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Non Looting Hazel Blears MP Asks: ‘Why Are These Kids Not In School?’

HAZEL Blears MP has a question for Sky News viewers on the looters who smashed up parts of her Salford constituency:

“Why are these kids not at school?”

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Posted: 12th, August 2011 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)


Hazel Blears Does Not Steal TVs From Comet: She Buys Them And Gives The Taxpayer The Bill

WANT to know why the middle classes are cynical and the rioting youth greedy, vicious, selfish, fit and stupid? Ideas below, please. Meanwhile Salford and Eccles Labour MP tells media:

“In the past we have had anti-social behaviour out of control, but we got a grip of that and this behaviour is just mindless and pointless. The vast majority of people are great citizens in Salford and Eccles.”

Tsk! Theft of tellies and stuff is wrong.

And who is Hazel Blears? Well:

Miss Blears, who as Communities Secretary is responsible for housing policy, also spent time in one of London’s most fashionable hotels paid for from public funds. In March, 2004, Miss Blears stated that her second home was the property she owned in her Salford constituency. During that month she bought an £850 television set and video recorder from Selfridges, and a £651 mattress from Marks & Spencer.

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Posted: 9th, August 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Hazel Blears Unveils Labour Party’s New Election Slogan

7692613THE ever popular Hazel Blears is the victim of street crime as vandals smash the windscreen of her Citreon Xsara Picasso and slashs all four tyres while she knocks on doors in Cemetery Road, Weaste, Greater Manchester.

Blears has not yet put in a claim for the KitKat biscuit, hot cup of tea (served in a hastily bought Ming Dynasty mug) nor the 5,649 sugars she was encouraged to buy to calm her nerves.

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Posted: 10th, August 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Boris Johnson, Sarah Palin And Barack Obama Star In Pro-Cannabis Campaign

drug-boris1BORIS Johnson, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, George Bush, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, David Cameron and Hazel ‘It had no effect on me” Blears star in drugs campaign.

TO prove that taking illegal drugs need be no barrier to a successful carrer in politics, charity Release has launched a deck of playing cards to illustrate it Nice People Take Drugs campaign.

The campaign features such exhibits as Boris Johnson, Sarah Palin, George Bush, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, David Cameron and Hazel Blears.

Says Sebastian Saville, chief executive of Release:

“We developed the deck of cards specifically to show the hypocrisy of politicians who talk about their sterling efforts in the fight against drugs when so many of them have taken drugs themselves,” Saville said. “The UK public are now well aware that politicians appear to live by their own special rules in many areas – we felt it was time to add drug use to the list.

“Many people, including these politicians, have used drugs and have come to no harm but this is mainly because they were not caught doing it…”

“Their careers did not suffer, yet they continue to support a regime that results in thousands of often less privileged people being condemned to marginalisation, incarceration and permanent disadvantage due to personal drug use.”

Had any of these people been arrested for possession of illegal drugs would they have risen to the top?

How To Be A Gangster, By Jacqui Smith And New Labour

Enjoy the gallery:

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Bid For Peter Viggers’ Duck House Second Home

duck-houseTORY MP for Gosport Sir Peter Viggers, 71, is selling his duck house for charity. Mr Viggers will from now on put his guests up in a caravan or ‘otel.

This is the duck house he paid for, after a request for us to pay for it failed -Vickers claimed £1,645 on expenses for the5 ft Stockholm duck house. Now you can own it.

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Posted: 10th, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)


Alistair Darling On Finding A Good Tax-Avoidance Accountant

darling-expenses1GOOD old Chancellor Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequor, for supporting the accountancy industry by paying an accountant public money to complete his tax return.

MPs then – possibly – asked the same accountants about capital gains tax, if a porn film is tool of the trade and to explain tax loop holes.

Chancellor Alistair Darling is among nine Cabinet Ministers who paid accountants public money to complete their tax returns, it has been reported.

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Posted: 25th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (11)


Swine Fever: MPs Expenses, Repossessions And Alan Duncan’s Gardening Video

alan-duncan-money-treeLET’S play Tabloid Bingo! See if you can join up the following stories:

Eyes down!

The number of people who have lost their homes has soared by more than 50% in the first three months of the year.

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Posted: 15th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (9)


Hazel Blears And Other Fantatics

HAZEL Blears.

Fantatics.

Talking.

Whatever can the Sun mean..?

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (9)


Labour Party Kinky Sex: The Top Ten Hazel Blears Turn Ons

HAZEL Blears has a list of strangers she’d like to f*ck. You need to be on the list. If you’re not on Blears’ hit list, you might not be able to vote. It’s tough. But such is democracy.

Says Blears of Labour’s Joy Division:

“Campaigning is like sex – if you’re not enjoying it, you’re not doing it right. It should never be a drudge.”

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Posted: 31st, January 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Fade To Red: Hazel Blears Is Gone

AND in a studio somewhere Hazel Blears is still talking:

Home from Heathrow just in time to hear a distressing first on the BBC Today programme. Hazel Blears was actually faded out. While still speaking. I nearly dropped the marmalade.

In the old days they would have tried politely to hurry her along, but yesterday, as Ms Blears twittered happy thoughts about new Labour’s many achievements, they just turned off her mike. And she had only reached about the eleventh achievement…

Still talking…

Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (9)


Hazel Blears Shuts Down Politics Central Nervous System

HAZEL Blears missed the election won on the internet:

Read: Hazel Blears Explains Political Blogging

“The most popular blogs are right-wing, ranging from the considered Tory views of Iain Dale, to the vicious nihilism of Guido Fawkes,” she said.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or)

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Posted: 7th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment


Hazel Blears Explains Political Blogging

IF Hazel Blears were half as sharp as her voice she’d understand just how dumb her comments on blogggers are.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or)

Blears is addressing the Hansard Society. The subject is “poltical disengagment”. Indeed:

“Political blogs are written by people with disdain for the political system and politicians, who see their function as unearthing scandals, conspiracies and perceived hypocrisy.”

Blears is the countries – get his – Communities Minister. It says so on her, er, blog.

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Posted: 6th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (14)


The Chipmunk Cometh

HAZEL Blears masked:

I’m a nobody. But I still managed to walk into Millbank after my walk this evening to a Hansard speech by our favourite chipmunk, Hazel Blears.

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Posted: 6th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)