Posts Tagged ‘Jordan’
Katie Price And Peter Andre: Lawnmower Races, Shaved Heads And Girls Aloud
KATIE Price and Peter Andre Watch: Katie shaves her hair into a Britney Spears, Katie’s new implant, Kerry Katona is missing, Alex Reid’s lawnmower races and Katie out-writes James Patterson…
The Daily Star leads with: “Jordan’s head shave shock – Katie goes for full Britney”.
There is picture of Katie Price with what at first glance looks like a new breast implant on her head. She is a cherry or well-placed spot away from having a new Jordan.
FURIOUS Katie Price has hit back at reports she’s gone mental by threatening to “do a Britney” and shave her head
So this is only computer wizardry. Katie has not shaved her head.
And when she read media reports she was suffering her own breakdown, she told make-up artist Gary Cockerill: “Let’s just give them what they want and shave my head. Now I know how Britney felt – they’re all after me. No wonder she had a breakdown. I am being treated the same as her so I may as well look the same.”
Look out for Katie juggling her kids, literally, and spilling out of hot-pants as he puts on weight and dry humps a pole before masses of screaming children.
Daily Express: “BOOBS ‘CAN BE TOO BIG’”
Too big for what? Not too big for the Express’s sister organs like Channel X and the Daily Star, where the only barrier to bigger breasts is the size of your TV screen and the width of your tabloid paper.
Surgeons say “going too big” can create an unnatural look as well as breast tissue damage, drooping and over-stretched skin.
But – fingers crossed – you should earn enough money from them to pay another surgeon to tie any loose skin into a novelty bunny tail or a novelty Peter Andre attachment.
Baltimore Sun: “James Patterson’s a slacker next to Katie Price”
“And to think I was in awe over James Patterson’s recent deal with Hachette, which calls for him to produce 17 books in three years (reportedly worth $150 million). I know he’s a mini-comglomerate, publishing series such as Maximum Ride and Alex Cross, but he has lots of experience, plus the help of collaborators.
But Brit Katie Price, aka the model Jordan (not to be confused with the river Jordan), puts him to shame. Only 31, she’s writing her fourth memoir in the past five years!
When she’s older, Katie will be able to rest her fallen Jordans on her book stack. And everyone wants to read about Jordan:
“Reputable companies also do not want to get dragged into a sordid sales war where bitter partners are dishing the dirt on each other.”
Speaking about the mum-of-three’s latest endeavour, a spokesman for book chain Blackwell said: “She has done three already. This is not a book we would say to our readers, ‘You must buy.’”
Always good to have principals once you’ve cashed in on Katie Price and flogged thousands of her books. Because celebrities don’t sell books do they? Because books shops can make loads of money pumping out copies of proper literature by dead authors and don’t need to rely on books written by people off the telly? Because people like to be snooty about Katie Price while enjoying and profiting from her antics.
And Katie’s got lots to write about. Life moves pretty fast for Katie. Blink and you might well not have had enough Botox:
News Post Online: “Jordan, Alex Reid keeps neighbours up…with motorised lawnmower”
Former glamour model Katie Price, a.k.a. Jordan, and her cage fighter beau Alex Reid, are said to be keeping the neighbours up late at night by racing a motorised lawnmower.
Racing it against what? Our money’s on Katie’s lawn mower being her hair trimmers. And he mates. What mates? The Sun brings news:
JORDAN has been dumped by three of her four bridesmaids over her treatment of Peter Andre, The Sun can reveal. Best pal and pin-up Michelle Clack, 30, has not spoken to her for five months after she was told: “Choose Team Kate or Team Pete.”
Team Katie or Team Peter… Is there an option C?
Michelle chose Peter and Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding, 27, has ignored all calls from Jordan. Even drug shame star Kerry Katona has crossed her off her Christmas card list. Of the four at the 2005 wedding only former Liberty X singer Michelle Heaton, 30, has stood by Jordan, real name Katie Price.
This would be the Kerry Katona we are told is pushing for a OK! two-header with Jordan; Sarah Harding who is no longer in need of Katie’s patronage; Michelle Heaton who without Katie would feature in the press less often than a insert for blindness and Michelle Who?
Katie Price and Peter Andre – The Final Chapter: Addendum.
Posted: 10th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price And Peter Andre Fans In Street Riot
KATIE Price and Peter Andre: Today Katie goes beserk with an umbrella – there is “blood” – fans square up in Fleet. Britney Spears returns and Pete talks Pete…
Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN GOES MENTAL – Fight night for Kate and Pete as it gets bloody”
Has Katie been using Alex Reid for his cage fighting know-how? Is Peter Andre injured? Is the blood orange?
STRESSED-OUT Kate Price did a Britney yesterday as she went “completely mental” with a brolly. The glamour girl finally cracked as she lashed out at photographers with a bright red umbrella.
Kate, 31, flipped as she accused the paparazzi of all being “perverts” as they took photos of her while she was out shopping. She then screamed: “Why don’t you all just get a real job and f*** off?”
Proper photographers with proper studios in which they can take proper pictures of Katie Price’s boobs and crotch must despair at their amateur cousins. You show ‘em Katie. Says one paparazzo:
“She was crazed. She is normally so in control that it was really weird to see her doing something like that… She lives her life by selling out to the media, so how can she suddenly turn like this?”
We can’t say for sure. But – look! – Katie’s in the papers and the paps have their pictures. Lucky those chaps were there to witness the mayhem.
But what about that front-page blood? Well, there is isn’t any – unless you count the claret-hued umbrella. Goof, then, that the Metro newssheet keeps things sober:
Katie Price goes on Britney Spears-style umbrella rampage
Get Hampshire: “Andre and Jordan both scheduled for Fleet visit?”
Is Fleet big enough for Katie and Pete?
TWO celebrities currently going through a high-profile divorce could be in the same town Friday night. Organisers of different events say Peter Andre and estranged wife Katie Price have been invited to attend events just a few hundreds yards from each other in Fleet.
Will Team Peter and Team Katie in their colours (Peter: tangerine; Katie: mandarin) fans run amuck, smashing up the make-up concessions and hurling bottles of signature scents in the precinct? We turn to Hampshire’s Celebrity Police Force, expert in the causes and results of celebrity:
“Rumours have been circulating that the former couple are due to appear at different venues in the town, causing concern from residents of large numbers of fans and potential public order issues. Peter Andre is booked to make a personal appearance at Jaxx nightclub.
However, information suggesting that Katie Price is appearing at nearby Bamboo Bar is false. Officers have spoken to Ms Price’s management team which has confirmed that she will be attending a book signing and promotional event in Birmingham.”
So the story should be: “Andre and Jordan not both scheduled to visit Fleet.” Disaster averted. Hart Safer Neighbourhoods Inspector Geoff Scrutton says:
“Antisocial behaviour as a result of the night time economy was identified by residents as a priority for the area and we have worked extremely hard to tackle these concerns. Anyone who comes to the town centre to cause trouble will be dealt with robustly.”
To your umbrellas!
The Sun: “Cage-fighter: Jordan’s going to ditch me”
In a ditch? Because she, reportedly, made up a story about his being a transvestite called Roxanne (video footage of fighting trannies here)?
Now Alex, 34, claims the transvestite rumours are part of an elaborate plan by Jordan – real name Katie Price – to ditch him while retaining public sympathy. He revealed his fears in a late-night phone call to an ex-lover, whispering to her from a toilet at Jordan’s mansion in Surrey.
Alex told Danielle Sims: “Katie’s stitching me up. She told the papers I’m a cross-dresser to make me look like a freak. I’m sure she did it so that when she dumps me people won’t blame her.”
Can this be the same Danielle Simms who made Reid sound normal when she told us:
“Alex got off on rough sex. He liked to put his hands around my throat in a stranglehold and say, ‘Who’s the master? Who’s the daddy?’ All the time, he had his hands round my throat in a grip. Sometimes I’d have to cough or shake my head furiously before he’d release me but it never got to the point where I’d actually pass out.”
The Sun: “Katie pays Price of reality”
ITV2’s What Katie Did Next, which followed the glamour model after her split, pulled in 1.5million viewers. But Peter Andre’s one-off show Going It Alone got 1.7million.
Less trounced that the victim of 100,000 swing voters and interference in the Basildon area.
Heat: “Peter Andre sends a warning to Katie Price…”
Not another song? Katieeeeeee… Doncha beeeeeee haysteeeeee… Doncha way-a-steeeeeee… Ur fayyyyyysteeeee…. Nesssssssss…. Says heat:
“You have to be careful what you do. Actions can make or break you.” He agreed that he partly has Katie to thank for the fact he’s so well-known today, but denies that his reality show is in direct competition to hers. “It shouldn’t be a competition,” he told us. “No one knew my show would do so well.”
Hey, 1.7million viewers can’t be wrong – they can’t all be locked up in a secure institution with a telly on stand they can’t turn off. They can’t all be tabloid journalist looking for a story. Can they?
Posted: 8th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Answers heat Readers’ Questions, Literally
HAVING seen the Heat video, in which Katie Price tells of going bald in The Priory, the woman who found fame as Mrs Peter Andre answers Heat readers’ questions.
Heat refers to Katie as Jordan/Kate struggling to see past the marketing scam that pits Katie Price (mother) against Jordan (slapper). Any differences become further blurred when Katie lifts up her dress to show off her knickers.
Katie is ready now to answer questions with her fearless candour – “And she’s ready to answer literally anything.”
Lucy Archibold: How long after meeting Alex Reid did you sleep with him?
KP: That’s my business and no on else’s.
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Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Heat | Comment (1)
Katie Price’s Man Is Roxanne The Transvestite
“JORDAN HUNK IS A SECRET WOMAN,” screeches the Daily Star, teasing readers with the “shocking truth” about cage fighter Alex Reid.
THE hunky cage-fighting lover of sexy Kate Price is a secret cross-dresser called Roxanne.
You man the skin tight bikini briefs he wears to grapple men in a cage is just a front?
A pal of Alex said: “Roxanne is very sexy and feminine – the complete opposite to Alex.
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Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Katie Price Records Whitney Houston Classic
FRONT-page news on the Daily Star is Jordan’s heartache, a dagger to her left breast – [insert sound of air escaping from li-lo here] as she wails:
“PETER’S CUT ME OFF FROM MY KIDS”
It’s Jordan’s “heartache.”
FURIOUS Kate Price has accused former husband Peter Andre of cutting her off from their children. The model claims Peter has changed all his phone numbers to prevent her from speaking to them.
Is there another way of reaching Junior and Princess Timimimimimeeee? Can a note from mum be inserted in their morning tabloid? Can Newsround, the BBC’s children’s news show, carry special messages from Jordan to her kidz on the hour every hour? Will Katie be forced to wait until the kids get on stage to support dad and then scream: “Hax yooo dun yure ‘omewurk?”
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Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Katie Price Rape: Prince Charles And Kinky Sex
KATIE Price Rape: Starring Princess Diana, Prince Charles, Jordan, Tony Parsons, Peter Andre’s kinky boots and a sex shop…
TONY Parsons would like to tell us “Why Jordan is our new Princess Diana.”
Is it because Peter Andre is shagging tampon-featured Camilla on the back seat of a 1978 Jensen Interceptor? Parsons has more questions of his own ask:
How did Jordan become the most despised woman in the country? Any other woman who revealed that she had been raped would be treated with a degree of human compassion.
Diana was raped? Parsons goes on:
She may go off the Ibiza rails every once in a while but she is no worse than the average binge-drinking young Brit.
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Posted: 19th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Katie Price Hopes Andre ‘Rots In Hell’
THE Daily Mirror speaks for its readers when it looks at the Katie Price and Peter Andre divorce and screams:
“THANK GOD IT’S OVER”
But it’s not over. It goes on. There it is on the front page of the national press. And here’s Jordan telling Daily Star readers:
“I’LL WED MY ALEX AT XMAS…and it won’t be tacky like when I married Pete.”
The model plans to have a secret winter wedding and she is fast-tracking the nuptials because she is convinced Pete is hiding a secret girlfriend.
In other facts, Katie tells OK! readers that far from being shouted at by girls telling her how much they hated her, the truth is…:
“It’s like when I was in Ibiza, they said girls were shouting they hated me, when they were shouting: ‘We love you, we love your perfume.’”
“Oi, Jordan! We love your new range of equestrian daywear in a full range of pinks and mauves, and your curling tongs that operate at the bleeding-edge of technology, oh, and that book that has been so cruelly left off the Man Booker shortlist.”
And while we inhale those words, Jordan revisits Andre Pinto, her post-Peter andre homophonous former lover who told his story to the tabloids.
Andre: “There is nothing I can say but sorry!… I swore on my parents live that I wasn’t lying to you, I feel like Judas doing that to you…”
Katie: “You’re not stupid, you’re evil. Calling you Judas is a compliment. It makes me sick you even touched me. I hope you riot in hell.”
Which is why in a few moths time we will still be reading about Jordan in the tabloids and Sentimental Peter Andre will be on daytime telly, if he’s lucky…
Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (3)
Katie Price Introduces Peter Andre’s Mysterious Lover
KATIE Price – Peter Andre Divorce: Yesterday, Katie Price was on the This Morning sofa telling daytime telly watchers about her rape, that “darkest secret”. And that Peter Andre – who we heard knew nothing of the rapes – “He knows who the person is.”
So it was the same person who raped her “more than once”. But while Katie looks to a career as a self-defence anti-rape campaigner, she also cocks a glance towards Peter Andre, who is sending us a boast card by way of the boys at Matrix Pictures. Peter is in Marbella.
Says Katie Price:
“Pete is seeing a girl, it’s not come out yet but it’s slowly coming out because I’ve read about it. I’ll be fine about it though, as long as they are good to the children, that’s all I ask.”
Katie Price is now getting news on her estranged husband by reading about it? Can you trust all that you read?
The Star is sure that you can and delivers the front-page screamer:
“LIAR Peter’s Got A Secret Lover”
Is he? Who is this lover? And how secret would this lover have to be to avoid being photographed and filmed as she goes about with Sentimental Pete? The Star equips its front page with a shot of Jordan-lite Chantelle Houghton. It then sticks to the facts:
BITCHY Kate Price yesterday humiliated hubby Peter Andre by blurting out on national TV that he has a secret lover.
This is “sour-faced Kate”.
The Star investigates Katie’s claim by calling Peter Andre’s agent on speed dial – from the same firm that now represents Chantelle Houghton and no longer services Jordan. Such is the state of the news business:
Peter’s spokesman said last night: “This is categorically 100% untrue. Peter is very ready to start dating again but we only wish he had the time and the freedom to go out on a date with anyone.”
Peter Andre lacks freedom? What constrains him? Yes, he is still married. But can it be that he is trapped in the media narrative that has Peter The Good taking on Katie The Bad?
In which case, he should know that the media likes nothing more than bringing down the good and saving the bad….
Posted: 4th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (22)
Peter Andre Exposes The Sex Pistols While Katie Price Exposes The Media
PETER Andre, Katie Price Divorce – BY now you‘ll be wondering what Peter Andre has been up to. How’s the wife, Katie Price? How are the kidzzz?
Thankfully, Peter took time out to speaks to the Media Guardian Edinburgh International Television Festival and says that “This is what life’s all about…”
Life is all about talking about yourself, and whatshername to heat magazine’s Boyd Hilton – he works for the magazine that printed a sticker of the then five-year-old Harvey Price’s head next to the words “Harvey wants to eat me“. heat mocked a disabled child – Peter Andre’s step-son.
Andre – then tells us that Johnny Rotten – the pillock from the butter adverts – didn’t brush his teeth for two weeks in the I’m A Celebrity Jungle and wore the same undies for the duration of his stay.
Yeah, the ex-Sex Pistol wears underwear – under his trousers. How very bourgoise.
Dignified Peter then starts to talk about… plate tectonics. No, only joking. The BBC has yet to sign Peter up to its natural history department, but he has lived in a jungle for two weeks so give it time.
Peter the Dignified starts talking about Katie Price. And Tony Parsons is talking about Pater Andre talking about Katie Price:
We love Pete. So it’s sad to see him getting it so hopelessly wrong when he rails about Jordan’s new bloke hanging out with their kids.
Pete has reportedly had emergency meetings with his lawyers because of the amount of time cage fighter Alex Reid, the new Katie Price squeeze, is spending with them.
Pete, any man who has been through the divorce courts knows exactly how you feel.
Coleen Nolan, Parsons’ mucker in the Daily Mirror also know just how Peter The Good feels:
I know exactly how Peter Andre feels when he looks at another man – Alex Reid – playing happy families with his kids: totally sick, like he wants to retch his insides out.
I know ‘cos I was there once myself, seeing another woman cuddling my boys and laughing with them.
And Jordan, aka Katie Price – well, she does her own PR on Twitter:
Katie Price has accused her estranged husband Peter Andre of setting up family pictures of him and the children for the media.
Katie tweeted: “Heard pete doing shoot with the kids in sardina an going tues dont know why he is doing a shoot he has set up every other one in papers sad! (sic).”
What a celeb actually phones ahead to arrange for the snappers to capture the moment of deep love? You mean that Peter The Good isn’t always being sentimental? And Katie isn’t always a slapper?
Never! Much to discuss at the big media show. The modern media: one big cyncial marketing ploy…
Posted: 29th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Pink Saves Susan Boyle’s Breast From Exploding
WHEN Kimberley Koy went to see Pink perform in Sydney, her two breasts were of equal size. When she awake the next day, one breast was double the size of the other.
To a clinic. And Koy tells the medics that she had recently been stabbed in the chest by a runaway cow’s horn, attached to a runaway cow.
Koy’s C-cup silicone gel breast implants soon accompanied her on flight to see Pink. Says she:
“When I told the doctor I’d flown she said, ‘That makes perfect sense because air pressure forced out the silicone’. I could have gone years without knowing. When I woke up the day after the plane trip it was double the size of my right one … I thought I had breast cancer.”
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Posted: 21st, August 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Katie Price Kidnapped On Twitter And Peter Andre Does Stand Up
KATIE Price and Peter Andre Divorce – Katie Price kidnap terror, Peter Andre is a comedy genius, Jordan is dead and Katie beats Peter in Twitter poll…
Last night sentimental Peter Andre appeared on ITV2 in Peter Andre: Going It Alone and showed us that he is almost never alone. Peter spent most of the show touching his face, hugging anyone with reach, finding his niche in the Ikea bedding department and looking like an ambulatory bereavement card.
So alone is Pete that he spent only marginally more time on camera than his manager Claire Powell, who affected an air of a middle aged Claire Rayner, the media’s former favourite agony aunt, albeit less likeable, informed, interesting and charming.
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Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
This Week In Closer: Kerry Katona’s Lap Dancer, Carol McGriffin Is Not “Slut” Katie Price And Brian Zembic’s Jordans
THIS week in Closer Magazine – Kerry Katona takes back “cheating’ Mark Croft, Jordan’s kids thinks she’s a “slut”, Carol McGriffin talks about not talking about her marriage and a man with fake breast looks for love…
Lisa Burrow, editor of Closer magazine, brings news of Kerry Katona:
“Kerry Katona’s life has, predictably, taken another turn for the worse. While on a recent make-or-break holiday to Magaluf with husband Mark she stayed in the hotel room while he went out groping and propositioning lap dancers.”
Make or break? Vote now!
Inside, Closer readers get news from Kerry’s mum Sue, who has seen pictures of Mark “climbing on top of lap dancer Claire Basset and trying to take her clothes off”. Says Sue:
“I’m worried sick about Kerry now she’s taken him back. Mark’s destroyed her self-esteem… What does he have to do to make her realise what a bastard he is?”
This might be rhetorical question, but if it’s not than Anorak suggests that Croft shag a lap dancer over the family kitchen table and spill the milk from Kerry’s breakfast cereal in her slippers.
There then follows an exchange between Sue and Kerry:
Sue: “Have you seen it – the story about Mark trying to shag the lap dancers?”
Kerry: “He’s been stitched up.”
Sue: “For God’s sake, he’s been filmed trying to shag her, what more do you need to see?”
Again the question is rhetorical. And readers are invited to submit their own answer, perhaps with pictures and drawings, and send them to Kerry Katona competition, c/o Groser magazine.
Jordan’s Mum:
Amy, the Jordan Mother, has a question for her daughter Katie Price:
“Do you want the kids growing up thinking you’re a slut?”
To your keypads, Katie. What says you, kidzzzz?
Loose Older Woman
Carol McGriffin, a dead ringer for Rodney Plonker in Only Fools And Horses tells us:
“I won’t flog my marriage like Jordan did.”
And thus we are denied the chance of seeing McGriffin dry humping 23-years-younger lover Mark Hutton and getting matching anal bleaching.
“I don’t want to flog every detail of my marriage like Jordan and Pete,” says Carol. “I want to keep everything to myself.”
So she tells Closer magazine. Is no comment still a comment?
Oksana Koslova’s Designer Vagina
Oksana had sugery six times to restore her “virginity” to please her husband. She nearly died.
“I’d realised I’d become addicted to it. I’m lucky to be alive. From now on I’ll have to get something more conventional for his birthday.”
Like a virgin in a cake and bottle of ketchup.
Brian Zembic is Jordan’s No.1 Fan
Zembic is the man with fake breasts.
Brian had his implants implanted to win a bet. He then bet a plastic surgeon to win the surgery for free. He now has a C-cup breast, far smaller than many men but enough to seduce “dozens of women”, including a “heavy-drinking contortionist from Monte Carlo and a money-obsessed manic depressive.”
Says he:
“Once the novelty of my boobs has worn off, women usually want me to have them removed. But they’re still earning me money.”
Katie Price is single…
Posted: 11th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
London Paper Outs Baby P’s Mother
BABY P’s mother named: Publication of the mother’s name, or that of the step-father, before 11:39 on August 10, 2009, will be in breach of a court order. So here’s news of Tracey Connelly in the free London Paper.
A still from the London Paper at 21:48 on august 10, 2009, reveals The People section populated by one Tracey Connelly?
Who’s she, then? Two of these people tortued a child, who died:
Baby P – Robert Pattinson Tracey Connelly Steven Barker Jordan Katie Price Megan Fox Peter Andre Fabio Capello Miley Cyrus
Any ideas?
Read: Baby P’s Mum Tracey Connelly And Stephen Barker, In Pictures
Mr Katie Price, Peter Andre, ‘Never Liked Jordan’
SENTIMENTAL Peter Andre is on the cover of heat magazine, his hair un-gelled, his chest un-oranged and bared, and news that “I NEVER liked Jordan” and that Pete is set to “REVEAL ALL”.
This is Peter the Good, the simpering media antithesis to Katie Price The Bad.
The magazine’s Kay Ribeiro tells us that Katie has given interviews on the telly, talked to a magazine and appeared in “barely-there clothes”; Pete has maintained a “dignified silence” – which you can read about in the News of the World magazine, see on This Morning and feel in his lyrics to his new album.
Now Pete has, er, “finally decided to speak out”.
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Posted: 4th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Katie Price In Marbella For ‘Sex Hols’
WHAT news of swine flu victim and estranged Mrs Peter Andre, Katie Price? Well, the Star has investigated and can reveal that she’s in Marbella:
“JORDAN JETS OFF FOR HOL SEX–FEST – and she’s dumped the kids with Pete”
Not like the Daily Star to miss an obvious pun – surely the headline should tell of a “hols sex-fest”, or “holes” to make the priapic titter a little less subtle?
The other party in this sex-fest is said to be cage-fighter Alex Reid.
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Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Tattoo With Real Silicon Breast Implants
PICTURES here of a man having actual silicon implants added to his tattoo of a pneumatic woman up the ante for tattoo enthusiasts, Jordan fans, tribute acts and any other man keen to won huge pair of breasts.
Tattoos as tributes, tattoos on the face and tattoos as adverts have all been tried. But as yet no-one has implanted a voice box into their tattoo and enabled it to speak, or added some animatronics to enable that naked woman to actually dry hump that anchor.
Also look out for those zig-zaggy green tattoos favoured by backpackers and men who wear sandal in cities to shimmer like waving grass.
Or how about tattoos that rotate and advertise a product to suit the mood?
There are a myriad ways to announce to the world that you are desperately in search of an identity.
Much yet to try…
Note: The same effect can be experinced at numerous Russian clinics where all manner of matter can be left stiched into the human body, for a fee.
Gallery:
Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Katie Price’s ‘Strangled’ Sex And Jilted Lover
HAVING heard Jordan, aka Katie Price, tell the world via OK! magazine that she is “off men” and dating no-one, the News of the World brings a flurry of stories about her, er, boyfriend.
JORDAN’S SECRETS: Boxer’s cheated girlfriend hits out – That cruel woman wrecked my life
JORDAN was last night accused of STEALING her new cage fighter lover – by the woman he planned to WED. Loyal Marie Thornett revealed fame-hungry mauler and small-time actor Alex Reid was actually texting HER messages of undying love while Jordan was seducing HIM with her glamour model charms.
“Loyal Marie”, you see, is not fame-hungry in talking to the press – she just wants to set the record straight…
“Alex was supposed to be with me in Spain, instead he was groping her in a nightclub. We planned to spend the rest of our lives together and now it’s in ruins-thanks to Jordan.”
“Loyal Marie” should not put too much stock in getting friendly with Jordan in a club. But what else of “Loyal Marie”?
Marie insisted she and Reid, 34, were seriously preparing for marriage despite a tempestuous decade together with several break-ups, including one where she had a son with another man in 2006.
The Sex: “Katie Price’s hunk was sex mad, reveals ex-lover.”
This ex-lover turns out not to be “Loyal Marie” but Danielle Sims, who can be seen dressed in her knickers and cradling her chest:
Danielle Sims says cage-fighter Alex Reid liked to strangle her and make her call him “Master” during wild S&M sessions…
The accusation is that Reid, a cage fighter by trade, takes his work home with him:
“Alex got off on rough sex. He liked to put his hands around my throat in a stranglehold and say, ‘Who’s the master? Who’s the daddy?’ He would then tell me I was never going to sleep with anyone else but him.
“All the time, he had his hands round my throat in a grip. Sometimes I’d have to cough or shake my head furiously before he’d release me but it never got to the point where I’d actually pass out.”
Readers are treated to a picture of Reid with his hands around Danielle’s throat. And a potted history fo Reid and Simm’s sex life:
• KEPT an arsenal of sex and fetish gear including vibrators, bondage tape, gimp mask, ball-shaped gag and one bizarre kinky contraption he strapped to his forehead.
• MADE her put a sex toy in her underwear which he would activate by remote-control when they were out in public.
• LUSTED after her in public, even romping with her in a Debenhams changing room and at Alton Towers.
Anorak had long supposed that Kate I and Peter split up becsue they ran out of sex positions. Had only they not gone to America but to Alton Towers or Debenhams they would possibly be together now.
Katie Price has suspected swine flu.
Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Katie Price Has Suspected Swine Flu
CELEBRITY Swine Flu: Katie Price has swine flu. Maybe.
We join the action as Katie makes her way to Bournemouth. Her spokeswoman takes up the drama:
“I handed Katie a piece of chewing gum and just after she put it into her mouth, a veneer came out. She was in a lot of discomfort and we found a dentist who would open up especially to treat her.
“He had to give her a lot of anaesthetic and her face swelled. She could not face the general public looking like that.”
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Posted: 1st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Peter Andre Wins Jordan Lookalike Libel
POP acorn Peter Andre today arrives at the High Court where he won his libel case against The Sunday People, who claimed he had tried it on with a Jordan lookalike.
Andre cannot stop winning. On the Anorak Fame-Talent Ratio, Andew is a 5 – five times more famous then his talent should permit.
Today, Andre accepted substantial undisclosed libel damages today over a claim that he made inappropriate sexual advances to the Jordan lookalike while still with wife Katie Price.
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Posted: 31st, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Katie Price Fancies Rose West And Julia Roberts
THE tabloids continue to jump all over Katie Price, aka Jordan, like a toddler trapped on a trampoline with a fat kid it just can’t get off.
Today, Star readers learn:
“JORDAN CHASED FIGHT HUNK FOR A YEAR”
A year of chasing Alex Reid, a man who spends his working life in a cage suggests Jordan should either change her shoes, work out a better bust-to-muscle ratio that stops her taking one step forward, toppling over onto her front and bouncing three steps back, or use a phone.
Over in the Mirror, news that Katie Price would like Julia Roberts to play her in a film about her life:
“I’d probably say Julia Roberts – and the reason is, before my career and everything, my hair was really curly.”
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Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Sapphire Book Launch Pictures
KATIE Price is showing off the crossed out Peter Andre tattoo shoppers and snappers at Selfridges in London as she launches her latest novel Sapphire.
Jordan is also showing off her teeth and, apparently, dry humping a stack of books – perhaps leaving a personalised imprint on each one.
Pictures:
Posted: 23rd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Katie Price Wants To Finish Off Frank Lampard
KATIE Price, aka Jordan, will be remembered for epitomising irony.
Having been repeatedly billed a “self-made star”, the Queen of Irony tells the world:
“There’s actually quite a few little footies I’d do. I’d probably go back to Frank Lampard, finish what I started.”
You can read the full interview in the latest issue of…Glamour.
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Posted: 20th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Peter Andre Falls From Stage
POP acron Peter Andre is live and singing and falling of the stage at T4 on the Beach at Weston-Super-Mare.
Reasons for his fall:
a) He slipped on the lake of tears for poor Pete?
b) With no Jordan to lean on, Pete has no ballast – he may one day blow away?
c) It’s the most entertaining part of his act and the hope is that people will flock to see him fall off some of the world’s greatest stages?
d) He walks like he sings?
e) It was a suicide attempt?
f) It’s what Michael Jackson would have wanted
g) None or all of the above.
Video and gallery
Posted: 19th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Katie Price Creates The Jordanettes Tribute Act
PETER Andre employs Can Associates PR. Chantelle Houghton employs Can Associates PR. Peter Andre used to be deeply in love with Katie Price, who is no longer represented by Can Associates.
Chantelle Houghton is a bit part Katie Price – literally. If you want to get on, attach yourself to Jordan. Andre and Houghton are the Jordanettes, a Katie Price tribute act.
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Posted: 6th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
