Jeremy Clarkson | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘Jeremy Clarkson’

Richard Hammond is not dead (he’s on Amazon Prime)

“I thought Richard Hammond had died.” says Jeremy Clarkson on the Daily Star’s cover. No, Clarkson, he’s just not on the telly as much, having moved from the BBC to Amazon Prime.


Richard Hammond car crash


For those of you not in the know. Hammond was in a car crash. No, it wasn’t the car crash that put him in a coma a few years ago. And it wasn’t the Top Gear car crash – that was Chris Evans. This car crash was when Hammond destroyed a “£2million electric car” while filming The Grand Tour show.

He’s alive.

But how much was that car worth? The Sun, Mail and Mirror all agree that the car was worth £2m. But was it? The Times says it was worth $1m, which a lot of money for a customised milk float, but a lot less than £2m.


Richard Hammond car crash



The car was a Rimac Concept One, an electric car. You can buy one for $980,000. You can buy the one Hammond was riding in for less.


Posted: 13th, June 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

The biased BBC protected biting Mark Thompson but chewed off Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clakrson arrested


So. Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC’s Gripper Stebson*, has been driven from the BBC. He leaves behind a bombshell-sized hole in the Beeb’s talent pool, a Top Gear producer with a split lip and dull-to-deadline James May and perky and predictable Richard Hammond to take the show forward.

Papers lead with news that sacked Jeremy Clarkson faces a “police quiz” (Daily Star and Daily Mail), “police probe” (Sun), “cop grilling” (Daily Mirror) and “police action” (Daily Express).

You cannot hit a BBC underling and get away with it. Well, not always you can’t. You see, in 2005, Richard Kay reported on an incident for the Daily Mail. The then BBC director general Mark Thompson had bitten newsroom colleague Anthony Massey.

Thompson’s 44-year-old victim suffered clear bite marks through his shirt, and immediately reported the incident. Their bosses were so determined to hush up the affair, however, that Massey was promptly sent to Rwanda on a perilous assignment. And Thompson, then a rising star, was allowed to continue his soaring career unhindered.

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Posted: 26th, March 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment

New Statesman journalist wants 350,000 Jeremy Clarkson untermensch murdered

sarah ditum


Sarah Ditum writes on Jeremy Clarkson, the journalist suspended from presenting Top Gear amid allegations that he punched a BBC colleague.

She writes in the New Statesman beneath the headline:

We live in a world of stupid and Jeremy Clarkson is its king

Eat yer heart out Jihadi John, Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama. It’s not hate, greed and vanity that rule the world, it’s stupid King Clarkson.

And if he is stupid, then so are you for liking him. All of you:

…Clarkson, the hulkingly recognisable, braying everyman face of a show that’s broadcast in 214 territories worldwide, to an audience of 350 million…

Stupid. All of you.

We also know that a lot of people don’t care whether he lamped his producer, because 350,000 and some (at the time of writing; it will be more, much more, by the end of the day) have signed a petition demanding his reinstatement. And this is not because they hold a dear attachment to due process, and misguidedly think that any action should only follow the investigation. It’s because they like the fact that Jeremy Clarkson is the kind of celebrity they can imagine punching a much less powerful colleague.

Having stated that people who support and like Clarkson have scant regard for the law, are in favour of bullying, enjoy casual violence and have minds so thin they can each be read by a woman sat at a keyboard – whilst ignoring the facts that this “less powerful collegue” seems powerful enough to have gotten Clarkson banned – Ditum mocks the kind of people who sign shrill online petitions.

At which point we find accord. Anyone who expects change from is kidding themselves. It’s just an echo chamber for monocular like minds, more akin to the modern Labour Party and Switzerland than a march on Selma.

Then Ditum moves towards the people she says support violence – before charging way, way past them, past even the flaming cages where ISIS nutjobs sit:

I don’t wish to sound extremist, but I have no doubt that if every signatory to this petition were boiled down for biofuel, the world would be a cleaner, smarter place.

To illustrate just how far removed Ditum is from Clarkson’s brand of comedy that mocks the poor and sneers at funny foreingers, she suggests the world would be a better place if 350,000 untermensch were murdered to give her world a pure green light.

Because the in-need-of-killing are “idiots in a world of idiocy”. And she is the snotty, superior judge, jury and executioner. You might not want to live in a Jeremy Clarkson’s world, but you have to wonder what planet Ditum is from?

Posted: 11th, March 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson suspended over fracas following hullabloo, brouhaha and imbroglio

A resonably priced fracas

A resonably priced fracas


Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson is on gardening leave. He’s been suspended by the BBC “following a fracas” with a producer. Yes, a fracas. Not a brouhaha. Not a kerfuffle. And most certainly neither an imbroglio nor a tawdry hullabloo.

Last year Clarkson was given a warning when he appeared to say “nigger” while filming. It’s something he denies.

The full BBC statement runs:

“Following a fracas with a BBC producer, Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended pending an investigation. No one else has been suspended.”

The BBC seem to realise that without Clarkson, Top Gear is an expensively priced lame duck. Richard Hammond and James May, Clarkson’s sidekicks, nay his abettors, are free to work but the show will not be broadcast this Sunday.

Taxi for three…

Posted: 10th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson And The Repton School Rapes – Roald Dahl And C.B. Fry Not Linked

The Times has a story on alleged rapes at Repton School in Derbyshire. A teenager has been arrested.

But that’s not enough. This story of sex crimes needs the vital angle: the celebrity.

A boy of 17 has been arrested on suspicion of committing two rapes at Jeremy Clarkson’s former 16th century boarding school.

Jeremy Clarkson is not helping the police with their enquiries…

Other notable Repton old boys with nothing to do with the allegations are: Roadl Dahl, C.B. Fry, Nick Raynsford…


Screen shot 2014-11-28 at 08.52.16

Posted: 28th, November 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment

Top Gear Race Row: BBC Velly Solly For Calling An Asian Man A Slope

ON Top Gear’s colonialism-in-a car-style trip to Myanmar, Jeremy Clarkson looked at the bridge her and his two sidekicks had built over the River Kwai (did you see what they did there?) and observed the “slope” on it.



The show’s executive producer Andy Wilman says it was a “joke referencing both the build quality of the bridge and the local Asian man who was crossing it”.

He is velly solly for an offence caused. It was all done accidentally on purpose, maybe.

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Posted: 23rd, April 2014 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment

Manx Pratt Jeremy Clarkson loses human rights claim to Isle of Man path

IT’S just gotten that little bit easier to see Jeremy Clarkson shagging. Clarkson’s wife, Mrs Frances Clarkson was of the opinion that a public footpath close to their Ieel of Man home was breach of their human rights. Their property resembles a lighthouse.

But Deemster David Doyle preferred to protect the “rights and freedoms” of the great unwashed. The path stays open to the public.

The BBC reports:

Mrs Clarkson said the couple would not be making any comment about the decision.

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Posted: 27th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Jeremy Clarkson offends elephant charity

GUESS what? Go on. Guess. Yep, that’s right, Jeremy Clarkson has gone and said something offensive that has offended people looking to be offended.

Clarkson said on Top Gar that a Japanese car/camper van hybrid was likepeople with growths on their faces”. He then did schoolboy impression of the Elephant Man, or any other spazmo, or Jeremy Clarkson waking up.

“You know sometimes you meet someone and they have got a growth on their face and it is bigger than their face … one of those really ugly things.”

Pro lickspittle and Top Gear co-presenter Richard Hammond took his cue and called the vehicle the elephant car.

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Posted: 10th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

David Cameron get Jeremy Clarkson Tourette’s

ANYONE else suspect that David Cameron sees Jeremy Clarkson’s schtick of saying mildly offensive non-PC things in a loud voice as a way of reaching the people who perceive a loss of free speech in modern life and reassuring them that he understands?

In an interview with the Telegraph, Cameron said of shadow chancellor Ed Ball’s appearances in the House of Commons:

“But I’m very bad, in the House of Commons, at not getting distracted, and the endless, ceaseless banter, it’s like having someone with Tourette’s permanently sitting opposite you.”

Cameron is talking to the Tory voters who might think he’s soft. His words are not accidental. They echo the studied offence of Clarkson, who aims to be the voice for the man blessed with common sense who sees through the PC bullshit. David Cameron has contracted Jeremy Clarkson Tourette’s, a strain of the illness that causes the victim to say non-PC  things to a deadline.

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Posted: 11th, January 2012 | In: Politicians | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson, the EDL and a liberal anti-racist Daily Star

JEREMY Clarkson is in a “NEW RACE ROW” says the Daily Star, the paper that until recently supported the English Defence League and warned us of Muslim only toilets in Rochdale. Has Top Gear presenter Clarkson been not racist enough?

GOBBY Jeremy Clarkson stormed into another race row last night after making fun of drowned Chinese cockle pickers.

Is that racist of just offensive? John Ward adds:

And his latest outburst came after the Daily Star Sunday discovered he had posed for a snap with the leader of the racist English Defence League.

Is that the same EDL the Daily Star said 99% of its readers would pick at the ballot box?

The 51-year-old was slammed after joking about dead Chinese immigrants in his regular newspaper column. He tastelessly compared synchronised swimmers to the 21 cockle pickers who were killed in rising tides in Morecambe Bay, Lancashire, in 2004.

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Posted: 8th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Jeremy Clarkson And Eamonn Holmes’ Sense Of Humour Bypass

EAMONN Holmes, Sky News presenter and part-time This Morning host on ITV, says of the Jeremy Clarkson advertorial that all public sector strikers should be shot:

“We’re not al easily offended these days. But some people are very easily offended these days. Some people know their rights theses days.”

Holmes says anyone who can’t laugh has had a “sense of humour bypass“.

This would be the same Eamonn Holmes who sent, via his lawyers, a letter of complaint to the BBC after a series of sketches about him on Jon Culshaw’s The Impressions Show.

Using the catchphrase “I was fierce hungry, so I was”, Belfast-born Holmes was depicted by Culshaw eating a sofa, a jockey, and a vase of flowers…

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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson Catches Fire Up A Chimney

BBC presenter and taxpayer-funnded worker Jeremy Clarkson plugs his book on BBC TV’s The One Show – another seasonal book with the image of a grumpy middle-aged man on the cover – and The Times, Daily Telegraph, Daily Mail, Daily Star, Daily Mirror, The Sun, The Independent and the Guardian all lead with news of Jeremy Clarkson being sort of worry for saying that striking public sector workers should be shot.

Yes, indeed, the PR drive has not been a total success: the Daily Express lead with:


In case they burn Santa in the chimney and grumpy dad doesn’t get his Jeremy Clarkson book…

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Posted: 2nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson Is Raped And Shot In The Face In Joke Taken Too Far, Say Some

JEREMY Clarkson says of the striking public sector workers:

“I’d have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families. I mean, how dare they go on strike when they have got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living?”

He does not say who would shoot them, but we imagine it would be winners of the Clarkson Lottery or members of the Emma West Twitter Hunt. Or Richard Hammond, Clarkson’s chief lickspittle on Top Gear. No, he wouldn’t do it. He’d just agree with Jeremy that it should be done and snigger. The killer would be James May.

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Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (14)

So, Alexandra Hall, What’s It Like To Have Sex With Jeremy Clarkson In A Reasonably Priced Car?

JEREMY Clarkson and his wife Frances once sat on a super-injunction that prevented his ex-wife Alexandra Hall from ever talking publicly about her life with the Top Gear presenter and Sunday Times columnist. This was not to save Hall the infamy of being that woman who had found the pre-fame Clarkson sexually attractive and had had intercourse with him, rather it was to gag Hall from making claims that Clarkson was sleeping with her behind his wife’s back.

This all follows the false rumours that Clarkson had been shagging Jemima Khan – the intern and minted daughter of late money man James Goldsmith intern who recently became the anti-nepotism, equal opportunities campaigning New Statesman’s associate editor.

Responding to the Khan story, Clarkson wrote a newspaper columns in support the new injunctions, which are brought on the basis of European human rights legislation. As he said:

“It is said only the rich and famous can afford a gagging order. But only the rich and famous ever need one.”

Once again, as with Clarkson’s BBC colleague Andrew Marr, the rich journalist would seek to gag the press.

Now Clarkson is of the opinion:

“Injunctions don’t work. You take out an injunction against somebody or some organisation and immediately news of that injunction and the people involved and the story behind the injunction is in a legal-free world on Twitter and the internet. It’s pointless.”

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Posted: 31st, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Jeremy Clarkson Places Sex Gag On Ex-Wife: Each To His Own

JEREMY Clarkson has placed a sex gag on his ex-wife? Will she reciprocate?

Posted: 27th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Will Smith And Jenny Cannybody Lose Super Injunction Fight: Spoilt Rich Bastards Got Theirs First

JENNY Cannybody, 30, of Scotswood Road, Newcastle upon Tyne is never likely to get the superinjunction she craves to stop the exposure of the fact she is having her bones humped to breaking point by Will Smith. (No not that one).

This Will Smith is, as fable has it, a 42-year-old North Shields butcher and, according to Jennifer in a Newcastle’s Bigg Market pub rest room tête-à-têtes with her mates, likes a good time, has a bit of brass and knows how to wield his pork sausage the right way. (“If you know warra mean, like”)

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Posted: 9th, May 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)

Does Jeremy Clarkson Have Only Half A Scrotum?

JEREMY Clarkson the likeable gang leader of TV’s Top Gear, has written of his apparent dislike of philanderers. Only, the Mirror says he might well be one. It introduces us to his alleged mistress Phillipa Sage:

TOP Gear star Jeremy Clarkson has been cheating on his wife with a pretty blonde during an international tour with the show.

Father-of-three Clarkson, 50, has been betraying his loyal wife of 18 years Frances in a brazen, ongoing affair with a work colleague.

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Posted: 5th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Jeremy Clarkson’s A Funny Foreigner At His Home On The Isle Of Man

JEREMY Clarkson has a holiday home on the Isle of Man. Anorak can’t put his finger on it but that seems to say much about the Top Gear presenter and professional bloke.

The Isle of Man is a British Crown Dependency with its own parliament for matters domestic. You’d imagine that anyone born there would want to get off as soon as possible, and anyone else would only want to get on the island if they were lost, looking for some version of a bygone Britain or a place to stash their filthy lucre and mentally negligible relatives.

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Posted: 30th, March 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jeremy Clarkson Launches The Mini People Wagon MPV

JEREMY Clarkson reviews the new Mini Tank people wagon MPV for the Sunday Times.

This is a car so compact yet huge that it can house a 6ft 5in man with hair of special scientific interest and still have loadsa room for his sidekicks, their families and two hot hatchbacks.


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Posted: 9th, July 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment

Truckers Linked To Serial Killings

IN the US, the FBI is forming a database that links long-haul truckers and serial killings.

Anorak readers will recall this comment by BBC presenter Jeremy Clarkson on truckers:

“What matters to lorry drivers? Murdering prostitutes? Fuel economy? It really is a hard job and I’m not just saying that to gain favour with truck drivers. There’s so much to do. “You’ve got to change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror… murder a prostitute. Change gear, change gear, murder.”

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Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

Jeremy Clarkson Is Locked In The Toilet

HERE’S a video of Jeremy Clarkson being locked in a toilet – a portaloo…

Spotter: “>Holy Moly

Posted: 25th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Lily Allen Watch: Girls Aloud Pale, Huq On Clinton And Madonna Splits

LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top/ most pointless celebrity news stories…

Girls Aloud

Girls Aloud star Nicola Roberts looks even paler than usual – after a terrifying rollercoaster ride” – Gordon Smart, The Sun

Jeremy Clarkson

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Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)