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I’m A Celebrity

Posts Tagged ‘I’m A Celebrity’

Strictly Come Dancing’s Alesha Dixon Sparks I’m A Celebrity Race Row

sabrina-washingtonSTRICTLY Come Dancing’s judge Alesha Dixon is on the cover of the Mail and the Express as she is turned away from London’s Funky Buddha club. With Jedward and Katie Price off the X Factor and I’m A Celebrity, respectively, the Mail presses F3 on the keyboard.

That Dixon is wearing a short dress and smiling is news enough. But today there is more sensation. Dixon spots a race row in the jungle:

Over-stuffed Cabbage Patch Doll Joe Buger has been disrespectful to Dixon’s former band mate Sabrina Washington – billed as “the third best singer Mis Teeq.”

Bugner has been “a bit mean to Sabrina”, says Dixon. Why has he been a bit mean? Dixon knows:

“Well he is either racist or he doesn’t like women, one of the two.”

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Posted: 26th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


X Factor: Jedward Go GAY, Win I’m A Celebrity And Hate Susan Boyle

jedward4X FACTOR rejects Jedward are now 8-1 to win I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Having swallowed Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh’s balls, they are on course to swallow something still more fragrant in the Blue Peter garden.

Before that, Jedward are to sing at GAY Heaven this Saturday night, following in the footsteps of Lucie Jones, Rachel Adedeji, Kandy Rain and JLS.

Now the duo have been fast tracked into tabloid journalism, and are seated in the editor’s car for the Sun’s Bizarre section.

Highlights include:

* Jedward calling Lady Gag “Lady Baba” – “They think she’s brilliant.”

* Jedward have the autographs of Avril Lavigne, the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears

* Jedward’s hair is a combination of “VO5 and hairspray” – as is their voice.

Says Gordon Smart:

“X Factor rascals John and Edward Grimes are national heroes in Ireland – up there in the popularity steaks with U2, big Jack Charlton and Guinness.”

Bad news for U2, Our Jackie and Guinness, because Louis Walsh has already told us:

“They got a really hard time from people in Ireland, from people who have never met them and didn’t know them. I had it before with Boyzone and different bands before. People slag you off – it’s a weird thing, it’s an Irish thing.”

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Posted: 25th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


X Factor: Hairy Jordans Jedward To Star On I’m A Celebrity And Coronation Street

hair1WHEN Jedward left the X Factor on the same night Katie Price quit the I’m A Celebrity jungle, we knew there would be no shortage of tabloid exclusives.

Today the Sun accompanies its front–page news that Katie Price has dumped Alex Reid, with the story:

NOW BOSSES WANT JEDWARD FOR JUNGLE

Exile? Well, Australian deserves it, we suppose. Give them a pair of Stubbies, a vest, a can of amber ambition and their li-lo a hearty shove. Bon voyage. Next!

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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Dumps Alex Reid On The Telly

pa-77585881I’M A Celebrity: One day one from news that walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid was going to ask Katie Price t0 marry him, Katie Price says she is no longer dating Alex Reid.

What Price that had Jordan/Katie/Kate stayed in the jungle longer she would have continued to date Alex Reid for the duration?

The path is cleared for Katie Price and Peter Andre back together.

One last time for the cameras – with feeling…

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Vows Her Kids Will Die If She Eats Another Gonad

katie-price-quitsI’M A Celebrity: How the old dead tree press responded to the news that Katie Price has quit the jungle:

The Sun (front page): “Jordan: no more trials”

Not a shabby effort at prediction. But, in reality, this is just a quote from Katie on last night’s show.

Says Katie Price:

I swore on my kids’ lives I’m not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I have said to them I am not doing it.”

Why not swear on her own life? Why brings the kids into it? Their lives are tied to their mum’s bug eating? If she eat more bugs – they die! This is terible. Although, it is good telly…

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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Amy Winehouse To Star In New Patridge Family Show

partridge-familyAMY Winehouse’s metamorphosis into I’m A Celebrity’s Katie Price moves on as news reaches us that the singer wants more plastic surgery.

Yes, we know. This is the second Amy Winehouse story of the day but there is now more of her to cover. (Katie Price’s columns inches are correlated to the sixe of her Jordans.)

Having been cut up and sewn back together around the chest, Amy now wants to have her nose altered. Can it be that Amy has been looking at those London Zoo elephants with envy? “I’ll ‘ave me one ov dose noses,” says she. Bigger nostrils will make her envy of every Camden Town sniffer.

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Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price To Marry ‘Dumped’ Alex Reid In Jungle

katie-price22I’M A Celebrity:Katie Price to marry, Alex Reid to be dumped in the jungle and Michelle Heaton whispers. The news round-up:

News of The World (front page): “MARRY ME KATIE”

It’s walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid.He’s heading Down Under to see his one true love:

“EXCLUSIVE: ALEX TO PROPOSE IN JUNGLE”

Eveyone loves a wedding. It will so great. Katie can wear a veils fashioned from spiders webs and Alex can makes ring from a kanagaroo’s anus. But hold on a moment:

Sunday Mirror (front page): “Tarzan Alex is dumped in jungle”

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Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (16)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Finds Jordan In An Alcopop

katie-price-kitI’M A Celebrity: In Make Your Own Katie Price, we tell you how to grow your own Jordan in a bottle of alcopops or wine box.

Jordan adorns the cover of the Sun’s front page and tells readers: “Keep me sober or I’ll get nasty.”

This is, of course, a call for the I’m A Celebrity producers to airdrop caseloads of fermented cockroach penis to the jungle studio. It’s is also receipe for Jordan.

The Sun says that Katie plus booze equals Jordan.

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Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


I’m A Celebrity: Peter Andre ‘Buys’ House To ‘Win Back’ Katie Price

katie-price-and-peter-andreI’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price has headed back to the I’m A Celebrity jungle as Step 1 in her bid to remarry Peter Andre – or, er, not.

And the Daily Star reports that Peter Andre “buys huge family pad to win back Katie.”

It’s a fact! Now read on:

“Peter Andre could be splashing out £3milliomn on a new home as ex-wife Kate Price relives the first dramatic moments of their jungle romance.”

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Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


I’m A Celebrity: Sick Camilla Dallerup Exposes Katie Price’s Dark Secret

camilla-im-a-clebioty2IN Five Reasons Why Camilla Dallerup walked out of the I’m A Celebrity jungle, the we mentioned The Conspiracy. It was only bad camera angles and lighting that made Camilla look wetter than a Young LibDem’s guppy fish in a monsoon.

And now the Star brings front-page news: “JUNGLE FIXED FOR JORDAN TO WIN’”.

“Sickened dancer reveals TV show’s darks secret.”

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Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


I’m A Celebrity: Camilla Dallerup Is Pregnant, And Other Reasons Why She Left The Show

camilla_dallerupI’M A Celebrity: Camilla Dallerup walks out of the jungle and the narrative begins. Here are five rasons why she left the jungle:

1) It’s a conspiracy:

Dallerup’s actor lover Actor Kevin Sacre (Hollyoaks, before you ask) says she was “pulled”.

He Twitters:

“Can’t say a lot people, but I can say she was pulled. She didn’t walk… and remember they’ve actually been in there since Friday night, our time.”

2) She’s pregnant:

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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


I’m A Celebrity: Camilla Dallerup Quits While George Hamilton Waits

camilla-im-a-clebiotyAFTER just three days in the Blue Peter jungle, Strictly Come Dancing star Camilla Dallerup has quit the show. Says she:

“I just can’t sleep properly and I can’t think properly. My brain’s not working. It’s only three days in, so what’s going to happen after this? I’m scared because I don’t want to put my health in danger and I can’t think straight.”

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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s ‘Only Interview’ Causes ‘Mayhem’

katie-price-swampI’M A Celebrity In OK: In this weeks’ OK! magazine Katie Price delivers her “only interview” (today), Samantha Fox calls Jordan a “freak” and Kerry Katona says she’ll see Katie in the jungle.

It’s the I’m A Celebrity jungle special in this week’s OK! magazine as the organ trails the show that has, er, already started.

To make this one fly, and the £2,.60 cover price worth it, OK! needs a scoop. Can it find one?

“With a face full of Botox, a mouth like a Kalashnikov, a head packed with explosive secrets, celebrity tornado Katie Price is sure to cause total mayhem as she rips through the I’m a Celebrity… jungle camp.”

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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comment


I’m A Celebrity Kangaroos Get Fruit Flavoured Condoms

condomsSO tasty are Condomi’s fruit-flavored condoms – “taste like real fruit” – that your significant other will sink their teeth into your penis in the manner of Katie Price eating a kangaroo’s member on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

Either that or the reassuringly snug Condomi will peel your member like Abu Hamza tugging at an under-ripe satsuma.

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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)


I’m A Celebrity Queen Katie Price Declares War On X Factor’s Jedward

katie-price-botoxIT was always going to take something special to knock the X Factor off the front pages and Katie Price going into the I’m A Celebrity Jungle is it. As the Star’s front-page headline vows:

“JORDAN: I’M GOING TO BE QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE.”

The X Factor has not disappeared completely from the reality TV news beat, and at the top of the page we learn:

“JEDWARD TO RULE WORLD.”

Where Anorak comes from this is fighting talk.

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Posted: 13th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures

sam-gropeSAMANTHA Fox is on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!, and a million middle-aged men’s hearts flutter. Times have changed in the world of glamour modelling. Sam’s real charms are in a chest-off with Katie Price’s gargantuan, equal-opportunities Jordan’s. No longer do you have to be born blonde and busty to get on – now you can buy the look. That’s progress. These are the pictures:

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Posted: 12th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Kerry Katona In Fight For Kids And Installs CCCTV

katona2KERRY Katona, formerly Kerry McPadding, is in “Kerry cop quiz”, embroiled in allegations that she has taken cocaine.

While Anorak investigates if bi-polar medication can be snorted, the Sun says Kerry’s Kapers could be the last, er, straw:

TROUBLED Kerry Katona will be quizzed by police on Monday about her cocaine-snorting shame.

The Sun knows it was cocaine – just knows it:

Katona, 28, was keeping mum yesterday when she returned from holiday in Tenerife with husband Mark Croft. But she must explain to cops how she ended up being filmed secretly in her home taking the Class A drug.

Anorak suspects the teddy bear cam, or the Celebrity Police Force’s new CCCTV, which are to be installed in every celebrity’s house in the UK. CCCTV will alert the CPF to any wrongdoing and with it the opportunity for a meet and greet.

Meanwhile, Kerry marked the outing of her anthrax-snorting video by jetting off on her holidays:

A pal of the I’m A Celebrity winner said: “She has been totally stressed out on this holiday. She has told her inner circle of friends that she doesn’t want police at her house because she doesn’t want her kids to see them. But she has resigned herself to the fact that she has a lot of explaining to do. It has been just about the worst week of her life.”

But while Kerry takes the waters and the ice crystals, the Star says:

“BRIAN: I’LL TAKE KIDS”

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Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Kerry Katona Takes ‘Cocaine’ In Her En Suite Bathroom

5967421FOR Kerry Katona life follows art, as the News of The World watches the star of the MTV show Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love taking “cocaine” and going “mad”:

KERRY KATONA GOES MAD ON COKE AFTER 4-DAY BOOZE BENDER

Look on as:

SHAMELESS Kerry Katona pushes a rolled £20 note up her nose before swiftly snorting a line of cocaine – and every second is caught in shock detail on video.

Yeah, a £20 note. It’s alright for some. Not too long ago we feared Kerry was on her uppers. Now she is – but able to use a £20 note to administer them.

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Posted: 16th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


I’m A Celebrity Janice Dickinson Takes A Dump

janice-dickinson-41HAVING endured the I’m A Celebrity Jungle in 2007, Janice Dickinson is now doing it in the American version.

Dickinson is an I’m A Celebrity vet. And talking of vets, if Janice were an animal she’d be in need of a vet to grease up the arm and dive in elbow deep. Janice is constipated.

This may be Janice’s preferred condition, it giving her that facial expression. But Janice wants it out. As Jezebel reports, Janice has not laid a super-model-size poo for seven days.

This means she is, possibly, heavier than her normal weight by at least a gram.

But shit will out. And if won’t come out via the Dickinson clutch bag, then it will find a new escape route…

Enjoy this exchange – and afterwards, wash your hands:

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Posted: 16th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Tongue Fisting The I’m A Celebrity Wannabes

A TONGUE twister to limber up your lips on the cover of today’s Daily Star: “I’M A CELEB WAG WAR.”

Take it away I’m A Celeb agonist Esther Rantzen… “I’m A Stheleb Tonth Tvisther.”

Go, go, failed London mayor and ex-gay copper Brian Paddick: “I am a celebratty tonguey fister.”

Now you EastEnders Joe Swash: “OimashlebtungtwistersthOiAmOiIam.”

And so it goes, all the way to Robert Kilory Silk: “I am a tongue shitter.”

No lie: the Star really is 10p cheaper than the Sun and “10 times more fun.”

The Sun can only go on about “Baby P” who died in the care of its “vile” mum and stepdad.

If the Daily Star got its hand on the story, it would be a game of spot the difference between Baby P and Baby M.

So funsters, we turn back to the Star, and learn that miniature Wag Carly Zucker, former Muppet Dani Behr and Friend-Of-Anorak Nicola McLean will be providing more tongue twisters should they and any of the aforesaid Swash, former Blue singer Simon Webbe or Martina Navratilova gel in the dell.

Anorak will be rooting for Our Nicola, who used to play with our patron Old Mr Anorak’s youngest at the Corum Fields drop-in centre, London.

You go, Nicola. And if you see fit to win and want to do good deeds, how’s about returning that pencil your little sister took…

Posted: 12th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)