Anorak

jesus | Anorak

Posts Tagged ‘jesus’

Man shoot self and wife at church debate into gun violence

jesus guns church crime

 

Thoughts turn to 81-year-old Wayne Reid who while attending a Tennessee church for a “gun-violence at houses of worship” chat, accidentally shot himself and his wife, Kathy, 80. He did so after telling fellow worshippers, “I carry a weapon with me everywhere.”

Reuters:

The man removed the magazine and cleared the chamber to show the pistol to the others. He then reloaded it, put a round in the chamber and put it back in his pocket, Parks said.

When another person asked to see the pistol, the man took it out of his pocket and his finger accidentally hit the trigger. The bullet struck his right hand and then went through his 80-year-old wife’s abdomen and right forearm, according to the police chief.

The man and his wife are at the hospital. Guns in church is an ecumenical matter. “As far as I know, he’ll get to keep it,” says Police Chief Russ Parks. “No one who was in the church is wishing to press charges, and we in the police department think they’ve suffered enough.”

Posted: 19th, November 2017 | In: Reviews | Comment


Jesus gets his cross stuck in the ceiling (video)

jesus christ cross accident

In which Jesus is out-foxed by a false ceiling:

Posted: 26th, September 2017 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Cross-Fit with Buff Jesus

buff jesus

 

Jesus is buff.

But where is he?

Spotter: Imgur

 

Posted: 23rd, February 2016 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Police arrest women who said Jesus would pay for her seafood buffet

It's what Jesus would have ordered“Jesus will pay.” So said  51-year-old April Lee Yates as she was asked to pay for a seafood buffet at Bennetts Calabash on Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Jesus is famously a champion of budget seafood dining, turning two small fish into 5000 portions. Jesus was ever the shrewd Yiddisher boy working on margins.

But would he get the $26 bill?

No. Police were called.

Yates was arrested.

The bread accompaniment was complementary.

Posted: 16th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Jesus founds in tortilla chip (photos)

jesus 1

 

What deos Jeus taste of? To the family in Tlalixtac de Cabrera, Mexico, he tastes of tortilla. But Josefina Guzman has placed the tortilla not in her mouth, but on an altar.

 

jesus 3

 

“I’ve been making tortillas for a very long time,” she said, “but I’ve never seen anything like this before. It is a “miracle”.

The recipe for a Jesus tortilla is heavy doses of belief, hot oil and burning:

 


YouTube link.

Posted: 28th, June 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Lord Jesus Christ charged with violating restraining order in Belchertown

Lord Jesus Christ

 

Lord Jesus Christ, 55 has been at a home in Belchertown, Massachusetts, on a charge of violating a restraining order.

He was not taken away restrained to a cross.

 

Posted: 17th, June 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Jesus Peacock spotted in the Northern Lights

jesus aurora

 

Is it a bird? Is it a firework? Is it a Russian missile? No, dude, it’s Jesus Christ. And he’s using the Northern Lights over Iceland to make his Second Coming.

Local headmaster Jón Hilmarsson tells his local paper:

‘This was the most beautiful and vivid northern light display I have ever seen. We usually see green auroras but that night I saw bright green, red and purple colour, which is very unusual. Many people see the shape of Christ but also an angel formation.’

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, January 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment


‘Fat’ Mary squashes nativity donkey to death

fat jesus

To Spain, where a fat ‘Mary’ has crushed to death a natitivy scene donkey:

A donkey, part of a live Christmas crib in southern Spain, has died two days after being mounted by a 150kg (330lb) man who gatecrashed the nativity scene.  The man jumped over a fence and leapt on to the five-month-old donkey, named Platero, who was part of a nativity scene in the town of Lucena, near Córdoba. The donkey was literally squashed by the man.

We need bigger donkeys to keep up with the obesity epidemic…

Posted: 18th, December 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


For sale: the anti-Christ sword

cursed sword

To Austin, Texas, where a Cragslist advert tells of a cursed, double-handed 18th century broadsword.

They say “they could feel a strange energy in my sword room”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 7th, December 2014 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


YouGov Want To Know What Would Jesus Do? Help Him Decide

Screen shot 2014-11-26 at 20.09.14

 

What would Jesus do?

Is Jesus uncertain? Does he needs your help. Jesus, or has one of his people has commissioned a YouGov poll?

 

Screen shot 2014-11-26 at 20.09.28

 

Ot6er qursiosn to consdier:

* Should Jesus turn water into wine or beer?

* Would you drink water Jesus has walked on?

* Did Atos declare Lazarus fit for work before Jesus ‘woke him’?

Spotter: @christinamartin

Posted: 26th, November 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


School Bans Trip To Nutcracker Baller Over Jesus Tree Fears

The Butler Elementary School field trip to see the ballet is back on. Sorry, kids. The Belmont, Massachusetts, school’s PTA has reversed its decision to cancel The Nutcracker becasue the production featured a Christmas Tree.

PTA Co-President Barbara Bulfoni explains:

“In the past years there were parents complaints as The Nutcracker has a religious content. I think we clarified with the parents.”

 

So, kids you get to see the show. The alternative trip to see Nativity 3: Hey Dude Where’s My Donkey is off. But you can always go and see that in your free time…

7News Boston WHDH-TV

Posted: 25th, November 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)


Jesus Wept! The Christmas Jumper That Bleeds For Your Fashion Sins

jesus_front_1024x1024

 

Who hasn’t looked at a Christmas jumper and declared ‘Jesus’?

Shredders are selling this fine seasonal sweater designed by Steve Byrne.

jesus_back_1024x1024

 

Spotter

 

 

 

Posted: 23rd, November 2014 | In: Fashion | Comment


Man Erect Large Crucifix To Late Wife Atop Workington Slag Heap

“MY intentions were never to cause any ill feelings or trouble. I feel it is an asset and enhances the area and I am aware that many people are enjoying its presence,” says Peter Nelson, 49, talking about the 9ft high crucifix at the top of a Workington slag heap.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 30th, September 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


Statue Of Jesus Christ Grows Human Teeth

human teeth

THE 18th Century Mexican statue of Jesus Christ is kitted out with human teeth. Did they grow? Is the statue posssed? It is real human being dipped in a plastic resin? CNet reports:

It used to be common for western churches to hold onto human remains: bits of teeth and bone and hair and skin purported to be saintly relics, sometimes holy treasures kept and revered — and sometimes the objects of the fraudulent relic trade.

A new discovery in Mexico, however, is a first for human remains in a church: a statue of Christ has been discovered to have teeth — not teeth carved from animal bone or horn — but actual human teeth.

The 18th century Lord of Patience statue in the parish of San Bartolo Cuautlalpan — known for its gruesome blood and open wounds — was about to undergo restoration at the National School of Restoration, Conservation and Museology. In preparation for the restoration, the team X-rayed the statue, to find eight adult human teeth adorning its mouth.

“It is common that the sculptures have teeth, but they are usually made of wood or bone carved individually or as a plate, but in this case has eight teeth of an adult,” said team leader and school director Fanny Unikel in a museum video. “The teeth were probably donated as a token of gratitude. It’s the first time human teeth have been found in a sculpture.”

Sure. Donating your teeth to Jesus is what he would have wanted. Pick up a donor card at your local statue-orium.

– See more at: http://disinfo.com/2014/08/18th-century-mexican-statue-christ-found-human-teeth/#sthash.DNYx2L6I.dpuf

Posted: 13th, August 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


PHEW! Jesus The Jew Would Approve of Gay Marriage, Says Elton John

elton john jesus

 

MOST people who don’t like gays are religious, or at least, religious sympathetic. They think homosexuality goes against nature or some kind of cosmic order.

Some are violent or abusive toward gay people, because presumably, they feel the need to serve up justice because they don’t believe their god is up to the job, cometh the hour. The inherent weakness of deities must be a constant concern for the praying sorts.

Or, maybe it is something to do with deities being into homosexuality?

Elton John reckons that Jesus Christ would approve of gay marriage. In an interview with Sky News, Sir Elton added that he’s meeting up with Russian President Vladimir Putin in a bid to try and improve Russia’s gay rights record.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 30th, June 2014 | In: Music, Reviews | Comment


For Sale: Bid For This Signed Photos Of Jesus

ON August 17, you can bid for an “autographed” portrait of Jesus. It’s signed “With love, J”.

 

Jesus signed photo

 

 

 

Jesus signed his artwork in 1969 during his richly drawn felt tip phase.

You can bid for it at Live Auctioneers, where the nick-nacks never die.

 

Spotter: Christian Nightmares

Posted: 27th, June 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Jesus Spotted In Rusting Air Conditioning Unit

jesus rust

 

TO Jackson County, Mississippi, where Christopher Goldsberry’s second-=hand air conditioning unit is a sign of God’s love. It features the face of Jesus. In rust.

Says Goldsberry:

“When I saw that, I was taken aback. I knew who that was immediately. The gentleman I purchased it from didn’t see any of it. Think about it. They don’t recognize what it is. Some people see it, some people don’t. Think about that.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, June 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Bearded Space Alien Jesus In A Leisure Suit Is Awesome At Karate

Alien Warrior : King of the Streets !

 

HALLELUJA! It’s bearded space alien Jesus in a leisure suit is awesome at karate!

YouTuber theSadistVideos explains this 1986 ride:

A bearded ‘superman’ with no powers comes to earth in a powder-blue velour tracksuit to drive a silver dune buggy into an unrelated blaxploitation film about urban literacy. Appropriately released under two titles, this is Alien Warrior / King of the Streets !

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, May 2014 | In: Film, Flashback | Comment


1978: Kellie Everts Was The Miss Nude Universe Who Became God’s Stripper

IN 1978, the Associated Press met Kellie Everts, the Miss Nude Universe who became as a striptease artist performing on a Washington stage because “God told her to quiet her job as a social worker and return to the stage to perform her strip act”.

The woman born Rasa von Werder was stripping for Jesus.

And isn’t stripping another kind of social work?

(via)

stripper for jesus

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, April 2014 | In: Celebrities, Flashback | Comment


Meet Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene of Australia

Screen shot 2014-04-14 at 16.55.51

MEET Mary Magdalene, Jesus Christ’s girlfriend. You may know her as Mary Luck. Mary lives in Australia. She is “somewhat known historically but largely unknown”. She hangs out with Jesus, known locally as AJ Miller.

G’day, AJ.

It took a week for AJ to realise that he was Jesus.

It might have taken others longer. But he’s the real deal, as he says:

“There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, April 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Seattle Burger Shop Uses Bong Toking Jesus To Celebrate Cheap Easter Meat

jesus burger

OUTAGE in Seattle, Washington, over the new ad for burger eatery Lunchbox Laboratory featuring the call to celebrate Easter with a weed-smoking Jesus. The ad tells readers:

“When I get back all I want is the Burger of the Gods.”

Jesus is holding a burger and a joint, with the 4/20 date highlighted in green.

Lunchbox Laboratory owner John Schmidt tells KIRO radio:

“We knew we were pushing it a little bit but at the same time that is kind of what our marketing is about.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, April 2014 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Edible Christianity: The Double Crisp Chocolate Jesus Hands

SUNDAY service brings the double crisp chocolate Jesus hands:

 

choco

 

 

Spotter: Christian Nightmares

Posted: 16th, February 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)