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In Pictures: Tired England Rest Up Ready For Season Of Shagging Ahead

ENGLAND’S ‘tired” footballers returned to London’s Heathrow Airport, still exhausted from playing four games of football in three weeks while staying in a five-star compound in South Africa. Despite all that sight-seeing, eating and resting, the players were still knackered, creamed from a domestic season of shagging, texting and drinking.

Says one player:

“You’ve got no f***ing idea how hard it is to go from shagging in the nightclub toilets to endorsing a new breakfast cereal. It’s a real head-fuck – literally.”

Adds another:

“Once I had to go from a shag at Watford Gap service station car park to a Premier Inn in Poole, which is in fuc***g Dorsetshire, in two hours. And then I had to get back for a 5 o’clock kick-off because bloody Sky had moved the fixture and my wife was expecting me for a pre-match photoshoot with OK!. Is it any wonder I’m tired out? It’s a disgrace.”

Premier League fans should rest assured that the England players will now spend the rest of the summer resting up with the family in a top-end Mediterranean resort complex in readiness for the long season ahead of shagging, bitching, modelling, endorsing and more shagging…

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England ambassador David Beckham arrives at Heathrow Airport, London.

Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comments (16)