Posts Tagged ‘Hollywood’
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Are Definitely, Definitely Going To Get Married, Right?
That’s right! A big ol’ wedding for the couple and their thousand adopted children to attend!
How thrilling. No really.
And it appears that it will be happening soon, with a wedding set to take place within the next few months. And that’s according to three separate utterly unreliable sources.
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Posted: 14th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Charlie Sheen May Reunite With Ex Wife, Which Is Great For Their Long Suffering Children
IMAGINE being the spawn of Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller. They’ve been sat around, bored as hell, because daddy went straight and got a regular job again and mom was playing it kinda cool while the custody paperwork got sorted out.
Gone are those salad days when daddy would punch chandeliers, make prostitutes cry, snort suitcases of cocaine in one go and move a bunch of blonde, busty women in when mommy’s arse was slung out the door. Gone are those halcyon days when mom smoked crack pipes and was seen in dodgy car parks clinging to fistfuls of cash while waiting for a dealer to show up.
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Posted: 14th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Franco Arrested For Stalking Halle Berry, Despite The Fact She’s Barely Famous These Days
STALKERS! It is fair to say that you’re all completely mental, right? You become obsessed with someone, for pretty much no reason at all. In fact, you don’t even fall in love with the person, rather, an image of them. You may as well have sex with a photocopy and have done with it.
However, what’s even weirder is when people stalk those who are barely famous at all these days. Let us look at Richard Franco who has been arrested for stalking Halle Berry.
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Posted: 12th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jennifer Aniston In Trouble For Gay Slur: Because Homophobia Is Good Box Office Unlike Racism
UH-OH! Jennifer Aniston is in a bit of trouble at the moment. No, it’s nothing to do with those thousands of episodes of Friends where she nearly had the whole world’s eye out thanks to a lack of bra under her vest, but rather, she’s said a homophobic slur.
Naturally, she’s isn’t some raging gay-basher, but rather, it is something she’s said in character.
Aniston plays a seductive dentist (sigh) called Dr Julia Harris in the new film, Horrible Bosses. In it, she tells her dental assistant:
“You’re starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”
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Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Film, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Gwyneth Paltrow Says Marriage ‘Isn’t Perfect’ While Pointing At Stupid Chris Martin
SURPRISE! Being married to Coldplay’s Chris Martin isn’t all its cracked up to be! For starters, just imagine him walking around the house singing to himself. You’d either cut your ears off with pinking shears or take a screwdriver to this throat.
Of course, it isn’t that one-sided. Imagine the horror of having to deal with Gwyneth Paltrow crying every time she accepts absolutely anything from anyone, welling up and preparing teary speeches when offered a brew or whatever.
And so, it isn’t a surprise that Gwyneth says her marriage to Chris Martin isn’t as wonderful as wonderful can be, saying “it’s not perfect”.
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Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Harrison Ford Thinks Shia LaBeouf Is A ‘F**king Idiot’
WHEN Han Solo speaks, the world better listen. And Harrison Ford is serving up some truth pie as he points out that Shia LaBeouf is a ”f**king idiot”.
Now, apart from the fact it is quite obvious that Shia is a monumental berk, what prompted the Bladerunner star to say such a thing?
Well, it appears that Indiana Jones isn’t happy that LaBeouf said that he had ”dropped the ball” while filming Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull.
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Posted: 29th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Stella Mouzi Photos: Gibson Isn’t Racist Or Woman-Hating Because He Has A New Not-White Girlfriend, So There
OKAY, Mel Gibson may well have dropped the N-bomb on his ex whilst wishing a raping on her and, yeah, he may have come across rather Anti-Semitic that time… and yes, fair enough, he may well have looked like a woman loathing lunatic when he confessed to slapping Oksana Grigorieva in a police report, but you’ve got it all wrong.
See, the beaver-handed maniac has a new girlfriend. Who gets a girlfriend if they hate women? And she’s not all-American either. She’s a Greek gothic model called Stella Mouzi. So he can’t be racist can he?
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Posted: 20th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Christina Hendricks Is Literally Smoking Hot As She Sets Herself On Fire
THERE has been a by-law passed that you absolutely MUST fancy Christina Hendricks from Mad Men. Not necessarily fancy her all the time, but rather, fancy her when she’s in her Mad Men clothes. If you’re a woman who doesn’t fancy women, then you must, by law, appreciate the fact she has those ubiquitous ‘curves’.
You must. Or face the death penalty.
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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
The Tale Of Jane Fonda, Her $55k False Teeth And Her Sex Life
WHEN you think of Jane Fonda, you may well think about her as an actress or fitness instructor or, indeed, something of a political activist (probably the coolest looking political activist ever, granted).
However, you can now think of her as having the most expensive gnashers in Hollywood as reports break out to much antipathy that the star has pooh-poohed the idea of splashing her riches on things like cars in favour having $55,000’s worth of false teeth in her face.
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Posted: 20th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Dan Aykroyd Has 21,000 Bottles Of Vodka Stolen From Him
POOR old Dan Aykroyd. He’s currently mourning the loss of 21,000 bottles of vodka stolen from him. He was, apparently, planning on drinking them this weekend as well.
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Posted: 12th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Lindsay Lohan: No Contest Plea Over Tacky But Expensive Necklace
EVEN though she dressed like an Italian prostitute in court, spent years making everyone jealous by being stinkin’ rich and having sex with all manner of men and women, while (allegedly) indulging in amazing amounts of drink and drugs, Lindsay Lohan is going to give the doe-eyes and plead ‘no contest’ in court.
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Posted: 11th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mel Gibson’s Ex Is Now Saying That He Didn’t Domestic Violence Her One On The Face
LAST seen with a stuffed beaver sewn to his hand, Mel Gibson has had a troublesome year or so, facing allegations of being a anti-Semite, accusations of being a racist for dropping the N Bomb in Those Tapes as well as being alleged to have battered his ex-gal, Oksana Grigorieva.
Well, small joy for Gibbo as Oksana has dropped her allegations of domestic violence against the actor while she attempts to settle their hilariously ugly and public custody battle.
Is anyone thinking or future trainwreck, baby Lucia in all of this? Who cares?
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Posted: 5th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Holmes Settles With Rag That Accused Her Of Being A Druggie
JUST because Katie Holmes married Scientology poster-boy Tom Cruise, it doesn’t mean she’s on drugs. The taking of drugs explains a lot of erratic behaviour, but Katie is keen to point out that, if you think she’s a bit of a lunatic, she’s like that of her own free-will.
And this whole drug thing has seen the actress settling a defamation claim with US celebrity magazine, Star, after they falsely suggested that she was constantly ripped to her tits on good quality drugs.
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Posted: 29th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Paris Hilton And Boyfriend Attacked By Nut Job
PARIS Hilton, a woman of no fixed talent, is doing rather well on the stalker front. In fact, one of them is so keen on her that he keeps punching her boyfriend.
For you see, the man known as Cy Waits shouldn’t be with Paris, despite the fact she is willingly going out with him. Rather, she is destined to marry a bug-eyed nutter called James Rainford. Why? Because he says so.
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Posted: 28th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kate Hudson Talks About Why She Loves Rodent Faced Muse Singer
AWFUL prog band, Muse, have inexplicably become one of the biggest bands on the planet. With this fame, singer Matt Bellamy has even managed to bag himself a glamorous gal in the shape of Kate Hudson. That’s Kate ‘the fit one from Almost Famous and daughter of Goldie Hawn’ Hudson to you.
And somehow, Bellamy has even convinced her to have a child with him.
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Posted: 19th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Zsa Zsa Gabor And Husband Are Going To Try And Have A Baby (Yeah, Like That’ll Happen)
HAVE you seen Zsa Zsa Gabor lately? If not, let us give it to you bluntly – she’s 94-years-old, is riddled with illness and only has one leg after she got the gangrene cut out of her. Okay? Now, digest this next piece of information – she’s trying for a baby.
That’s right, despite being barely alive, Zsa Zsa Gabor and her spouse Prince Frederic von Anhalt (an amazing name, granted) went to a Beverly Hills fertility clinic to fulfil her dream of them having a child.
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Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Hayden Panettiere Chillingly Tells Everyone About Her Dad Making Her Scream As A Child
HAYDEN Panettiere will be required to do a lot of screaming in the new Scream flick, unless of course, she gets bumped off early doors like Drew Barrymore did in the first of the franchise.
And weirdly, she’s decided to come clean about how she got so good at screaming in the first place – her father used to make her shriek, repeatedly, when she was small.
So how did he do this?
One can only assume that he mastered the art of springing out at her from behind doors and doing his best to strangle her to death or, indeed, spend balmy sunny afternoons tying her up and inserting art scalpels into the beds of her fingernails.
Right? That’s the logical thing to think, isn’t it?
Of course it isn’t you sick pervert. The truth of the matter is that Hayden’s father is an immensely paranoid man who was constantly in fear of something terrible happening to his future pension.
“I’m a fireman’s daughter and he always taught me, because I’m such a small girl, that you always have to look like you have somewhere to be and someone’s gonna miss you if you (don’t) get there.”
“He used to tell me all the time when I went to the mall with my friends, ‘What do you do if somebody comes up and grabs you?’ He taught me to scream, ‘You’re not my daddy, you’re not my daddy’.
This is perfectly normal isn’t it? Nothing wrong here.
“So I had a lot of practice screaming, ‘You’re not my daddy’. Now it just sounds wrong. But I’m pretty good at screaming.”
So there you have it. Parents are all clearly imbeciles.
Vanessa Hudgens Defends Her Skimpy Outfits In Sucker Punch
GOOD lord! Hollywood hasn’t got a history of using women as sex objects in movies… until now that is! See, the shock and scandal is that, in new action flick – Sucker Punch – Vanessa Hudgens and her costars all parade around in very little clothing and it has people all in a tizz!
In the film, onanists will be able to enjoy the bodies of Hudgens, Abbie Cornish, Emily Browning and more, all charging around in tiny slips of material. Of course, this has never happened before in the history of film.
As such, Variety were absolutely correct to gripe that this movie is nothing more than “fantasy fodder for 13-year-old guys” and that the assembled ladies are sporting nothing more than “demeaning fetish gear”.
Cor. Demeaning fetish gear eh? PHWOAR. The cinemas could well set ablaze with the friction from young men rubbing their thighs too furiously.
But whatever. Hudgens doesn’t agree with these mewing Mary Whitehouse sorts.
“I was in the best shape of my life, so why not? The woman’s body is a beautiful thing. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t, like, be our best in our costumes.”
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Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Thieves Wisely Pawned Off What They Stole From Paris Hilton
THIEVES may not have been very attentive at school but they’re not daft. Think about it – when you’re locked out of your house, instead of finding inventive ways in, you stand there staring at your dying battery symbol with all the futility of an ice-pop in an inferno, pacing around and worrying about looking like a dodgy swinebrained git.
In the time it takes you to wonder what you can lob through a window, a good burglar will have sneaked in, stolen your identity and killed your beloved dog before the alarm even kicked in.
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Curious Case Of Forrest Gump Set To Sweep Oscars Again
IT’S the Oscar nominated Curious Case of Forrest Gump Button Benjamin Gump.
Plagiarism in the movies is most often confined to the porn industry, which takes film and give it as firm adolescent hand shake, and Bollywood, where the same film is played at different speeds.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hayden Panettiere Makes Sense Of Obama’s Economic Policy
STILL undecided about McCain or Obama? Phil Spector isn’t. If Phil isn’t enough to get you on side, here comes Hollywood blonde Hayden Panttierre to help make your mind up.
“I don’t know if anyone would complain about under-taxing to be completely honest,” Panettiere told CNSNews.com. “Personally, I’d rather have higher taxes and help other people who need those tax breaks more.”
As he says:
You know how Obama told that plumber dude he wanted to “spread the wealth around”? And then everybody went after the plumber dude for some reason, but then they were like, “Hey, wait a minute, back up.
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Posted: 31st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jenny McCarthy Collaborates With God On Cure For Autism
JENNY McCarthy’, a jobbing Hollywood blonde had a son. And with a showbiz son comes a new career opportunity.
As bad luck had it Jenny’s son was especially special. Jenny’s son was diagnosed with autism. Jenny believes the MMR vaccine was the cause.
So Jenny did what any celebrity would do faced with a special child – she made a new career talking about MMR, her son and his autism. She has written five books on the matter.
Then she cured him.
She tells US Weekly magazine:
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Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
