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Katie Price Hopes Andre ‘Rots In Hell’

katie-peter-weddingTHE Daily Mirror speaks for its readers when it looks at the Katie Price and Peter Andre divorce and screams:

“THANK GOD IT’S OVER”

But it’s not over. It goes on. There it is on the front page of the national press. And here’s Jordan telling Daily Star readers:

“I’LL WED MY ALEX AT XMAS…and it won’t be tacky like when I married Pete.”

The model plans to have a secret winter wedding and she is fast-tracking the nuptials because she is convinced Pete is hiding a secret girlfriend.

In other facts, Katie tells OK! readers that far from being shouted at by girls telling her how much they hated her, the truth is…:

“It’s like when I was in Ibiza, they said girls were shouting they hated me, when they were shouting: ‘We love you, we love your perfume.’”

“Oi, Jordan! We love your new range of equestrian daywear in a full range of pinks and mauves, and your curling tongs that operate at the bleeding-edge of technology, oh, and that book that has been so cruelly left off the Man Booker shortlist.”

And while we inhale those words, Jordan revisits Andre Pinto, her post-Peter andre homophonous former lover who told his story to the tabloids.

Andre: “There is nothing I can say but sorry!… I swore on my parents live that I wasn’t lying to you, I feel like Judas doing that to you…”

Katie: “You’re not stupid, you’re evil. Calling you Judas is a compliment. It makes me sick you even touched me. I hope you riot in hell.”

Which is why in a few moths time we will still be reading about Jordan in the tabloids and Sentimental Peter Andre will be on daytime telly, if he’s lucky…

Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (3)


Katie Price’s Pinky Pussy Show And Peter Andre’s New Lover

6305862KATIE Price and Peter Andre Divorce: Dumped Alex Reid’s cocaine shame, Dignified Peter’s miscariage, Katie’s pinky pussy show and EastEnders…

NOTW: “JORDAN’S bad boy lover Alex Reid has been hiding a secret COCAINE shame.”

The man who looks like a cross between EastEnders actor Dean Gaffney and his dog Well ‘Ard, has dabbled in drugs? Says he – and, yes, he can speak:

“I’ve done cocaine once too often, say like once every month or after a fight and that’s not good. It’s not good for a fighter because it’s taken vital years off my longevity in my health to come back.”

Reid can speak, see – although his clarity of expression loses something when his words are translated from their native Double Dutch.

And of that porn film he’s in?

“It’s driven a wedge between us. Things haven’t been at all good this week. To be brutally honest, I’m waiting for her to dump me.”

Daily Star: “JORDAN’S JIBES AT NEW LOVE”

TROUBLED Katie Price blasted new lover Alex Reid last night, saying: “I wish I’d never got rid of Pete!” She labelled cage fighter Alex “soft” and “wimpish” before making plans to jet off to Ibiza on a family break without him.

Dumped.

Sunday Mirror: “Katie looks pretty (odd) in pink gear”

Adrian Butler (green socks, pyjamas and egg-stained tie) looks at Katie Price:

Katie Price looked like she’d taken fashion tips from the Pink Panther when she went to buy petrol yesterday. The model, 31, wore pink boots, riding breeches, top, hairband, sunglasses and handbag before going to her Brighton gym with cagefighter boyfriend Alex Reid, 34. She then met horse trainer Andrew Gould for riding practice.

And what of Dignified Pete Andre? What of him?

NOTW: Peter Andre’s ready to love again

Jennifer Wiley tells us that Peter Andre has moved on and is not in the least bit interested in Katie Price, not talking about her, not thinking about her…

“I have even taken off all my Google alerts and everything so I don’t hear about her. She is a grown person and I can’t control her. I have no feelings about what she’s up to.”

The end. ‘Nuff said. We will say not more about it.

“There are certain things you just don’t talk about – certain things that are private. What upset me most is there were other times we lost babies and we didn’t talk about it.”

Not a word said. Nothing. Pete is mute.

Sunday Mirror: “Katie’s priceless”

Kevin O’Sullivan – TV expert – has been watching Katie new telly show:

Far more entertaining than her nice-but-dull estranged husband Peter Andre’s achingly tedious docu-bore Going It Alone. Wearing one of her trademark drag-queen-gone-wrong costumes, Ms Price delivered her declaration of independence: “I’m single. What do you want me to do – sit at home and watch Minder?”

Minder? Showing your age a bit there, Katie.

Minder, Kevin O’Sullivan, the show that was remaned with Shane Richie way back in…2009?

Kevin O’Sullivan knows telly.

And we know more about Katie Price and Peter Andre than is decent…

Posted: 30th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)


Katie Price Auditions For A New Peter Andre On TV Show

katie-price10KATIE PRICE and Peter Andre Divorce – Andre Pinto tales of his secret sex with Jordan, Peter Andre gets another TV show, also secret, and Katie Price auditions for a new straight man…

IN “MY SECRET SEX WITH JORDAN”, Andre Pinto tells us more about his, er, “secret sex with Katie Price”.

This is “hunky” Andre, who looks a dead ringer for Robbie Williams’, if you  stretched the singer’s face on a rack and squirted lemon juice in his eyes.

This is Pinto the “model”, who Katie says she had sex with three times and his pal says “several times” in the course of a month.

This is Andre Pinto who replaced Peter ‘Half Pinto’ Andre in Jordan’s limbs. It’s Jordan’s homophonous relationship. If Petra Andre is looking in, she’d best prepare herself for a lesbian fling. And Prince Andrew, as you were.

While Katie interviews her new PA, the Star screams:

“JORDAN FURY AS PETE GETS TOPS TV JOB”

Only yesterday, Peter Landed a stingt aa shobiz reporter on ITV’s This Morning vegetables and valium show and already he’s scored a top TV job? What is it?

JEALOUS Jordan sank to a new low yesterday after hearing her estranged husband had clinched one of TV’s best showbiz jobs.

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Posted: 27th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)


Katie Price’s Lover Alex Reid In Rape Video Shock

killer-bitchKATIE Price and Peter Andre Divorce: Katie Price’s new man stars in “hardcore porn” film Killer Bitch with children’s telly star and Jordan is a “slag”…

Carole Aye Maung and Dan Wootton tell NOTW readers:

JORDAN’S new boyfriend is starring in a vile and degrading hardcore porn film, the News of the World can reveal. We have seen sickening footage from the film Killer Bitch shot YESTERDAY which shows cage-fighter Alex Reid in a disgusting rape and strangling scene.

Not good rape. This is “disgusting rape”. So “DISGUSTING” is it that beneath a picture of Reid with his hand about a woman’s throat, the NOTW writes:

“DISGUSTING: Reid throttles co-star Yvette.”

Ready to be disgusted some more?

The disgusting footage we have seen filmed in woods in Capel, Surrey, shows Reid, 34, stripping co-star Yvette Rowland down to her red and black lingerie before straddling her. Grunting and swearing coarsely, he pulls down his jeans and his Calvin Klein underpants to expose himself fully for the cameras. The next scenes are too vile to describe in a family paper but end with him grabbing Yvette in a stranglehold and throttling her.

Too vile to describe in a family newspaper. (Yvette Rowland was once in children’s telly show Byker Grove). But they’re fine for the NOTW. And which in the Sunday People mutates into:

“JORDAN FURY AT LOVER’S ROMP IN WOODS”

The People knows and having told readers, “neither he nor Yvette went totally naked”, hears a soruce trill: “Neither Alex or Yvette had any problems with stripping off.”

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Posted: 23rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Katie Price Crushes Peter Andre’s Cook Book

katie-price9KATIE Price and Peter Andre Divorce: With the couple estranged, the battle of hearts and minds and wallets goes on. Can Katie’s book outsell Pete’s song? Can Jordan out-orange the pop acorn? And does the one whose antics earn the most column inches get custody of the children and the camera crew.

YOU join us on the set of Be A Man, the Jeremy Kyle movie, as Katie Price tells her estranged husband Peter Andre:

“I’LL TAKE LIE TEST TO CRUSH PETER.”

DEFIANT Kate Price is to take a lie detector test to prove she did not cheat on husband Peter Andre…

Her bizarre move is part of a fightback against Peter who has been winning the PR war between the estranged couple

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Posted: 10th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)