Alesha Dixon Is Strictly’s Ellen Degeneres

ALESHA Dixon, is not a real judge, just as Strictly Come Dancing is not a real dance contest. Dixon is the show’s totty, there to give better arms, breasts and neck than Arlene Phillips, the judge who dispensed wisdom with a wattle.

Dixon was meant to be the show’s answer to the X Factor’s weepy Cheryl Cole, who was added to that show’s magistrate’s panel not in place of the older Dannii Minogue but in addition, offering viewers an advertorial for before and after plastic surgery.

But things are not working out for Dixon, who has missed becoming the show’s Cheryl to be this season’s John Sergeant, or the X Factor’s Chico of any number of hampless but amusing acts that make these show’s bearable.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Modern Delights: The Joy Of The Celebrity Death

A NEW book, Modern Delight, has asked 80 celebrities to reveal what makes them glow inside. Gyles Brandreth has made the news by admitting that he gets a kick from the death of his friends. A dead celebrity is thing of joy:

“They must be older than me, of course or, if younger, only slightly so. I am not talking here of the deaths of children or the young. Or of soldiers killed in action … I am talking about the delight of opening the morning paper and turning to the obituaries and seeing the face of a near-contemporary who has just snuffed it and being able to say to my wife, ‘Do you see old so-and-so’s gone?'”

Old Mr Anorak was asked to submit his secret delights and noted that his chief delight was not being asked to submit pieces to charity books, followed by sliding on a shoe and having to pull the lace out from under his socked foot, Germany scoring against England at football (a delight shared by every jobbing sports hack) and Jermy Kyle intoducing “the genius” Graham to give free televised therapy to the TV abused.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, September 2009 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)

Strictly Come Dancing Judges Hacked Off

PRO-Celebrity dance was always a rough game, but that it should come to this: “DANCE JUDGES ALL AXED.”

If any celebrity or judge was going to lose their heads it would surely be an agonist on Dancing on Ice, the only reality TV show the Taliban will watch.

Injuries thus far on Strictly Come Dancing have been reserved to pride, until now.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Strickly Come Dancing: Measuring The Lisa Snowdown Bounce

“JIGGLING Lisa Snowdon boobed when she kicked her way through an energetic jive on Strictly Come Dancing. Awestruck viewers saw her breast assets bounce more than 22 meters during the dance,” says the Daily Star.

Anorak has done the math and can says that John Sergeant’s record jiggle of 32metres remains intact.

It’s cha-cha-chachichis…

Anorak

Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

John Sergeant’s Brief Encounter With Mandelson’s Travolta Politics

JOHN Sergeant has fallen on his Strictly Come Dancing stiletto. It’s all so very serious. And we’ve seen it all before.

The middle-class cinema-going public may have lapped up “Brief Encounter”, but shortly before its official premiere in November 1945 its director, David Lean, had tried it out on a distinctly working-class audience in Rochester, where he was filimg “Great Exprectations”.

The cinema, as Lean soon discovered, was full of sailors from the nearby Chatham dockyards. “At the first love scene one woman down in the front started to laugh. I’ll never forget it. At the second love scene it got worse. And then the audience caught on and waited for her to laugh and they all joined in and it ended in an absolute shambles. They were rolling in the aisles.”

David Kynaston, “Austerity Britain, 1945-51”.

Meanwhile, in what passes for the real world:

“He has become the people’s Jon Travolta” – Peter Mandelson

“I’m just devastated. Strictly will not be the same” – David Cameron

Mandelson says he wants to be on the show and then Sergeant retires. A link? A threat?

Spotter: Clive Davis

Anorak

Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment