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Posts Tagged ‘ill’

List-makers add Elton John to 2013 deathpool sheets

DEATH. As a dark Shadow, beckons his prey into the unknown by a soft whisper in the soul. Or, in the case of Elton John, something that will be of great concern after he was hospitalised after he came down with a ”serious respiratory infection”. No poetry will ever make Elton John want to die. He wants to live forever. In a palace made from diamonds and marbles.

Mister Yellow Brick Road was rushed to the Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, where they have hospital beds made from cocaine and chihuahuas, in the early hours of yesterday morning. He’s undergone every single test on Earth (just in case anyone is competitive about such matters, so he can eventually roll his eyes and say “yeah, had it”) and doctors have told him he won’t be performing ever again. Okay. That’s not true. He won’t be performing for a bit.

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Posted: 24th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Selena Gomez Gets A ‘Being Brave’ Sticker In Children’s Hospital: Bieber Fans Pray For Her Death

DID you hear about Selena Gomez being rushed to hospital suffering from feeling pukous and having a eye-melting headache? Are you a demented Bieber fan who has been sending death-threats, cheering that she might die and that, in fact, your little voodoo doll actually worked?

Good for you. You must be thrilled, despite the fact Bieber still won’t ever take his miniature arousal anywhere near you because you’d inevitably kill his lust by constantly screaming at him.

Anyway, Gomez, has been getting lots of medical attention and it is thought that she has a combination of food poisoning and exhaustion. Everyone is looking at Beliebers as potential poisoners.

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Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Zsa Zsa Gabor And Husband Are Going To Try And Have A Baby (Yeah, Like That’ll Happen)

HAVE you seen Zsa Zsa Gabor lately? If not, let us give it to you bluntly – she’s 94-years-old, is riddled with illness and only has one leg after she got the gangrene cut out of her. Okay? Now, digest this next piece of information – she’s trying for a baby.

That’s right, despite being barely alive, Zsa Zsa Gabor and her spouse Prince Frederic von Anhalt (an amazing name, granted) went to a Beverly Hills fertility clinic to fulfil her dream of them having a child.

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Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)