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Posts Tagged ‘Hello!’

Father Christmas: Santa And Sinitta Meet Simon Cowell

SIMON Cowell is on the cover of Hello!

“SIMON COWELL AND SINITTA PREPARE FOR A FAMILY CHRISTMAS TOGETHER,” says the caption.

The picture shows Cowell sat alongside three children and Sinitta, singer of 1980s Longley Hearts advert So Macho, and Santa Claus.

No great shock to learn that Cowell is related to Santa, doubtless supplying the bearded one with the latest cover versions of past seasonal hits to spice up stockings and pillow cases.

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Posted: 16th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Cruise Control: Tom On Suri

“MY daughter is sweet but very strong-willed,” says Tom Cruise of his daughter Suri, recently crowned cutest tot in this world and beyond.

You may think otherwise, you may think your own child is better looking or seek to champion a Pitt-Jolie, but resistance is futile.

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Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Omen To That: In The Pink With Damien And Liz Hurley

DAMIAN Hurley “would have me dress in long couture dresses and glittery shoes every day”.

That’s Damian on the cover of Hello!, sat on his mother’s knee; his blue eyes and dark hair; his name; his small tattoo on the top of his head; his theme music; the stairs… watch out!

“Mother love,” says Hello!. And we understand.

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Posted: 4th, November 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Snap, Bang, Wallop At Scott Maslen’s EastEnders-Themed Wedding

SCOTT Maslen’s wedding, and the stars have come out to shine, literally.

For just £2.00 HELLO! offers its readers a ready source of heat and light. One look at the sun-kissed faces of Scott’s EastEnders and The Bill co-stars and you feel as warm and snug as a jalapeno pepper up a camel’s bum.

“ALL the GUESTS,” says the cover page. “ALL THE GOSSIP.”

To Hertfordshire, where Scott is marrying Estelle Rubio, herself named after a star. They met nine years ago at 11 minutes past 11 on the 11 of August.

“They look as if they have stepped off the top of a wedding cake,” says Scott’s fellow EastEnders’ star Perry Fenwick.

We never do see the shoes and examine them for sings of frangipani, but our attention is moved by a sound from the toilets. The Sun takes up the tale:

“Scott’s pal was an usher but made a speech and it was filled with swear words. He called Scott a TV w****r and went on about their past.

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Posted: 19th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comments (2)


Shane Richie Shows Us His Lolita Blue Range Of Mucus

SHANE Richie is cradling his newborn daughter Lolita Belle.

She goes with his son who goes by the name Mackenzie Blue.

Why Shane Richie names his children after ranges Laura Ashley pelmet fabrics we never discover in the course of his interview in Hello!. But there is more to learn.

And matters quickly run to the issue of sex.

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Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comments (5)