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Madeleine McCann: finding hope in Cairns, Jodie Marsh’s dog and looking for ‘my Maddie’

Madeleine McCann: a reporting review on the missing child.

As we must, let’s begin with news of the English child who went missing in Portugal by looking at the Australia’s Cairns Post, which features a message for Kate and Gerry McCann: ‘Maddie McCann’s parents need to move on, for their kids’ sake.’

Louise Roberts kicks off her heartfelt advice to the parents of a missing child who became the media’s benchmark for all missing children by telling her readers: ‘Only Madeleine McCann and her presumed abductors know what really happened the night she went missing, but none of them are available to reveal the brutal truth.’

You can wrestle with what ‘presumed abductors’ know and don’t know, being as they are unnamed and, as Roberts suggests, possibly unreal. As for that ‘brutal truth’, it’s delivered after Roberts imagines the teenage Madeleine McCann. ‘Maddie should be 13 now,’ she calculates, ‘armed with an iPhone and cocooned in family love and the carefree discoveries of teenage life in middle England.’  She then adds: ‘There isn’t a single clue as to whether she is alive today but the lucrative whodunit industry dogging her parents Gerry and Kate, who deny any part in her death, rumbles on.’

Having slammed the armchair detectives who spin the single fact – child vanishes – and confusingly told us that we don’t know if Madeleine McCann is alive but her parents are not to be blamed for her ‘death’, Roberts advises: ‘But it’s time for the McCanns to turn off the legal tap and focus on the family life they have left.’

Mawkish much. ‘The time they have left” suggests new horrors lurking around the corner. What they are Roberts doesn’t say, so she harks back to the night of May 7 2003 and tells us: ‘Maddie was asleep in the holiday flat alone with her twin siblings while their parents ate tapas in a bar 50 metres away. It was a spring evening in May 2007.’ May is in Spring. Fact! ‘She disappeared and the guilt and the blame game began for them. There is no doubt they were remiss in leaving her alone — even Gerry said it was a mistake.’

She adds: ‘Former Portuguese detective Goncalo Amaral claims in his book that Maddie McCann’s parents faked her abduction, but they’d be better off ignoring his terrible claims.’ Terrible’ but worth repeating to the good people of Cairns. And then Roberts tucks into the parents, who we’ve been watching in the media for nearly a decade. She writes:

‘The couple are emotionally paralysed not only by her disappearance but by their consciences, never shaking off the sick feeling that they were not there when Maddie needed them. And the public has never let them forget it.’

The public, of course, are not journalists, who occupy a higher level. Roberts is here to inform. Not for her amateur sleuthing and a tawdry ‘whodunnit’. ‘The McCanns faked the abduction, according to Goncalo Amaral,’ she says in the spirit of enlightenment and moving on, ‘to cover up the death of their eldest daughter in their holiday flat in Praia da Luz in the country’s south.’


‘Maddie’s legacy has gone from a relentless search for clues to a ruinous, exploitative and mind-blowingly expensive war between her parents and anyone who challenges their steadfast belief that a stranger abducted her.’

And after the speculation, Roberts reaches her ‘brutal truth’: ‘It’s time for Gerry and Kate, trapped on a grief and reputation treadmill, to change focus. Time to get busy living, ditch the reputation management and let the chips fall where they will.’

As their spokesman Clarence Mitchell begins to file a ‘no comment’ comment, Roberts delivers the time-honoured media motif: Maddie & Me. ‘I speak with more than a passing interest in this case,’ she says. ‘I was a reporter in London when the story broke and my son was the same age as Maddie.’

There but for the grace of god.

She then speaks up for the McCann twins, who ‘have some right to fade into the background and find some kind of a normal life away from the glare of scandal and innuendo’. As the twins dream of a life away from the media spotlight – tip: they know who you are in Cairns –  Roberts returns to her own ‘Maddie’. ‘I could never imagine giving up hope to find a missing child but I would not sweat over what was said about me either,’ she says, knowingly.

But before she goes to check on her child, Roberts, who told us of the ‘presumed abductors and mused on whether the child is alive or dead, opines: ‘None of it is going to bring Maddie back. Only the perpetrators know where her body is, who took her, where they took her. And why.’  The parents really can move on because Roberts’ ‘brutal truth’ turns out to be that Madeleine McCann was kidnapped and is now dead.

She signs off: ‘The only “winners” here are lawyers and so-called authors still making a buck from the blonde preschooler with the signature blemish on the blue iris of her right eye.’

And the media, right, who get to press f9 on the keyboard and churn out another ‘Our Maddie’ story?

And now for a few words from the fragrant English rose, Jodie Marsh.

Closer Magazine: ‘Jodie Marsh goes on a bizarre Twitter rant about the McCann’s after This Morning interview.’

You can read about that interview in which a to-deadline Madeleine McCann expert told mid-morning telly watchers he thinks she might have wandered off here.

Closer magazine’s Emma Dodds says ‘former glamour model Jodie Marsh’ was watching. She ‘vented her frustrations at the case, shockingly even blaming Maddie’s parents Gerry and Kate McCann for her disappearance, despite there being no evidence that they were involved… Jodie angrily tweeted that they “should concentrate on finding Maddie,” rather than being “concerned with all this legal action.”‘

Advice is coming thick and fast for the McCanns. It’s all well-meaning, of course. And before long Jodie is delivering her own ‘Maddie & Me’, tweeting: “I must admit, if it were my child I’d be on my hands & knees digging up the earth with my bare hands! Nothing else would matter…” With no children to hold tight, Jodie scouts around for something to make into her own Maddie. She finds it. “My dog went missing for 10 mins the other night & I was running up the street screaming her name like a lunatic. I was beside myself,” she reveals. “And if I was so hysterical over my dog, the hysteria would be ten fold if it were my child. I wouldn’t be suing people. I’d be SEARCHING.”

Having heard a missing child likened to a non-missing dog, we turn to the Sun, where the headline runs: ‘FIGHTING FOR THE CAUSE Kate McCann offers support to missing persons charity just hours after top cop claims new theory to Madeleine’s disappearance.’

Kate McCann is the ‘brave mum’ who ‘put aside her own anguish over snatched daughter Madeleine to help a pal raise money for charity’. As people ‘continued to heap more misery on her family, she has spared time to consider other missing children and adults.’  The charity is called Missing People. You can find out more here.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 23rd, February 2017 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comment

Jodie Marsh, revenge porn and Antony Costa’s ‘button mushroom’

Screen Shot 2015-11-17 at 12.18.15Did you catch Jodie Marsh Is Exposed Online? It’s on TLC, and it features the fragrant beauty striking a blow for privacy. The blurb tells us:

10 years ago Revenge Porn barely existed, but now thanks to a combination of smart phones and social media, it’s a term that is becoming more and more familiar, with victims ranging from Celebrities to school kids.

Jodie, the subject of bullying throughout her school years, was herself was a victim of an online stalker until recently, so can relate to how it feels to be ‘virtually’ harassed and victimised. She’s also confessed to taking intimate pictures of herself for former partners.

But how does it feel when someone posts images or videos of you doing the most intimate things imaginable, online, for the world to see?

In this film Jodie will talk to victims to see how devastating the effects can be and looks at what is being done to prevent this heinous crime. She’ll talk to tech experts and hackers to highlight how easy it is to hack into our private lives and she’ll meet the perpetrators face to face to see what motivates them to invade someone’s privacy and then share it with the world.

Kiss ‘n’ tell is a low act. But is Marsh the best person to highlight the issue?

In 2009, Marsh wore a T-shirt showing scores of her conquests out of 10.



The same Marsh, reportedly, told the News of The World about one former flame, Blue’s Antony Costa:

“He’s VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY small,the smallest I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m talking like maybe two inches tops. I must be really unlucky when it comes to men’s willies because I always seem to get really small ones. Antony’s very self-conscious about his and tried to make out that it wasn’t a tiddler. But I could tell straight away. It’s not just a little bit small, it’s like a button mushroom.”


Posted: 17th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment

Prepare to vomit: Jodie Marsh sending mucky texts to Frankie Cocozza

THAT feeling of nausea you feel every single second of every single stinking day is about to erupt out of your eyes and nose in a disgusting, almost beautiful, flowing arc.

Jodie Marsh has revealed that she and Frankie Cocozza share dirty text messages with each other.

Just picture that. Cocozza, with his head that looks like a Cabbage Patch doll peering out of a bear’s arse, feverishly thrashing away at texts sent from Jodie ‘looks like she’s made out of varnish and boiled sausages’ Marsh. It’s enough to make you lose every single lunch you’ve ever eaten.

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Posted: 20th, June 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Jodie Marsh: Bodybuilder – Photos Of Hardest Brownest Woman In Celebrityville

JODIE Marsh has worked out that her body is her fortune. Having been fleshy and busty, tattooed and busty, almost clothed and bust, and busty, Jodie is now taut and busty with a stomach that sources claim communicates the braille message “You’ve not seen anything this hard and brown since Terry Waite’s first post-captivity dump”.

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Posted: 5th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Jodie Marsh Is More Muscle And Silicon Than Fat: Photo

GOOD news for those of you who thought Jodie Marsh was terrifying – she’s got even more terrifying. Jodie, 32, has just finished fifth in a qualifier for the Natural Physique Association British championships.

Says Jodie:

“This is the best I’ve ever felt — and the best my body’s ever felt. In 50 days I have gone from 25 per cent body fat to ten per cent, gained 8lb of muscle and lost 20lb of fat. I’m really happy I’m going home with a trophy. If I can do this in a few weeks then what else can I achieve with more training time?”

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Posted: 4th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)

Jodie Marsh Shows Off Her Missionary Tramp Stamp: Photos

JODIE Marsh cocks two phones and with Phil Tufnell and Patrick Monahan attempts to set a world record for the longest three-way phone call.

She does this while kneeling on a bed and displaying a tattoo of what appears to be a set of handlebars over her crotch – a missionary position tramp stamp – so adding to the impression that passers by at Waterloo station have stumbled across a live party wank.

Greatest Tattooed Mugshots Ever

It’s 09800LongRelief, an attempt to see how long you can keep going with Jodie Marsh on the other end of the blower. Thankfully Jodie’s voice is a registered contraceptive device and the only stopping the record being smashed is Tuffers pressing the off button as he slams the phone into his forehead….

Tattoos – Tramp Stamps 2
Tattoos – On Your Arse
Tattoos – The Tramp Stamp


Picture 1 of 7

Jodie Marsh takes part in the world's longest three-way call attempt at Waterloo station in London.

Posted: 30th, September 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Rihanna Raids Jodie Marsh’s Wardrobe

ririhotdressAFTER the fake Rihanna sex tape and the fake (?) Rihanna self-nudes, the singer steps out in an outfit that shows off her primary sexual characteristics.

If only Jodie Marsh could sing…

D-listed has more…

Oh, Rihanna, always the dirty pictures…

Posted: 1st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson Memorial Tattoos: Gallery

jodie_marsh-jacksonMICHAEL Jackson is dead. But Michael Jackson lives on on buttocks, arms, breasts, Jodie Marsh and, in time, a laser surgery. Anorak presents The Michael Jackson Memorial Tattoo Gallery:

Posted: 30th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Jennifer Ellison Plays Spot the Dodgeball

jennifer_ellisonJENNIFER ELLISON is the face and balls of Doritos Dodgeball Challenge, a live gaming experience enabling members of the public to fire dodgeballs at “real people” eating crisps.

Like Jennifer.

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Posted: 1st, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment