Jacqui are intensely private…”

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Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Guy Ritchie And Naked Jude Law Create The Worst Perfume Advert Ever

GUY Ritchie and Jude Law have set about creating the world’s worst perfume advert. This is no easy challenge.  Minding new levels of pretentious crap in a field rich is dire, self-aggrandising rot is the dream. But Richie and Law might have pulled it off.

They do it with a combination of a Sexy Beast rip off and a script ripped from the pages of a language school text book – “You know where I’ve been. I know where you’ve been. You know what I can do. I know what you can do.”

They know what you can do. We know what you can she . He/ She / It knows what you can do.

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Posted: 8th, September 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)

Guy Ritchie To Open Punch Bowl Cockney Theme Pub In New York And LA

COR luvvus, Guy Richie, formerly known as Mr Madonna, is only gonna open a rub-a-dub in the Big Apple and in LA – two versions of his toff pub The Punch Bowl in Londond’s Mayfair:

According to reports, Ritchie is also looking into launching his own beer brand and has registered possible names including, “Bitta Ritchie” and “Punch Bowl Ales.”

“It’s in the early stages of development, he’s looking at premises now,” a source tells PEOPLE who adds: “Guy is really excited and he’s definitely planning some fun ideas with the drinks.”


Picture 1 of 12

Madonna performing to Irish fans at Slane Castle, Co Meath, Republic of Ireland.

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Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince Premiere Pictures

rupert-grint-arriving-for-the-world-premiere-of-harry-potter-and-the-half-blood-prince-at-the-odeon-leicester-square-london2ANROAK is at the London premier of Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince. And we’ve got pictures of the other freeloaders:

Posted: 7th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna And Guy Are Reunited

madonna-super-groupGRAZIA magazine says that Madonna’s latest adoption has a “twist” – it “REUNITED Madonna & Guy.”

Little David Banda Twist, the orphan of Olde London Town, is now joined on Madonna’s knee in New York by Little Orphan Mercy, or Annie Chifundo James, as is her given name.

“Mercy” might have been what she was heard to cry as Madonna eyed her and set about recruiting the little one for her new super group – a black boy, a white girl, a black girl and a white boy. It will be sensational – a deconstructed Michael Jackson with eight legs and four brave hearts headed by Madonna Von Trapp dressed as a dirty nun.

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Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Guy Ritche Turns Nothing Into £50million

MADONNA’S spokeswoman says the singer has settled with ex-husband Guy Ritchie for between 50 and 60 million pounds ($76 million to $92 million) as part of their divorce agreement.

She says the figure includes the value of the couple’s country home Ashcombe in western England.

Here’s what the pundits have been saying:

MADONNA is handing Guy Ritchie a £32 million divorce pay-off, the News of the World can reveal. – NOTW

‘It was never about the money’: Guy Ritchie will get just £10million from Madonna in divorce settlement – Daily Mail

Madonna was desperate to paint Guy as a cor-blimey gold-digger just so she could look like the wronged woman. But for the first time in her life Madonna has failed to get exactly what she wants. If anyone has come out of this divorce smelling of roses it’s Geezer Guy – lock, stock and two smoking barrels – Daily Mirror

She’s got £300m, he’s got £30m, but…the Guy doesn’t want a penny – The Sun

Guy Ritchie is expected to take not a penny from Madonna in an effort to avoid unseemly public wrangling over their divorce. – The Times

And so on…

Posted: 15th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Gordon Smart’s Gets Outside Madonna And Guy Ritchie’s Divorce

GORDON Smart’s the Sun’s gossipy estate agent boasted in October 2008 that he had the skinny on Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s divorce:

Sun Showbiz Editor Gordon’s inside view: But a game of emotional chess is beginning to unravel — and there are worrying signs this one is shaping up to get dirty.

In November, the divorce was granted, and we learnt:

In a sworn statement the court heard Madonna and Ritchie had not lived at the same address for six months but that Ritchie’s behaviour was continuing.

Ooops! Smart missed that one. Here’s some more inside news during that six months:

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Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

For Ritchie And Poorer: Madonna And Guy Split The Kids

TODAY’S the day Madonna and Guy Ritchie go their separate ways: he to the pub and she to New York.

In what showbiz insiders are calling “the least acrimonious divorce in showbiz history”, the couple have agreed on who gets what, when and how.

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Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna Waits For Diana Vickers

COME on Madonna, don’t go!

OK, go. Go already. But if you must leave Blighty do so once the X Factor results are in and we can stare as another singer simulates sex with a horse.

That chanteuse could be Diana Vikers, who not only has a name that rhymes with knickers (if your face, Laura White) but is also blonde.

Vickers should win if she continues not to sing in the contest, crying off with laryngitis and screaming at fireworks, as the Mirror reports on its front page.

Inside the paper, Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone is telling readers that his sister is moving to New York and that Guy Ritchie is “generally a miserable guy and he got worse”.

Why readers try to fathom out what it is that made Guy miserable, allegedly, Christopher tells us that his sister has designs on being a director and that “Two directors in a family is never going to work.”

It is for such reasons that the Scots never stood a chance, nor the Coppolas, the Coen brothers and so on.

Two people giving direction does not work. One needs to take. One needs to give, It is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship – see pages 17, 18, 19 and part of 20 in Madonna’s Boo ‘Sex’…

Posted: 12th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Vadge And Bitchie: Learn To Speak Guy And Madonna

THE STAR reports that Madonna has orders Guy Ritchie to adhere to her rules.

They are the 10 Rules of Woman given to Man by Madge the Vadge.

Of course, a few days with Bitchie and the Open To Bids (Kids) will be speaking like their You’ve Been Had (Dad).

Here’s Anorak’s print out and keep guide to how She’s A Gonna (Madonna) can keep with her children, and better communicate with them:

Apples and Pears – Kabala Prayers

Adam and Eve – Mum’s wears a weave

Pony and Trap – See RocknRolla

Butcher’s Hook – Sex colouring book

Whistle and Flute – Divorce law suit

Porkie Pies – Non-macrobiotic diet

Trouble and Strife – Sent down for life

A-Rod – Better Bod

Dog And Bone – She’s never at home

Tit for Tat – We were once the perfect couple

As spoken in Malawi…

Posted: 12th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Madonna’s Army Tries TO Kill Guy Ritchie

GUY RITCHIE must die, says Madonna fan.

…the unnamed teenager burst onto the set in Manchester, England, waving a 12-inch (30 centimetre) blade and yelled, “Where’s Guy? I’m going to kill him!”

As security guards wrestled the boy to the ground, he allegedly shouted, “I’m Madonna’s biggest fan! I’m gonna kill Guy!”

A source tells the publication, “The bloke was screaming about Guy and shouting, ‘I love Madonna’. It was terrifying. At first it seemed like a sick joke but it was soon obvious the knifeman was not messing around.

Madonna – she’s out there…


Posted: 3rd, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Madonna And Guy’s Marriage Contract

WE join the action as Madonna and Guy Ritchie are having full and frank discussion. Says Guy:

“I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.”

The words form part of the couple’s marriage contract, reports the Sun.

Anorak imagines that if the words are repeated often enough they become only more meaningful, and Bitchie only more sincere.

He should work them into every day interactio:

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Posted: 29th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cart Horse Capers: Madonna And Guy To Star In New Divorce Film

NEWS is that Madonna, aka Vadge, is “haunted” by legs, specifically those attached to the rest of Tania Strecker, a blonde mo-del who once dated Guy Ritchie (Bitchie).

Tania, that’s her with the open shirt, naked chest and unsheathed lags, is now married to “millionaire James de Rothschild” is also a TV presenter, naturally.

Of course the big news is that Loraine Kelly’s prayers ‘have been answered and the Express can announce: “Madonna and Guy ‘will stay pals”.

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Posted: 23rd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna Dresses Kids Like A Rod And Guy’s Christmas Star

DAY whatever in the divorce of Madonna (Vadge) and Guy Ritchie (Bitchie).

With no word from either party, the tabloids pick up on sign language.

Says the Sun:

“Defiant Madonna takes another swipe at hubby Guy Ritchie – by dressing their son in a New York Yankees T-shirt.”

Is Bitchie a Dodgers fan? Dunno. The story hinges on the fact that Madonna’s friend, one Alex Rodriguez, wears the Yankees kit in a professional capacity.

The Sun assures us that “Guy will be angry to see her parading their son in the hunk’s team colours”. In the league table of replica kits don’t dos:

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Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Vadge And Bitchie: Keeping Tabs On Guy And Madonna’s Divorce

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are divorcing: It’s the Vadge and Bitchie saga…

And the tabloids are hoping and praying that the whole thing does not get really very messy and cause them to spend page upon page upon page giving advice to Madge The Vadge and Guy Bitchie…

Now read on.

The dignified divorce her children have a right to expect went up in smoke on Thursday when she denigrated her husband Guy Ritchie – natural father to one of her children, father to their adopted son and stepfather to another child – as an ’emotional retard’ – Amanda Platell (Daily Mail)

And the little kiddies?

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Posted: 20th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madge The Vadge’s Malawi Cob On

MADONNA. Guy. Little Davie Banda:

He also claims Vadge promised to keep him updated about his son’s well-being and all that, but she hasn’t. Yohane said, “I thought she would take him away from the danger of malaria and other diseases that kill children here, and that she would let me know that he was happy. I have never heard from her since the day I agreed to let her adopt David. She has sent no photographs or news. I suppose she just wants him for herself.”

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Posted: 19th, October 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

No Penny For The Guy: British Press Declare War On Madonna

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are putting the tin lid on their celebrity love affair by ending it in the text book fashion: they are divorcing.

The Mirror seems unable and unwilling to believe money will not be a factor and mess up the divorce, telling readers of Madonna’s £300million fortune and Guy’s chance to grab £50million of it.

SHE CAN HAVE IT ALL,” says the paper’s headline. “Guy snubs Madonna are his only concern.”

The inference is that Madonna’s cash is not good enough for our Guy. He has not declined Madonna’s money, which might not even have been offered – he has snubbed it.

Anorak detects the whiff of nationalism in this story. If money is not to make it nasty, then let’s make it a fight between British sense of fair play and American brashness.

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Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

The Huge Row Over Madonna And Guy’s Money

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are to split and in their gift to journalism, the pair are the centre of much handwringing.

Oh, let’s hope and pray it’s a clean split and not an ugly, messy, murderous and column-inch filling divorce, say the hacks and hackettes.

If there is to be a terrible row, it will surely be over money, the papers say.

“MADONNA and Ritchie to split – but what will be the cost?” asks the Independent.

The paper says “law experts” are talking of a “£100m” settlement

SHE’S GOT £300M, HE’S GOT £30 BUT.. The Guy doesn’t want a penny” – The Sun

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Mirror Falsly Claims Madonna Ritchie Divorce Scoop

THIS whole Madonna and Guy thing makes me really, really sad. Not because they’re splitting up but because the torture of pretending they weren’t since our exclusive story waaaay back in June”.

So writes Polly Hudson, the Daily Mirror’s celebrity watcher, who possibly saw yesterday’s Sun front-page. Or as other put it:

Divorce? No… Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s civilised separation – Daily Mail, May 25, 2008

The story was taken up on the web blogs:

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comment

Good News: Guy Ritchie And Madonna Feel The Strain

CELEBRATING the divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie in the Daily Mail:


In other papers:

One more immigrant leaves: Daily Express

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Madonna Spokeswoman Confirms Singer’s Divorce From Guy Ritchie

GUY Ritchie and Madonna are to divorce. He’s keeping the credits to Swept Away, the title “The man who discovered Vinnie Jones” and rhyming slang for orange. She gets the English accent.

Says Madonna’s agent Liz Rozenberg:

“Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to divorce after 7 l/2 years of marrige. They have both requested that the media maintain respect for their family at this difficult time. A final settlement has not been agreed upon yet.”

Maintain respect..? Good to see both parties have retained their senses of humour.

Madonna And Guy Were Trying To Act

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Madonna And Guy Were Trying To Act

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are divorcing.

Why? Because they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer”.

Anyone who has seen Madonna pretending, or acting as one calls it, will know how unbearable things can get.

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Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)